This doesn't make sense

[Blaaaaat]

Last month ive been DJ-ing a girl who showed a high IL. She was very busy with graduating so most of the talks went to email. After she was done with school we would meet, already made a lot of plans throug mail. This girl is the sister of one of my best friends so she knows me ans i know her for a couple of years. 2 months ago she broke up with her bf so i took my change.

Last thursday was the "first" meeting, I went over to her place and we talked all night, she showed me her photo albums'bvla bla
Nothing happened, but she showed a high IL although i was low on the DJ-skills.

She's also the ex of anoter very good friend of mine, but they broke up two years ago, basically because he screwed up.

Last friday we meet again and things hit of great. We go out, and before i know we were kissing, feeling etc. We ended up at my place, starting to have sex... But I didn't had a condom so it was sex without... well you know...

next day i dropped her at the train station and made an appointment for later that day. Went over to her, well almost the whole night we kissed, later we had sex (with condom, damn, those things are fukkin stupid). Next day spent all day with her kissing, sex bla bla... well everything went great, no red flags whatever.

I subtly told my other good friend that I went over to her. Well he freaked out today, mailing me and her he doesn't want to see me, and her again, because he can't handle it, and he still has very much feelings for her, bla bla... really dramatic.

Well I talked about this with the girl, and she is now starting to get cold feets... Her other ex is still stalking her, and this guy is being pathetic, she'sgetting very tired of boys (AFC's). She wants to "slow things down" with me, she "likes me" but it's going to fast....

I've made a mistake? to tell her back that I was intrested into trying to work out this to a serieus relation. As that's my goal, I only want LTR..

She's giving me a call later this evening to talk about it. What the fuk should I do?


Excuse my poor english, I hope it all makes sense.

Note: she is a realy realy realy attractive young lady (HB 8/9), I followed the DJ rules and it worked great

 

[Starman]

act like you dont care..women love this kinda drama..otherwise..she we date outside of her friends circle.

 

[Blaaaaat]

Im very upset with the fact that my friend, that i've know for 6 years, doesn't want to see me again. I told him he's a pathetic mtf, but still, i don't like to lose friends.

 

[Starman]

you are awefulizing this situation..do you understand the concept that when people get upset ..they say and do things they dont mean? and need a little time to "cool off?"

This will level out..he is just hurt..and he is trying to hurt both u and the girl back for hurting him.

back off , give him some time..he will realize his childish behavior..and things most likely will be back to normal.

 

[Blaaaaat]

okay, agreed.

but what about hte girl, how should I handle her?

 

[trevjr]

Be strong Blaaat. You might have lost your friend already so don't worry about that. He is being very AFC and trying to pull your strings, don't let him. You were honest and told him and now he is acting like a girl. You don't have to call him names just tell him to act like a man, it is over between him and this girl and he should grow up and handle it.
The girl sounds like she has a lot of pressure on her now so tell her that you are going to give her some space to figure out what to do. Don't stay on the phone with her for hours. Be focused and say something like 'it sounds like you are going through a lot right now and I think you should figure things out before we see each other again.' She gave you the clue when she said she is tired of boys. So you act like a man, tell her if she wants to talk she can come over. If she comes over, be nice to her, make her some dinner, give her a massage and see what happens. Try to keep her mind off of the problems but if she wants to get into all the drama again tell her she should go home and come back when she is ready.
Don't turn into her girlfriend and gossip about this stuff. If she comes over make it fun for her and she will see you as a man, not like the other boys.
Good luck!
Hey this is just my opinion of what I would do. I am sure other guys might have different ideas. It would be nice to know what another woman thinks of this.

 

[Donny Brasco]

It makes total sense actually. If you really want a relationship with this girl I think you have to keep up the DJing to keep the interest level. If your making her supper and being a nice little AFC wuss she may just walk all over you.

So don't invite her over, if you do lay back, be standoffish, don't give direct answers and for christ sakes don't talk about your feelings. Its tough, expecially when the girl and you connect like you do.

Women want what they think they can't have, becoming a doormat for her right now is not going to work. Remember the rules for DJ'ing, you sound like your turning into AFC and your ship is going to sink. I've been through this and sank a ship or two by being Mr. Nice Guy instead of a DJ.

Its to early in the relationship for drama, the only drama should be you forgot the fricking condom. Send mixed singles, DJ her and keep her guessing. And your AFC friend, well, you can wussy up to him all you want, he'll get over it, he's not the one who your going to wake up next to if this all works out (hopefully) .

 

[Blaaaaat]

She'on the phone right now.

 

[Starman]

if she is on the fone, why are you on here?

 

[Blaaaaat]

trying to create FB

 

[Starman]

Fist Burger?

 

[Blaaaaat]

Fvck Burg... eh fvck buddie...

hehe, my first official fvck buddie or how did i said it, a non commited relationship, mwoehaha !!!

 

[Gangster Of Love]

As mentioned before, women love this kind of drama. Do not change a thing. As far as your friend is concerned, well, not much you can do about that at this point, maybe later, so don't worry about what anybody thinks. Women are attracted to drama, you're friend is acting like a woman, which might tell you one of the main reasons the girls doesn't have the hots for her. You continue acting like a man, dammit.

 

[Bungo Pony]

I subtly told my other good friend that I went over to her. Well he freaked out today, mailing me and her he doesn't want to see me, and her again, because he can't handle it, and he still has very much feelings for her, bla bla... really dramatic.

Well I talked about this with the girl, and she is now starting to get cold feets... Her other ex is still stalking her, and this guy is being pathetic, she'sgetting very tired of boys (AFC's). She wants to "slow things down" with me, she "likes me" but it's going to fast....

This was your mistake. You should have known that dating her was risking a friendship. Even if you thought that he was over her, you must remember that most of the world is made up of AFCs. By telling the girl, you made your "relationship" appear to be a bad thing, causing disaster. She likes you, but you've given her the impression that she's ruining your life in some way, and now she's feeling guilty.

I'd help you with the damage control, but I can't think of anything except for never mentioning the "friend" again, and avoiding any discussion about him. "Slow things down" basically means that she's considering leaving you.

 

[Blaaaaat]

Well, i 'll guess i must talk about this friend. I'm going over tonight to talk (and have sex).

I'm told you always must look at her actions instead of her words, well her actions show me she is totally crazy about me. The way she kisses me,looks into my eyes, etc, shows a freakin' high IL

But on the phone yesterday she said, she didn't want me to fall in love with her, she was just 2 months single and liked the fact that she wasn't committed to anything. She's tired of the AFC's. She does like me alot, wants me to come over tonight, I should bring along the condoms... we go further without being commited to anything.

I told her im intrested in trying to figure out if this is LTR material, but it was to soon to talk about "being in love", it will take more then 3 days to make me fall in love... I want to keep continue how things were going.

My plan:
I think I will make fun of her thinking she could win over my heart that easilly/soon. Then I screw her brains out. Then don't contact for two/three days.


Comments please?

 

[PiNkMaGGiT]

Yeah you sound like you're on the right track. Just make sure you don't become her emotional tampon, like if she starts talking about all that $hit just let her know that you're not interested (in talking about it etc). Save conversing about the hard issues for when you are a bit further in the relationship. FOr now just show her what a cool, fun guy you are and how much fun you can make her have and how awesome you can make her feel. She won't want to lose you. And don't force any of hte DJ rules, she'll likely pick up on it after a while (ie waiting EXACTLY three days to call and stuff)

 

[Blaaaaat]

some more background:
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=28034