The true source of confidence

[Geralder]

The old, "you just need to have confidence" cliche is one of the most worn out pieces of dating advice that seems to get dispensed by people who have no idea what it's like to be always rejected by your opposite sex.

As for confidence, it does not come from within or yourself, what absolute rubbish , the true source of your confidence in all areas of life comes from three words they are PREVIOUS,PERFORMANCE, ACCOMPLISHMENT which simply means if you have done it before successfully, then you know you can do it again.

You can't pull out confidence out of a hat, or take it in a pill, you need to experience success in order to acquire confidence, there's no other way.

 

[1337]

I'm gonna have to disagree with you. All humans are confident by default. Just think of Human babies with no insecurity and not a care in the world. Up to a certain point in your life your ego develops with experiences you encounter and that changes your default confidence. I know some pretty confident losers with bad history.

 

[moneyisking]

ya basically feminism and social pressure and religion fvcks men over these days. I will never let my kids fall into these bull sh!t. I am recovering as now.

 

[Warrior74]

The old, "you just need to have confidence" cliche is one of the most worn out pieces of dating advice that seems to get dispensed by people who have no idea what it's like to be always rejected by your opposite sex.

As for confidence, it does not come from within or yourself, what absolute rubbish , the true source of your confidence in all areas of life comes from three words they are PREVIOUS,PERFORMANCE, ACCOMPLISHMENT which simply means if you have done it before successfully, then you know you can do it again.

You can't pull out confidence out of a hat, or take it in a pill, you need to experience success in order to acquire confidence, there's no other way.

So what do you call it when you go into something you've never done before with a positive mindset, a winning attitude, and the willingness to learn from your possible failure, but the goal of giving it your all?

Most people call that confidence, some call it courage or bravery, others call it strong self esteem. What ever you call it, that's what you need.

You just have to do it to the best of your ability and keep trying, secure in the knowledge that anything on earth that you keep doing earnestly, you will get better at. I might not ever be picasso, but the more I paint the better I get.

 

[nightcrawler]

as a person that went from zero/no confidence to having an actual sense of "self love" (though it's not completely there) I will say that you have to come to terms with yourself emotionally then be willing to make the change.

 

[zekko]

As for confidence, it does not come from within or yourself, what absolute rubbish , the true source of your confidence in all areas of life comes from three words they are PREVIOUS,PERFORMANCE, ACCOMPLISHMENT which simply means if you have done it before successfully, then you know you can do it again.

See, this is exactly what I used to think. This is one of the biggest ways this site has helped me. Confidence is NOT based on performance. Think about it, guys who practice pickup strike out a LOT. If their confidence was based on performance it would bottom out after each rejection.

Rather, confidence is a STATE OF MIND, an ATTITUDE that you intentionally put on. True, it comes easier for some than others, and some don't even seem to have to try. But the fact is, women find confidence attractive, and you're sunk without it. You have to have it. Even if you were the biggest troll in the world, you woud still do better WITH confidence than without it. So just practice having a positive attitude about yourself, and eventually it will take. It's not easy, but it's worth working for. If you keep at it, it will come.

 

[Geralder]

So what do you call it when you go into something you've never done before with a positive mindset, a winning attitude, and the willingness to learn from your possible failure, but the goal of giving it your all?

Most people call that confidence, some call it courage or bravery, others call it strong self esteem. What ever you call it, that's what you need.

You just have to do it to the best of your ability and keep trying, secure in the knowledge that anything on earth that you keep doing earnestly, you will get better at. I might not ever be picasso, but the more I paint the better I get.

Whilst possessing genuine self confidence is both a positive and attractive attribute, gaining confidence in the dating arena is not that simple for some people. There are a lot of men, (and I am one of them), who have tried to meet women, only to be met by a barrage of humiliating and often cruel rejections. Do you honestly believe rejection does your "confidence" any favours????

At the end of the day, constant rejection is going to take its toll on your confidence, so to use the cliche " oh, you just need to have confidence", is about as much use as a pair of shorts in the north pole.

As for projecting a confident image, yes this is important,, but I have approached women in a confident manner for years and years, and they still rejected me often in a cruel manner. And confidence really had nothing to do with it, as women give me the "instant **** off" signals as soon as they see me, even before I even opened my mouth. And yes, I dress well, I am clean, and well-groomed. I have had many women act in a very hostile and aggressive manner towards me, and I did nothing to provoke these women.

