The typical path from AFC to DJ

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I have based the following on my own personal journey. However, I notice many people taking a similar journey on this forum. I am sure that future new comers will also take a similar path. Therefore, I am hoping this thread will be like a looking-glass into the future and will make the transition from AFC to DJ smoother for those joining our ranks. It is all about self-awareness.

Step one: You never get anywhere with the women that you really want. You're an AFC looking for help. You stumble upon this forum via a friend or just while browsing the internet. You did not know what the term AFC meant until you came here. You read what an AFC was and grudgingly accepted the fact that you have been an AFC in the past.

Step two: You read articles explaining attraction and how it works with women. You read about the mistakes that men make and nod your head (while perhaps even smiling or laughing) as you mentally check off every one that you have been guilty of making.


Step three: You think about how "unfair" it is that women take advantage of "nice guys". You think that women want jerks/a$sholes and want to be treated like crap. Bitterness develops as you think back to all the "nice" things you did for women and how it got you nowhere. Bitterness develops even further as you recall the woman you wanted so badly going after some loser who did not treat nearly as "nice" as you did. What the hell!? Bitterness turns into anger and even hate. Women are the enemy. Women are evil. You cut off connections with female friends.

Step four: You have had some time to cool down. You sit back and think some more. You read more articles and then start visiting the forum regularly. You read about people's experiences, laugh at misfortunes, even throw in a flame or two. You are still bitter and take some of that out on fellow forum members. You get confused in the debate of "nice guy" vs "jerk" and so some more research.

Step five: You realize that maybe you weren't so "nice" after all. You only acted "nice" because that was your "game". You were too shy and not confident enough to be upfront with your intentions and display your sexuality. You reason that it is totally unfair to blame a girl for not being sexually attracted to you when you are ashamed of your own sexuality. You realize that the "jerk" who got the girl was much more confident than you and had higher self-esteem. Simply put, he actually approach the girl in a sexual way, while you took the friendship route. Of course he's going to end up fuvknig her while you stay as her friend. YOU CHOOSE SO! A light in your head turns on brightly.

Step six: You are no longer bitter and start to befriend girls again. You learn a bit by talking to your female friends. You try hard to further understand them. You throw around the debate of looks vs game. You eventually realize that you need BOTH. You do whatever you can to improve your appearance while working on your self-esteem and confidence. Eventually BOTH start to improve and they positively feed each other. You grow into a stronger-minded and better looking man by the day!

Step seven: Your relationships with female friends improve significantly. You are feeling great. You loosen up. You break out of a shell. You do the unthinkable. A cold approach. You get a number eventually and your confidence sky-rockets. You realize that you're much better with girls than you even thought you could be, any desperation disappears and you can truly be friends with females, do nice things for them and NOT turn yourself into a doormat at same time. You have true confidence. You are not a "nice guy" anymore. You're a nice guy. A truly nice guy who is nice for the sake of being nice and not to gain a woman's favour.

Step eight: You totally break out of the last bits of your shell. You are spinning 3+ numbers at a time and are maintaining good relations with female friends. You're looking better than ever.

BEHOLD! The DJ!

 

[bigmil]

very good post -- accurate too.

 

[CrunchyNut]

Top post

 

[Mjazz]

Nice, im between 6-7 right now.

 

[insanity]

wonderful post. sometimes people come to this site in hope of finding the magical ingredient. overnight you don't just turn into a ladykiller. it takes time to progress and figure out what step your at and push forward knowing and using the tools to succeed with women.

knowing the information provide by books and websites is only half the battle. sometimes seeing somebody with 8,000 posts about how women work means jack to me because half the time they talk about theory and they don't give any examples of their own personal history of dating.

 

[DJF or John]

Brillant, notice TilltheEnd of Time talked about, how the guy in Step Five, realized what really it was that got other guys laid and not him, it was the fact that the other guys were sexual and seductive. They added that part to their attitudes, and that's what connected them with majority of the women, regardless of education, money situation, etc.

If guys on this forum would understand this, very simple thing, 99% of their problems with women will stop because the guys will be getting so much pvssy they wouldn't no when to stop and "be depressed." Depression can't stay long in a room full of joy, peace, and satisifaction.

