The smoothest thing you ever said to a woman!

[jesliejamu]

smoothest thing

Well the smoothest thing i ever said to a woman was I love you but then i got slap from her rough hand.

 

[Huffman]

I was just about to lean in and say "mh you smell nice", but the beer she was having kind of ruined that idea... I almost had to laugh out loud

 

[Ultrafine]

"suck my mangina"

HB-ok

 

[Assault_Cow]

I was talking with a girl I had met a week before, telling her we could have a date listening to great music one night.
HB8 : "And what makes you think I'll go with you ?"
Me : "Humm, this is true. I'll go with worthier chicks than you then *smile*"
HB8 : *smiling and acting as she was offended* "Ohhhh !"

Fvcked her three days later

Had similar thing in an initial SMS conversation.

ME: Great, cause your coming to having coffee with me
HER: What makes you soo sure im gunna come?
ME: Cus ill be there too, and i know your dieing to meet me...

worked.

 

[Groovy]

I heard one guy saying this today, and now that I think of it, only a don juan could have handled it this way!

(To waitress) : I wanted a coffe please
* Girl comes from behind * Wanted? You changed your mind? *Playfully said of course! *
His response: Yeah, now that you're here, (turns to waitress) make that two coffes please

hahaha!

and if he wanted to seem ever better, he could have added, "But, to handle you, I don't think that two coffes are going to be enough!"

Wit may not be one of the most important things to a dj, but it sure is underrated!

 

[slickaz]

i went to the chrysler dealership to test drive a 300 when i was car shopping.

this HOT! brunnette was sitting at the reception, that i noticed when i walked in.

anyway when the salesman set the car up for me to test drive..i walked up to her, leaned over the desk.. and (smooth sexy voice, full eye contact)said,

"listen <girls name from name tag>, im a guy that thinks about tomorow before today..& because im going to be picking you up for dinner on friday night, id like you to test the seat you're going to be sitting in.." pointing to the cars passenger seat.."if you dont like the car you can tell me you arent going to give me the pleasure of your company me on this test drive.i can pick you up in a mercedes"..wink and a smile..

at this point i could tell the car sales man was looking at her like...GO WITH HIM! so he'll buy the car!!.

she was so stunned had to answer quickly, turned absolutely bright red with a shy smile.under her breath she was like.

...id love to!.

as she was getting up, she says " but remember..im not getting in on friday unless it has the leather interior...." and laughed..

to which i said "on friday night? we can turn that interior into anything you want it to be..."

she was blushin..the car sales man was standing there dropped jaw..

outcome: i took her for a LOOONG drive..stopped over got coffee, got her number and friday night came around...we were hookin up..lasted 3 months before i went to tokyo for 6 months for work!...

 

[Birdem]

hello

 

[Darth]

i went to the chrysler dealership to test drive a 300 when i was car shopping.

this HOT! brunnette was sitting at the reception, that i noticed when i walked in.

anyway when the salesman set the car up for me to test drive..i walked up to her, leaned over the desk.. and (smooth sexy voice, full eye contact)said,

"listen <girls name from name tag>, im a guy that thinks about tomorow before today..& because im going to be picking you up for dinner on friday night, id like you to test the seat you're going to be sitting in.." pointing to the cars passenger seat.."if you dont like the car you can tell me you arent going to give me the pleasure of your company me on this test drive.i can pick you up in a mercedes"..wink and a smile..

at this point i could tell the car sales man was looking at her like...GO WITH HIM! so he'll buy the car!!.

she was so stunned had to answer quickly, turned absolutely bright red with a shy smile.under her breath she was like.

...id love to!.

as she was getting up, she says " but remember..im not getting in on friday unless it has the leather interior...." and laughed..

to which i said "on friday night? we can turn that interior into anything you want it to be..."

she was blushin..the car sales man was standing there dropped jaw..

outcome: i took her for a LOOONG drive..stopped over got coffee, got her number and friday night came around...we were hookin up..lasted 3 months before i went to tokyo for 6 months for work!...

Extremely nice.

 

[In2theGame]

year and a half ago i head into a supermarket, this HB 9 was waving her hand next to her face and she says "omg, im so hot" I smiled and responded with "yeah i know". She put her head down and turned RED,... she got so nervous and couldnt stop giggling.

