"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
The Whole Emotional Tampon Thing
- Thread starter JesterX
- Start date
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
JHeights83rd
Don Juan
I have alot of girl-friends
I disagree with everybody saying "if youre not f***ing, youre her girlfriend.” I treat girls that im friends with and girls im talking to, the same. Im funny, im not very ****y, im interesting to them, and i flirt a little with them. Sometimes I do this thing called playing them out, by busting on them for things like what they’re wearing or doing, and putting them in check, and letting them know (nonverbally) that I have options and Ill leave their azz in a second (only when they try to test me or disrespect me.) Girls who are less conceded you don’t play out as much.
Pretty much all my friends, i find them attractive in some way and i could f. (but that’s the last thing on my mind when im around them). But with friends, I don’t try to maintain a flirting, mysterious chemistry atmosphere. I kill that air, because I choose to be friends with a lot of girls. I talk about myself a little bit sometimes with friends. But they enjoy being around me, I like being around them, so I call them, but they seek me out too, because they like my company. They react to me differently than they do their girls, and some of the nice-guys that try to talk to them.
Now since I know my girl-friends ive known a little bit, I do nice things for them sometimes. If they need, or really want, something from me, i probably wont agree to it right off the bat, to show them that im not that easy and because I have my own busy life. But after 1-2 minutes of them convincing me, ill usually do it. I take it as a privilege that im able to do them the favor, but if im ever needing a favor, i naturally would expect someone to help me.
I disagree with everybody saying "if youre not f***ing, youre her girlfriend.” I treat girls that im friends with and girls im talking to, the same. Im funny, im not very ****y, im interesting to them, and i flirt a little with them. Sometimes I do this thing called playing them out, by busting on them for things like what they’re wearing or doing, and putting them in check, and letting them know (nonverbally) that I have options and Ill leave their azz in a second (only when they try to test me or disrespect me.) Girls who are less conceded you don’t play out as much.
Pretty much all my friends, i find them attractive in some way and i could f. (but that’s the last thing on my mind when im around them). But with friends, I don’t try to maintain a flirting, mysterious chemistry atmosphere. I kill that air, because I choose to be friends with a lot of girls. I talk about myself a little bit sometimes with friends. But they enjoy being around me, I like being around them, so I call them, but they seek me out too, because they like my company. They react to me differently than they do their girls, and some of the nice-guys that try to talk to them.
Now since I know my girl-friends ive known a little bit, I do nice things for them sometimes. If they need, or really want, something from me, i probably wont agree to it right off the bat, to show them that im not that easy and because I have my own busy life. But after 1-2 minutes of them convincing me, ill usually do it. I take it as a privilege that im able to do them the favor, but if im ever needing a favor, i naturally would expect someone to help me.
JHeights83rd
Don Juan
Wyld, i know what youre saying about being nice. Im a eaglescout. The scout law were supposed to live by: a scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous kind obedient cheerful thrify brave clean and reverent. This is what were supposed to live by. would you agree, the 12 points of scout law says be a nice person. we dont live in a world thats supposed to be, we live in a world that is.
We already covered the nice-guys. They have alot of inner anger from getting pissed on all those years, from just being nice. yes, if all their thoughts came to the exterior, they would be mean as hell.
But we in the troop, even the scoutmaster, knows that men cant just act on these things even close to all of the time, and get anywhere. In his personal life, he can be confrentational (which is not courteous) sometimes, downright offensive, sometimes cursing, if need be.
In this system, Capitalism, its the wildlife, only the strong survive, the strong can stand up to predators (greedy people who dont care about screwing over others). People who only know how to show courtesy and dont know how to be offensive, cant stand up to predators and they get made to sit the f down. These are the nice guys, only know how to be nice. (this causes anger, 3 more years of that, will turn him into a nice-guy. but if he starts to learn how to have predators thoroughly put in check, he will become more optimist)
Staying in the box of kind and courteous gets boring and doesnt leave room for joking around and teasing and flirting. Its too serious. I remember, when i was at this state, women would said 'ure real uptight, you need to smoke a L and loosen up' but being all the way outside the box makes you annoying and/or an *******, and arrogant. Whats good is being slightly outside the box. Guys who are slightly outside the box, you cant really describe him "wow, hes really nice" but hes not like "wow hes real conceided and into himself". its a balance.
Doing nice things when needed feels good. volunteering at St Judes Hospital for lukemia patients feels good. Doing something for someone ive known for a minute feels good. But doing a really nice thing for someone you do dont really know, for no reason, that they dont really need, does not feel good. For men, we either want something, or niceness is all you know, or you have no life. You dont want to be that easy where people can ask you for anything.
guys who only know niceness are usually guys, not only raised by single mothers, but spoiled, by too much nurturiing.
We already covered the nice-guys. They have alot of inner anger from getting pissed on all those years, from just being nice. yes, if all their thoughts came to the exterior, they would be mean as hell.
