Think I have Erectile Disfunction? Over Masturbation?

[Don-Kong]

As a therapist I can assure that this is actually very NORMAL. It's just so taboo and no one really wants to admit it, or even worse, talk about it.

One of my recent clients admitted to having a total phobia of vaginas, so there are many people experiencing an array of sexual difficulties. You are not alone.

This can have a devastating impact on a mans confidence but it HAS BEEN OVERCOME by lots and lots of men. It can lead to fear of having intercourse itself. Most men who are experiencing it at that time in their life catastrophise and think they will be like that forever. It's just not true unless they had been in some physical accident.

There are some things that help:

Build up slowly with your partner. Experience and allow yourself to just be in that moment and enjoy touching, teasing and letting go. These baby steps create confidence and trust. Plus it gets her really into it and it gets you really into it. You can make it 'a game' with her, telling her she has to wait for it but make it really sexual. She will appreciate how affectionate and considerate you are as a lover. You dont need to be destroying her like some porn star. Most women don't like that all too much, until they really get into the relationship. But the point is to have a mindfulness and enjoy the moment, dont even think about having sex or condoms.

You can perhaps agree with the partner not to have full-on-sex just foreplay or sensual erotic time. This takes away the pressure and expectation and anxiety that is projected and leading up to that moment.

Practice masturbating with condoms, but not too much. This desensitizes the previous encounters. Get good at putting them on, feeling aroused, feeling comfortable. Keep doing it till you don't think anything other than, 'I cant wait to ***'

Reframe how you think about having sex. It's not a performance where we get marked out of ten. It's a joint dance, a play, a discovery. Look for interesting things and focus on sensations, this is key. When thoughts come in to the awareness they can sap the moment. Sensations, what do i feel in my body, how does her touch feel, the butterflies in my stomach, my mouth watering etc etc, just let go into the moment. This is mindfulness practice. And a distraction technique, it grounds you in the moment.

There are loads of things you can use and successfully get through it. But that would be more to do with dealing with the anxiety and looking how that manifests itself. Anxiety is a common cause of ED.

Treat this as a humbling learning curve. You don't need to be James Bond. You will open to deeper levels of sexual energy and releasing bliss. This is good news. Good luck.

 

[Don-Kong]

The issue with the condom.

If you are gonna go for it: Have it opened on the bedside counter. Create a tourniquet with you hand at the base of your boner whist putting the condom on. Tease your **** into her with your hand still stopping the blood flow leaving your ****. Tease your **** in and out and slowly release the grip on your ****. If this doesnt work, have a slight wank whilst you are half way in and make out like you are teasing her with it from going in.

Now the distraction from thought is this: all this time you are doing this you are saying to her, "Im going to let you have it but I wanna tease your warm, wet and glisteningg (insert favourite word for vag)" I feel so good, you feel good. You can use some other distraction that works for you. Just keep it playful, sensual, erotic.

Women usually think it's their fault if anything goes wrong, so if you do have a set-back, you can say, "I think I really need turning on" with a playful grin. Instead of crying over her vag - she's wet enough already! ha ha. You can then go back to being erotic or have a break, it's a two way thing. It's not all the mans fault. Maybe the partner is shouting, "just f me" or "do me" or whatever, you can explain that it's better to start off slow right now using the analogy of a fire, a spark creates a smouldering flame until a raging blaze comes. This gives you a control, it says, I want to take it slow until we build up a volcano. She would naturally oblige.

And if she doesn't play ball, then she's not worth being with. Most girls are considerate. If they've chosen to undress for you, they will be good with most things.