The ULTIMATE sh!t test

[edger]

Edger, IMO, taking cheap shots at someone's wife based upon ONE picture you saw of her is ignorant and lacks class.

And that's why I initially said, "I don't think she's that hot(yet that was also only one picture)". I stated that I only seen one picture, implying that one picture doesn't do a person any justice.

And I wasn't trying to be an a$$hole, or diss him or his wife, as you seem to be under that impression..I was just stating my opinion in an honest amiable way as we always do on the forum. Like I said, it's nothing personal.

 

[bigjohnson]

By that time, the true personality of whether a guy is a take charge guy or not comes out.

Unless you've actually been married over a decade or so I'd say you have no idea WTF you're talking about. Just being honest, don't take it as an attack.

 

[edger]

Unless you've actually been married over a decade or so I'd say you have no idea WTF you're talking about. Just being honest, don't take it as an attack.

I may not have ever been married, but I do know from life experience that people's true personalities leak out within a short period of time of being together as either girlfriend-boyfriend, or friends. And I'll say it's usually between 3-6 months, 6 months to a year, or whenever the person gets comfortable with the other person. So, it doesn't have to do with one having to be married to know.

 

[bigjohnson]

So, it doesn't have to do with one having to be married to know.

Allow me to rephrase.

Unless you've signed a legal contract entitling a woman to 50% of your material possessions and thereafter been in a committed monogamous relationship with said woman for at least a decade you're talking out your àss.

You are correct that marriage per se is probably not required.



But then again, most guys who haven't been are just like you and think they know. *shrug*

 

[LovelyLady]

... but reality is that even the right woman will push the boundaries, and it is up to YOU to be the right man to keep it all in check.

LOL This is so true. But even when married or LTR, the tests are not to see you screw up/trip you up.

When we "push" on you , it's to feel your strength.

You are right that becoming lazy about the tests is not good, but also, to take them too seriously is dangerous.

Love is FUN. Many of you know how to physically grab a woman and drag her back to your caves - laughing the whole way - the mental/situational tests are just as much fun when the two of you are compatable.

 

[bigjohnson]

Many of you know how to physically grab a woman and drag her back to your caves - laughing the whole way - the mental/situational tests are just as much fun when the two of you are compatable.

Let's see how fun it is when you get dragged by your hair EVERYWHERE.

Point being you are right AND a little is plenty. Most western women are not pushing to feelthe fun and strength once in a while, they are pushing because their girlfriends or other outside influences have put it into her head that she should have [insert western ideal] and have it now.

 

[Interceptor]

Great insight , everyone. ANd you too, Lovely.
One thing that your post made me thik about is that a woman's "test" is sometimes a little irritating to Men. Some tests are actually annoying to Men too, let's be real here...

You bring up a good point about "compatibility" and "Love being FUN". These are GREAT Ideals for us to keep in mind.
However, back to my thought on your post.

Men, in a way, feel like they go to "Battle" every day.
When we get up and get ready to got owork, we feel like we're going off to "War".
In some degree or another...
Now, after dealing with the challenges of our day to day life while we are Away from Home, when we come bakc...
Do you think Men welcme the idea of being "tested" or "challenged" by their Woman?
Let's be honest here.
Most men do not want to "deal" with it.
The motto, "A man's Home is his Castle" rings true for many men for a reason.

We come home to ESCAPE from the Day to Day.
We come home to recuperate, recharge, and relax.
To get oursleves back together to fight another day.
Now, some of you don't necessarily view your lives with the terms I have used. ex "Fight", "Battle","War". etc.
But to an extent, ALL of you resonate with this terminology, with this viewpoint of your lives.
If you are a Man on a mission, you will identify with this to a greater degree than others.

So, having said that, my point is, that women need to know that sometimes their test, which may or may NOT be in "fun" as you so sweetly suggested (which is a great notion, BTW) may actually HINDER a couple's intimacy.
Their connection.
Why?
Because the guy starts feeling like he can't "catch a break", even when he comes home.

You realize we're getting into some deep territory in here, right? We don't always talk about these dynamics, do we?
No. we don't.
So, the point is, sometimes Men just want to enjoy their woman's company. Their nurtring, sweet, loving, and supportive side. And these "tests" even if the woman thinks or feels it is fun, may not be the right way to go IMO.
Now, you bring up the point that in theroy and practice, a good woman, will not test to see her man trip or fall. As if to give her more ammuniton to use against the poor guy.

But, if the guy has the drudgery day in and day out, it doesn't seem to be so beneficial for a woman to keep pushing on his boundaries..
especially when the man has come home to a day of dealing with people and events, circumstances that have been testing him all day long.

Now, a true, strong, mature and masculine man has very, very strong boundaries, not WALLS, but boundaries. He has confidence, and is full of self esteem. He has plenty to GIVE.
We strive to be that guy, because we will be in a better place to deal with ALL challenges and Tests.Just somethign to think about.....

This is just something I thought about, after reading your reply.

