"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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The worst Approach Anxiety I've ever experienced

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benogan

Don Juan
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Jan 9, 2014
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I just got out of a LTR.

Went out 2 nights ago, no girls out.

Went out tonight, bar was crowded. The problem is I froze. Froze like ****ing crazy. havent had this happen to me in YEARS. guess being away from the game for this long really hurt me. I'm beating myself up over it. I'm trying to look at it as atleast I went out. Atleast I talked to a FEW girls. But still. I am in recovery and don't drink or do any drugs and was at a bar. That added to the discomfort. But that never was an issue before, drunk, ****ed up, sober, I could always open sets.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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pdx1138

Master Don Juan
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Feb 24, 2010
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Good for you, at least you are doing something to get going again.

It usually takes me months to a year to want to get going again after the end of an LTR.
 
gravityeyelids

gravityeyelids

Master Don Juan
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Mar 6, 2013
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you're fine, i had something similar after just having got out of a LTR a few weeks back. When you're in a relationship, you dont even think about it, and girls can smell the sex on you so they pretty much open you. When you're newly single you're like "sh!t, i'm out of sex, i gotta get laid ASAP." Just work out the kinks, and dont worry as much about getting laid as getting yourself back in gear and overcoming this anxiety
 
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Don_Dom

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
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Baby steps, brother. I felt like a bumbling idiot when I got back in the saddle after my last LTR. Still not back to where I was but the more you go out the smoother it gets.

Since you are actively trying not to drink, why not work on your day game so you don't have to be in bars too much. Check out the meet up groups in your area for things you enjoy.
 
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