When I have approached women, I did so in a confident and positive manner, but when the woman is ignoring you, giving you the silent treatment, doesn't even look you in the eye, and makes no attempt to participate in the conversation, then all the confidence in the world is not going to help you.

I know for a fact my looks has played a big part, and can easily prove it, how do you explain the "instant **** off " signals I always get from women?? Good looking guys who are good with women don't get "instant **** off signals" from women, but I do.

Women judge you in seconds, and if she isn't physically attracted, it's GAME OVER, and no amount of PUA wizardry is going to help you.

 

[DJDanny]

To me confidence is being able to deal with any situation no matter how fvcked up the sh1t is. Once you can do that there's nothing that can stand in your way.

 

[WC2]

This is what we call experience. There is nothing special about someone who has the confidence to do something because they are experienced at it; as humans we see this on a daily basis.

What is special is someone who has the confidence to do something without the experience.

I pose the same question as Warrior posed to you ; What do you call it when someone does something they've never done before, yet they pull it off?

Confidence? Bravery? Courage?

I think all of the above.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

"Your confidence is equal to how hard you have worked."

How hard have you worked on yourself, on your mind, on your life? Confidence is indeed a valuable commodity, and like every other valuable commodity, it must be EARNED. There are no shortcuts.

But start with your self-talk. Eliminate negativity as it tries to enter your mind, and cultivate a spirit of GRATITUDE for all that you have, all that you see, and all that you will have. Gratitude is the greatest of all human emotions, and it will only take you in positive directions.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Shytfaced people are overconfident...so if you only drink a little, you'll be confident!

On a serious note: you must reframe your core beliefs to become confident.

Or just smoke a really dank bowl.

 

[edger]

Geralder's examples of how women can be cruel after approaching them, is the reason men don't like to cold-approach. Who the f*ck wants to approach someone, only to get sh*t on by them? Guys don't want to deal with this, it has to be the biggest reason why they are hesitant to cold-approach. Can you blame them?

 

[moneyisking]

Ugliness makes girls give off "fvck off" signal? Definitely true in this American society where girls are getting dumber and more stupid, and men becoming less and less confident and being strange of sexual role and identity. This is the prime reason why men must work out. Sure you would say "jeez how does that help?" Everything. If you're ugly, then at least have awesome body. You really think girl will like you for who you're when you don't even spend the least time to make yourself look good? People who look down on advices to work out more is complete fools. They say confidence must come from within, not workout or etc. But working out is a fight, an accomplishment that you make, a challenge that you choose to overcome b/t you and yourself. I am Asian, okay. I don't got a sh!t chance with girls thanks to my racial stereotypes, but I work out hard, and I am just about average looking, but girls see that and they don't give me mean signals. Now I need to focus more on clearing away the mentality that put girls on pedestals and make me nervous, that's it. Working out does benefit you in every ways. So cut the bull sh!t and go to the gym everyday.

 

[Ice882]

Whilst possessing genuine self confidence is both a positive and attractive attribute, gaining confidence in the dating arena is not that simple for some people. There are a lot of men, (and I am one of them), who have tried to meet women, only to be met by a barrage of humiliating and often cruel rejections. Do you honestly believe rejection does your "confidence" any favours????

At the end of the day, constant rejection is going to take its toll on your confidence, so to use the cliche " oh, you just need to have confidence", is about as much use as a pair of shorts in the north pole.

As for projecting a confident image, yes this is important,, but I have approached women in a confident manner for years and years, and they still rejected me often in a cruel manner. And confidence really had nothing to do with it, as women give me the "instant **** off" signals as soon as they see me, even before I even opened my mouth. And yes, I dress well, I am clean, and well-groomed. I have had many women act in a very hostile and aggressive manner towards me, and I did nothing to provoke these women.

When I have approached women, I did so in a confident and positive manner, I bet that's not true. Sorry. but when the woman is ignoring you, giving you the silent treatment, doesn't even look you in the eye, and makes no attempt to participate in the conversation, then all the confidence in the world is not going to help you.

