The Trap of Sosuave

[Oxide]

If you have been on this site for more than a year, I am sure you’ve experienced this:

So here I am, thinking to myself,” I am working out, I am dressing nice, I have no trouble talking to women or sleeping with them… I am a great catch! Time passes by and now I have this feeling where I don’t NEED women. This is great, I am exactly what I wanted to be, finally I am a free spirit.

Sure, you have had many approaches, you’ve learnt how to deal with different situations and possibly even laid some girls, but now, you feel like it is all just too much trouble, and you would much rather pass the girls that you wouldn’t rate as “gorgeous”. I mean, you are such a great DJ, you always aim high, so why should you settle? So there you are, improving yourself every day, but then one day you realize you haven’t had sex in a year.” Holly ****, a year?! Has it been this long?” you exclaim.
“Don’t worry”, you say to yourself, “I have turned down at least 3 girls who wanted me this last month… If I didn’t have high standards and slept with all the girls that wanted me, I’d be a man***** by now!”
This is something very many people on this board subscribe to. Sure, they have improved themselves tremendously, but their sex life is almost the same as when they were clueless AFC’s.

If you find yourself saying things like, “Well why should I be sleeping with all these girls I find unattractive? I would rather do it with my hand then lower my standards! I am perfectly fine without sex if it isn’t with a hot girl!” …You think so, huh? So let me ask you, how often do you masturbate? Every day? Every other day? The truth is, you ALWAYS want sex, it is inevitable. It is our nature. Now, some of us just go and fvck everything that moves. Others believe that they are worth more, so they carefully pick and choose the girls. The problem is, when you are too caught up improving yourself, you forget that you must be approaching a lot of women to get anywhere. Too many people here believe that “Since I am so great, I can wait”. Think about it, when you are laying in bed at night, do you ever wish that there would be some pu$$y to stick your **** into right next to you? No attachment, just sex. I bet you have even considered a no strings attached sex with a girl you didn’t find all that attractive… just to fvck something, anything!


This is the trap of self improvement I am talking about. Too many guys get to dedicated that they write off their lack of sex as something that they should be doing… they justify it as waiting for the right person, while making their right hand working overtime.

Since last September, I have passed up at least 10 girls who were into me. Makes you wonder…

 

[Caldus]

I know what you mean. It's been close to five months since I last had sex. I realized lately that I just never approach any women lately. So I participated in the summer bootcamp to work on my approaches again while continuing my self-improvement program (working out at the gym, finding a job, figuring out what I want to do in the near future, reflect on myself, finding new hobbies, and just learning more about myself and the world around me).

I think this is the best way to go. Being conscious of approaching but still maintaining your self-improvement. It gives you that attitude of "ah well I got turned down ... I'll try the next girl and for today I will work on x and y for self-improvement". Which is healthier than "damn I need to get laid" and never improving yourself in the meantime. Also, I've noticed that I've just been developing more of a zeal for life in general and not worrying 100% of the time whether I am getting laid or not.

 

[Mikers]

Most guys came here to find ways to improve their sex lives.. which happened until their plateau of self improvement overweighed their need for sex. But your sex drive never dies.. never stop approaching, i mean yeah self empowerment is great but whats this site for if you dont make the effort.

Its all about a balance isnt it?

 

[FM 3321]

Wow, can I say "wakeup call?" Good post.

 

[DJohnson]

Indeed, all about balance. This site is about self empowerment and not just laying girls, per se. But we all know the guy who is successful with women gets accolades from the ocmmunity at large.

 

[undesputable]

VERY GOOD POST. i know excatly what you mean. i havent got laid in 3 weeks and is summer, i should be getting laid pretty much everyday. Like you said i dont feel bad about it bc in the past 3 weeks ive probably could have ****ed 2 girls, but for some reason or another I didnt really feel like it bc they werent really hot, they were pretty much average (7.5 id say), so i pass on them hoping i can **** a 9 and above. the turth is that you dont come across hb9 and above everyday, and when you do everything has to go perfect to be able to get laid or else it might be a couple more weeks until you find another 9. Bottom line is that if you dont get laid bc you dont want to feels better than if you dont get laid bc you cant....but in the end you do need sex and your **** knows no difference.

 

[HereToImprove]

In this scenario, it can be nice to have a steady "booty call" girl or two in your life so that you can maintain your standards. As long as she is somewhat attractive and good in bed and fun to be around, this will suffice.

Trying to pick up anything you can find for a ONS every time you want sex is a good way to catch something nasty.

 

[So pimp its scary]

That's why I think there shouldn't be as great of a focus on self-improvement... yes, it is important, but without the approach you still get lose out 100% of the time...

 

[Javelin44]

good post, but don't you think it goes back to approaching after you find that "period of enlightenment?" Most people don't turn into DJs in a year.

 

[Oxide]

good post, but don't you think it goes back to approaching after you find that "period of enlightenment?" Most people don't turn into DJs in a year.

The way i see it if you want quality girls you have to become a quality guy. There are many "qualities" out there : money, looks, attitude, physique... improving yourself lets you "bump" your scale. You go from ugly to average.. from dorky to classy. Self improvement is the reason you are able to get better girls (and yes working on your attitude/mindset is self improvement). However, self improvement generally doesnt help you get MORE girls, simply becuase if you didnt try back then, you probably will not try now. That is why it is crucial to make sure you approach girls. Hell, not only approach but constantly ask them out, that is the key. Anybody can approach, but getting her to go out with you is the whole point.

