theory on non-neediness

[dj_china]

this is just a theory, I want your feedback. this applies to girls that you've already had a few dates with, and at least k-closed, so there is no doubt that there is sexual tension in the relationship. and this is regarding keeping the interest level high:

*** its OK to say things that can be perceived as needy.
***AS LONG AS you don't act needy
DJ: I miss you, I want to see you now.
HB: can't got family thing tonight
DJ: k, have fun!
and don't contact her anymore, unless it has been a few days and you are attending some event that has high social proof for you to invite her to.

HB: hey how was your party last night?
DJ: I couldnt stop thinking of how you weren't there with me

HB: hey sorry I flaked on last night's date, what did you do instead?
DJ: I went home and cried.

in fact, these needy statements can actually be perceived as romantic by the girl and will generally make her feel better about the relationship. It is when you text her every day and generally ACT needy, when the girl feels like she needs space. verbal neediness is ok, even good. action neediness is bad.

thoughts?

 

[Waking Up]

I went home and cried would actually be pretty funny. lol.

 

[Ease]

Its true that you can say anything, your actions are what matters. Its where 'not by what she says, how she acts' idea comes from.

But in a relationship you always want her to be uncomfortable and chasing, while you are comfortable. She needs to be the one that is waiting on your reply and hoping that you are free and will turn up.

Giving attention and affection, 'being romantic', is different.

 

[Zarky]

*** its OK to say things that can be perceived as needy.
***AS LONG AS you don't act needy

uhh.. you're sorta getting things but not entirely..

DJ: I miss you, I want to see you now.
HB: can't got family thing tonight

No, this is bad, because it's action-based. This would be better:

DJ: I miss you, I want to see you now, too bad I have to [take my parakeet to the animal dentist.] (Where the bracketed statement could be anything.)

You see the difference?

HB: hey how was your party last night?
DJ: I couldnt stop thinking of how you weren't there with me

This is better, as long as it was you who decided she wouldn't be going with you.

HB: hey sorry I flaked on last night's date, what did you do instead?
DJ: I went home and cried.

This would be very funny because it's so over the top that it does just the opposite of what it's "supposed" to do.

in fact, these needy statements can actually be perceived as romantic by the girl and will generally make her feel better about the relationship.

Ehhhh.... sorta. You've almost got it but not quite.

There's an old, old book for women called "The Technique of the Love Affair" that states that "words should be warm, actions cool." This nicely sums up the theory that you're almost grasping.

 

[COD]

THOERY OF NON NEEDINESS.......well your word choices are indicative of her perceptions of your actions. If she suspects you are serious, some of those words would be viewed as a percipitator in regards to her thinking that neediness behaviors will follow.

It may be true that behavior or actions speak volumes but if a person thinks you are needy your actions may not even be considered.

Stick with the coc ky answers or stop with the "too bad you werent there" subtext communications all together. Focus on future dates........

Her: so how did your Weekend plans go

YOU: OH you know me......I ALWAYS HAVE FUN.........what day are we meeting for drinks Friday or Saturday?

 

[COD]

DO KEEP IN MIND TEXT FLIRTING is yet another skillset on to its own.

 

[sanoj]

There's an old, old book for women called "The Technique of the Love Affair" that states that "words should be warm, actions cool." This nicely sums up the theory that you're almost grasping.

I like that statement. Why is that in a book for women btw?