There's only you...

[Cloud-uk]

I've just had a very boring trip to Holland. Within five minutes of getting back I've already had a better time than I did out there. Still, gave me somethinking time...getting totally lost in Amsterdam and finding nothing but smart shops for 5 hours makes you think .

Anyway, during my thinking I thought about how we view ourselves. Now, I know its a really obvious thing, but it sunk into me how hard it is to view yourself independantly. I'm writing this as a sort of self therapy, beacuse this sin't something I've managed yet.

It's really, REALLY hard not to judge yourself in relation to other people. I'm sure a lot of you are sitting there thinking "whatever- it's really easy! I can do it!" but the hugeness of the task just hit me a few days ago. It's completely shifting how you view yourself! Now I can't see how I've been trying to work out how girls manipulate guys when I can't even get this simple thing under my thumb!

I'm talking about totally discarding any sense of being better at something than someone else. If you are better at something than someone else then you are worse at something than someone else. If you're improving to try and beat them you're not doing it for yourself. I'm not saying that you don't do anything for yourself, just that I'm sure there's a hell of a lot of things that you do to be better than others. Why can't we just improve oursleves for the pleasure of being "good"? I'm sure a few here may have managed this, but i'm pretty sure I'm not one of them.

But is competition so bad? Healthy competition is a typically male trait, so why the **** do I have a problem with it? I'm ina bit of a conundrum now, because I'm not sure what I want. On one hand there's an autonimous ability to do stuff for yourself at the sacrifice at being better than others. On the other is competition, a natural trait that can give you great satisfaction, but can fill you with jealousy too.

I guess it's a choice. Don't get this mixed up with saying "yeah, that was a good result FOR ME". I think I want to sort this out in my life, would be liberating I guess. I don't think I'm blowing this out of proportion...

My idea is you don't get to be the best at something for yourself, but you do get really good at something for yourself. This may mean that you're the best at it, but you don't care. Does this make any sense at all?

Anyway, I'm going back to the basics. Go over everything, mindset included before I try something new.

Comments would be great

 

[Julian]

Im confused =\

 

[Cloud-uk]

My post translated:

Sorry, I'm full of crap tonight.

I think judging your success by other people's success is a bad thing.

i.e. "I'm good at x because I'm better at it than johnny"

Problem is if you get rid of this you also get rid of competition. Still, who said competition is a good thing when you can get all the drive you need from yourself.

That is in essence my idea, but it's in more depth at the top.

 

[Zoso]

The thing is, "good" is a relative concept that can only be defined through contrast. If you don't compare yourself to others, you can only compare yourself to your previous state. You can become "better" in this way, move up in the scale, but your place on the scale in the first place will remain undefined. I guess the challenge is being able to honestly not care at all about how good you are compared to everyone else and just become better.

 

[Cloud-uk]

yeah, exactly! I guess when you look at it it all comes back to the basic principle of not careing what others think, but this just gives you something to think about. I just think its a healthier mindset to improve just to better you're previous state, for bettering yourself makes you happier, not better than other people.

Ah well, just a little idea...

 

[WWFC]

Personally i dont put a ceiling on what i can do buts its good to try to be the best at everything, i irritated alot of my friends with this so dont take it too far wher in the uk you from cloud?

 

[thebob]

why not try to just be good at something instead of trying to get better than others? because how "good" you are at something is almost always defined by how you do compare to others. ex:

if the average 10 year old could shoot 3-pters at 80%, free throws at 99%, blah blah nobody would consider kobe bryant anywhere near "good", let alone one of the best basketball players.

by the same token, someone who's trying to get good at bb could make 5% 3-pters and 25% FTs and if he was really clueless he might think he was good, if he improved from 1% 3's and 5% FTs.

so in short, i'm not saying people should try to follow society's standards in every single thing they do. but to be *completely* focused only on what you're doing without any regard for the standards or the "norm" makes you kind of oblivious to the outside world, which is a bad thing imo.

 

[Cloud-uk]

Personally i dont put a ceiling on what i can do buts its good to try to be the best at everything, i irritated alot of my friends with this so dont take it too far wher in the uk you from cloud?

Surrey, between woking and london You?

Yeah, I think this is one of those things where it might be best to find a balance. Anyway, back to find some more abstract ideas from my head...

 

[Microphone Fiend]

sounds like Tyler Durden over at asf, talking about being "internally focused" I like the idea, but I wouldn't want to become to immersed in myself or I'll start to lose touch with my peers and the world around me, solely out for the pvssy. ( Like that cat lady whcih every neighborhood has )

If you don't compare yourself to others you don't know whether you are average and may well be below average, but if you don't compare yourself to others, you WOULDN'T CARE if you were below average, so 5 % 3pters would be okay for you.

On the other hand tho, jealousy and anger allows humans to do what happiniess and serenity does not. When you are striving to beat someone or prove them wrong you try that much harder


So to sum up my arguement.... I'm as confused as Julian