 

[Interceptor]

Let's see how fun it is when you get dragged by your hair EVERYWHERE.

Point being you are right AND a little is plenty. Most western women are not pushing to feel the fun and strength once in a while, they are pushing because their girlfriends or other outside influences have put it into her head that she should have [insert western ideal] and have it now.

Good point, Big J.
But she also has a point when she mentions "compatibility".

Let's be honest here, if all who are on this forum were in an LTR with a fantastic "comaptibile" woman, alot of us would not be on this forum.
Truth.
I think the majority have had our fill of women we got invoved with who were not, in the end, compatible for us. And some of us, were not our "best Selves" at the time.

We all NEED to make SURE we KNOW what "compatible" IS.


Just something to think about.

 

[ketostix]

Any woman, let alone a "mature" one, who continuously "tests" her man even while in a relationship is synonmous with a woman who's never satisfied and never truely submissive. Not to mention she's being basically a nag and immature and probably has some screws loose.

 

[bigjohnson]

Let's be honest here, if all who are on this forum were in an LTR with a fantastic "comaptibile" woman, alot of us would not be on this forum.

Truth.

I think the majority have had our fill of women we got invoved with who were not, in the end, compatible for us. And some of us, were not our "best Selves" at the time.

I agree completely.

Sadly Western Culture plays on both sides of the street. It teaches men to get in touch with their feminine side and other BS notions while teaching women to be unladylike. The result is a mess.

If the constant testing were as marvellous a thing as some seem to think then there is basically no reason our local expert DJs wouldn't be driving down the RT path and making little str8ups and tiny interceptors (and so on) with their wives of 10+ years.

The fact is that most of the guys here have come to the realization that not only were THEIR behaviors broken but they were also (and will still be) mostly dealing with women who have also been damaged by growing up in our society.

If one ever manages to FIND a woman who has seen the light (a few HERE seem to have) then that is a rare and wonderful thing, but it's the exception and not the rule in the western world in general.

 

[STR8UP]

Any woman, let alone a "mature" one, who continuously "tests" her man even while in a relationship is synonmous with a woman who's never satisfied and never truely submissive. Not to mention she's being basically a nag and immature and probably has some screws loose.

Very true, however, it goes right back to the fact that a lot of the time it isn't even really a "test", it's just her JUDGING you based upon how you react to certain situations.

For instance lets say a car dealership made promises they didn't keep and you have to go back to resolve the problem. She didn't create a test, but you are issued a "grade" on your performance nonetheless.

A man who consistently performs well under pressure stands a better chance of being able to keep his relationship running smoothly.

 

[Interceptor]

Sadly Western Culture plays on both sides of the street. It teaches men to get in touch with their feminine side and other BS notions while teaching women to be unladylike. The result is a mess.

BigJ,

you hit it right on the nail.
Here's the thing....

This notion , that MEN NEED to be more in touch with their Femenine side is bad advice.

This notion, that Women NEED to be more in touch with their Masculine is bad advice.


Why?

Because , most Males nowadays, ARE NOT EVEN IN TOUCH WITH THEIR MASCULINE SIDES.

They are ALREADY OVERLOADED with their FEMENINE Side.


What They NEED IS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO BE A MAN.


They need to be in touch with their MASCULINE SIDE, they don't NEED MORE ESTROGEN.

Likewise, for our female population. The LAST thing they need to do is be more butch. I mean really..c'mon..........



This whole role reversal crap is sending bad models to follow. Result, the crap you see happening.
Disenfranchised males and females, who don't know what they want.....and don't even know who the Hell they are.

And they want Males, who have never even UNDERSTOOD Masculinity , to be more Femenine...

Insanity.

 

[Interceptor]

Did anyone realize that there is an upswing in SUICIDES by Young Males lately?

In age brackets 18 to 25????!!


What could possibly BE THE CULPRIT???!!!!!!!!!

 

[jophil28]

When we "push" on you , it's to feel your strength.

Do you think that it is FUN for a man being "pushed on" by own life partner so the she can "FEEL" whatever she wants at that moment? You appear to think that this is legititmate -it is NOT . Setting up some faked-up drama to get some hoped for response from him to make your FEEL protected is adolescent and pathetic. Every one of these so-called tests is energy draining and relationship diminishing. Your man is not some performing circus animal who is sent to be in your life to pander to your emotional insecurities, HE is your partner and this treatment is appalling.
These "tests"( power scams more likely) are counter productive and unethical to say the least. This is how women gradually f**k up their marriages.
Once again we are learning, right here, about how selfish women are.
Yep! it is all about YOU ain't it honey!

 

[jophil28]

Any woman, let alone a "mature" one, who continuously "tests" her man even while in a relationship is synonmous with a woman who's never satisfied and never truely submissive. Not to mention she's being basically a nag and immature and probably has some screws loose.

Bingo !

The ONLY types of 'tests" which we could call 'legititimate' are part of a filtering and evaluative process that young unmarried women commonly set up to select or discard a suitable husband and father for her children.

