The ULTIMATE sh!t test

[bigjohnson]

I'm not making excuses.......you are complaining about a behavior that is natural to women. This isn't a by-product of feminism. This isn't some "agenda" women have against men.

I believe you are both right and wrong in this. It IS a natural female thing to do. It's also promoted by feminists and western society, and I believe this is where a tiny bit often gets turned into an unendurable deluge.

Like salt, a little can keep things interesting and a lot will kill you.

 

[DavenJuan]

I still got to say a woman who tests long into a LTR or marriage is either the type that will soon be leaving you or is just not a good woman. I mean I can see minor tests occassionally, but if a woman keeps testing you then that means she has some doubts and you don't have full control over her and don't have her interest and commitment where it should be.

Maybe are definitions of testing vary. Women will be women the slightly naggy, illiogical creatures that they are. But if she's really pushing your buttons with tests-tests are pass or fail-long into a relationship then I see it as a red flag.

i have to disagree with this...

these tests are completely illogical, unpredictable, and most of the time done unconcsiously.

its not like women say "hey, when my man comes home today, im gonna give him a hard time about not picking up the paper in front of the yard on his way in" i think the following scenerio plays out more like this...

"hey, im not gonna pick up the paper just to see IF he does..assuming he doesnt im gonna be a bit upset and let him know how lazy he is"

to me this is completely an illogical approach to anything, however it is what it is. women dont do these things in a conscious effort to "test" us on how we handle THEM, however its more of a "test" that WE need to know how to handle ourselves.

Her perception on how EVERYTHING we handle plays a part in the relationship

 

[bigjohnson]

these tests are completely illogical, unpredictable, and most of the time done unconcsiously.

So what? They're still inappropriate and should be kept under control by cultivation of good habits.

 

[jophil28]

I still got to say a woman who tests long into a LTR or marriage is either the type that will soon be leaving you or is just not a good woman...........
........ But if she's really pushing your buttons with tests-tests are pass or fail-long into a relationship then I see it as a red flag.

This is all true. There are NO legitimate reasons for women to continue to "test" well into an LTR..

THere is a common belief on this forum (and in the outside world) that women test us our whole life and that "testing" is therefore a female "quirk" that we need to just accept or tolerate .
No gentlemen,. "testing" in an established relationship is POWER SEEKING or POSITIONALISM on her part. She is trying to have you fail some of these tests so that she can charge you with a misdemeanor. THis puts you " in the wrong" and she can then assume the role of the
self-righteous one. Sometimes this scam is called "positionalism". It is driven by a need in HER to be above or better than the guy by showing him up to be flawed or 'in the wrong.'
Cops do this stuff all the time. Have you ever been written up by the HIghway Patrol for rolling down a long hill because your car exceeded the posted limit. The Patrol Car was skillfully hidden behind a billbboard with the officers pointing radar guns out of the bushes at the traffic rolling down the slope. THis is an ambush.
Women sometimes also set us up to fail by setting up these ambushes that are commonly called "tests". Why do they do this? So that (in their mind) they can assume their rightful position as the "righteous one" by making you the "wrong" one..
THis tactic is nasty and hostile and need to be stamped out by us when it is in play. It has NO place in an LTR or a marriage.
YOu might expect the local PD to do set up traps and ambushes like this BUT there is NO place and NO justification for a woman to ever pull this stuff inside a commited relationship.

 

[jophil28]

i have to disagree with this...

these tests are completely illogical, unpredictable, and most of the time done unconcsiously.

So what are you suggesting ? THat her emotional ambushes are OK " That we just play along with her games of "hoop jumping" or accept her attempts to trap us ? Not this rooster.
I want a good woman who is a complement and a supplement to my life - not some neurotic idiot who pulls these stupid highschool power trips.

