The smoothest thing you ever said to a woman!

[Flabbergasped?]

Me and my friend were walking back to our rooms, when this HB8 trips behind us. My friend goes AFC and is like, "are you ok?"

I look backwards, scoff, and say, "If you're trying to stalk me, you're doing a ****ty job." She was so surprised and wouldn't stop hitting on me the rest of the walk back. I wasn't thinking clearly that night and didn't close anything.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Chick and I were having coffee and she asked me what I did for a living and I replied I was an underwear model for Underoos. Because I'm a big guy I can only model The Hulk and The Thing. When I get excited my c0ck either becomes green and huge or orange and hard like a brick! :crackup:

 

[montius]

Outside a club and this girl was telling a story about a horrible night drinking tequila where she had to make out with this nasty guy since she lost a bet with her girlfriends. anyways, halfway through the story I just interrupted with: "I hope for your sake that you didn't show that guy your best tounge moves, but you can show me your best " Before I could recon what I've just said (it just fell out of my mouth) we were making out and that girl could really kiss.

 

[Infraction]

I held her hands and then she said :"You know i don't like holding hands with you" i say "Why?" She said "Because it makes people think we are togther, and from what i know, we AREN'T" I responded with "Well i don't care what people think. So i guess we aren't a good match, bye!" and i left. After 20 secs she was behind me and telling me to wait.

 

[Demosthoness]

I'm sorry to see that this thread lost steam... it was both educating and entertaining =) Well heres a bump, aswell as my own contribution. It's not a masterpiece, but it's better than the AFC crap I used to do.

/* This is over email

Her message:
Blah Blah blah blahBlah Blah blah blahBlah Blah blah blahBlah Blah blah blahBlah Blah blah blahBlah Blah blah blah.. "HEY! Blah Blah blah blahBlah Blah blah blahBlah Blah blah blah?"...
...My cat is looking at me meaningfully, what do you think she wants?
Blah Blah blah blahBlah Blah blah blah.
-bye
-girlsname

My reply:
responseresponseresponse...
...As for your cat, she wants you to call me. XXX-XXX-XXXX

-Demo

I got a call the next night at 11:30pm, that started "my cat just woke me up..."

Like I said, not the best, but it's sure the hell a lot better than some of the other stuff I've pulled.

Have a good evening,


-Demosthoness

 

[ValleyDJing]

For real we need to keep this thread alive. I'll give you one that was so-so just for the sake of keeping helping it along.

I was at my neighbors house the other day and my milf neighbor comes out and she's like

milf neighbor: valley, did you have braces?
me: yeah
milf neighbor: have you used those whitening strips?
me: yeah I used em once before
milf neighbor: you're teeth are perfect huh?
me: I like to think so

She thought that was great (C/F). She mentions how gorgeous my teeth are to everybody we hang out with now. Her best friend, her mom, whoever will listen, she's always like, "don't you love his smile? his teeth are beautiful". LOL! Too bad she's married. I have a serious milf fetish.

 

[Venusian Artist]

Girl with tons of cover up on: *cleaning table*
my good mate: you missed a spot
Girl with tons of cover up on: Oh yeah *cleans where he was pointing at*
Me: Looks like she missed quite a few spots


Lol just kidding (I really did say that lol but she deserved it)


Erm smoothness? Let me think...

Her: Kiss me or I'll kick you in the balls
Me: Look missy, I don't know what kind of sado-massochist fantasies you have but I'm not into that kind of thing...
Her: *Snogs my guts out*

Lol I don't know there aren't many that really stick in my mind. You should see me on holiday, my family owns a place down there and I know quite a lot of the girls there, watch me then, I am like a pro (without trying to brag) :l I wish I could be so relaxed all the time...

 

[ChrizZ]

Her: Hey honey, how was work? I missed you.

Me: Get your skinny a$$ back in the kitchen and get me another beer b!tch!*b!tchslap*

------

Me and a chick go to a friends house.
friend: Hey ChrizZ, come gamble with us!
Me: I don´t need to gamble *looking at chick* I already got the jackpot.

 

[cedd]

a smooth line when she ask if you thought about her...

H: did you think about me ?
M: only one time a day... * pause *(push)
H:
M: yes, but it last 24 hours ! (pull)
H:

cheers

 

[Infraction]

Someone says:"Hey, look at X. She has one big grin"
(X is leaning on me) I say "Sure, she has her hand on my ass".

 

[Northern Lights]

This is one from when I went back for an extra semester of high school, talking to a former coworker as we walked to class

Her: So how come you came back?

Me: ..well alright I'll tell you but you have to promise to keep it between you and me

Her: alright

Me: You see since we dont work together anymore, if I didnt come back I'd just miss you too much

She went red on that one, felt pretty good with myself there


Another time I was standing outside the front doors of school with two buddies when three girls from one of my classes came walking by

Me: Hey Jill, why dont you girls come over and chill for abit

Jill: Yeah do you guys just stand out here and try and hit on every girl that walks by?

Me: Just the pretty ones

 

[MarkR]

Her: How old do you think I am?
Me: Judging by your complete lack of interest in sex you must be very old.

The funny thing was that she took it seriously.

Her: Who told you that? How do you know? ()

Here, I started laughthing and she had realized how serious she was.

 

[just so suave]

Her: How old do you think I am?
Me: Judging by your complete lack of interest in sex you must be very old.

LMAO, thats a keeper

 

[Lust]

This hottie at work was leaving after only working for a short amount of time.

Blah blah blah

HB: I'm leaving.

Me: Oh...... well, too bad you weren't here long enough for me to miss you.

 

[ValleyDJing]

This hottie at work was leaving after only working for a short amount of time.

Blah blah blah

HB: I'm leaving.

Me: Oh...... well, too bad you weren't here long enough for me to miss you.

And her reaction?

 

[The Sperminator]

One time a girl told me that my t shirt was really small on me and then I said thats not the only thing small on me.

 

[navyseal2101]

^I think thats a bad thing, but funny non the less.

 

[Rebound Material]

HB: Do you have a pencil I could borrow?

ME: Yes.

 

[navyseal2101]

wrong thread sry

 

[smooth guy]

One time a girl told me that my t shirt was really small on me and then I said thats not the only thing small on me.

Lol.

That was real smooth man