The Nietzschean
New Member
All:
Greetings. I'm thinking of starting the boot camp, and I'd like to introduce myself, and perhaps solicit some advice. My quickie bio is as follows...
I'm presently living in Washington, DC, and have been here about four years now. I grew up in the middle of nowhere in upstate NY (Glens Falls/Saratoga Springs region, if anyone cares to know). I went to an elite liberal arts college in the Utica region, where I majored in philosophy. You can probably guess my favorite dead German. I'm presently a contractor to a cabinet Department. The work is pretty miserable, but it pays well and the hours are nice. I really don't have many interests at the moment, but more on that later.
I've always been really shy. Painfully so. It used to be that I had a hard time even talking to people on the phone. I'm somewhat better now, but not much. I can interact with people in a workplace environment, or if we're friends. I have a difficult time talking to people I am only vaugely acquinted with, or strangers. I find it next to impossible to talk to women I don't know, or who I am attracted to. I'm pretty sure I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I just feel really uncomfortable in unfamiliar places, and I hate loud clubs and bars. I tend to hang out in quiter, neighborhood bars, where there are regulars, you can pick a stool and actually hear youself think.
I was never very popular in school or college. Go figure, eh? I had it pretty bad for much of my life, and it's screwed me up royally. I'm sure you knew a kid in grade school who was bookish, unathletic, very quiet and no-one seemed to like him? That was me. I had few friends, and those that I did have stopped associating with me when they found out I was a social liability. This used to really bother me, but after awhile, I just got used to it. I figured they were complete jerks, and things would get better when I got to college. I was never invited to parties, women wouldn't talk to me, and life seemed to be going nowhere.
But things didn't get better. I came to college completely unprepared for the social atmosphere there. I came off as a freak, and rightfully so, because I was a freak. Some things did help, though. I wound up in a fraternity. It was the freakshow frat, but they are my brothers still (some of them, anyway, plenty of *******s there too). I was also a black belt (1st Dan) in Tae Kwon Do, and I became the assistant instructor for the college club. It was pretty cool to have a variety of students referring to me as "Mr. Nietzschean" (nope, not telling you my name) all the time. I also participated in ROTC. I really wanted to be an Army officer, but I was dropped from the program late my senior year when I developed asthma. I did, however, graduate from Army Airborne School, so at least I'm not a dirty, nasty leg.
My dating life hasn't amounted to a hill of beans. If dated probably ten women, maybe less, and the longest relationship lasted two months. I'm really terrible at meeting women, and most of the ones I went out with I met when I was staggeringly drunk, or they approached me. I admit that I don't have much self-esteem, and women can smell it. I tend to freeze up, literally, when it seems like it's time to ask a woman out. I just literally lose the power of speech and self-motility.
I made several New Years resolutions:
1. Quit smoking for good. It seems like I can quit for months, or even a couple of years, but eventually I have a truly awful day, go to a bar, and before I know it I'm hooked again. I think I can do it this time.
2. Get back in shape. In my ROTC days I was a lean, mean fighting machine. I was about 155 pounds (I stand a mere 5'5"), and could bench double that (once). I could belt out 80 pushups without breaking a sweat. I could run ten miles easy. I haven't gotten fat, but I've stopped going to the gym, and I've gained about 20 pounds. I'd say I'm still broad-shouldered, since I'm a mesomorph, but I could do better. I plan on starting a regular gym routine next week.
3. Start studying for the LSATs. It seems to me that everyone and their damn brother has a BA nowadays, so I need something more. I hate math, so an MBA is right out. Besides, I'm not the leadership type anyway, so perhaps it's for the best the ROTC didn't work out. My philosophy background should help, and I am interested in law and jurisprudence. I interned in Congress for three months, and despite what Bismarck said about the law and sausage, I really like it. I don't want to be a partner in a firm, just a soulless corporate counsel to start. Eventually, I'd like to work for an outfit that supports individual rights, like FIRE or the NRA. It wouldn't pay for squat, but that's not really important to me. I have decided to pay off all my debt, and then spring for a Princeton Review course, or similar. I can probably get decent reccomendations from some of my old philosophy professors.
