Thinking about leaving my wife

[Spinach]

There is always that issue with "the other woman" as hell hath no fury as a woman scorned. This is as close as a phone call or as blatant as showing up on your door step some evening. This is hard to explain away. Believe me. If you decide to have a woman on the side you need to find one that has as much to lose as you do....like another married person. I will give you some advice which you have not requested. I will tell you it is not the woman or the sex but the thrill of the chase, the conquest, the newness of finding out about another's life...and it is addictive. The highs are great, the lows are horrible. But yet once you cross the line you will continue to do so time and time again....Eventually you will find a woman who you will fall for hook, line and sinker. When this happens the decision will be made for you as either you walk away with a shredded heart and will hate your spouse for not giving you the freedom you need to follow your love, or you will leave the marriage. Neither is a good choice especially if you have children. As I told you before choose wisely grasshopper. The best to you in your decision. Spinach.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

There is always that issue with "the other woman" as hell hath no fury as a woman scorned. This is as close as a phone call or as blatant as showing up on your door step some evening. This is hard to explain away. Believe me. If you decide to have a woman on the side you need to find one that has as much to lose as you do....like another married person. I will give you some advice which you have not requested. I will tell you it is not the woman or the sex but the thrill of the chase, the conquest, the newness of finding out about another's life...and it is addictive. The highs are great, the lows are horrible. But yet once you cross the line you will continue to do so time and time again....Eventually you will find a woman who you will fall for hook, line and sinker. When this happens the decision will be made for you as either you walk away with a shredded heart and will hate your spouse for not giving you the freedom you need to follow your love, or you will leave the marriage. Neither is a good choice especially if you have children. As I told you before choose wisely grasshopper. The best to you in your decision. Spinach.

What they are saying is unless you break this cycle, you can continue to induldge in this type of mistake... Affairs thrive in secrecy and make all the emotions seem more exciting than they really are.

The thing about it though is you are feeding your spouse a $hit sandwich. There is a notehr way to do relationship where you protect your primary relationship, guard it religiously, you take good care of each other and the sex is sacred. You don't allow anyone to tarnish it, if you do this properly the sex and intimacy can grow for years to come.

Most people who left a trustworthy spouse for another will admit they made a mistake, and anyone with empathy for another will feel really $hitty when they think about the pain and suffering they inflicted on their partner.

 

[Desdinova]

I have a habit of being indecisive and over-analytical whereas oftentimes, it's better to make the wrong decision and just own it rather than continuously wavering. As uncomfortable as it was, I think the most recent episode with my wife was a positive as it forced me to make a decision, and I've decided to commit to her and the marriage.

I'm really glad to hear this. Now I'm going to repeat what I said earlier... Put in some effort to make your marriage better. Start taking her out on REAL dates again. Look into some local programs around your residence and see what you and her could do together. In my city, we have a booklet full of programs that can usually be picked up at the indoor pools, and it's full of ideas. You can take a cooking course, dance lessons, learn a new language, etc. Work at creating new memories with her, and you're going to see not only a bit of life come out of her, but a bit come out of yourself too.

If you just leave this episode of marriage turbulence in the past and go back to the same ol' 5hit you were doing before, you're going to end up back in this situation. Take your mistake and not only learn from it, but work at preventing it from happening again. Take that woman you married and bring out the best in her.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Good luck and all the best, I honestly hope everything works out for you.

-Augustus-

 

[samspade]

Good for you Illest. Wishing you and your wife the best, sounds like you are making the decision that is best for you!

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Sounds good. It sounds like your liking your wife more and more as you go through this path. My question to you is are there some qualities in your wife you wouldn't mind amplified? There are ways to motivate someone to excel or to add skills.

 

[Cejay]

Illest,

+1

Good for you man. I agree that this sounds like the right choice for you.

I hope it works out.

CJ.

 

[Illest]

I'm really glad to hear this. Now I'm going to repeat what I said earlier... Put in some effort to make your marriage better. Start taking her out on REAL dates again. Look into some local programs around your residence and see what you and her could do together. In my city, we have a booklet full of programs that can usually be picked up at the indoor pools, and it's full of ideas. You can take a cooking course, dance lessons, learn a new language, etc. Work at creating new memories with her, and you're going to see not only a bit of life come out of her, but a bit come out of yourself too.

If you just leave this episode of marriage turbulence in the past and go back to the same ol' 5hit you were doing before, you're going to end up back in this situation. Take your mistake and not only learn from it, but work at preventing it from happening again. Take that woman you married and bring out the best in her.

Definitely agree. I think part of the problem was that almost all of our interests/hobbies were unique to each of us, but we're already starting to look at different things we could do together.

Sounds good. It sounds like your liking your wife more and more as you go through this path. My question to you is are there some qualities in your wife you wouldn't mind amplified? There are ways to motivate someone to excel or to add skills.

Certainly. I think one of the more insightful pieces of advice I received here was that it's on me to lead my wife and bring out the qualities that I want to see in her. Will definitely be focused on that going forward.

Thanks again everyone for the advice and well-wishes.