 

[Aragon034]

I used to work at home depot and had alot of fun with the cashiers during slow hours. I was a specialist so i commanded alot of respect from even the bosses. this led to alot of funny ass **** i'd pull out of boredom. add my naturally C&F personality with my impulsive need for entertainment, and you've got daily antics

3 incidents clearly stick out for this thread though.

1: I'm walking down the front where all teh cashiers are. i'm heading to the second cup for a coffee, on my way one of the cashiers (HB8) waves me over. I walk down and she immediately gives me a big hug. (i'd been gaming her for a few weeks)

HB8: Hey Sam! how you doing?
Me: I'm good, can't complain.
HB8: I'm so sick, i look like crap. (Obvious ask for compliment)
Me: Yeah you do look pretty crappy, here *hands her a paperbag* Hide!
HB8: *laughs, throws a playful punch, then gives me the finger.*
Me: Wait wait wait...
SHe's confused now, as i grab her hand and put her finger in my mouth. She immediate pulls back laughing hard and saying "No no!!"
Me: Why not?
HB8: Because! it'll hurt.
Me: So if i do something to you that doesn't hurt you'll say yes?

She gets this look in her eyes and goes red.
HB8:Maybe *shyly*
Me: *chuckles* we'll discuss it over coffee at lunch.
and with that i walked away.

She moved away a few months after, but she was a demon in teh sack

2: This time, i was coming in from a seminar i had to hold outside. my apron was messed up and i grabbed a new one. I forgot to write my name and was wearing it like that. I see a new cashier, oh man, HB9 with big juicy tits. i manage to keep from dropping my jaw and walk up to her.

Me: So, how you liking the place so far?
HB9: Hm? Oh hi! yeah it's cool. kinda slow though. are you a manager?
Blah blah blah, exchange names, some stupid stuff and i'm about ready to eject when one of the managers sees me, she's pretty hot and i've been trying to game her for awhile but she can be a real *****.

Boss: Hey Sam, Stop flirting with the hired help!
Me: Ha! you're just pissed off i'm not flirting with you!
Everybody within earshot reacts, some start laughing, other's jaws drop. It's a priceless moment.

Boss:At least put your name on your apron.
Me: Hm? Oh! hey HB9? write my name would you? *hands her a marker*
HB8: *laughs, grabs marker, and rubs my chest while doing it* (it felt great)

I chat for another 5 seconds then eject. The rest of the day everybody was asking me what happened

3: This was more just spontaneity than anything else, we were having a meeting about training new people on special order stuff, Boring as hell to say the least. But i was in charge of it so i had to be there.

Since i was a specialist, i dressed better than most of the people who worked there, nice dress shirts, hair combed nicely, dark denims, neatly shaven, the works. Throughout the entire meeting i kept a straight face, looked professional and relaxed.

HB8 from the first story is there and sitting next to me. we're joking around and trying to make each other laugh or crack under the pressure. Finally i go balls out and lean over and whisper.

"I think these people would learn more if i bent you over this table and ****ed your brains out than listening to this ****."

She IMMEDIATELY gets up and says "Excuse me..." and bites her thumb. She leaves the room and a few seconds later i hear her laughing her ass off. I keep my composure and brush off any inquiries about what happened.

She comes back in a minute after and takes a look at my smiling face, then leaves the room again.

Finally she comes back in and hands me a note. it reads

"You win. Bastard. *big smiley face with an XXX underneath"

I ended up getting in a bit of trouble for that one since the store manager was there and even though he didn't know what i said, he told me to tone it down.

Still funny as hell

there are others, but these are the ones that stuck in my head.

 

[cedd]

"I think these people would learn more if i bent you over this table and ****ed your brains out than listening to this ****."

excellent !

it reminds me of the time I used to work in clubs as DJ (Disc Jockey) and in one of them, at the beginning of a party, I sent a text message to the Barmaid (I was in the DJ booth, her behind the bar) that asked her if she would like to play Scrabble in my place as an after-party ?

She replied "ok, I'm not that good at this game, but if you have something to drink it could be funny."

She was a great lay. ;-)

cheers

 

[In2theGame]

I used to work at home depot and had alot of fun with the cashiers during slow hours. I was a specialist so i commanded alot of respect from even the bosses. this led to alot of funny ass **** i'd pull out of boredom. add my naturally C&F personality with my impulsive need for entertainment, and you've got daily antics

3 incidents clearly stick out for this thread though.

