Theory to Practice - the unlimited gap

[Guybrush]

Hey Guys,

I have been posting here occassionally for the past few feeks and by now I have read most of the theoretical stuff that needs to be read by an AFC. I basically started to fix everything one by one, starting from my looks to my confidence. But I feel the coldness of not closing the seemingly unlimited gap between theory and practice. Today's story:

I met an old plate I had lost contact for 3 years today. 3 years ago we were really into each other, but I had to leave town and we lost contact. She was pretty excited to see me and she was actually the one who remembered me. I was thinking something like "just another HB8" when I saw her. She showed clear IOIs like constantly laughing at my jokes, smiling and giggling.
She had office work to do, so I asked her when she was gonna leave and said we should grabb a cup of coffee after her work hours. She said "Sure". And I left the venue and came back at about the time she finished her work. She came out with a guy, who seemed pretty AFC to me, so I didn't mind. I was terribly excited and the only words that spilled from my mouth were "Are you going home ?" to which she said "Yes". Then we continued to talk for about 5 minutes and she seemed pretty interested in my company ( or that's what I am rationalizing) then strangely, the AFC she got out with isolated her to talk about something. I sat back and patiently & miserably waited to ask her whether she needed a ride or not. That was going to be my final move. She stayed for a while with the AFC (and then another guy joined the group). I got up and asked whether she needed a ride or not - to which she replied:
No, I'think I'll just walk.

I ejected by saying goodbye to everyone and her. I ambushed in my car for a while to see her leave, but I didn't catch her leave.

I know I am a terrible AFC, but it's just not easy. Theory put into practice IS NOT easy. Can you comment on my weak actions ? So that I keep rolling ? :woo:

 

[The Bat]

I met an old plate I had lost contact for 3 years today. 3 years ago we were really into each other, but I had to leave town and we lost contact. She was pretty excited to see me and she was actually the one who remembered me. I was thinking something like "just another HB8" when I saw her. She showed clear IOIs like constantly laughing at my jokes, smiling and giggling.
She had office work to do, so I asked her when she was gonna leave and said we should grabb a cup of coffee after her work hours. She said "Sure". And I left the venue and came back at about the time she finished her work. She came out with a guy, who seemed pretty AFC to me, so I didn't mind. I was terribly excited and the only words that spilled from my mouth were "Are you going home ?" to which she said "Yes".

Then we continued to talk for about 5 minutes and she seemed pretty interested in my company ( or that's what I am rationalizing) then strangely, the AFC she got out with isolated her to talk about something. I sat back and patiently & miserably waited to ask her whether she needed a ride or not. That was going to be my final move. She stayed for a while with the AFC (and then another guy joined the group). I got up and asked whether she needed a ride or not - to which she replied:
No, I'think I'll just walk.

I ejected by saying goodbye to everyone and her. I ambushed in my car for a while to see her leave, but I didn't catch her leave.

Ok, I've bolded 6 points in your post that I'm going to dissect and discuss (they are explained in the order of appearance in your post):

- Three years is a long time. It's very easy for a woman to lose interest especially when you have no contact for three years. Now, there are exceptions, but since you're inexperienced, we'll stick with the scenario that she lost interest. The only way to gain her interest back is by showing her that you're bigger (maybe literally if you weren't as fit) and better than the last time she saw you. That is the key. You should be improving yourself with each and every day. Three years is long enough to make lots of little improvements along with some big ones.

- Since you were previously involved with her, you shouldn't have asked her for a date as if you were meeting her for the first time. In fact, never ask any woman if and when she will be free to meet up with you for a date. You tell her straight up that you want a date with her at so and so place at this time. This accomplishes two things: 1) shows you can take charge and 2) test her interest level. 1) is pretty obvious because most guys don't have the cojones to do this and it really does show confidence. 2) tests her interest because if she can't make it, then she'll counter your offer IF SHE HAS INTEREST. She'll say something like, "Oh, I don't get off work until then, so why don't we arrange for it tomorrow or later tonight?" It is very important that she doesn't give you the answer, "Oh, i'm not free maybe some other time...". If that happens, you eject because she isn't too interested in you and can't make specific counter-offers.

- I'm confused here. Why did you ask her if she was going home when it was planned that you were going to meet her for a cup of coffee?

- She might have talked to you for 5 minutes to make the other guy jealous. And it worked because he isolated her (sign of jealousy and insecurity on HIS part). I'd think that if she truly enjoyed your company or had interest, then she would have told the other guy to give you two a few minutes. Also, what was the conversation like? The content?

- Remember, you are a busy man. You don't wait around for her to have some free time so you can offer her a free ride. And free ride? This is an equivalent of offering her roses. You were hoping she was going to blow you on the way home if you gave her a free ride? Rhetorical question, don't answer it.

- Now that's just plain creepy.

Anyway, you are off to a good start in that you have realized that you are not on the proper path with your old/current ways. I want to commend you for having the cojones to come here and be willing to learn this stuff. Don't sweat it, man. There's tons of information here and tons of good people here who you can learn a great deal from.

 

[everywomanshero]

Ouch... Well, let's start with what you did right. You tried to get her alone, although some girls get turned on by public places. That's the right line of thinking. Unfortunately, I think it did not go down too smoothly.