Then I will add a Step Nine to this. And it's after the guy realizes how easy and simple getting pvssy is, now he sets out to put all his energies now into his calling, destiny, financial situation, and even making the world a better place.

He knows he doesn't need seduction and tactics and all that, so he can put all his energy into his future. He also knows his "value" as a man, and understand that he is a limited commodity, while women are a unlimited commodity, and the guy STOPS fvcking all the women because now he DEMANDS MORE OUT OF THEM. He demands a woman to actually be a "woman" now, and that's support him, cater to him, etc. And if she doesn't want to do that, not only does she not get the pleasure of his excellent sexing, but she gets the boot, while the next chick gladly takes her spot!

So now, if in Step Eight we have a DJ, or what I call a PUA, which is a guy that has added sexual/seductiveness to his attitude and gets laid like he wants. In Step Nine, we go from P.U.A., to M.A.N.

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

Cool.

 

[Adrian]

Just be sure to pick up on yourselves if you find you're descending several steps (turning AFC again). Old habits tend to creep in on you sometimes.

 

[Sargeholic]

I think there are other steps along the path, such as:

You can approach, but stall out.

You can approach and vibe but can't perform a contact close.

You start getting good numbers but suck at phone game and she flakes.

You start getting day2 meetups but either stall out, have a bad plan, or fail to escalate and never see her again

You start learning to escalate and be comfortable on day2 but can't isolate or make the frame sexual

You start learning to isolate but get bad LMR.

You start getting laid but stink at sex and she doesn't come back.

You start getting good at sex. Then, you make the process repeatable. Then you have the makings of a DJ, in the sexual sense, anyway.

 

[typical]

Im stuck at stage 6 and 7 right now, got some time to go to break completly free

 

[ryannath]

Yep, the way he described it is pretty much on point with what happened with me.

 

[Obsidian]

lol, agreed Sargeholic...It was about a year and a half ago that I renounced my AFC ways, but I still feel like I can't get anywhere with women. I now know for sure that the AFC lifestyle is evil and I could never return to it, but I often lose faith in some of the DJ techniques too because they don't seem to work all that well for me either.

it may just be some recent bad luck, tho

 

[Scorched]

I agree, there is a lot of truth in this post.
I can't say I give this forum that much credit though… I was on step 5 before someone showed me this forum...
Although this forum has taught me a lot of lessons I would have otherwise had to have learned the hard way, which is totally priceless!

 

[gauchosurfside]

Im sitting on FIVE... Working hard to move past it.

 

[TheHumanist]

I have to say, this is an awesome post, while I am just a newcommer, reading through alot of posts, I noted a pattern to the type of people that comes here (well, that really obvious) and many arguements over viewpoints on women (ranging from trolls, defenders, and haters). I have to admit, this observation seems to be very dead on, or at least agrees with my views. Now I just want to comment what you said cause I want to put my two cents in.

Step one: You never get anywhere with the women that you really want. You're an AFC looking for help. You stumble upon this forum via a friend or just while browsing the internet. You did not know what the term AFC meant until you came here. You read what an AFC was and grudgingly accepted the fact that you have been an AFC in the past.

I think I'm the exception here, I stumbled on this site cause I want to see what people says about the dreaded friendzone (I got the term from a website known as Outpostnine who uses the term and spoke on his views). Ironically I knew the term AFC from a promotion game of "The Game". I stuck around because at first I want to have the best chance to get a girl I had somewhat ONS feelings for.

Step two: You read articles explaining attraction and how it works with women. You read about the mistakes that men make and nod your head (while perhaps even smiling or laughing) as you mentally check off every one that you have been guilty of making.

I have to admit, a few article I made a few nods to for I done the same mistake (fortunately, only a few, the biggest is avoiding kino). Much of the time I spent was seeing how much of the advice I already following (ie self-improvement, being too needy, etc.). A few I saw that was techniques like saying a single line that would increase attraction (its in the hall of fame), raise flags in my principles.

Step three: You think about how "unfair" it is that women take advantage of "nice guys". You think that women want jerks/a$sholes and want to be treated like crap. Bitterness develops as you think back to all the "nice" things you did for women and how it got you nowhere. Bitterness develops even further as you recall the woman you wanted so badly going after some loser who did not treat nearly as "nice" as you did. What the hell!? Bitterness turns into anger and even hate. Women are the enemy. Women are evil. You cut off connections with female friends.

