Pecker
Senior Don Juan
This thread isn't about anything technical, it's about a struggle between fear and unhappiness.
I am very, very unhappy. I want to feel good about myself, and proud of my ability to attract women. And I've tried over the years to address this part of my life...I've read many books and been on this site awhile...but I always get this voice in my head when I go out to make approaches. It tells me I'll end up being "the creepy guy" in the room. It tells me that you're not "allowed" to just practice approaching women, because there must be a reason that so few men actually seek help and try a systematic approach, the way I'm doing. If an approach goes very awkward, I can't help but take it personally. It's like a reaffirmation of all of the things that keep me from approaching women often enough to learn from it: "You're ridiculous, you're awkward, you're unattractive." That's why so many guys don't follow through with all the various bootcamps and pickup programs this site and others like it have to offer. Facing your fears can be a very SCARY process.
I remember once when I was ten years old, my dad dragged me onto this rollercoaster ride that I did NOT want to go on. It was the biggest freakin coaster in the park, just monstrous. It was a Wednesday and school had let out for renovations. So this rollercoaster had no line, and he just dragged me into this thing. I was LITERALLY kicking and screaming. God, I hated him. Then the coaster started going and it was AWESOME. Of course I was never afraid of rollercoasters from that point on. I had a blast on the biggest one, and I realized how useless the fear was.
I need to have an experience like this with women.
The problem is, instead of having a blast, as I did on the rollercoaster...I work up all of my courage and then experience more awkwardness, uncertainty...and usually, implicit rejection. It makes me not want to keep going. I have no evidence that working on my game is actually "working" on anything. Until I actually hit on the hottest chick in the room and have the hottest night of sex all night with her...I'll just feel like all I'm doing is creating bad vibes with people.
Sorry for pouring all of my guts out here, but I figure maybe I'll get a bit of inspiration. Some key questions I'd like to see answers (or attempts at answers) to are: How do you deal with paranoia that you're being WATCHED? (I can almost handle talking to hot chicks...it's the friends and snickering GUY friends and a whole imagined audience of people laughing at me, that often paralyzes me.) And how do you tear out a deep-seated belief that beautiful women simply will not like you and are in some way higher than you?
You might be asking yourself: "How did this guy get so negative? Jesus..."
Well, I don't know. In a weird and messed up and subconscious way, I still think I don't deserve to be with women I'm REALLY attracted to, because for some reason I have this belief that unhappiness is what is "right" for me. To try to break out of it would be to ask for some kind of social punishment. How in the world do I break free of this horrible, horrible fear?
Again, sorry to be a major downer tonight. I need a serious kick in the arse. I need someone to drag me by the collar and throw me onto the awesome coaster of gnarly poontang.
I am very, very unhappy. I want to feel good about myself, and proud of my ability to attract women. And I've tried over the years to address this part of my life...I've read many books and been on this site awhile...but I always get this voice in my head when I go out to make approaches. It tells me I'll end up being "the creepy guy" in the room. It tells me that you're not "allowed" to just practice approaching women, because there must be a reason that so few men actually seek help and try a systematic approach, the way I'm doing. If an approach goes very awkward, I can't help but take it personally. It's like a reaffirmation of all of the things that keep me from approaching women often enough to learn from it: "You're ridiculous, you're awkward, you're unattractive." That's why so many guys don't follow through with all the various bootcamps and pickup programs this site and others like it have to offer. Facing your fears can be a very SCARY process.
I remember once when I was ten years old, my dad dragged me onto this rollercoaster ride that I did NOT want to go on. It was the biggest freakin coaster in the park, just monstrous. It was a Wednesday and school had let out for renovations. So this rollercoaster had no line, and he just dragged me into this thing. I was LITERALLY kicking and screaming. God, I hated him. Then the coaster started going and it was AWESOME. Of course I was never afraid of rollercoasters from that point on. I had a blast on the biggest one, and I realized how useless the fear was.
I need to have an experience like this with women.
The problem is, instead of having a blast, as I did on the rollercoaster...I work up all of my courage and then experience more awkwardness, uncertainty...and usually, implicit rejection. It makes me not want to keep going. I have no evidence that working on my game is actually "working" on anything. Until I actually hit on the hottest chick in the room and have the hottest night of sex all night with her...I'll just feel like all I'm doing is creating bad vibes with people.
Sorry for pouring all of my guts out here, but I figure maybe I'll get a bit of inspiration. Some key questions I'd like to see answers (or attempts at answers) to are: How do you deal with paranoia that you're being WATCHED? (I can almost handle talking to hot chicks...it's the friends and snickering GUY friends and a whole imagined audience of people laughing at me, that often paralyzes me.) And how do you tear out a deep-seated belief that beautiful women simply will not like you and are in some way higher than you?
You might be asking yourself: "How did this guy get so negative? Jesus..."
Well, I don't know. In a weird and messed up and subconscious way, I still think I don't deserve to be with women I'm REALLY attracted to, because for some reason I have this belief that unhappiness is what is "right" for me. To try to break out of it would be to ask for some kind of social punishment. How in the world do I break free of this horrible, horrible fear?
Again, sorry to be a major downer tonight. I need a serious kick in the arse. I need someone to drag me by the collar and throw me onto the awesome coaster of gnarly poontang.
