The ULTIMATE AFC RANT !!!!!

[eyedogg]

Hey Fellow DJ's

I ran into this posting today in the Rants & Raves section of Craig's List. I could not believe what I read...

This poor sucker is basically crying his lil AFC heart out for what sounds like a lil hor...

I would love to hear your insight on this post, breaking it down in "quotes/repsonse" format that is highly used.

Here it is:

You.

You are the ultimate enigma, this is directed at someone specifically.

Now, I'm not Johnny Depp and I don't have fantastic stories of how I robbed a bank or climbed some mountain in Asia, but I'm not a waste of life boring ass corporate shmuck who talks about nothing but himself. Or the roid raged idiot who thinks the world wants to learn how to build up their triceps. Seriously, I keep reading **** and hearing **** from you about how "people don't like me, they don't care, blah blah" and yet you continue to spend all of your time with the quintessential "frat guy" because he's fun and interesting. Hmm... let me see.... "I can drink 30 beers in an hour.... nice tits.... want to go to my dirty as **** room and let me play with you..... lets play more beer pong.... etc"


Let me tell you, he sounds like a real winner. So yea, sit there and complain about how "no one really cares about me, they all just want to get in my pants, they hang out with me until they find something better to do then drop me like a bad habit" for ****s sake!@!! what is wrong with you? Seriously, you sit there and ***** about how you hate the, "get drunk with morons, play drinking games with them, try to avoid date rape" lifestyle and then where are you when I call? Up at a ****ing frat house hanging with these so called "bogus and shallow" friends that care nothing for you except your smoking hot body...

So you want to be popular and have friends for once, then try looking in the right places for those sorts of things, not the "full of drunks" frat house.

you want real friends go earn them, they aren't going to fall out of the ****ing sky. You think you, a sexy 19 yr old, is going to find long lasting meaningful friendships from the same frat house they filmed "Frat **** Fest 4" in then you've got more troubles than I thought.

Also, don't sit there and complain about how, "all men want is sex" because its not, just because we will make a move does not mean we want to **** you. THere is this thing called "being affectionate" to show some one that maybe you like them and are attracted to them that men sometimes use to illustrate their attraction to you. Sorry next time I'll just assume you know that I'm interested in doing something more than going to lunch.

If you want a gay friend to hang out with, go find one. I'm tired of being the shoulder to cry on and then when I want something, like maybe to just go for a walk with you, its "oh Katie called and wants to go to dinner, maybe some other time" But Katie ditches you to go **** some frat guy, where do you go? "God she just doesn't appreciate me and i don't feel like she even likes me"

****.

Figure out what you ****ing want from me. Stop saying "I love you, I want to be with you, blah blah" and then NEVER ****ing talking to me until you either 1) have nothing (i mean zero) else to do 2) want sex for the one time in three months because you're wither finally horny or you can't get laid elsewhere or 3) I finally tell you that I've had enough and I'm not taking this ****.

Until you get it and realize how good you had it with me (i'm a nice guy, honest, just sometimes finishing last for the 100th time will piss you off.) and how painful it is to watch you go down such a fruitless path, please just leave me the **** alone. I'm not going to try to contact you or talk with you anything. You want something come to me for a change. I'm worth a **** too you know. I'm a decent ****ing catch. So get over yourself and figure it out. At this point I don't even think I could see you again just because you have become such a shallow colossal *****. I know that my old friend is lurking somewhere behind that "sorority girl" facade but god dammit I don't like the sorority girl, I liked YOU! and when you realize that someday you have to stop bull****ting people, you might make some genuine friends, like me!

 

[KontrollerX]

Oh man that is painful to read.

Wish we could give that guy the link to this site.

 

[Kev07]

:crackup:

 

[jt the azn]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gut thinks everything should come his way... LOL!!! Real men go for what they want

 

[Soyoushave]

LOL

I actually laughed when I read this...

I do think that the "I will date your mom and have sex with her" approach works better to get even with a girl like that

 

[Serialized3]

This guy actually expects a 19 year old american girl to have her sh!t together? :crackup:

 

[bigjohnson]

He's just well on his way to figuring it out.