Funny, I did go through (and partly still in) in stage, I spent alot of time just thinking about the negativity of the site on women by many people and along with some of the advice (my post was about that). As my name said, I don't like the idea of a majority of women taking advantage of the nice guys and then allow themselves to be taken advantage of by assh*les. I can accept the fact there are women who are wh*res, but I still refuse to think 90% of women are like that. A large number? Fvck Yeah! Thinking 90% are the "The cold hearted women with tits" would entail the idea that most of the women I know are like that, something I can't swallow. I haven't cut of connections to any of my female friends.

Step four: You have had some time to cool down. You sit back and think some more. You read more articles and then start visiting the forum regularly. You read about people's experiences, laugh at misfortunes, even throw in a flame or two. You are still bitter and take some of that out on fellow forum members. You get confused in the debate of "nice guy" vs "jerk" and so some more research.

I am bitter, but more to the Valentines day and some drama that hit me around it too (its in one of my first posts too). I do admit though I spend alot of my time debating about what is right among the sea of advice sometimes cause it contradict on other advices and other times cause I question how literal should the advice be taken (ie never show emotion or affection is something I taken too much out of context).

Step five: You realize that maybe you weren't so "nice" after all. You only acted "nice" because that was your "game". You were too shy and not confident enough to be upfront with your intentions and display your sexuality. You reason that it is totally unfair to blame a girl for not being sexually attracted to you when you are ashamed of your own sexuality. You realize that the "jerk" who got the girl was much more confident than you and had higher self-esteem. Simply put, he actually approach the girl in a sexual way, while you took the friendship route. Of course he's going to end up fuvknig her while you stay as her friend. YOU CHOOSE SO! A light in your head turns on brightly.

Step six: You are no longer bitter and start to befriend girls again. You learn a bit by talking to your female friends. You try hard to further understand them. You throw around the debate of looks vs game. You eventually realize that you need BOTH. You do whatever you can to improve your appearance while working on your self-esteem and confidence. Eventually BOTH start to improve and they positively feed each other. You grow into a stronger-minded and better looking man by the day!

Step seven: Your relationships with female friends improve significantly. You are feeling great. You loosen up. You break out of a shell. You do the unthinkable. A cold approach. You get a number eventually and your confidence sky-rockets. You realize that you're much better with girls than you even thought you could be, any desperation disappears and you can truly be friends with females, do nice things for them and NOT turn yourself into a doormat at same time. You have true confidence. You are not a "nice guy" anymore. You're a nice guy. A truly nice guy who is nice for the sake of being nice and not to gain a woman's favour.

Step eight: You totally break out of the last bits of your shell. You are spinning 3+ numbers at a time and are maintaining good relations with female friends. You're looking better than ever.

BEHOLD! The DJ!

*claps* I think many do follow this path, and I think anyone who reads this might escape going though alot of the internal conflict alot easier.

 

[Cremasta]

Pretty good post... though I've hardly ever needed to do a cold approach (had to admit I was still a bit hesitant about it). By the time I got through stage 6, all of my female friends were throwing their single girl friends my way - suddenly the sea was full of fish!

 

[PRMoon]

all of my female friends were throwing their single girl friends my way - suddenly the sea was full of fish!

There are some people for which this is step one. This thought can hit you pretty fast after adolecence. This as the basis for looking for a significant other can jumpstart abilitie as a DJ significantly.

Take note children

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

i'll be honest...

i was at 7 around summer last year,

then personal things started changing (i moved to a tiny private school with no hot girls... except one who had a BF and she obviously liked me after getting to know me... but i started hating everything about that school and stopped talking to EVERYONE there, including her... then got kicked out due to grades.)

during that, i went back to step 6 after not having any kind of contact with my old school... except hanging out with my best friend and a few other homies.

instead of going back to normal high school i enrolled in a GED program instead.

i need to start getting active and start working on myself for the same reason i came here... i need to get my first job (ideas would be nice) to replace my inablity to go out... it'll help me pay for a car and new clothes... etc.

 

[Rebound Material]

*bump*

 

[Bonez]

nah uh something is wrong here. I am not a DJ yet.

What comes after step 8?