1: I'm walking down the front where all teh cashiers are. i'm heading to the second cup for a coffee, on my way one of the cashiers (HB8) waves me over. I walk down and she immediately gives me a big hug. (i'd been gaming her for a few weeks)

HB8: Hey Sam! how you doing?
Me: I'm good, can't complain.
HB8: I'm so sick, i look like crap. (Obvious ask for compliment)
Me: Yeah you do look pretty crappy, here *hands her a paperbag* Hide!
HB8: *laughs, throws a playful punch, then gives me the finger.*
Me: Wait wait wait...
SHe's confused now, as i grab her hand and put her finger in my mouth. She immediate pulls back laughing hard and saying "No no!!"
Me: Why not?
HB8: Because! it'll hurt.
Me: So if i do something to you that doesn't hurt you'll say yes?

She gets this look in her eyes and goes red.
HB8:Maybe *shyly*
Me: *chuckles* we'll discuss it over coffee at lunch.
and with that i walked away.

She moved away a few months after, but she was a demon in teh sack

2: This time, i was coming in from a seminar i had to hold outside. my apron was messed up and i grabbed a new one. I forgot to write my name and was wearing it like that. I see a new cashier, oh man, HB9 with big juicy tits. i manage to keep from dropping my jaw and walk up to her.

Me: So, how you liking the place so far?
HB9: Hm? Oh hi! yeah it's cool. kinda slow though. are you a manager?
Blah blah blah, exchange names, some stupid stuff and i'm about ready to eject when one of the managers sees me, she's pretty hot and i've been trying to game her for awhile but she can be a real *****.

Boss: Hey Sam, Stop flirting with the hired help!
Me: Ha! you're just pissed off i'm not flirting with you!
Everybody within earshot reacts, some start laughing, other's jaws drop. It's a priceless moment.

Boss:At least put your name on your apron.
Me: Hm? Oh! hey HB9? write my name would you? *hands her a marker*
HB8: *laughs, grabs marker, and rubs my chest while doing it* (it felt great)

I chat for another 5 seconds then eject. The rest of the day everybody was asking me what happened

3: This was more just spontaneity than anything else, we were having a meeting about training new people on special order stuff, Boring as hell to say the least. But i was in charge of it so i had to be there.

Since i was a specialist, i dressed better than most of the people who worked there, nice dress shirts, hair combed nicely, dark denims, neatly shaven, the works. Throughout the entire meeting i kept a straight face, looked professional and relaxed.

HB8 from the first story is there and sitting next to me. we're joking around and trying to make each other laugh or crack under the pressure. Finally i go balls out and lean over and whisper.

"I think these people would learn more if i bent you over this table and ****ed your brains out than listening to this ****."

She IMMEDIATELY gets up and says "Excuse me..." and bites her thumb. She leaves the room and a few seconds later i hear her laughing her ass off. I keep my composure and brush off any inquiries about what happened.

She comes back in a minute after and takes a look at my smiling face, then leaves the room again.

Finally she comes back in and hands me a note. it reads

"You win. Bastard. *big smiley face with an XXX underneath"

I ended up getting in a bit of trouble for that one since the store manager was there and even though he didn't know what i said, he told me to tone it down.

Still funny as hell

there are others, but these are the ones that stuck in my head.

You remind me of me when i was 18. LOL VERY GOOD WORK! dude. 2 thumbs up

 

[Lust]

Hot nurse doing screening, super hot. Flirty and like to fool around it seems.

Asks me "are you trying to conceive?" (as a joke), so I respond "no, but I do like practicing".



Responded very positively, snuck her number over to me after my checkup was done.

 

[kdnash82]

I hate pickup lines. It's stupid to me. I'm more of the witty type person I guess.

Eitherway, just yesterday me and my friends are at the bar watching the games. We're out on the patio area.

One of the guys decides to throw a pitcher of water on another, which leads to everyone in an all out pitcher water fight.

After it was all said and done, I was still thristy so went back inside where this nice cute bartender takes one look at me, sees me soaked and gets this WTF happened look on her face.

I then say:
"You owe me a free drink cause looking at you made me instantly wet."

