The Worst Best Feeling Ever

[NSUballer]

Here it is 03:50 am CST. About 20 minutes ago my ex gave me a ride home after the bar closed. shes a bartender at one of the local bars. I try to keep myself from seeing her as much as possible because i know that every time im around her i feel as vulnerable as a child. Its really starting to bother me.

Anyways see her leave the bar at like 2:45 and im across the street waiting for her to walk out and i follow her like a puppy. but i never asked her to bring me she offered almost as soon as i walked up. My house is only around the corner.

We sit and talk until 335 am talking about different things.

she says "this is the longest conversation we've ever had."

Me- "no its not"

her- "yes it is...if not what was the longest talk we ever had?"

Me-(we're in my driveway) you dont remember that time we stayed up till like 3am talkin?"

her-"oh yea i do remember...but this is like the second longest ever."\\

me- "Yea I know"

Long story short is we talkd for a long time. I cant help but feel paralyzed when Im around her. I turn into a friggin putz when shes around.

She says shes got work and has to leave so I say the only way im gettin out is if you hug me. she says ok. this is the first time ive actually hugged her in like 6 weeks. It felt like shes my drug and i got a fix off her. I dont know if anyone else has ever been through somethin like this but it really sucks because I dont want anyone but her. And I dont know if she would ever take me back. Im sure I sound like a biatch but i cant really help it.

 

[ManiacJack]

Yes you aren't the only one !


Doctor's Diagnosis:
You have Oneitis

Symptoms:
Feeling of there never being another girl like her, can't get her out of your thoughts, want to do anything to have her...

Medicine Prescribed:
Go date/f*** ten other women!

 

[Hoogie]

Welcome to One-itous 101.
Your first lesson (i hope- cause this course sucks to do twice)... and the one I believe to be the hardest... is "Getting severe one-itous"

As much as it sucks your most likely eventually gonna get hurt by this chick because you've become a sucker to One-itous (dont feel bad tho. It happens to heaps of guys... you however have the DJ site to help you avoid/destroy it next time).
Maybe she'll wanna get back together, maybe she'll tell you to move on... either way its gonna suck for you unless you change things. Cause even if you get together, shes gonna know that you follow her like a puppy and get weak around her... and shes gonna exploit that sh!t hardcore

So seriously, you either need to man up and completely change your attitude (which I know in this situation is difficult as all sh!t) or cut off contact completely (and I know because One-itous has you, your not gonna wanna do this).

So... to get around things I suggest man-ing up.
Dont ask for a hug like an AFC - get sexual if your still wanting her... ur the man. be the man.
And dont get your self into situations where shes gonna be picking you up.. im sure she can prolly see through it.

You just gotta get your head straight most of all dude and that aint gonna happen at 3 in the morning.
I can see you've been here for a little while.. so you prolly got some idea of what your doing.... dont worry bout it... sleep on it.

But by all means avoid One-itous after this lesson... cause its a one way street to AFC-ville

 

[NSUballer]

I guess the one-itis part is half true. But whats so bad about one-itis anyways? Whenever youre in a relationship with someone wouldnt you call that one-itis?

Ive had one-itis before but it wasnt with someone that I had been with. I dont know if this can really be called one-itis because I dont think theres no other girl like her and I dont really think about her until Im actually around her. Its impossible to avoid her completely. We both live in the same small town and go to the same college. And shes a bartender at the only bar I like goin to.

I have a feeling that this simply isnt one itis. Because my feelings are genuine. Its been over 6 weeks since we were "together". It really sucked at first because it was really sudden. And now after 6 weeks of trying to avoid her and move on with other chics, it just isnt happening

If you want to understand better read my post "Why do girls do this?"

 

[OneEyedJack]

One-Itis is unrequited love, and the man has relinquished most or all
of his power.

 

[Wyldfire]

I don't think it's unrequited in this case.

If you want to get back with her then tell her you'd like to talk and then ask her straight out if she would want to try again. If you want to try to make a go of it then the two of you will have to address the issues that led to you breaking up. Also, if you want to maintain a LTR with someone you have to let go of the "rules" here because those rules will destroy a relationship. You will have to give her the attention and time that she needs to avoid tests and problems. Relationships take some effort and the only way you will be able to make it work is if you are willing to put forth some effort.

If she doesn't want to try again then you have no choice but to move on. Know that right from the get go. Do a search on my ID in the Tips section. I have posted a lot of tips about LTRs there, including how to balance the level of attention and giving a guy should do in a relationship. I also have a very good tip/reality check post that is helpful in overcoming Oneitis if she won't get back together in Tips.

I'm not saying to become a clingy, needy wuss...you still need to refuse to be treated like crap...but you can't treat her like crap either if you want a LTR to work.

 

[NSUballer]

I just cant understand how i let this happen. I mean I would argue with her about the stupidest crap. She would tell me that she just wanted somebody to take care of her for once, that she never had a guy that really treated her like that and she was always the one trying to make everything work. She never did wrong by me, except one time when she told me "i really like dancin to this song but im not really good though" and me being an idiots says back " yea ur right u cant"....she gets upset and doesnt talk to me the rest of the night at the bar and dances with othr guys. Like WTF was I thinking. Why would i say that. even if i thought it was true. of all people to tell i told the one person that cared what i thought.

 

[NSUballer]

The only problem with getting back with her is that shes been seeing someone else. I mean im not saying it would never happen because i honestly dont know. Why would she offer to take me home and then sit there and talk for an hour after workn all day?

 

[Wyldfire]

Well, if she has moved on then you should probably do the same. If she still wants you and sees you are moving on then she will let you know. Whatever the case...what used to make you feel good now makes you feel like crap...so let it go.

