The Ultimate Break-up Guide...

[rosner]

My thoughts exactly

oops double post. love internet

 

[betheman]

The Ultimate Break Up Guide…

Intro
Post-Breakup – I want her back, now!
When I first broke up with my girlfriend, almost immediately after I felt sick. Not that cold sick, but pure sick in the pit of my stomach. Letting go of something you loved is extremely stressing and emotionally straining no matter what, but there is one thing you must stick by. I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT GO BACK TO HER. Once it’s over, it is over. The few days after a breakup you will feel extreme loss and have no-where to place your feelings, consequently feeling like you need her back. It’s only natural because you’ve lost a part of you, but you mustn’t crawl back.

Do not say you will change
Do not say it was a mistake
Do not say it was your fault

You know why I know this? Because I did it, the day after breaking up I felt so much loss I crawled back to her and asked to get back together, I begged…it was pathetic. The lowest point in my life and I still regret it heavily to this day. So please if you take no other advice here, just take this for your own sake. Do not let her win, do not crawl back .

great post and a must read for anyone in or considering a relationship, the part Ive quoted is particularly pertinent imo as I too have been there done that and its just as Sir Auron described on the tin, this is very very damaging, losing a loved one is bad, try the crawling back and you basically hand your arse on a plate with your dignity and self esteem as Hors Douvres

 

[Trakla]

I had many problems when i broke up with my first gf.I didn't even know what to say.When i broke up with my second gf it was rely easy.I didn't text her , call and i didn't wait here after school.I said i got some other things to do and after a weak i told here we can't continue anymore like this and we have to break up.
Later she send me a letter telling me that she loves me but I didn't response to her.That was rely sh*** what i did.She doesn't speak to me anymore...

 

[European-DJ]

..

Thumbs up for this post!

 

[VoxPotentia]

If she meant enough to you, you only need one break up to show you your mistakes...

 

[VincentNew]

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

 

[VinnyFromGermany]

Thumbs up for this post!

A joke is a very serious thing.

 

[TheVirtualMind]

Moved to The Archive for preservation.

 

[betheman]

this f cucking thread is another one of those....'where was this sh!t when I needed it' threads.
very good nonetheless and truth!

 

[MedDude]

I'm currently going through a break-up from a nearly two year relationship and this post has been gold for me. I cannot recommend the advice given here enough.

 

[r1971]

Glad to be here....

Hi Gents,
Glad to have found this place...
Dating my girlfriend for 1yr 4 months. Both 40 yrs old. She has two young boys and I have one. Her past showed cheating by her ex husband (the boys' dad), which left her with trust issues and not wanting to be or feel controlled.

For the first year, I had needy clingy issues that clashed with her Controlling fears, and I told her I didnt like her seeing her friends when we had such limited alone time. Something snapped in me and I finally realized I was doing this and saw her pull away. So...I stopped and she saw the difference without me saying anything to her about my change. However, we argued a lot, and whenever we did, if I wanted it my way for once, I was accused of controlling her....

Long story short, I moved out last month after major arguments over stuff that was inconsiderate (not cheating)....but it spiraled. There was a mix up and I changed her to It's complicated on FB, and she changed her to Single...tit for tat.

I laid low after I left as I was furious still, but she kept hounding me as to where we stand, etc. I truly am in love with her, so I slowly got back into a groove with her. But my big issue was she would say she loves me, wants me as a huge part of her life with the boys and she loves me more thank anything. But...it was sizzle...I wanted steak. I wanted to see action from her....you know....Don't listen to her words, Watch her Actions !!!

So last weekend, she went out with her girlfriends, and she called me from the place and told me to meet her with my friends, which was cool....I said we'll see, and to ring me when she gets in and I should be back by then and I'll pop over, and added something funny to my msg to her. She just wrote LOL...I rephrased it and she said LOL. Didn't hear from her, and didn't mention it....but she felt I was not pleased.

New guy pops up on her FB page Monday and puts smiley faces, starts liking all her pictures, and likes all her pics from Sat night with her friends...ODD...but I play it cool.

However, during the week, as she pushed me with more loving words and such, I spoke about Actions. Of course, I made up a song as an LOL to tease her about the new guy, "So and So and Girflfriend, sitting in a tree" and wrote lol.....she said he's old, fat, and is the bus driver. HMMMM....

Well, the action I realized would put us in the Public eye and MUTUALLY commit ourself in this digital age, is to put ourselves on our PUBLIC FB pages as In a Relationship, which brings us to yestererday. She said if we know it on our hearts, why do we have to do that again, and she does not want to keep adding it and removing it, especially after our rocky month or so...

However, I pressed on and of course, was labeled controlling, however, I offered to change mine FIRST, and she would right after. She could not do it. I told her if she cannot mutually commit, this is not a good thing and we had choice words.

A few mins later, I realized I went overboard, and wrote her that I feel strongly about this, but I could have phrased it differently. We continued on talking via E-mail and normal talk ensued...she asked when and if she will see me this weekend, etc....and I was refreshing her page, and right there.....was a profile picture of JUST her....the first time since we began dating. When she changed from couple pic to her kids, I swallowed it, and she asked if I liked the pic, and that "at least it wasn't a pic of just her alone"...

I wrote I saw something disgusting and I gotta go. She asked, "Was it my profile pic" and I didn't reply. She has been texting me all day huge texts, but she wants to fix us and try us again and does not want to see anyone else and her life is with me....but she will not budge on the FB Status, which may seem minimal to most, but considering we MET on Facebook and we had that status up there for a long time, bells are going off that something fishy is going on, or she loves me, but deep down, something is off as reflected in her actions (or in-actions !!).

She texted me a few hours ago when I told her we were done because she saw I was not going to give in on this one, and told me she told me I broke up with her and an expletive about it. BUT, I wrote back saying she broke up with me by not wanting to recommit at our age and our long history. Hey, I love her to death, but I need to see MORE than words...in light of the fishy stuff, as well....she needed to know her INACTION ended us.... So, the texting continued a little while longer....

My last text 3 hours ago was for her to "not minimize the importance of this to me", and I didn't like the way she was dismissing something important to me ONCE AGAIN. I ended with, "If your answer is NO, then very simply, my answer is NO"....

AND THE TEXTS FROM HER STOPPED........

And the NO CONTACT begins....I've had practice the past month anyway with that with her.

So....two things:
1. Guys, was I wrong? I know FB status is BS Stuff, but in the context of how we met and how we both use it daily and EVERYONE we each know is on it (plus the odd coincidence)??, and

2. Did I TOAST this relationship by ending it for this, and will she call me ?


Thanks SO much !!
R

 

[rhythmic]

^ Hard times, you did the right thing though. You're gonna see her one last time, give her the £93, be polite and positive, then do proper NC. You'll feel better afterwards.

 

[prenup1]

I never go back after breaking up......