AlexTheGreat
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 9, 2004
- Messages
- 497
- Reaction score
- 7
After much reflexion, I have finally come to understand what it means to be a man, what it means to be a jerk, and the true meaning of being a nice guy. And it isn't rocket science; it's not some far-out theory that nobody understands. But it's something that takes time to discover, because you have to analyze your own interactions with people; you have to break them down and see what you are ACTUALLY doing.
Until now, I thought I had pretty good game. I made women laugh, I was funny and interesting, and always had something intriguing to bring. However, even with all of this package, I was still falling short and I couldn't figure out why. I thought I had to be more sexual: that's true, it's one of the prerequisites. You need to act sexual in order to mate and reproduce. But acting and being sexual is only another tool to complement the personality: it cannot be the BASIS of your personality.
The more I thought about what I was doing, but more importantly HOW I was doing it, I started to see my flaws. It wasn't lack of interesting things to say; it wasn't a flaw in my sense of humour; it was something deeper.
I realized that all this funny attitude, these interesting things to say, was only a show I was putting on. I didn't do it for myself, but for the other person. Without even realizing it, I was trying to prove myself to others by being funny, by having interesting conversations. But all the while, instead of thinking about me, I was thinking about them, for me. And I believe a lot of other guys are in the same boat.
What does this mean? Subconsciously, I was qualifying myself to them, instead of qualifying myself to me. I was slowly showing desperation by interacting with them in the wrong manner. I was putting them as the prize.
This is where the story comes back to the nice guy and the man. A nice guy will do stuff for others, but while thinking of the outcome for himself. That's not being nice: it's being a hypocrite and wannabe-manipulator. Without realizing it, I was acting the same way with women I was interested in: in a goofy way that cried desperation and "nice guy". And I could see the initial interest of the woman go down.
That is what brought me to think about this. A man wouldn't go through the trouble of thinking for the others: the trouble of thinking for himself is enough. He would put value on his own needs more. And I was lacking this "thirst for self-value". I was so obsessed with being fun and interesting for others that I failed to think about myself.
And here comes the important part: if you think about yourself first, you are going to act differently than if you put someone else's needs first. You will naturally be more confident, because you have priorities; you will naturally be more sexual, because you want sex; you will naturally be more funny and interesting, because you want to have fun for yourself.
This is the kicker: to be the prize means to think about yourself first. It doesn't mean not to think about others at all; just think about your own needs before. It means being a little bit selfish. But in the end, you will feel better, and others will feel better around you as well.
When you are the show, others pay to visit you. You know the goods you're showing; they don't. This leads to an imbalance of power, in your favour. As you have the goods, and they must pay to view them, you can decide what kind of currency you accept. Asking for their personality in exchange for your value seems like a fair trade. Demand a good conversation; demand a fun time. Anything YOU wish.
Until now, I thought I had pretty good game. I made women laugh, I was funny and interesting, and always had something intriguing to bring. However, even with all of this package, I was still falling short and I couldn't figure out why. I thought I had to be more sexual: that's true, it's one of the prerequisites. You need to act sexual in order to mate and reproduce. But acting and being sexual is only another tool to complement the personality: it cannot be the BASIS of your personality.
The more I thought about what I was doing, but more importantly HOW I was doing it, I started to see my flaws. It wasn't lack of interesting things to say; it wasn't a flaw in my sense of humour; it was something deeper.
I realized that all this funny attitude, these interesting things to say, was only a show I was putting on. I didn't do it for myself, but for the other person. Without even realizing it, I was trying to prove myself to others by being funny, by having interesting conversations. But all the while, instead of thinking about me, I was thinking about them, for me. And I believe a lot of other guys are in the same boat.
What does this mean? Subconsciously, I was qualifying myself to them, instead of qualifying myself to me. I was slowly showing desperation by interacting with them in the wrong manner. I was putting them as the prize.
This is where the story comes back to the nice guy and the man. A nice guy will do stuff for others, but while thinking of the outcome for himself. That's not being nice: it's being a hypocrite and wannabe-manipulator. Without realizing it, I was acting the same way with women I was interested in: in a goofy way that cried desperation and "nice guy". And I could see the initial interest of the woman go down.
That is what brought me to think about this. A man wouldn't go through the trouble of thinking for the others: the trouble of thinking for himself is enough. He would put value on his own needs more. And I was lacking this "thirst for self-value". I was so obsessed with being fun and interesting for others that I failed to think about myself.
And here comes the important part: if you think about yourself first, you are going to act differently than if you put someone else's needs first. You will naturally be more confident, because you have priorities; you will naturally be more sexual, because you want sex; you will naturally be more funny and interesting, because you want to have fun for yourself.
This is the kicker: to be the prize means to think about yourself first. It doesn't mean not to think about others at all; just think about your own needs before. It means being a little bit selfish. But in the end, you will feel better, and others will feel better around you as well.
When you are the show, others pay to visit you. You know the goods you're showing; they don't. This leads to an imbalance of power, in your favour. As you have the goods, and they must pay to view them, you can decide what kind of currency you accept. Asking for their personality in exchange for your value seems like a fair trade. Demand a good conversation; demand a fun time. Anything YOU wish.