They say don't take her back after NC, can you train her?

[pikachu69]

I know No Contact is the method you should use for any sort of situation where she loses IL. If you have only seen a girl for 1 month and you made mistakes acting AFC, supplicated, treated her too well before she deserved it etc, IF she does come back to you and you decide to take her back, how slowly should you make her sweat before you can let her be back with you on more serious dating terms?

Also, I know it's necessary that you must keep spinning plates and eradicate all the mistakes you made during the phase prior to NC. Will she just eventually revert back and take you for granted once you take her back officially despite training her?

 

[seano99]

mainly i've read that once IL is low and this happens, NC is for your own protection and the girl will ALWAYS revert.

i am interested in your theory though... and would like to hear your question answered. i'd guess it would be a VERY delicate thing to pull off, and whether you could pull it off would be influenced by WHY she lost interest.

my girl was fscked up from her previous 7 year relationship (even tho she'd been single for 2 years) so i've gathered she thinks all relationships will be like that. but we wouldn't have been because i'm not her loser ex. if she goes away, sorts her issues out (can she?), then maybe there is a crack at it one day given her willingness to accept responsibility of how she disrespected me and how i respond to her at the time.. etc

i'd be pretty harsh on her going forward, and take things 8 times slower to make her work for it. make her invest the time in me if she really was serious.

hope i helped

 

[pikachu_69]

I think I'm at a stage where I'll need to monitor all my actions with her to make sure I don't fall back into old habits, I was quite smitten with her so let my guard down and treated her too well, was even going to be romantic and take her on a trip abroad on our 10th date (though she'd have to pay for her own plane ticket but the other stuff I already had accommodated for me free i.e. a place to stay/expenses) but I realise now she didn't deserve it as she did nothing to reward such behaviour.

Right now I must spin new plates, she's doing the same and will continue to do so, I don't like how she was ok with me spinning plates provided 'I' didn't go further with them (kissing/fvck close) I realise now I have to let her date other guys until she realises I am her best option but I must not take her back on dating terms till she proves herself to be worthy and has changed her spoilt behaviour.

How much slower should I take it?

 

[seano99]

im probably not your man to answer this, but if she is still with other guys, i'd NC because you do want more than her at this stage (dont tell her this) and continuing anything will mess up your head and drive you crazy.

you sound like a good guy, maybe another girl could be better suited to you?

i've been in your situation before more than once, and the thing is, you dont notice yourself being like this until it's too late, because out of nowhere the girl changes towards you.. (if you're like me and cant pick up the signals any earlier haha)

when you have to monitor your actions, you're not really being yourself, so you are unnatural and she'll pick that up.. so it's a lose/lose.

just send your focus more to other girls and see if she changes towards you?