The "What's Wrong? Nothing." Game

[Giovanni Casanova]

Have any of you guys been in a relationship where you're with a girl and everything seems to be going really, really great... then one day it seems like something has changed or that something is on her mind and/or bothering her?

So you ask her what's wrong, and she says "Nothing."

But still, she seems distant and even kind of irritated/angry with you and you're not really sure why. So you're left with trying to figure out "Am I just imagining things? Is there really nothing wrong and it's all just in my head? Or is there something REALLY wrong and she doesn't want to tell me?"

Pretty soon, you're hyper-analyzing every little thing: what she said, how she said it, the tone of her voice and all of that and it just starts to drive you absolutely bonkers. If there's something wrong that has to do with you, you probably want to correct it. If there's something wrong that doesn't have to do with you, you want to be there for her. But if there truly is nothing wrong, you don't want to keep pushing her and getting annoying.

It's a puzzle, especially if you're with a girl who swears that if there's ever anything wrong she will tell you. And you can't help but want to honor that, but at the same time, you flash back to all the times that something was wrong and the chick never told you.

It's a catch-22: If something is truly wrong and you don't notice, you're a jerk for not helping to solve the problem or at least just being there for her. I've been there before, I know how it can be: "Don't you pay any attention to me at ALL? I've been obviously upset for the last two days and you never even bothered to care. You only asked me what the problem was a couple of times... Sometimes you need to be there for me a little more than that for me to let my problems out."

On the other hand, if nothing really is the matter and you're just being hyper-sensitive for some reason or another, you're an annoying pain in the ass. I've been there before, too: "Jesus! I have already told you a dozen times! There's nothing wrong. I'm fine. I am not moody or irritated, damn it! Stop asking me!"

So what do you do when you're confronted with a situation like that? I mean, the easy answer might be to just take her at her word when she says nothing is wrong... but sometimes the problem is that she's having a problem with the relationship that you might be able to work out if you at least know what it's about. I can easily see this going either way. Thoughts?

 

[Desdinova]

I just continue doing whatever it was that I was doing. She'll tell me when she's good and ready. If she wants to sit there and be pissy without wanting to talk about it, I'll let her sit in her piss while I go do something worthwhile.

 

[Miles Davis]

"Nothing" = "Something's wrong"

This is where I give her all the space she needs and go out and do something fun for myself. You can't associate yourself with her negative feelings... it'll kill you.

 

[johnny_chase]

lol, just get the hell out of the way, that's all i can say

 

[Don Ronny]

First things first...in order to see if something is wrong, give her a hug. If she hugs you back nothing is wrong, but if she gives you a half-assed hug, something is up!

As far as the confrontation goes, its all about your phrasing.

"What's wrong?" comes off weak

I prefer

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you just gonna keep moping around like a child?"

When she gets defensive (they always do) you stop her and say, "when you wanna talk about this like adults, I will be in the other room, okay?"

All of this is said in a non-malicious manner, in fact I found it is best to kill them with kindness when they get all funky. Remember that you are dealing with a woman, who is essentially an overgrown child on a perpetual search for her daddy!

 

[penkitten]

maybe some karate explosions went off making some electricity in all sorts of places, with lots of things splatting all over the place and an elephant wearing shoes came up and said embargo!

hahaha

nothing is wrong , no worries.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by penkitten
maybe some karate explosions went off making some electricity in all sorts of places, with lots of things splatting all over the place and an elephant wearing shoes came up and said embargo!

hahaha

nothing is wrong , no worries.

All right, let's keep it that way.

 

[MindOverMatter]

I usually say something along the lines of "look, something is obviously bothering you even tho you say it's nothing. you can either keep up with this silent treatment and I can ignore you back, or we can talk this out like adults."

 

[Don Ronny]

Awww, a lover's quarrel settled on SoSuave.

And they say romance is dead!

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Don Ronny
Awww, a lover's quarrel settled on SoSuave.

And they say romance is dead!

No quarrels here. Yet, anyway.

 

[phloyd]

Yep, the old "whats wrong? nothing" situation. I've had this happen to me before and I have no good answer.

Sometimes its the beginning of the end of a relationship and other times its nothing at all. What I do know is that when you are the cause of her problem, that is when she is the most reluctant to discuss it with you. You can usually tell when everything seems cool with everyone else she deals with but you're the only one getting bad vibes from her.

I think Don Ronny's reply was pretty good but sometimes this will get her to talk to you about it to the point of she says "you should just know". As if you should just be a great guy all the time without any input from her. Kinda like if you have to ask your boss for a raise because you feel like you've earned it and deserve it versus your boss just gives it to you without you asking. Its the same in a girls mind asking for your love. It doesn't mean anything if she has to ask. You should just be giving the right amount all the time.

Maybe its just a small communication problem that gets big over time? I'm not really sure. I am curious about this subject as well and I know it will come up again at some point.

Anyone else have any opinions about this dilemma? I for one would love to hear about how you dealt with it.

 

[penkitten]

there was never anything wrong!!

and i even said that when he asked the first time.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by penkitten
there was never anything wrong!!

and i even said that when he asked the first time.

See, penkitten isn't like other girls. Gotta get used to that.

Usually, when you say, "What's wrong?" or whatever...

"Nothing" = "A Whole Lot, You Son of a B*tch, But Damned If I Will Tell You"

Penkitten doesn't operate like that, which is why I'm a lucky guy.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
See, penkitten isn't like other girls. Gotta get used to that.

Usually, when you say, "What's wrong?" or whatever...

"Nothing" = "A Whole Lot, You Son of a B*tch, But Damned If I Will Tell You"

Penkitten doesn't operate like that, which is why I'm a lucky guy.

penkitten thinks nothing is wrong and says " nothing wrong"
penkitten thinks something is wrong = you wont hear the end of it hahaha

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by penkitten
penkitten thinks nothing is wrong and says " nothing wrong"
penkitten thinks something is wrong = you wont hear the end of it hahaha

Sounds ominous.

I'll make a note of it.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Any of you other dudes go through this? I think it's a pretty common sort of thing.

 

[Black Panther®]

happens a lot of times with my gurl.

Normally ill ask her whats wrong once, shell say nothing, they all say that when you first ask them though.

But normally with my gurl ill ask her a few times and shell end up telling me after a few times of me asking her.
Its like she wants to know if i really care about "whats wrong" .

 

[Don Ronny]

Bottom Line:

Women are all emotionally insane!

I mean, just look at what this one has to say for herself!

maybe some karate explosions went off making some electricity in all sorts of places, with lots of things splatting all over the place and an elephant wearing shoes came up and said embargo!

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Don Ronny
Bottom Line:

Women are all emotionally insane!

I mean, just look at what this one has to say for herself!

Made sense to me.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
Made sense to me.

haha