I finally tell you that I've had enough and I'm not taking this ****.

Maybe. Funny how it takes a good kick in the 'nads to wake some people up - I know it did me.

 

[Serialized3]

Ok, I'll do some play-by-play comedy here. I'm feeling lucid.

You.

You are the ultimate enigma, this is directed at someone specifically.

Therefore, I'm posting this anonymously on the internet because I'm actually a big sissy. So take THAT!!!

Now, I'm not Johnny Depp and I don't have fantastic stories of how I robbed a bank or climbed some mountain in Asia, but I'm not a waste of life boring ass corporate shmuck who talks about nothing but himself. Or the roid raged idiot who thinks the world wants to learn how to build up their triceps. Seriously, I keep reading **** and hearing **** from you about how "people don't like me, they don't care, blah blah" and yet you continue to spend all of your time with the quintessential "frat guy" because he's fun and interesting. Hmm... let me see.... "I can drink 30 beers in an hour.... nice tits.... want to go to my dirty as **** room and let me play with you..... lets play more beer pong.... etc"

I'm ugly, boring and generally unattractive in all senses of the word. But I'm pretty sure that I'm better than these guys, and it makes me feel like a big man to put them down. (I'm actually jealous because I can only score with girls in imaginationland)

Let me tell you, he sounds like a real winner. So yea, sit there and complain about how "no one really cares about me, they all just want to get in my pants, they hang out with me until they find something better to do then drop me like a bad habit" for ****s sake!@!! what is wrong with you? Seriously, you sit there and ***** about how you hate the, "get drunk with morons, play drinking games with them, try to avoid date rape" lifestyle and then where are you when I call? Up at a ****ing frat house hanging with these so called "bogus and shallow" friends that care nothing for you except your smoking hot body...

I too am a chump that only admires you for your hot body. But it's different between me and you. I'm different than all those other guys. I admire your beauty on a totally different level than they do. I read Kirkegaard and listen to Weezer, and my mom says I'm handsome. Why can't you validate me?

Also, I love you, but only fvcking idiots say "bogus" anymore. What, are you on an excellent adventure with Bill and Ted. Are they tag-teaming you? How come you don't like me as much as them?

So you want to be popular and have friends for once, then try looking in the right places for those sorts of things, not the "full of drunks" frat house.

you want real friends go earn them, they aren't going to fall out of the ****ing sky. You think you, a sexy 19 yr old, is going to find long lasting meaningful friendships from the same frat house they filmed "Frat **** Fest 4" in then you've got more troubles than I thought.

I'm too dense to understand that you're just another 19 year old party girl. I think you should act more responsibly than this, even though you've never been held responsible for much of anything in your life and right now you have all the freedom to drink, do drugs, and screw random guys. You need to act more mature, and settle down with a nice misguided little boy such as myself.

Also, don't sit there and complain about how, "all men want is sex" because its not, just because we will make a move does not mean we want to **** you. THere is this thing called "being affectionate" to show some one that maybe you like them and are attracted to them that men sometimes use to illustrate their attraction to you. Sorry next time I'll just assume you know that I'm interested in doing something more than going to lunch.

I'm also uptight about my sexuality. One minute, I talk about a smoking hot body, and the next I'm talking about how I don't want to fvck you. Oh wait, maybe I do want to fvck you, but I'd do it on an intellectual level, you know, start off at the frontal lobe and work my way back. I'll be way rad, baby.

If you want a gay friend to hang out with, go find one. I'm tired of being the shoulder to cry on and then when I want something, like maybe to just go for a walk with you, its "oh Katie called and wants to go to dinner, maybe some other time" But Katie ditches you to go **** some frat guy, where do you go? "God she just doesn't appreciate me and i don't feel like she even likes me"

I'm sorry you somehow got the impression that I was gay. Was it the time we went shopping for new shoes? Or the time we had a sleepover and did each others hair? Or was it all the times I acted like a big puss and never made any moves? I'm tired of being your backup friend (but I'll still do it).