All other 'tests' are usually trumped up dramatics designed to covertly scavenger power and control over a man.

I agree with the poster who comdemned women who continue to test men inside an LTR or a marriage. Every one of these tests puts a scratch on a guys soul and pushes him one yard closer to having an affair or visiting his divorce lawyer.

 

[STR8UP]

I'm gonna take the other side here somewhat and say that I think that a LITTLE testing is natural and serves a purpose.

If a woman does actively test you from time to time I don't see anything wrong with that. She's only making sure she is still investing wisely.

It's when it becomes excessive, with malicious intent (TRYING to set you up for a fall), or when it is used to try to GAIN power that it's a serious issue.

 

[Interceptor]

To tell you the truth, I think it's normal for women to test. And honestly, I don't think Lovely Lady was expressing her view the way we normally view a "test".
It's really just a woman thing. They want to know that you're there, that you're emotionally available as well. They want to kow that you're COMMITED too.
A woman doesn't want to feel lonely in a relationship. Often she may get concerned if you're not "really there". So they need that reassurance form their Men.

Anyway, I agree with Str8up.

 

[jophil28]

She's only making sure she is still investing wisely.

It's when it becomes excessive, with malicious intent (TRYING to set you up for a fall), or when it is used to try to GAIN power that it's a serious issue.

Not only is it a serious issue - it indicates a Serious character defect in the woman.

Testing within an established LTR is NOT OK because there is an automatic adversial element in the process. And this is where western women f**k up by regarding their men as potential wrongdoers ,cheaters, abandoners and 'bad guys' AFTER they enter into a marriage with the guy.
Men are seen as some kind of 'problem' to be managed and manipulated and exploited for HER benefit.

"She is only making sure that she is still investing wisely " ?? WTF are you thinking STR8 ? Quit making excuses for this crap in women....Her LTR or marriage is not some stock portfolio in which she has risked a substantial amount of money . If we are talking marriage then we are talking about a commitment that she has made to HIM to cherish and honor him as a HUMAN being .Itis morally and ethically indefensible to subject a man to these 'tests' AFTER she has decided to make him her life partner or even an LTR.
Continued "testing" after a commitment is cruel and anti-marriage . IT is draining and exhausting and reduces the relationship to a series of mindgames and hoop jumping concocted by a woman for some quick emotional benefit for her.

Testing is ANTI-marriage - it is anti -happiness and destructive and selfish.
TEsting is NOT some cute and benign girly process. It is predicated on a belief that the one being tested is NOT OK and the objective of test is designed to reveal the shortcomings . Testing in this context is hostile and drives a wedge into the relationship.
Women would be much better served by putting the same energy into changing their own behavior into that which enhances and promotes connectedness , closeness and emotional well being between the two parties .

 

[STR8UP]

Testing within an established LTR is NOT OK because there is an automatic adversial element in the process. And this is where western women f**k up by regarding their men as potential wrongdoers ,cheaters, abandoners and 'bad guys' AFTER they enter into a marriage with the guy.
Men are seen as some kind of 'problem' to be managed and manipulated and exploited for HER benefit.

ANY relationship is adversarial in the sense that we are all selfish creatures, at least to the point of ensuring our own survival and the continuation of our species.

ANYONE who closes their eyes as soon as they enter a relationship deserves to get fukked. I don't know about you, but I don't care how well I THINK I know someone, I'm still going to pay attention to their actions and reactions to assess whether or not I'm going in the right direction.

With women it's different in they have a greater responsibility in the process of reproduction. The cost of carrying dead weight is significantly higher for a woman, in that sense, and as such women need a mechanism that allows them to evaluate their mate from time to time. It's only if it becomes excessive that there should be an issue.

"She is only making sure that she is still investing wisely " ?? WTF are you thinking STR8 ? Quit making excuses for this crap in women....Her LTR or marriage is not some stock portfolio in which she has risked a substantial amount of money .

See above.

I'm not making excuses.......you are complaining about a behavior that is natural to women. This isn't a by-product of feminism. This isn't some "agenda" women have against men.

If we are talking marriage then we are talking about a commitment that she has made to HIM to cherish and honor him as a HUMAN being .Itis morally and ethically indefensible to subject a man to these 'tests' AFTER she has decided to make him her life partner or even an LTR.

So what you are saying is essentially that a woman should make damn sure she chooses wisely when it comes to selecting a husband, which I agree with. However, PEOPLE CHANGE. In addition to that, you never REALLY know someone. By your logic we should all be forced to live with a decision even if circumstances change or if we made a mistake.

 

[ketostix]

I still got to say a woman who tests long into a LTR or marriage is either the type that will soon be leaving you or is just not a good woman. I mean I can see minor tests occassionally, but if a woman keeps testing you then that means she has some doubts and you don't have full control over her and don't have her interest and commitment where it should be.

Maybe are definitions of testing vary. Women will be women the slightly naggy, illiogical creatures that they are. But if she's really pushing your buttons with tests-tests are pass or fail-long into a relationship then I see it as a red flag.