"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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The Value of Self-Reflection Through Journals

Director

Don Juan
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Self-Reflection is what brings most of us here. It's not just an initial step, though - it's something you should probably be doing frequently if you want to improve. A great method of self-reflection that is becoming routine for me is journaling, and I encourage all of you to try it out.

Before you head to bed at night, make it a habit to sit down with a pad of paper and a pen, or sit at your computer with your word processor opened up, and just type. Write as much or as little as you want, just make it consistent. Sometimes it'll take you a few sentences to really start writing from a place of honesty, and that's OK. Some journals will be mostly just a recounting of the days events, and it may not offer you anything insightful, but if you're really putting in effort, you'll end up with some journals now and then that will provide powerful insights to help you grow.

For example, last night I began to say my goodbyes to a dear friend who will be leaving in a few days. I have another, closer friend who will be leaving, too, and my next and final year of college is less than a week away. When I journaled last night, I managed to tap into an "emotional sweet spot" of sorts, and ended up with a couple of pages that gave me some pretty awesome insights into my situation, and helped me contextualize the growth and change that I'm beginning to experience. Journals can contextualize important events in your life, they are a great chronicle of your growth, and they can serve as "check-ups" so you can make sure that you're on the path that you want to be.

I've found that this is the purpose that more general self-reflection plays in my life as well. It provides context and a clear path to move forward. It allows me to answer questions I have about things that happen to me by tapping into my core beliefs, so that I can give a genuine answer that is mine rather than come up with an answer through external sources. Journaling has really helped me organize and clear up any self-reflective thinking I have. Give it a shot, and try to make it a habit. It's not just for pre-teen girls. You might be surprised with the really awesome stuff that comes out when you just sit down and write about your day and what you are currently experiencing.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Alle_Gory

Master Don Juan
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Should I be keeping such journals? I usually throw out most passages.
 

AuthenticAG

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I agree.

I've been keeping journals since 2004. It has had a huge impact on my life.

Especially when I found few pages worth of journaling I did in 2001. Then in 2004 I found it by accident, I completely forgot about it. Reading over it changed my life. I know exact day and time when I read it and decided that my life is changing right now. That is how profound that was on me. Since then I have been keeping journals.

Director is right. Consistency is key.
 

Darth

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I kept a journal in 6th grade (around the time puberty hit) and another one in 9th grade, chronicalling my obsession with one particular girl (which led me to this site).

I threw both of them away after writing them. Now I regret it. It would have been a great glimpse back at who I used to be.
 
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