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The Ultimate Vulnerability

Atom Smasher

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It occurs to me that the one huge vulnerability that keeps men stuck in Blue Pill Land is Idealization.

When all is said and done, and the relationship is a flaming wreckage, the dynamics can be reverse-engineered to show that the man was in love with the woman whom he wanted her to be, not whom she actually was.

When we are in a relationship, we are dealing with two entities. One is the actual woman, and the other is the idealized woman. Since men are the true hopeless romantics, they will usually allow the idealized version to eclipse the real version. When the real version acts up, in contrast to the idealized template he carries in his head and heart, a cognitive dissonance occurs that he is not fully aware of, and literal madness creeps in. He will doubt his sanity more and more until his own reactive behavior causes her to leave. He is left bewildered and broken. He is literally in shell shock, on top of the “drug” withdrawal he must now face. He does not understand that she checked out of the relationship months before and did her mourning while still with him. That is why women tend to bounce back so quickly after the breakup. They have already mourned.

The most important thing a man can do is to train himself in avoiding idealization. He must understand in his core that her actions supersede her words, and that her words are largely meaningless.

We men are experts at fixing, adjusting, and configuring. Naturally, when we sense the disparity between the real version and the idealized version, we regard this cognitive dissonance as an aberration that can be adjusted. It will be as simple as rotating a lens to the right spot in order to converge the two versions into one clear image. All we need to do is figure out how to turn the lens. It takes usually years to discover that the disparity between the real and the imagined never had a chance of being resolved.

Idealization kills and drives a man to madness. The greatest thing that a man can teach himself, when it comes to women, is how to avoid idealizing them.

As I see it, there is a distinction between pedestalizing women and idealizing them. Pedestalizing is placing them above you in worth and character. Idealizing is seeing them in an imagined, faultless state. When you idealize, you go mad because you feel there “must” be something wrong with you.

Learn to let go of idealizing. This begins with a shift in attitude. You need to judge every woman for her words and actions, and hold her responsible for both. I mean every single woman you come in contact with. Mothers, sisters, friends, acquaintences, girlfriends. Let them see that you are judging them. This is counterintuitive. Instead of repelling women, you will be attracting them.

Judging women and holding their feet to the fire has the odd but very useful side-effect of eliminating idealization. I don’t know precisely why that is yet, but it has gained me freedom, security and confidence.

There’s a lot of nuance in this judging, which we can further discuss here if you like. There is a way to judge while still being friendly, open, and gentlemanly. Dealing with women successfully always involves doing the counterintuitive thing.
 

zekko

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As I see it, there is a distinction between pedestalizing women and idealizing them. Pedestalizing is placing them above you in worth and character. Idealizing is seeing them in an imagined, faultless state.
I always say I don't believe in 10s. This goes along with that. There is no such thing as a perfect, faultless woman either. So you can't expect them to be.

Your comments on judging are interesting. I was thinking about how they compare with the PUA tactic of making sure the girl knows you are not judging her, because she does not want to be seen as a slvt. Of course, that tactic is specifically for getting her into bed. Like you say, there is some nuance involved, some balance.
 

RickTheToad

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This. The only guys I know that still idealize women are the ones haven't really experienced the Deep pain of losing someone you truly intended to marry, after which you become relatively numb to it all(but not that numb, I still fall in love etc but only with the understanding that this person is far from perfect).
Yes, that's the word. Numb. I actually start feeling it when the red flags come out and my gut says plan an exit. It's unfortunate, but this is life these days. Everything and everyone is disposable. Then, when you're 60 or 70 and alone, you look back and say, what did I accomplish in life? For most ladies, a couple of marriages, a couple of divorces, maybe some kids, but nothing lasting (aside from the kids). Maybe that's enough. For a man, it's a bit different. We, in general, want to make an impact. For the most part, the alphas who grab life by the balls do. Whether it be climbing up the corporate ladder, starting a successful business, running for political office, etc. Usually, a successful life and a successful relationship/family are not sanonomous with each other. Something has to give, and that is a shame.
 

samspade

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I guess I'm lucky because I never idealized to such an extreme degree. Partly because when I was in my 20s I had a hard time even getting into a relationship, due to poor game, which probably saved me some emotional anguish. Ironic.

I have noticed that I still "idealize" in a thin-slicing, short term way. Like I get to know a woman who's attractive and think, "bet she'd make a good wife/vessel for my sperm/mother." But my logical brain knows there are a lot of layers to that onion.