By far one of the cheesiest things I've ever said to a girl, but got me a free drink, which led to good conversation and ended with a number close.

 

[lildevil]

tHIS THE FIRST DAY of school

IM SITTING iN CHEMISTRY AND Im in a lab table face to face with a really hot girl

as we talk we are having a great time and all of a sudden a guy comes in to the door and
she tries to test me by saying"tht guy is kinda sexy," I get kinda jealous(I was helpless like I couldnt do anything but look at her)and then she says "Now that I think about it hes not sexy"and calmly with a smile " you know who is sexy" she leans in I LOOK AROUND THE CLASS and look at her and say "you" she melts in her seat and starts putting lipstick and her face is blushing because she likes what I said

 

[darkguy9944]

This drunk chick called my friend she was 62 and my friend said meet my friend and i said hello in an Indian-arab voice. and i said my name is fez. we were outside on speaker phone.
girl: fez huh what kind of fez are you pushing
fez: a 9 inch one

friend: started cracking up

girl: wow thats nice. do you have an ad on craigs list
fez: no but i have an ad on horny-matches
girl: mumples - interrupted
fez: so how old are you
girl: 62
fez: what are you wearing

friend: was literary Rolling On Floor Laughing

girl: pretty much nothing now
fez: can you masterbate

friend: shot his spit all over the ground

girl: nope i need some help
fez: whats your address
girl: something elm street
fez: I'll be right over there baby

friend: almost loss his breath laughing

fez: how old do you think I am
girl: I'm thinking 15
fez: -amazed- pretty damn close
girl: -hang up-

she calls back
fez: hey
girl: is this fez
fez: yes baby to fulfill all of your fantasies
girl: are you an a-rab or something
fez: I am indian we have the number 2 biggest penises in the world
girl: wow thats pretty good
fez: we are only beat out by the native Americans -fact-
friend: hello
girl: hello
friend: my penis is bigger than his
girl: oh really huh
friend: yep it's 9 inches and a quarter
girl: -hang up-

I wish figured out how to record the conversation before the call.

 

[pro-gress]

yall got some nice ones here. one i can remember happened a day or so ago at work.

she was about to get off, we were conversatin' and
she ask, "what are you doing when you get off"
me: "not much, just a couple of things lined up, what about u?"
her: "just going home"
me: "oh so your going with me...? They say home is where the heart is!"

blush city!

 

[R19]

I think the "nice eyes" line is just too generic.

I am not really the smoothest guy in the world most of the time. It's more about the delivery than what you say. Usually when I do say really smooth stuff it is a combination of tidbits from obscure films and is accompanied with kino. Like this:

(standing in front of a mirror with her)
Me: Do you ever wear your hair up?
Her: Well, sometimes. Why?
Me: You should more often. (pulling her hair into an up position, stroking the back of her neck lightly on the way up. Look at her in the mirror briefly and speak softly into her ear) See how it acentuates your shoulders. (Now speaking even more softly) A woman's shoulders are the front lines of a mystique.

From 'Scent of a Woman' - Al Pacino movie - thanks... don't think anything with Al Pacino would be obscure. Just like to see when a chick with a brain calls you on that.

How about 'You complete me...'?

 

[LoveLight]

I think the "nice eyes" line is just too generic.

I am not really the smoothest guy in the world most of the time. It's more about the delivery than what you say. Usually when I do say really smooth stuff it is a combination of tidbits from obscure films and is accompanied with kino. Like this:

(standing in front of a mirror with her)
Me: Do you ever wear your hair up?
Her: Well, sometimes. Why?
Me: You should more often. (pulling her hair into an up position, stroking the back of her neck lightly on the way up. Look at her in the mirror briefly and speak softly into her ear) See how it acentuates your shoulders. (Now speaking even more softly) A woman's shoulders are the front lines of a mystique.

Devils Advocate & Al Pacino for the win.!

 

[ohsnap]

Saw a girl... obviously waiting for someone, standing on the street corner outside a bar. There were hundreds of people walking around chaotically, since the pubs had just shut. The moment I laid eyes on her, I walked directly up to her, making no mistake in my movements.

"You know, a beautiful girl like you shouldn't stand around on street corners like this"
*girl starts laughing hysterically*
As she was still laughing, her friend showed up, and the introductions began