But we in the troop, even the scoutmaster, knows that men cant just act on these things even close to all of the time, and get anywhere. In his personal life, he can be confrentational (which is not courteous) sometimes, downright offensive, sometimes cursing, if need be.
In this system, Capitalism, its the wildlife, only the strong survive, the strong can stand up to predators (greedy people who dont care about screwing over others). People who only know how to show courtesy and dont know how to be offensive, cant stand up to predators and they get made to sit the f down. These are the nice guys, only know how to be nice. (this causes anger, 3 more years of that, will turn him into a nice-guy. but if he starts to learn how to have predators thoroughly put in check, he will become more optimist)
Staying in the box of kind and courteous gets boring and doesnt leave room for joking around and teasing and flirting. Its too serious. I remember, when i was at this state, women would said 'ure real uptight, you need to smoke a L and loosen up' but being all the way outside the box makes you annoying and/or an *******, and arrogant. Whats good is being slightly outside the box. Guys who are slightly outside the box, you cant really describe him "wow, hes really nice" but hes not like "wow hes real conceided and into himself". its a balance.
Doing nice things when needed feels good. volunteering at St Judes Hospital for lukemia patients feels good. Doing something for someone ive known for a minute feels good. But doing a really nice thing for someone you do dont really know, for no reason, that they dont really need, does not feel good. For men, we either want something, or niceness is all you know, or you have no life. You dont want to be that easy where people can ask you for anything.
guys who only know niceness are usually guys, not only raised by single mothers, but spoiled, by too much nurturiing.
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THE_ADDMAN
Master Don Juan
if they insist on talking bout other guys, excuse yourself and leave. you arent there to play therapist or girlfriend.
its even funnier when they play the jealousy card; "you're not JEALOUS, are you?" nah, I just dont feel like hearing bout guys. thanks
its even funnier when they play the jealousy card; "you're not JEALOUS, are you?" nah, I just dont feel like hearing bout guys. thanks
NewMan
Master Don Juan
What difference does it make???
An emotional tampon is not a guy who listen's to a woman - and emotional tampon is a guy who listens to a woman and comforts her in the hope of getting pvssy.
There's a difference.
If your trying to help her, give her advice, comfort her - in the hope of getting laid - your a pvssy.
If you have a general interest in her well being as a FRIEND - then it's all good.
Now, it seems like you want to nail her - so what you do is this. She starts to b#tch about her guy, you tell her, -
her: im frustrated
her: my bf never calls me or msgs me
me: Sounds like a tough deal, but I need to get some new shoes, and I need a female's opinion - let's go.
her: im too scared to talk to him about it
me: Sounds like a tough deal, hey there's this new band playing over at X, let's go check them out.
her: he only calls me for one thing
me: sounds liek a tough deal - Dave and the others are meeting to shoot some pool, let's go and hit a few b@lls.
you get the idea.
waist little time on this chick. If she's up to hang with you great. Make your move one her - and if she's not interested then leave her sorry a## to some other pvss.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Bump
I don't think that you have to hear about a woman's problems with another guy(s) to be in first class non-stop on 'friendzone air'. The subjects can range from girlfriends, to work and school, family etc.
I also think that it is very easy for a woman who has initial IOI or even high IL to move the interaction between you two into the friend zone with the intended next stop being her emotional tampon if she is not getting the right vibe from you or things do not progress the right way...
Lastly, there are probably a lot of situations where no matter what you do or could have done, the interaction was bound for the friend zone. I think that a lot of guys fall into trap of putting in max, unlimited effort into making something happen that will never happen with 'that one girl'. While they wouldn't give a bunch of other chicks a slightest slack, there is carte blanche for 'that one girl' against zero or impossible odds. 'If I only am there for her more than ever, she must see that I am the one for her' or if I do this for her or that or could have done that - lofl. Emotional tampon to no end.
I fell hard into this trap with a player of all players. Her MO was to share all the news without reservation if you would take it down. And I did, taking very high IOI early on and destroying it before I realized what was happening. She never mentioned other guys, but I swear if she would have mentioned other guy(s) and guy problems like in the previous posts, I would have told her to fvck herself with that line of sh1t.
So this is why the Aces on here emphasize the importance of keeping yourself out of that mess.
It's not always the guy and that's why 'Next' has gotta be done at times without hesitation.
*** And this is the question I have about The Whole Emotional Tampon Thing. If women are so perceptive in all aspects of the game, certainly they know exactly what they are doing when they set up a guy as LJBF and an emotional tampon after there was clear sexual interest, chemistry, and IOI early on. So why do they do it? ***
I don't think that you have to hear about a woman's problems with another guy(s) to be in first class non-stop on 'friendzone air'. The subjects can range from girlfriends, to work and school, family etc.
I also think that it is very easy for a woman who has initial IOI or even high IL to move the interaction between you two into the friend zone with the intended next stop being her emotional tampon if she is not getting the right vibe from you or things do not progress the right way...
