The single worst thing about dating women

[sinnerman]

I see alota people quote doc love. Where can i read his articles?

try dating section at askmen.com

 

[LoneWolf]

so very true..my last serious gf was so caring and and her interest level was in the stratosphere. she was ready to sacrifice her dreams and future plans to stay with me, lie to her parents to go out with me, tolerate every demand i made just to make sure i was happy.. she was also afraid to lose me all the while i was not that interested. however, her love and care and attention made me feel guilty about not reciprocating and baaam i became more and more caring while her interest level decreased. at the time i used to be a super afc believing that only if she knew how much i cared then she'd become like befpre and i put her on the pedestal made her the center of my universe and the result being her saying that she doesn't feel like before and it ended there. we did manage to continue for another 8 months on and off mostly coz i changed my behaviour but it was never like before..so yea thats the single worst thing about dating

i dont think its always the same case with ever woman. i think the ones that do that have issues. i refuse to play silly games in relationships... i would seriously rather be single than play games. i mean obviously don't overcrowd a girl with lovey dovey stuff but it really isn't a bad thing to show your love. if that sends them running, then i'd be happier without them.

 

[mahoney]

I'm having this problem regarding jobs at the moment. I'm in a job that in some respects is great, but there are other things that are not so good about it. I'm undecided about leaving

I've applied for a number of jobs and its weird - how i feel about them reminds me of the threads on here. I applied for some jobs and there were two that i just didnt know whether i had a chance or not, and the process took such a long time. I could only think about the positive parts of these two new jobs, and picture in my head how great it would be. One got back after a while and offered it. And now? all i can think about are the negatives about it, now the ball is in my court and I have to decide

 

[sinnerman]

i dont think its always the same case with ever woman. i think the ones that do that have issues. i refuse to play silly games in relationships... i would seriously rather be single than play games. i mean obviously don't overcrowd a girl with lovey dovey stuff but it really isn't a bad thing to show your love. if that sends them running, then i'd be happier without them.

its not like the change came over night. at first she really enjoyed the love and care i gave her back. however, there was a gut feeling that power was shifting. i started behaving like we're made for each other, soul mates and all that. and it wasn't like i was pretending. at first i just wanted to screw her while she had lots of future plans about us. after a while i felt guilty about how could i view such an innocent sweet girl as a piece of flesh and then i started doing all the wrong things. acting jealous and insecure, complimenting her all the time, telling her how much i missed her and so on. eventually it led to her telling me that she is not as ''fascinated'' by me as she was when we started going out.

when i analyze the situation now i realize that the days i miss the most(i still do) was the first month when all i wanted was to sleep with her. i did all the alpha stuff then without even realising. i projected higher value. i was the prize. it doesn't mean i didn't do any romantic stuff or wasn't chivalrous in that first month, however, it was half of as much she did.

once things went south i started missing all the nice things she used to say and do for me. winning her back became the sole motive of my existence and i thought if she would just realize how much she means to me and that i'm not a jerk she'd come back. that was a fatal error. when a gal acts clingy or insecure about herself or makes you the center of your world you feel like a king. i had felt that way and i wanted her to feel that way so i put her on the pedestal. BIG MISTAKE. Sadly, back then I didn't understand the concept of female attraction. I had this very romanticized & idealized view about her and our relationship and how she's not ''like other slvts out there who require gaming''

 

[bigneil]

i realize that the days i miss the most(i still do) was the first month

Yes I know the feeling all too well. It's especially hard to know that they simply transferred those feelings they had for you to someone else (or several others).

 

[LoneWolf]

its not like the change came over night. at first she really enjoyed the love and care i gave her back. however, there was a gut feeling that power was shifting. i started behaving like we're made for each other, soul mates and all that. and it wasn't like i was pretending. at first i just wanted to screw her while she had lots of future plans about us. after a while i felt guilty about how could i view such an innocent sweet girl as a piece of flesh and then i started doing all the wrong things. acting jealous and insecure, complimenting her all the time, telling her how much i missed her and so on. eventually it led to her telling me that she is not as ''fascinated'' by me as she was when we started going out.

when i analyze the situation now i realize that the days i miss the most(i still do) was the first month when all i wanted was to sleep with her. i did all the alpha stuff then without even realising. i projected higher value. i was the prize. it doesn't mean i didn't do any romantic stuff or wasn't chivalrous in that first month, however, it was half of as much she did.

once things went south i started missing all the nice things she used to say and do for me. winning her back became the sole motive of my existence and i thought if she would just realize how much she means to me and that i'm not a jerk she'd come back. that was a fatal error. when a gal acts clingy or insecure about herself or makes you the center of your world you feel like a king. i had felt that way and i wanted her to feel that way so i put her on the pedestal. BIG MISTAKE. Sadly, back then I didn't understand the concept of female attraction. I had this very romanticized & idealized view about her and our relationship and how she's not ''like other slvts out there who require gaming''

i think you just need to balance it that's all. if you don't over do it then things should be good.