4. Get back into therapy. I used to see counselors in high school and college, and it never seemed to help. I'd just sit there and drone on about how awful I felt, and nothing ever seemed to get better. I feel I owe it to myself to give it another shot.
5. Travel. I've only left the U.S. once...to go to Canada. I have a lot of Scottish ancestry on my Mom's side, so I figured doing a geneaological expedition for a week to the Highlands could be a lot of fun. Besides, I've always wanted a kilt, and I am related to 2 clans, I just have to get the documentation in order to prove it. I was also thinking Amsterdam. Hey, I like pot and absinthe...and hookers are legal! But...I figured I would be travelling alone, and getting sideways and upsidedown in a foreign country is probably an invitation to disaster.
I read though the first two weeks of lessons in the BC guide, and I have identified myself as a WBAFC. On a good day, I might be a 7. On my typical day, I'm in the 4.5-5.5 range. As I've already said, I'm short, and I'm odd-looking to boot. I honestly think I look like a muscular hobbit. I have curly hair that is wiry and never looks good, despite how I have it cut. I have a roundish baby face, and I can grow even less facial hair than Johnny Depp. If I had to pick a celebrity I most resemble, it would be William Shatner. A short Shatner. I do have some good traits. I have deep set eyes that are dark green. Female friends told me that I have an arresting gaze...when I'm not scowling. My friends also find my funny. I have a sort of Dennis Leary anger/sarcasm going, with just a dash of Rodney Dangerfield loserishness. I get a lot of laughs, when I try.
Here are my questions:
Should I start now, or maybe a little later? The first week's lesson talks a lot about having a passion for something...and...well...I don't anymore. I was mugged a few years ago, and there was really nothing I could do but hand over my wallet and hope they wouldn't stab me to death. It was a humiliating experience, and I never want to go though it again. I felt that those 8 years I studied TKD were a complete waste, since I began it to learn how to defend myself. I was tired of being bullied, and once I began lifting and TKD people just ignored me, instead of stuffing me into lockers. I really don't have any hobbies anymore, I just seem to waste my time doing nothing in particular.
It seems to me that now matter how many DJ lessons I take, if I don't have something interesting to say, I wont get very far. I've been looking around, though. I decided to give the martial arts another try, but not for self-defense, which is silly in the days of Glock-Fu anyway. I was thinking of studying Aikido, and I found an excellent school in Takoma Park, MD. I'm going to sit in on a class tomorrow, and if I like it, I plan to throw myself into it. I want to do it to learn to master myself, though. I want to delve into the meditative and philosophical aspects, and any self-defense I learn will be a bonus. Plus, it will give me something to talk about. I have a hard time with motivation. If I have a bad day at work, I'll just go home and get stoned or drunk. I need to work on that.
Does anyone have any better ideas of what I could try that would be interesting? I am fairly limited, since I don't have a car. I used to be a good writer, and many people in my family have become great amateur photographers, but that seems like an expensive hobby. I've already committed to therapy, paying off my credit cards so I can pay for the review course, and possibly Aikido, so I really won't have any disposable income left. I'd love to try skydiving, or learn to fly a light aircraft, but you can't do that in DC, and I have no way to get past the beltway.
Lastly, is the DJ bible even for me? I'm not a womanizer, and have no desire to be. The whole thing just seems so...contrived. I just would like to get my confidence up, learn some social skills, and meet that special someone. I know that sounds sappy, but I have no desire to be like some of my friends, who go on a lot of dates, bed a lot of women, but none of it ever seems to last or mean anything. I just would like to one day be married and have a kid or two. I'll be 27 very soon, and that means that I will be officially in my late 20s. My friends are starting to marry, and I don't want to be that guy who is single the rest of his life. I already lied to Mom and told her I was gay, because she seemed happier believing that over the fact that I'm just a garden-variety loser. I'm just not sure if the DJ bible is for me, if I'm even ready to start it. What do you think?
I apologize for the novella-length post. I thank you in advance for your time and consideration, and would welcome any advice you have.