Figure out what you ****ing want from me. Stop saying "I love you, I want to be with you, blah blah" and then NEVER ****ing talking to me until you either 1) have nothing (i mean zero) else to do 2) want sex for the one time in three months because you're wither finally horny or you can't get laid elsewhere or 3) I finally tell you that I've had enough and I'm not taking this ****.

Everybody knows that issuing ultimatums is the macho way to assert your power!

Yeah, you can feel free to call when you are 1)totally bored, or 2)randomly want to have sex with me, or 3) If I sack up and email this to you (not likely, god you are so important to me!)

Until you get it and realize how good you had it with me (i'm a nice guy, honest, just sometimes finishing last for the 100th time will piss you off.) and how painful it is to watch you go down such a fruitless path, please just leave me the **** alone. I'm not going to try to contact you or talk with you anything. You want something come to me for a change. I'm worth a **** too you know. I'm a decent ****ing catch. So get over yourself and figure it out. At this point I don't even think I could see you again just because you have become such a shallow colossal *****. I know that my old friend is lurking somewhere behind that "sorority girl" facade but god dammit I don't like the sorority girl, I liked YOU! and when you realize that someday you have to stop bull****ting people, you might make some genuine friends, like me!

I can't accept the fact that other people change, and I remain the same old puss. I've always been a giant phony because I want nothing more than to jump your bones because you're hot, even though you have basically the worst personality ever, yet I still act interested in you as a friend because somehow I think that maybe you'll see the light and I'll become your Captain Save'a'Ho (or maybe I'll just get you drunk and feel you up one night). Remember, I'm not a great catch, but I'm a decent catch.

I still love you baby. Call me!

 

[eyedogg]

Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exactly What I Was Looking For!

 

[BlackJackal]

Ok, I'll do some play-by-play comedy here. I'm feeling lucid.



Therefore, I'm posting this anonymously on the internet because I'm actually a big sissy. So take THAT!!!



I'm ugly, boring and generally unattractive in all senses of the word. But I'm pretty sure that I'm better than these guys, and it makes me feel like a big man to put them down. (I'm actually jealous because I can only score with girls in imaginationland)



I too am a chump that only admires you for your hot body. But it's different between me and you. I'm different than all those other guys. I admire your beauty on a totally different level than they do. I read Kirkegaard and listen to Weezer, and my mom says I'm handsome. Why can't you validate me?

Also, I love you, but only fvcking idiots say "bogus" anymore. What, are you on an excellent adventure with Bill and Ted. Are they tag-teaming you? How come you don't like me as much as them?



I'm too dense to understand that you're just another 19 year old party girl. I think you should act more responsibly than this, even though you've never been held responsible for much of anything in your life and right now you have all the freedom to drink, do drugs, and screw random guys. You need to act more mature, and settle down with a nice misguided little boy such as myself.



I'm also uptight about my sexuality. One minute, I talk about a smoking hot body, and the next I'm talking about how I don't want to fvck you. Oh wait, maybe I do want to fvck you, but I'd do it on an intellectual level, you know, start off at the frontal lobe and work my way back. I'll be way rad, baby.



I'm sorry you somehow got the impression that I was gay. Was it the time we went shopping for new shoes? Or the time we had a sleepover and did each others hair? Or was it all the times I acted like a big puss and never made any moves? I'm tired of being your backup friend (but I'll still do it).



Everybody knows that issuing ultimatums is the macho way to assert your power!

Yeah, you can feel free to call when you are 1)totally bored, or 2)randomly want to have sex with me, or 3) If I sack up and email this to you (not likely, god you are so important to me!)



I can't accept the fact that other people change, and I remain the same old puss. I've always been a giant phony because I want nothing more than to jump your bones because you're hot, even though you have basically the worst personality ever, yet I still act interested in you as a friend because somehow I think that maybe you'll see the light and I'll become your Captain Save'a'Ho (or maybe I'll just get you drunk and feel you up one night). Remember, I'm not a great catch, but I'm a decent catch.

I still love you baby. Call me!

Man I thought the original rant was funny enough. But this added comedy really just tops it...lol.