There's probably some simple reason for this, but...

[Mr. Goods]

...at least when it comes to girls I knew in my hometown area or in college, I seem to be held to an unrealistic standard that is near impossible to fulfill.

Example 1: New Year's Eve. A small group of us, 3 guys and 2 girls, are on our way to a club to meet up with other people. On the way, one of the other guys TACKLES one of the girls. Sure he didn't try to knock her down (he was drunk), but he still did it. Later that night, all is forgiven. Meanwhile, when we got to the club, the bouncer let the girls in before us. We were let in about a minute later, but the girls acted as if I wasn't "worthy" because I had to wait that 1-2 minutes. Hmm...the two other guys were in line with me too.

Example 2: A few weeks ago, we meet a small group of girls that my friend knew in a happening bar area. The reason he wanted to go was because he had oneitis one of the girls, my other friend and I tagged along because the area has good bars. Anyways, the girls in this group made a big deal over the fact I don't drink liquor or shots (medical condition, it's in remission but my doctor doesn't want me drinking liquor). They said I'm "no fun" and they thought it was strange. These girls aren't even the "party girl" type. This scenario has played out more than once with me and girls, but this example was the most evident.

Example 3: A couple of years ago (it's further back, but it's a great example), I invited two girls who I had known for awhile through family friends to my friend's party. The party was going well, but at around 2am, one of the girls wanted to go to sleep - at the party. She went up to one of the empty rooms and called it a night. Because it's a party and people are drinking, my friends and I were a little loud near her room. Eventually, she got so angry that she barged out. Though it was obvious my friends were making a lot of the noise, she singled me out, berated me, and then left. The other girl thought her being angry was funny, but it didn't help. The next day, the girl told my friends she'd like to hang out with them, but she didn't feel like seeing me anymore - we haven't spoken since. My friends thought she was crazy and haven't contacted her either.

I'm sure there's some simple reason as to why these things happen, but it appears that I've been getting singled out while my friends commit murder and get away scot free. This comes in addition to being held to some unrealistic standard. I don't like to have that paranoid "Everyone is out to get me" feeling...but with some girls, that's actually the case, and my friends have been witnesses. I also feel these situations put too much pressure on me during future encounters - that I need to be perfect even though in reality, I don't have to be perfect. Any thoughts?

 

[Noodles]

I've slept with girls and never called them again. I've dumped a girl of 4 months by phone because I was in a cab home with another girl I'd met that evening (not my proudest moment). I have a huge fear of intimacy and connection with a women (actually I have an issue with connecting with one person - I'm used to having my Marine buddies as my extended family) and will stop a relationship before that point. I will never marry. I will never live with a women. I crave the excitement of a new relationship. QED All Men Are Arseholes?

You're cherry picking bad moments and bad people - and worse, you're looking at it from one point of view (yours).

Or maybe the reason you're friends get away with murder is because they don't worry about things the way you do.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Are you behaving in ways that cause people to have less respect for you than you would like? It does sound like a respect issue, but the good news is that you can change this. Can you identify a respect problem? What about a self-respect problem? Maybe we can identify a way for you to improve your situation.

 

[Iceberg]

I
You're cherry picking bad moments and bad people - and worse, you're looking at it from one point of view (yours).

This

Or maybe the reason you're friends get away with murder is because they don't worry about things the way you do.

And this.

The Goods, you're being too sensitive. Your first two "examples" should barely register on your radar. It sounds like the way normal friends talk to each other.

I think this site might be partially to blame. You're probably worrying too much about what's "DJ". "Would a girl mock a DJ for not taking a shot?" ah who cares. Your friends probably heard the same s**t. Except they plowed through it because they didn't give a damn.

Just on Thursday a girl invites me to a bar. I say, "I have a cold. Can't make it. Bring me soup." She replies, "Stop being a wuss." In your mind, that'd be an "example". In my mind, I laughed it off, thought it was nice of her to invite me out, and went to bed.

 

[Mr. Goods]

Just on Thursday a girl invites me to a bar. I say, "I have a cold. Can't make it. Bring me soup." She replies, "Stop being a wuss." In your mind, that'd be an "example". In my mind, I laughed it off, thought it was nice of her to invite me out, and went to bed.

Lol. Your example sounds as if the girl is joking. In my cases, they aren't joking (unless the whole "never talking to me ever" is just a part of the routine).

You guys make some good points. I am a little sensitive, and I think it came from high school. I was awful with girls back then. Every rejection I got was of the public, making-a-scene variety. For whatever reason, my rejections became conversation topics at school (how would you like walking into classes and having someone say, "Too bad about HB8)"? For Senior Prom, girls made it clear they'd rather go alone than go with me. I seemed to have a bad rep for someone with no skeletons in their closet.

In college, I rebuilt myself. My scrawny 5'5", 120lb figure transformed into my current 5'6," 165lb man of muscle and athleticism. Along with that came a swagger. I don't take sh*t from girls and won't change for anyone.

Examples 1 and 2 are definitely not all that impacting towards the future. However, I put them down because: #1 was strange - a guy drunkenly assaults her and she feels good with him but bad about me for no reason? #2 the girls turned it into some major deal. No one else cared, but the girls were pretending I wasn't there the rest of the night. Someone mentioned that my friends go through the same things...I'm not sure about that. It would make sense, but they, too, seem stunned about what happens.

This site has helped changed my mindset, but maybe it makes me paranoid as well. I'm trying to force results in situations that aren't there. When a complicated girl situation arises, I do think "What would a DJ do?" too much. I want to be my best self, and that perfectionist mood may hurt me with women.

Atom Smasher - I will try to find that answer lol (regarding a respect problem). As good as my friends are, they like to make jokes. Lately, it's been about my physique and how I'm on steroids (I'm clean). Too bad I can't counter with how one friend failed out of college, another has no ambition to find a job, another is a borderline alcoholic, etc. It would be too vicious. I was much different five years ago, and I feel that some people don't like change.

Noodles - I do cherry-pick moments for the sake of making examples for this thread. Unfortunately, these situations appear to be the trend, and occur a lot more often than they should. Not worrying about the results helps, you're right. Too often - and even my friends feel this way - they get the benefit of the doubt in a girl situation and I get a "what the #$^# are they doing?" verdict. I wish I could hear things from the girl's perspective, but that won't happen lol.