Thinking about breaking up - Grass is greener on the other side dillema.

[Audiophile]

Here's the gist of my relationship with this girl so far: We've been dating since September, but I've been seeing other girls on the side. I've broken it off with every other girl but her, because while they're all "fun", I would never consider dating a single one of them.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the relationship I'm in with her right now. The girl is perfectly understandable, we don't fight, and when we do, everything gets cleared up right away. She's really comforting and a great listener, and is pretty to boot. She is perpetually turned-on and is not shy about her sexuality. She also likes the same kind of music that I do, and is generally a very nice person. Not needy at all, she understands how I am and we still see each other once or twice a week.

But here's the kicker, she's sorta... boring. She's down to do anything I suggest, i.e "Let's go bowling!" or "Let's go ice skating!", she'll do it, but she's never exciting or spontaneous when she does it. She's also incredibly shy, which is the complete opposite of me, since I'm a super-social extrovert. When I go out with her she doesn't mind being left alone while I go talk to people, but I always feel bad doing it because she kinda just stands there and doesn't make conversation with others. It's not like she wont talk to people if they talk to her, she will, but just not on a super-social level. Still, she's never against the idea of going out, pretty much down for anything.

So the whole thing is... is something wrong with me for being unhappy at times? Every other relationship I've been in, after revisiting and looking at what I've written down/talked about my friends, it's clear there were some huge issues that drove me to break up, but this time there's... nothing. I guess I have the whole "grass is greener on the other side" mentality, where I think I could do better, even though there's absolutely nothing wrong with what I have now.

What do you guys think? Has anyone here gone through this?

 

[pdx1138]

I've been there too.

If I could go back and NOT break up with her and try to keep it
going another couple of months I would have.

I had the grass is greener thinking, but realistically she was a great catch.

I regret that it didn't last at least a year.

If you do decide to break it off, it might be better to do it after you meet someone else. I didn't and the 5 month dry spell really sucked.

 

[zinc4]

I am in the same exact situation as you...and my GF is just like your's....i keep kicking my self and say go back to her because i am happy with her although the sex has gotten old....but after 2 years the sex gets old with anyone....it is just a case of grass is greener on the other side and new puss% is always more exciting than old one.....but meaningless sex with new people only takes you so far....i miss going places with her and talking to her....she is there if i want to take her back....sometimes it's scary to get caught up in this whole DJ lifestyle...i mean...it feels good banging new women, but after a while i have to ask myself if it really makes me happy....i am not feeling like it is lately....sex with rotating plates and ect.....all leading them on that they could be my GF one day when i know the only person i actually care about is my on and off again GF. Just for the sake of banging new girls.

 

[OvernightPlayer]

Dude, you're 20 years old. If you're not 100% satisfied, don't string her along. You should be dating other girls anyways unless you're sure she's "The One." By the sounds of it, she isn't.

The one thing that I did learn is that if you want to be with a woman, be with her. I'm also a serial dater... Perhaps a serial cheater. But getting women is easy. Finding the right one is not. When you think you have her, hold onto her because when you want a relationship with two, you're likely to be left with none. (Not to be confused with courting multiple girls.)

You're 20 years old and I can tell you're just settling. Go out there and find out what you're missing.

 

[asa_don]

This guy is just holding on to her for a security blanket.

He is afraid of losing her so that is why keeps her even when he is unhappy in the relationship. He knows he won't have anything long term with the others.

You're going to end up like that other guy on here. He dumped his girlfriend
then was begging her to come back after he found out the grass was brown. She then dumped him after and is with a new guy.

People are never happy with what they have. They always think they can do better and most times they can't. They make themselves miserable
even when they should be happy they have something good.

If you had the options like you say you have you would be weighing them with other girls and not holding on to her.

 

[handle]

I've been there too. It's a tough call, think on it for a while. You might be a bad relationship that is "comfortable," or you might just not realize how good it is. Too difficult for us to say.

I will only say a couple of things though...

First: like zinc said, banging a bunch of other girls can be waaaaay overrated. Been there, done that. Had a girlfriend who told me she understood my whole "grass is greener" thing and let me go nuts for a couple of months. After a month I was like "oh ****, this is more of a headache than it's worth". With a solid girlfriend you don't have to invest time screening through dozens of girls... And contrary to popular belief having a bunch of sex with new people is not actually that great, unless you're the sort of person who gets an ego boost out of it (hint: if you are that kind of guy, get a grip. seriously.)

Second: on the other hand you are a young guy, and if you do break up with her to go on a string of crazy nights looking for new girls you will learn a lot from it. Might be some tough lessons, but you will definitely learn some shiet. I disagree with "fvck as much as you can while you're young..." I got over the random hookups phase at ~21. But you certainly have more flexibility in your life at this age.