Lastly, there are probably a lot of situations where no matter what you do or could have done, the interaction was bound for the friend zone. I think that a lot of guys fall into trap of putting in max, unlimited effort into making something happen that will never happen with 'that one girl'. While they wouldn't give a bunch of other chicks a slightest slack, there is carte blanche for 'that one girl' against zero or impossible odds. 'If I only am there for her more than ever, she must see that I am the one for her' or if I do this for her or that or could have done that - lofl. Emotional tampon to no end.
I fell hard into this trap with a player of all players. Her MO was to share all the news without reservation if you would take it down. And I did, taking very high IOI early on and destroying it before I realized what was happening. She never mentioned other guys, but I swear if she would have mentioned other guy(s) and guy problems like in the previous posts, I would have told her to fvck herself with that line of sh1t.
So this is why the Aces on here emphasize the importance of keeping yourself out of that mess.
It's not always the guy and that's why 'Next' has gotta be done at times without hesitation.
*** And this is the question I have about The Whole Emotional Tampon Thing. If women are so perceptive in all aspects of the game, certainly they know exactly what they are doing when they set up a guy as LJBF and an emotional tampon after there was clear sexual interest, chemistry, and IOI early on. So why do they do it? ***
Do they really get off that much on having one or more advisor guys around to be a sounding board for the latest? I guess it's hard to understand from a male perspective. I could never imagine calling, texting, or e-mailing a girl or bunches of 'em to share what's news or how my day went. Thanks!Rollo Tomassi said:
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TheDoctor
Don Juan
hahahah, he's got a point R19. Digging up some oldies huh? That's fine that you're doing your research and all but.......horaholic said:
Yeah, it's called SEARCH...
Which would you rather have for these forums?
- Solid threads added on to over time where a person can find the best, most detailed discussion of a subject efficiently.
- The one millionth, eight hundred, seventy fifth thousand derivative of the original kick ass thread that litters this forum that makes it very difficult to find the good stuff and wastes a lot of everyone's time.
The problem with this forum is that too many users (I am sure I have done it) start a new thread when there are many others of the same subject with tons of replies and views. Sure they may be old, but they are worth their weight in platinum. Or is it efficient to reinvent the wheel over and over because all women are different and things change so much?
The comments on here by Rollo Tomassi and other Aces on this thread are priceless.
And here's a hint that I am sure DJ's on here would agree with, stop playing Dungeons & Dragons - Necromancer? Ok Wiz.
Which would you rather have for these forums?
- Solid threads added on to over time where a person can find the best, most detailed discussion of a subject efficiently.
- The one millionth, eight hundred, seventy fifth thousand derivative of the original kick ass thread that litters this forum that makes it very difficult to find the good stuff and wastes a lot of everyone's time.
The problem with this forum is that too many users (I am sure I have done it) start a new thread when there are many others of the same subject with tons of replies and views. Sure they may be old, but they are worth their weight in platinum. Or is it efficient to reinvent the wheel over and over because all women are different and things change so much?
The comments on here by Rollo Tomassi and other Aces on this thread are priceless.
And here's a hint that I am sure DJ's on here would agree with, stop playing Dungeons & Dragons - Necromancer? Ok Wiz.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
From the standpoint of a guy who's aware he's become a surrogate BF, and those who can objectively see that he is, it seem incredibly manipulative and deliberate for a woman to put a guy whom she knows has a definite IL for her into that role. I would argue that, more often than not, a woman doing so has done so repeatedly in the past so often that it becomes normalized for her.R19 said:
Is she aware of it? On some level of consciousness perhaps, perhaps not, but it's comfortable for her to do so because she's unable to have both her emotional / security needs paired with her physical needs in the same guy. So her coping mechanism is to entertain a Nice Guy (sometimes multiple Nice Guys) from whom she gets emotional support and a security response from, while wallowing in the physical rush and the resulting drama caused by the Jerk. I go into this splitting of needs in Schedules of Mating:
So, in a sense I'd say yes, they do get off on perfecting a gestalt BF from both the Nice Guy and the Jerk, but relatively few are aware of it, and among those who are, even fewer will expressly admit to it. They'll quite happily allow a surrogate to continue in his qualifying himself to her in his efforts to "be a good listener" and "be there for her" until such a time as he grows frustrated and he becomes a liability in his own right, or a liability to her Jerk sex / drama interest. The hot guy who uses her up and leaves her on the bed wanting more will always take precedence over the emotional surrogate because they're so easily attracted and entertained.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
TheDoctor
Don Juan
Point made. Point taken. I don't post too many new threads but before I do, you bet I'll check out the archives.R19 said:
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ROLLO, who are you? Why aren't you on a conquest to bed every HB9+ or better instead of giving phenomenal advice to us? You are a becon of light in a virgin's dark dark world. Keep doing what you do. I'm sure there are countless that worship the LCD through which they read your words of wisdom.