So yes, those two go hand in hand. You gotta focus on both in order to become the best you wanted to be.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Originally posted by Oxide
So yes, those two go hand in hand. You gotta focus on both in order to become the best you wanted to be.

Haha, I've been saying that forever bro, and all it got me were flames from people who were getting breastfed by Pook's tips. "stfu mind, there's more to life then chasing pvssy, I wanna be successful/rich/famous/whatever blah blah blah".

Self-improvement is an important aspect of life, but I mean you shouldn't turn you back on your social life either. Go to school, get educated, land an awesome job, workout, do all that, but at the same time, if you see a hot girl, go up and chat her up man.

you know? what about social self-improvement? Do you wanna be one of those rich guys in suits that goes to a bar and expects women to go up to him because he's rich and too socially inept to be a man and talk to them? Cause if you do, have fun catching gold diggers!

 

[Woodhaven]

bump

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Your not get tired of approaching. You start to be pickier with who you approach because most women start to bore you.

You just start picking your targets as women that catch your eye, instead of just approaching because "thats what a DJ does"

Not a bad thing, its usually at this point women start find you instead of the other way around.

Good post Oxide.

Mr. Mystery

 

[white_hype]

haha good post man, I was this way for the past ~8 months... I had improved myself A LOT in all areas, got a lot of ***** (still had high standards) and got into the method of thinking "I have improved myself so much... I'm good at talking to chicks, I get ass, I have high value, why should I even waste time with these HB7's?"

I have seriously turned down around 7 girls since june and I havent even gone out that much (when I say this I mean girls that would have at the LEAST made out with me if I went up to them and wanted a kiss and instead, i just completley ignore them)... one day I realised to get the SHB's I (personally I find this veyr helpful) should continue to get/approach the HB7's, at all times... it helps so many aspects of my life its ridiculous

 

[kiz]

my problem is quite the opposite. i've improved myself quite a bit, yet i can't be social enough to get the approaches done and talk to the SHB's. i still get a fair share of ***** but it's all 6 and 7. i really need to just bite the bullet and do some god damn approaches.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Oxide
If you have been on this site for more than a year, I am sure you’ve experienced this:

“I have turned down at least 3 girls who wanted me this last month… If I didn’t have high standards and slept with all the girls that wanted me, I’d be a man***** by now!”
This is something very many people on this board subscribe to. Sure, they have improved themselves tremendously, but their sex life is almost the same as when they were clueless AFC’s.

The problem is, when you are too caught up improving yourself, you forget that you must be approaching a lot of women to get anywhere. Too many people here believe that “Since I am so great, I can wait”. Think about it, when you are laying in bed at night, do you ever wish that there would be some pu$$y to stick your **** into right next to you? No attachment, just sex. I bet you have even considered a no strings attached sex with a girl you didn’t find all that attractive… just to fvck something, anything!

Since last September, I have passed up at least 10 girls who were into me. Makes you wonder…

Wow. That's exactly what I was thinking about. I am always passing girls because they are not what I want. I am TOO picky.

I suspect a girl in my class has some hots for me. That's why I posted a thread about "How to convey you just want sex", but no one replied!

I am in the same hot waters as you, so to speak.

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by Mikers
Most guys came here to find ways to improve their sex lives.. which happened until their plateau of self improvement overweighed their need for sex. But your sex drive never dies.. never stop approaching, i mean yeah self empowerment is great but whats this site for if you dont make the effort.

Its all about a balance isnt it?

Yep...

One time you're occupied with sexing as much hot chicks as possible and next time you couldn't care less... the pendulum keeps swinging from side to side... at times more slower for some... these are the days of our lives... it's a life style/cycle...

 

[SparkleMotion]

Interesting post.

I'm with DjDreamer on this one. It seems like for a while I'll be obsessed with sex and want to bang anything with a vagina. While at other times, I will hold myself to higher standards.

 

[Q-Pid]

I was watchign MTVs "wanna come in" the other day, hillarious program for those that have never heard of it. The basic premise of the show is that two DJs take AFCs under their wings, and compete against each other to get their AFC's to score. WHat makes the show more amusing is that sometimes the AFC's are fine with women and the DJs are sometimes complete fakers.

Anyway - i was getting at something. Yeah there was this one DJ on the program whose AFC was a typical "I want my first kiss to be my soulmate" type character. Now the DJ sat this guy down and said to him:

"Dating is like a pyramid, a hierarchy. You start off at the bottom with average girls. And after you've dated a certain amount you become more picky about the type of girl you like, so you move up the pyramid one level. After a while you start to progress along the pyramid until you reach the peak - the magical HB10. Once you're at the top it doesn't mean ther eis only on girl for you, just that you know wha you want, and are able to take it."

The only problem with this is that most "picky" people are bad with women. So they make rediculously high standards for themselves (based on MTV babes or whatever) to explain to themselves why they can't get the women they want.

 

[TITANIUM_HeaRT]

I believe that is simply a lack of drive, you have become lazy.