Greetings. I'm thinking of starting the boot camp, and I'd like to introduce myself, and perhaps solicit some advice. My quickie bio is as follows...
I'm presently living in Washington, DC, and have been here about four years now. I grew up in the middle of nowhere in upstate NY (Glens Falls/Saratoga Springs region, if anyone cares to know). I went to an elite liberal arts college in the Utica region, where I majored in philosophy. You can probably guess my favorite dead German. I'm presently a contractor to a cabinet Department. The work is pretty miserable, but it pays well and the hours are nice. I really don't have many interests at the moment, but more on that later.
I've always been really shy. Painfully so. It used to be that I had a hard time even talking to people on the phone. I'm somewhat better now, but not much. I can interact with people in a workplace environment, or if we're friends. I have a difficult time talking to people I am only vaugely acquinted with, or strangers. I find it next to impossible to talk to women I don't know, or who I am attracted to. I'm pretty sure I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I just feel really uncomfortable in unfamiliar places, and I hate loud clubs and bars. I tend to hang out in quiter, neighborhood bars, where there are regulars, you can pick a stool and actually hear youself think.
I was never very popular in school or college. Go figure, eh? I had it pretty bad for much of my life, and it's screwed me up royally. I'm sure you knew a kid in grade school who was bookish, unathletic, very quiet and no-one seemed to like him? That was me. I had few friends, and those that I did have stopped associating with me when they found out I was a social liability. This used to really bother me, but after awhile, I just got used to it. I figured they were complete jerks, and things would get better when I got to college. I was never invited to parties, women wouldn't talk to me, and life seemed to be going nowhere.
But things didn't get better. I came to college completely unprepared for the social atmosphere there. I came off as a freak, and rightfully so, because I was a freak. Some things did help, though. I wound up in a fraternity. It was the freakshow frat, but they are my brothers still (some of them, anyway, plenty of *******s there too). I was also a black belt (1st Dan) in Tae Kwon Do, and I became the assistant instructor for the college club. It was pretty cool to have a variety of students referring to me as "Mr. Nietzschean" (nope, not telling you my name) all the time. I also participated in ROTC. I really wanted to be an Army officer, but I was dropped from the program late my senior year when I developed asthma. I did, however, graduate from Army Airborne School, so at least I'm not a dirty, nasty leg.
My dating life hasn't amounted to a hill of beans. If dated probably ten women, maybe less, and the longest relationship lasted two months. I'm really terrible at meeting women, and most of the ones I went out with I met when I was staggeringly drunk, or they approached me. I admit that I don't have much self-esteem, and women can smell it. I tend to freeze up, literally, when it seems like it's time to ask a woman out. I just literally lose the power of speech and self-motility.
I made several New Years resolutions:
1. Quit smoking for good. It seems like I can quit for months, or even a couple of years, but eventually I have a truly awful day, go to a bar, and before I know it I'm hooked again. I think I can do it this time.
2. Get back in shape. In my ROTC days I was a lean, mean fighting machine. I was about 155 pounds (I stand a mere 5'5"), and could bench double that (once). I could belt out 80 pushups without breaking a sweat. I could run ten miles easy. I haven't gotten fat, but I've stopped going to the gym, and I've gained about 20 pounds. I'd say I'm still broad-shouldered, since I'm a mesomorph, but I could do better. I plan on starting a regular gym routine next week.
3. Start studying for the LSATs. It seems to me that everyone and their damn brother has a BA nowadays, so I need something more. I hate math, so an MBA is right out. Besides, I'm not the leadership type anyway, so perhaps it's for the best the ROTC didn't work out. My philosophy background should help, and I am interested in law and jurisprudence. I interned in Congress for three months, and despite what Bismarck said about the law and sausage, I really like it. I don't want to be a partner in a firm, just a soulless corporate counsel to start. Eventually, I'd like to work for an outfit that supports individual rights, like FIRE or the NRA. It wouldn't pay for squat, but that's not really important to me. I have decided to pay off all my debt, and then spring for a Princeton Review course, or similar. I can probably get decent reccomendations from some of my old philosophy professors.