To be fair, if you are simply persistent, you'l probably pull a good deal of ass regardless of whether the transitions are smooth or not. Knock on more doors, get more answers... but just like in a good film, smooth transitions are important to give the impression of "it just happened". You can capitalize on or (more often) avoid distractions and other problem causing people/things by keeping the end goal in mind--helping her have an orgasm.
I have a feeling if you fix thngs on this macro level, then micro actions will start to correct themselves.

 

[Guybrush]

Ok, I've bolded 6 points in your post that I'm going to dissect and discuss (they are explained in the order of appearance in your post):

- Three years is a long time. It's very easy for a woman to lose interest especially when you have no contact for three years. Now, there are exceptions, but since you're inexperienced, we'll stick with the scenario that she lost interest. The only way to gain her interest back is by showing her that you're bigger (maybe literally if you weren't as fit) and better than the last time she saw you. That is the key. You should be improving yourself with each and every day. Three years is long enough to make lots of little improvements along with some big ones.

- Since you were previously involved with her, you shouldn't have asked her for a date as if you were meeting her for the first time. In fact, never ask any woman if and when she will be free to meet up with you for a date. You tell her straight up that you want a date with her at so and so place at this time. This accomplishes two things: 1) shows you can take charge and 2) test her interest level. 1) is pretty obvious because most guys don't have the cojones to do this and it really does show confidence. 2) tests her interest because if she can't make it, then she'll counter your offer IF SHE HAS INTEREST. She'll say something like, "Oh, I don't get off work until then, so why don't we arrange for it tomorrow or later tonight?" It is very important that she doesn't give you the answer, "Oh, i'm not free maybe some other time...". If that happens, you eject because she isn't too interested in you and can't make specific counter-offers.

- I'm confused here. Why did you ask her if she was going home when it was planned that you were going to meet her for a cup of coffee?

- She might have talked to you for 5 minutes to make the other guy jealous. And it worked because he isolated her (sign of jealousy and insecurity on HIS part). I'd think that if she truly enjoyed your company or had interest, then she would have told the other guy to give you two a few minutes. Also, what was the conversation like? The content?

- Remember, you are a busy man. You don't wait around for her to have some free time so you can offer her a free ride. And free ride? This is an equivalent of offering her roses. You were hoping she was going to blow you on the way home if you gave her a free ride? Rhetorical question, don't answer it.

- Now that's just plain creepy.

Anyway, you are off to a good start in that you have realized that you are not on the proper path with your old/current ways. I want to commend you for having the cojones to come here and be willing to learn this stuff. Don't sweat it, man. There's tons of information here and tons of good people here who you can learn a great deal from.

This is a gold mine here. Thanks for your time Bat. It is interesting that when you actually tell it to me, my AFC behavior is crystal clear to me. Is it called latent learning or anything like that ?

Let me get back to the story:

- 1st time I met her, I briefly mumbled something like: We should grab a cup of coffee - it wasn't even certain if it were RIGHT after TODAY's work. That was a lame and shy remark, I know : )

-You are probably right, maybe she was playing the other guys and just using me.

- There was really no content. I guess it was about a movie and how someone resembled an actor in that movie, something like that... Nothing important from my perspective. It was brief anyway. It was until the AFC pulled her out.

- Yeah in fact that really disturbed me. I should have been the busy man. I am not the man to wait her all day to give her a free ride. That's so lame! I can see it now.

- It's soo creepy I know. That's just the scarcity mentality I guess. You remind yourself that you are a loser and you just want another try, which is even lamer than your 1st moves.

Anyway, any advice on how to handle this later? Should I simply NEXT her? That's the best of my skills! AT LEAST I know that there are millions of them out there, and I can NEXT anyone to improve.

Thanks for the help once again! I am laughing at myself :crackup:

 

[Guybrush]

Ouch... Well, let's start with what you did right. You tried to get her alone, although some girls get turned on by public places. That's the right line of thinking. Unfortunately, I think it did not go down too smoothly.

To be fair, if you are simply persistent, you'l probably pull a good deal of ass regardless of whether the transitions are smooth or not. Knock on more doors, get more answers... but just like in a good film, smooth transitions are important to give the impression of "it just happened". You can capitalize on or (more often) avoid distractions and other problem causing people/things by keeping the end goal in mind--helping her have an orgasm.
I have a feeling if you fix thngs on this macro level, then micro actions will start to correct themselves.

Thanks for the input. I really like that " it just happened " metaphor. But I am just not smooth enough yet. I hope I'll get to that point some day.

I'll take your advice on WORKING on the MACRO level first. Thanks

 

[frisco]

She came to see you who cares about the other chodes if they isolate her walk up and start a convo, Be dominant you want her she wants you.

 

[The Bat]

Anyway, any advice on how to handle this later? Should I simply NEXT her? That's the best of my skills! AT LEAST I know that there are millions of them out there, and I can NEXT anyone to improve.

Thanks for the help once again! I am laughing at myself :crackup:

From the information you have given, I think she has little to no interest in you at this point. She's probably trying to keep you around to fulfil her ego so that she can say to herself, "Look, there's another one that still likes me. I feel so good about myself now." It's that false sense of self-esteem that she'll be getting by keeping you around. Kinda like how most women buy shoes and purses to feel good about themselves...

Next her. She doesn't deserve any of your time. You have other plates to spin. Your time is valuable to you. Only share it with those who are enhancing and are a positive influence on your life. If you choose to share your time with her, then all you will think about is the "What If I Do This...Or That...Or Say This..." Trust me, because I have been there.

I like your attitude when it comes to self-reflection. Reminds a little bit of myself.