Get out and meet new people and go on with your life. Don't wait for her to come back, because she may not...just force yourself to get out there and see other people. The quickest way to get over an ex is to meet other girls. It's also the quickest way to find out if your ex wants you back.

 

[NSUballer]

Yes youre exactly right. But it just so happens that me and a bunch of friends are goin out in New Orleans tonite and this HB10(yes shes really that hot) that graduated last december from my school told me to call her when i get there. So things arent looking all that bad. As far as being with other hot girls im sure that will get my mind off the X. But then again what if it doesnt?

 

[Wyldfire]

Yes youre exactly right. But it just so happens that me and a bunch of friends are goin out in New Orleans tonite and this HB10(yes shes really that hot) that graduated last december from my school told me to call her when i get there. So things arent looking all that bad. As far as being with other hot girls im sure that will get my mind off the X. But then again what if it doesnt?

It will get your mind off her...you're just infatuated with the ex because before things went south she made you feel great about yourself. When that feeling leaves it's usually time to let go. Guys often try to hang onto the memory of what they used to feel when things were good instead of recognizing that they don't feel good anymore. You've been focused on trying to get back a feeling that could very well be lost for good instead of going out and meeting someone new and letting yourself get those good feelings again with someone else.

 

[speed dawg]

I don't think it's unrequited in this case.

If you want to get back with her then tell her you'd like to talk and then ask her straight out if she would want to try again. If you want to try to make a go of it then the two of you will have to address the issues that led to you breaking up. Also, if you want to maintain a LTR with someone you have to let go of the "rules" here because those rules will destroy a relationship. You will have to give her the attention and time that she needs to avoid tests and problems. Relationships take some effort and the only way you will be able to make it work is if you are willing to put forth some effort.

If she doesn't want to try again then you have no choice but to move on. Know that right from the get go. Do a search on my ID in the Tips section. I have posted a lot of tips about LTRs there, including how to balance the level of attention and giving a guy should do in a relationship. I also have a very good tip/reality check post that is helpful in overcoming Oneitis if she won't get back together in Tips.

I'm not saying to become a clingy, needy wuss...you still need to refuse to be treated like crap...but you can't treat her like crap either if you want a LTR to work.

Holy sh!t Wyldfire sometimes you give good advice, but other times, like this one, you give the most completely TERRIBLE advice there is to give.

Search NSU's previous posts. There is no other way for him except to cut contact, move one, focus on himself, and get rid of this AFC thinking. The longer he's around her the worse he will be. I know from experience. That's the entire reason I came to this site to begin with.

 

[Wyldfire]

Holy sh!t Wyldfire sometimes you give good advice, but other times, like this one, you give the most completely TERRIBLE advice there is to give.

Search NSU's previous posts. There is no other way for him except to cut contact, move one, focus on himself, and get rid of this AFC thinking. The longer he's around her the worse he will be. I know from experience. That's the entire reason I came to this site to begin with.

You needed to read further...

NSU tends to trickle the information out a little at a time...which makes it difficult to give the best input and advice right away. I haven't been around here for awhile so I was not familiar with him prior to last night. I had advised him on another thread to move on. Then on this thread I saw him admit that he pushed her away and made some mistakes...so I tried to offer him advice to straighten that out and try to salvage things (which you are responding to). Then he announced that she is seeing someone else...so I told him that he needs to move on again. I always give my advice based on what the person tells me and what I can read between the lines. If people hold back important info the advice they get from anyone is going to be a bit off.

I agree (knowing the additional info now) that he needs to move on...and that's what I told him to do in the last post I made to him.

 

[Obsidian]

Im sure I sound like a biatch but i cant really help it.

Yeah, pretty much. Listen to these folks about forget about her.

If you want to get back with her then tell her you'd like to talk and then ask her straight out if she would want to try again. If you want to try to make a go of it then the two of you will have to address the issues that led to you breaking up.

This actually sounds like pretty good advice -- Except that the girl has already bailed on you to start sexing other dudes, so it's probably a lost cause.

Seriously, your girl sounded like kind of a hor anyway. You, meanwhile, seem like the kind of guy who could easily snag another girl of equal or greater value without too much trouble. Go start looking.

 

[Wyldfire]

Yeah, pretty much. Listen to these folks about forget about her.




This actually sounds like pretty good advice -- Except that the girl has already bailed on you to start sexing other dudes, so it's probably a lost cause.

Seriously, your girl sounded like kind of a hor anyway. You, meanwhile, seem like the kind of guy who could easily snag another girl of equal or greater value without too much trouble. Go start looking.

Yeah...I didn't know the girl was already with someone else when I gave the advice. If she weren't then the advice would be the best chance for them getting back together. But since she's moved on then he needs to do the same.

 

[speed dawg]

You needed to read further...

I've been known to get ahead of myself a time or two....

 

[Wyldfire]

I've been known to get ahead of myself a time or two....

It's alright, lol...I respond in the order I read the posts too.

 

[Wyldfire]

Could you two please take your little lover's quarrel somewhere else?

Why don't you get a room or something?

Thanks in advance!

 

[NSUballer]

Well I went out last night in New Orleans with some friends and these 2 chics my friend told to come meet us. Long story short we got hammered and this one girl had the most perfect T & A ive ever seen. We were both wasted and ended up making out in the bar. Alot. And this girl wasnt super hot or anything, her face was ok but her body was unbelieveable. Anyways we ended up stayin at a friends bar and we bumped uglys. Im gonna go out on a limb here and say it was a good night.

 

[Wyldfire]

There...you are moving on...continue to get out and meet other people. It'll give you a whole new perspective on things.