I've seen women get swept up in idealization, too. I've been the idealized. So it can cut both ways. I don't totally buy the "men are hopeless romantics / women are calculating players" dichotomy. A woman will idealize her man if he's the right man, and it's a good spot to be in if you're that guy. If that's where you've got her, and you love her, you have a little capital to work with in terms of making her feel exceptional without looking silly.

But the important thing to remember is they're human. A woman has more in common with a man than not. She eats, sleeps, and shyts. Another hairless ape. The idealization factor was great for (non-modern) art but doesn't serve the plebe who's got to keep the money rolling in.

God/nature made women's bodies and faces attractive to inspire our competitive side. Man went to the moon and back for christ's sake. But a funny thing happened on the way from hunting mammoths to going to the moon - the best men idealized the pursuit, not the prize.
 

zekko

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Evolutionary, men was responsible for his family and his woman, he often preferred to die in combat than to allow his family die or suffer
It's nice to see someone recognize this here. Usually, guys here only refer to men being evolved to swing from tree to tree banging every female they can see with a nice pair of buttocks, spreading their seed around and moving on to allow the beta cucks to raise their dominant offspring. But I've always argued that it is also instinctively ingrained in us to pair bond as well. Both strategies are within us at once. It's not just the "feminine imperative" that drives us to want to see our children thrive and succeed.

Being human allows us the brain power to choose between which approach, if any, that we want to use.
 

ubercat

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I've often thought of a lot of guys here seem to get stuck in that red pill rage phase. Yes women are tricky and the game never ends. But you can't expect woman to be feminine and accept leadership and then not provide that leadership and whinge and label them BPD when they monkey branch. rewatch Titanic they are not exactly known for going down with the ship.
 

highSpeed

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I've often thought of a lot of guys here seem to get stuck in that red pill rage phase. Yes women are tricky and the game never ends. But you can't expect woman to be feminine and accept leadership and then not provide that leadership and whinge and label them BPD when they monkey branch. rewatch Titanic they are not exactly known for going down with the ship.
You are right to a point but does the captain of a ship really want to constantly reaffirm his leadership to all of the people onboard every single day? He can't, even if he wanted to. There is simply not enough time in the day to constantly reinforce your power, domination and alpha status. There has to be some desire on the part of the lead to be lead. If they don't want to be lead, the moment your back is turned, they're off doing whatever the hell they want to anyway.
 

ubercat

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Sure but that's breaking their side of the deal. I assumed feminine and accepting of your leadership. If they ve renegged on that all bets are off. And a lot of times that is a failure in screening.. the signs were there the guy chose to ignore them
 

ubercat

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Not saying the market is great. Bit there r good regional markets and niches within the market
 

zekko

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I'm 33 which is too old for me to pretend I'm alpha PUA something. I'm pretty normal guy that wants to have family and take care of somebody eventually. It doesn't necessary mean that you will be betacuck.
I don't have any children, never really wanted any. But I respect fatherhood. I see nothing beta about wanting to have children and to be around to see that they are raised correctly and provided for. And I still believe a family environment is the best one to grow up in. To me that's a very high accomplishment. I know some guys on here will brag that they got girls pregnant and got away scott free, and never had to pay a dime. I guess that's one way to go about things, but for them to cast shade on the guys who want to be there for their kids, that's just asinine.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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It occurs to me that the one huge vulnerability that keeps men stuck in Blue Pill Land is Idealization.

There’s a lot of nuance in this judging, which we can further discuss here if you like. There is a way to judge while still being friendly, open, and gentlemanly. Dealing with women successfully always involves doing the counterintuitive thing.
+1

Great Post.

IMHO, the predisposition to blue pill is a by product embedded in the fabric of western society to maintain order. This is the status quo coupled with the single mother victimhood epidemic. Mothers raise boys to be beta cuck provider and more than not, actively disrespect the father and man of the house. The father is absent or is practically furniture.

I don't know what the solution is. I am actively pursuing the solution to the problem. I have seen enough from absurd exp in pickup. I am red pilled forged in the fire of getting baaaaaes, spinning plates, and chain gunning cold approach pickup. I know what mgtow is and have seen divorce and family court destroy men to the point, i will never dare partake in such a retarded biz venture.

