The "Talk" Looming Soon, Need Advice

[pdx1138]

Hey buddy,

I've been in your situation. In my case, she had her eyes on another guy that lived out of state and he would fly her in every couple of months for action. I was the standby guy.

When I fully realized this....here's what I did.

1. never initiated text messages.
2. never setup/made plans for upcoming weekend. (she would do it very often)
3. I left it ENTIRELY up to her to do 1 & 2.

She never asked me why she was always the one initiating.

I did respond to her messages, but would delay for an hour usually, unless it was last minute "looking for a date?" message near end of work day.
Occasionally she would invite me to do something and I would say I'm busy even if I wasn't.

Trust me that this will get her interest a little higher. You may never be her #1 but you could end up with a steady fvck buddy for the next year if you do what I did. This gave me more time to get my act together and start dating others.

Eventually I got bored with having s3x with her and stopped seeing her. Just a little over a year from when we had "the talk" like you just had.
Months later I got a drunk late night voicemail asking if I'd come over. I didn't respond at all.

The best you can hope for is free poon for another year from this one.

She is clearly looking or is trying to get something going with what she deems a bigger, better deal.

 

[Tiguere]

it seems she is kinda keeping on the side until something better shows up. the fact you got feelings for her means you shouldnt continue with this. clearly she is not that into you.

 

[seethehoop]

I've had experience in this, and know exactly how to handle it!

First off, the convo is a trap because the more you try to explain your position, the deeper the hole you get in and the more likely she is to leave you. The way she stated it - "I can't give you what you MAY potentially want" - means that whatever she thinks you may want, she's going to assume you'll argue the opposite.

For example: You ask her "what do you think I potentially want?"

HER: I think you want a serious relationship
YOU: No I don't - I just got out of a serious relationship and I'm just looking to chill.
HER: But you're always doing stuff for me that's gentlemanly - you definitely want a relationship, and I'm not ready for that.

OR:

HER: I think you just want me for a booty call
YOU: No I don't - I really care about you, why else would I spend all this time with you?
HER: Because I'm your hook-up girl, and that's all I feel like I'm being used for and I'm not ready for that.

SEE HOW YOU LOSE EITHER WAY?!?

The only way to win this one - and TRUST me, it works - is to come out of left field with your OWN version of rejection first.

For example: She says "I may not be able to give you what you potentially want..."

YOU: Well, if that's how you feel, then maybe we shouldn't see each other.
HER: (in shocked mode) Um... what?
YOU: Well, I mean... I don't know what you think it is that i'm 'wanting' right now, but if you're not liking the way we're spending time with each other, that's cool, we can just see other people. No big deal."
HER: But... I mean, I'm not saying we shouldn't hang out...
YOU: Really? Well, like you said, it wouldn't be fair to either of us if the other one was suddenly feeling wishy-washy about the whole thing. I was just hanging with you 'cause i liked your company; if you're not feelin it now, no big deal. I'll be good either way (indicating you'll get another chick if she don't like what you got goin' on now).

At this point she'll want to continue the conversation. That's when you make up some excuse about having to be somewhere. Then you leave... and you DON'T contact her.

Now, this may seem counter-productive; however it's showing her that you're not as clingy to her as she thought you were. Over the next couple of days she'll start missing that feeling you gave her (IF she was really into you) and hit YOU up to see what's up.

Why does this work? It hits at her ego. Right now she's thinking she's so desirable and the shiznit, and that you have a higher interest level. Girls sometimes start feeling themselves too hard when they get to this point, so knocking them down a peg or two by having them realize that you CAN, in fact, LEAVE if necessary, will usually do the trick.

Best of luck to ya!

This is pretty much what popped into my head when I read the orig post. Don't try to reason our explain. It won't work. Let her go. That will make her wonder why you aren't being needy about it. It will make her realise you have value and that your value is higher than hers. If it doesn't work then the alternative won't either so you've not lost out. Keep ya dignity though if ya take the above advice.