I know for a fact my looks has played a big part, and can easily prove it, how do you explain the "instant **** off " signals I always get from women?? Good looking guys who are good with women don't get "instant **** off signals" from women, but I do.

Women judge you in seconds, and if she isn't physically attracted, it's GAME OVER, Woman judge you initially, but as long as your not a 2 to her 10, she'll give you an opening. Then, once you talk to her, you get a few minutes to prove yourself. Men are the ones who reject women immediately based off looks alone. and no amount of PUA wizardry is going to help you.

Basically your argument is that all women are b1tches and refuse to give you, specifically, a chance. What's more likely? That everything you said about yourself is true ("I did nothing to provoke these women") or that all women are horrible people. I'm betting you have a distorted view of yourself. Either you look creepy, or you act creepy, or both. That's the only way women tell a guy to eff off immediately. Re-evaluate yourself.

 

[WC2]

Whilst possessing genuine self confidence is both a positive and attractive attribute, gaining confidence in the dating arena is not that simple for some people. There are a lot of men, (and I am one of them), who have tried to meet women, only to be met by a barrage of humiliating and often cruel rejections. Do you honestly believe rejection does your "confidence" any favours????

At the end of the day, constant rejection is going to take its toll on your confidence, so to use the cliche " oh, you just need to have confidence", is about as much use as a pair of shorts in the north pole.

As for projecting a confident image, yes this is important,, but I have approached women in a confident manner for years and years, and they still rejected me often in a cruel manner. And confidence really had nothing to do with it, as women give me the "instant **** off" signals as soon as they see me, even before I even opened my mouth. And yes, I dress well, I am clean, and well-groomed. I have had many women act in a very hostile and aggressive manner towards me, and I did nothing to provoke these women.

When I have approached women, I did so in a confident and positive manner, but when the woman is ignoring you, giving you the silent treatment, doesn't even look you in the eye, and makes no attempt to participate in the conversation, then all the confidence in the world is not going to help you.

I know for a fact my looks has played a big part, and can easily prove it, how do you explain the "instant **** off " signals I always get from women?? Good looking guys who are good with women don't get "instant **** off signals" from women, but I do.

Women judge you in seconds, and if she isn't physically attracted, it's GAME OVER, and no amount of PUA wizardry is going to help you.

So why are you here?

 

[Jitterbug]

Some people spend an incredible amount of effort trying to convince others why they are a failure.

 

[WC2]

More over, I've seen hundreds of men.. HUNDREDS who have been creepy, ugly, or fat and have all picked up decent looking women.

I'm not digging your story either bro.. there are just too many times I can look back and see ugly awkward men going home with women who looked much better than they.

I don't think it's a problem of confidence, but it's a problem of something.

Women aren't THAT big of puzzle to where you can't get lucky every now and then; especially if you make the effort.

Secondly, the fact that you come here angry tells me a lot. It tells me that you're not really here to learn, but to rant--which is fine. We all rant.

But it only takes a matter of time to come to this conclusion: Problems aren't solved until they are encountered head on with optimism and openness.. not anger and close mindedness.

 

[zekko]

What is special is someone who has the confidence to do something without the experience.

I pose the same question as Warrior posed to you ; What do you call it when someone does something they've never done before, yet they pull it off?

I think we've all known some pud guy who was just naturally confident. I knew this guy, and honestly I swear he didn't really have anything going for him, but for some reason I couldn't figure out he had confidence, he believed he was the sh!t. And damned if he didn't end up pulling a really hot chick.

This was frustrating for me at the time. I remember thinking if I was him there was no way I'd be so sure of myself. And if I was him, I probably would have failed. But he believed in himself so he succeeded. I don't know where he got his confidence. Maybe it was the way he was raised or something.

To the OP, maybe you're coming on too strong in your approaches, giving away too much of your sexual intents. Girls don't normally just look at a guy and spit on them. Try being more casual, and platonic in your intentions, have just being friendly as your goal, and not looking to get something out of the interactions, maybe just get to know them. Sometimes you have to walk before you can run.

 

[Jitterbug]

Roissy in DC put this best:

Irrational confidence always beats rational self-doubt.

That's how guys with seemingly nothing going on for them end up with hot women or making lots of money.