There's a disconnect between actuality and what society pedals. If Christian, you see the cucky rubbish pedalled in society that even a stid like Russell Wilson adopts raisin another man's kid. While i agree, there must be a means to redemption for men and women. As of now, women have a get out of jail free card and men are demonised. Women are these special snowflakes until you find her porn vid online lulz

I don't think red pill rage is enough. Most men think its too far when in actuality, they haven't gone far enough. The black pill points out a truth that a lot of people don't want to acknowledge. The forever happily ever after is rubbish. If not for the wall, cratered SMV nor her inability to compete with hotter girls turning 18 everyday; women wouldn't ever change.


I began the journey blue pill. Similar to RooshV or Aaron Clarey, i am black pilled. Enjoy the decline. Pillage what you can. Hit on baeeeees, seek self knowledge, exploring consciousness, be the strongest version of yourself, pursue self-actualization.

If a man seeks to play house, is lookin to marry, 2.2 kids, and white picket fence, he is in for a disaster and born in the wrong time. The rmg guys were correct in their ascertaining that there is no quality women. There just women. Worse, they are brain washed by feminists, by career, by high kill count, children out of wedlock, don't need a man nor want his name, and they got their ig ass pics + solipsism of girl power and victimhood.

I am checked out. Smash or next. Troll skanks on sight the sec theybtalk playing house or white dresses.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Sure but that's breaking their side of the deal. I assumed feminine and accepting of your leadership. If they ve renegged on that all bets are off. And a lot of times that is a failure in screening.. the signs were there the guy chose to ignore them
Yes, more time then not, the dude failed to screen and disqualify. For example, top form SMV 18-23 is my target. Fallback is within 20s. I have no interest in old ladies or the wall.

RMG Dr Shawn T Smith suggested 2yr minimum to get through honey moon phase and see all her skeletons in the closet. Women are more socially savy than men and are great at being chameleons. You sift through the nonsense with time.
 

ubercat

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Yep I would agree two years is about be it. The guys who are more ltr focused I'm afraid you often have to trade off looks. Beautiful girls are self entitled. Of course there are exceptions but they really are unicorns and the demand for them is insane.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Yep I would agree two years is about be it. The guys who are more ltr focused I'm afraid you often have to trade off looks. Beautiful girls are self entitled. Of course there are exceptions but they really are unicorns and the demand for them is insane.
True however, women peak early. Men peak late. A dude and chick at 18 do not hold the same SMV. The same applies to a man and eoman 35+ in respect to SMV. The bloke at 18 cannot compete with the chick his age however, between 18-35, he can step his game up and go balls to the wall. Go through the fire.

At 30, its not even comparable. Even in my early or mid 20s, chicks I would pursue then versus now, and its comical. Chicks I would pursue then I view now as catch and release. Purely for sport. I am not even done nutting and my brains switching gears for #nextSet!

I agree. Women are extremely entitled especially if on top form SMV 18-23 and banging. The window of top form is short lived and women begin singing a different tune as the inevitable kicks off. It is a hilarious thing to witness and it is a fantastic way to make plans accordingly.

For every hot ***** who thinks her **** don't stink, there's hotter turning 18, 19 20 21 everyday. Barely legal popping off. The ig ass pics, sloot gonna sloot, girl power parade and free drinks has a expiration date.

In 2019, women are oblivious until its too late. Feminism is cheering women off the cliff. I am hearing a absurd amount of women not wanting kids due to what it will do to her body. There's a significant portion of damaged women with disgusting genes, pretentious narcissist, combative, and sheep following the rubbish pedalled in society without a single afterthought. The idea of said genes proliferating the gene pool is a terrifying thought.

No amount of game is going to fix that ticking time bomb.
 

Serenity

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Such a solid post! I've done this myself and thankfully I quickly learned what a massive mistake this can be. I've seen friends do it, recently one of my best friends. His girlfriend of several years suddenly realized the relationship wasn't for her, she needed a break and we all know what a break means... I honestly don't know what my friend saw in her, I didn't see what part of her ever cared much about anyone outside of herself. I'm pretty sure he was blind to it, he idealized her and didn't see the reality of her. It was subtle enough to easily be brushed off by many, but I noticed it as I often do.

I went into my current relationship being extremely critical. I've been looking for things that could break it, even small things that might develop into issues later. Thankfully I haven't found any such issue, but this approach to relationship was vastly different from before when I fell in love with a fantasy. I love my girlfriend, but this time around I was rigorously proving to myself it's a real thing and not an idealized fantasy.
 
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