4. Get back into therapy. I used to see counselors in high school and college, and it never seemed to help. I'd just sit there and drone on about how awful I felt, and nothing ever seemed to get better. I feel I owe it to myself to give it another shot.
5. Travel. I've only left the U.S. once...to go to Canada. I have a lot of Scottish ancestry on my Mom's side, so I figured doing a geneaological expedition for a week to the Highlands could be a lot of fun. Besides, I've always wanted a kilt, and I am related to 2 clans, I just have to get the documentation in order to prove it. I was also thinking Amsterdam. Hey, I like pot and absinthe...and hookers are legal! But...I figured I would be travelling alone, and getting sideways and upsidedown in a foreign country is probably an invitation to disaster.
I read though the first two weeks of lessons in the BC guide, and I have identified myself as a WBAFC. On a good day, I might be a 7. On my typical day, I'm in the 4.5-5.5 range. As I've already said, I'm short, and I'm odd-looking to boot. I honestly think I look like a muscular hobbit. I have curly hair that is wiry and never looks good, despite how I have it cut. I have a roundish baby face, and I can grow even less facial hair than Johnny Depp. If I had to pick a celebrity I most resemble, it would be William Shatner. A short Shatner. I do have some good traits. I have deep set eyes that are dark green. Female friends told me that I have an arresting gaze...when I'm not scowling. My friends also find my funny. I have a sort of Dennis Leary anger/sarcasm going, with just a dash of Rodney Dangerfield loserishness. I get a lot of laughs, when I try.
Here are my questions:
Should I start now, or maybe a little later? The first week's lesson talks a lot about having a passion for something...and...well...I don't anymore. I was mugged a few years ago, and there was really nothing I could do but hand over my wallet and hope they wouldn't stab me to death. It was a humiliating experience, and I never want to go though it again. I felt that those 8 years I studied TKD were a complete waste, since I began it to learn how to defend myself. I was tired of being bullied, and once I began lifting and TKD people just ignored me, instead of stuffing me into lockers. I really don't have any hobbies anymore, I just seem to waste my time doing nothing in particular.
It seems to me that now matter how many DJ lessons I take, if I don't have something interesting to say, I wont get very far. I've been looking around, though. I decided to give the martial arts another try, but not for self-defense, which is silly in the days of Glock-Fu anyway. I was thinking of studying Aikido, and I found an excellent school in Takoma Park, MD. I'm going to sit in on a class tomorrow, and if I like it, I plan to throw myself into it. I want to do it to learn to master myself, though. I want to delve into the meditative and philosophical aspects, and any self-defense I learn will be a bonus. Plus, it will give me something to talk about. I have a hard time with motivation. If I have a bad day at work, I'll just go home and get stoned or drunk. I need to work on that.
Does anyone have any better ideas of what I could try that would be interesting? I am fairly limited, since I don't have a car. I used to be a good writer, and many people in my family have become great amateur photographers, but that seems like an expensive hobby. I've already committed to therapy, paying off my credit cards so I can pay for the review course, and possibly Aikido, so I really won't have any disposable income left. I'd love to try skydiving, or learn to fly a light aircraft, but you can't do that in DC, and I have no way to get past the beltway.
Lastly, is the DJ bible even for me? I'm not a womanizer, and have no desire to be. The whole thing just seems so...contrived. I just would like to get my confidence up, learn some social skills, and meet that special someone. I know that sounds sappy, but I have no desire to be like some of my friends, who go on a lot of dates, bed a lot of women, but none of it ever seems to last or mean anything. I just would like to one day be married and have a kid or two. I'll be 27 very soon, and that means that I will be officially in my late 20s. My friends are starting to marry, and I don't want to be that guy who is single the rest of his life. I already lied to Mom and told her I was gay, because she seemed happier believing that over the fact that I'm just a garden-variety loser. I'm just not sure if the DJ bible is for me, if I'm even ready to start it. What do you think?
I apologize for the novella-length post. I thank you in advance for your time and consideration, and would welcome any advice you have.