 

[ketostix]

i have to disagree with this...

these tests are completely illogical, unpredictable, and most of the time done unconcsiously.

its not like women say "hey, when my man comes home today, im gonna give him a hard time about not picking up the paper in front of the yard on his way in" i think the following scenerio plays out more like this...

"hey, im not gonna pick up the paper just to see IF he does..assuming he doesnt im gonna be a bit upset and let him know how lazy he is"

to me this is completely an illogical approach to anything, however it is what it is. women dont do these things in a conscious effort to "test" us on how we handle THEM, however its more of a "test" that WE need to know how to handle ourselves.

Her perception on how EVERYTHING we handle plays a part in the relationship

Regardless of the logicalness or whether or not tests are conscious or unconscious or whether tests are ambushes (I think they are) and if women should test at all is not the point. A woman testing is screening, she has doubt. If a woman chose to be in a LTR, let alone a marriage, and she continues to test she's either having doubts and looking to get out or is trying to manipulate her guy. It's a red flag either way.

 

[jophil28]

Regardless of the logicalness or whether or not tests are conscious or unconscious or whether tests are ambushes (I think they are) and if women should test at all is not the point. A woman testing is screening, she has doubt. If a woman chose to be in a LTR, let alone a marriage, and she continues to test she's either having doubts and looking to get out or is trying to manipulate her guy. It's a red flag either way.

I agree ...So to sum up , "testing" is a red flag . I would go one step further and say that testing is tiring ,adversarial and hostile and it wrecks intimacy because it destroy confidence, trust and GOODWILL. . If she continues to do this stuff after two warnings(say) then you have a real good reason to dump her a$$..

There was a recent thread on LS about "testing" by womem and the poster (a guy) was angry that he was being tested regularly and he was pissed that she frequently trumped up the hoop jumping stuff. EVERY female who replied DENIED ever testing men. Go figure?
Another flashing neon sign that says. " Women tell lies " ??

 

[ketostix]

EVERY female who replied DENIED ever testing men. Go figure?
Another flashing neon sign that says. " Women tell lies " ??

I think it's also an admission that women themselves know testing is wrong.

 

[jophil28]

I think it's also an admission that women themselves know testing is wrong.

Exactly !

 

[DavenJuan]

Regardless of the logicalness or whether or not tests are conscious or unconscious or whether tests are ambushes (I think they are) and if women should test at all is not the point. A woman testing is screening, she has doubt. If a woman chose to be in a LTR, let alone a marriage, and she continues to test she's either having doubts and looking to get out or is trying to manipulate her guy. It's a red flag either way.

I am not saying that these sh!t tests (which by the way i agree are manipulating, ambushing, and everything else but positive) are something we have to or even need to but up with.. To each his own. Based on other things going on with the paticular relationship we decide on whether or not we want to put up with it

What i am saying is that these tests exsist and i personally believe that they NEVER go away. Maybe the degree at which these tests are presented to us or the amount of tests start to dwindle over time, but they still live on...always.

oh how nice would it be to not have to worry or concern ourselves with such Medieocracy.

I think we would be living a fallacy to believe that at some point in a LTR or marriage that these will just immediately stop one day. As if your women will one day just discontinue her "reign for power". If we convince ourselves of this then i believe this is the point when we become complacent. we begin to fail these tests and she has won.

like Jophil said..its like the patrol officer. you go down that same hill and you know that patrol car is behind the billboard everytime.. so you are careful. but after awhile you see that the car isnt there for a few months..you become complacent and get "comfortable". the next time you go down that hill you see in your rearview mirror those blue and reds.. you didnt mean to speed, you didnt even know you were speeding, you were so busy doing everything else you just coasted and went over the speed limit. well guess what, whether or not the patrol car was there, speeding is speeding

I agree with Jophil when he said that these tests are simply to maintain the control and power in the relationship. so that the women can claim to be the righteous ones. Are their efforts and attempts in which way the try to achieve this immature.? we may agree.. however is it immature for them to try to achieve this none the less..? not really