 

[sinnerman]

Yes I know the feeling all too well. It's especially hard to know that they simply transferred those feelings they had for you to someone else (or several others).

yea that's the worst feeling. it hasn't happened with this last gf yet but i can still remember how i felt when this one gal started dating one of my friends after breaking up in high school. I reconciled with her after 5 years. That was the longest No Contact Ive done.

i think jealousy is the most powerful emotion in a man. it can drive you nuts to the point of harming yourself and destroying other areas of your life.

 

[bigneil]

Law 36: Disdain Things You Cannot Have: Ignoring Them is the Best Revenge

"Desire often creates paradoxical effects. The more you want something, the more you chase after it, the more it eludes you. The more interest you show, the more you repel the object of your desire. This is because your interest is too strong - it makes people awkward, even fearful. Uncontrollable desire makes you seem weak, unworthy, pathetic. You need to turn your back on what you want, show your contempt and disdain. This is the kind of powerful response that will drive your target crazy. They will respond with a desire of their own, which is simply to have an effect on you - perhaps to possess you, perhaps to hurt you. If they want to possess you, you have successfully completed the first step of seduction. If they want to hurt you, you have unsettled them and made them play by your rules."

"The 48 Laws of Power" page 305

 

[sinnerman]

Funny how when you first meet a girl you don't feel the least bit jealous of other men in their life. Slowly but surely you start to care about them until one day their opinion of you affects your self esteem.

The worst part is how, once you fall for them and lose them, even hotter girls who like you more don't cure you right away. But it goes both ways. Often you are really better than their previous boyfriend but, because you like them and the other guy dumped them, they still like the other one more.

I can so much relate to what you just said. When I started talking with this last gal whenever she mentioned about any other guy friend I'd get a bit jealous but then instantly would ask my self "So what, are you gonna marry this chic'' and that was that.

Once, I had oneitis for her I treated her like she was my territory and no one can tresspass there. So I started being jealous even if she talked with a guy friend. Started doubting my place in her life, whether I was her #1 priority or not and so on. This was one of the major reasons why things went south.

After I went no contact with her some 25 days back I went out with a few hotter girls. And still I couldn't get her out of my system. After a certain point looks of the girl you love become secondary. You start associating how you once felt being the king in her life to the girl herself. Even her behavior and personality may have changed yet you still associate that feeling you had when things were going great. That is what the other hotter girls can't provide. Logically speaking I know there is no future with her and being attached with her is counter productive. However, like a cigarette addict you still feel the need to get a taste of that poison even if it harms you.

 

[bigneil]

After a certain point looks of the girl you love become secondary... Even her behavior and personality may have changed yet you still associate that feeling you had when things were going great. That is what the other hotter girls can't provide. Logically speaking I know there is no future with her and being attached with her is counter productive. However, like a cigarette addict you still feel the need to get a taste of that poison even if it harms you.

Great points sinnerman. We need to realize that jealousy is weakness. We have to be confident enough to know that there is nobody better than us. Some girls try to make you jealous and wear you down over time though.

And yes you get addicted to them and seeing them becomes almost magical - you are living the fantasy you had as you spent so much time thinking of them, often when they aren't even all that pretty and none of your friends or family understand what the heck you see in them. We need to master the art of making girls feel that way about us.

 

[joverby]

i dont think its always the same case with ever woman. i think the ones that do that have issues. i refuse to play silly games in relationships... i would seriously rather be single than play games. i mean obviously don't overcrowd a girl with lovey dovey stuff but it really isn't a bad thing to show your love. if that sends them running, then i'd be happier without them.

You can go overboard, I did just like sinner. Same exact situation, her interest was sky high and I blew it by putting her on a pedalstool.

BUT I did realize something about her personality too, she goes through "phases" of liking things. She will get really obsessed with chocolate shakes for a while and then just drop them more or less(This applies to other things too). I figured this same personality could be applied to her feelings towards me, but then again I could just be trying to find other reasons as to why it didn't work out besides my smothering.

 

[LoneWolf]

i WAS doing that at the beginning with the girl i'm seeing currently. i was too much too early. i wanted to see her too much and talk to her a lot. i felt she didn't like that and i backed the fuk off. she came back to me and ive been doing that ever since. when we are together i'm in heaven. it's beautiful. we both love being together but i know when she's had enough and i let her go.. because i know she'll come back.

i think it's not so much what you do together in person, but more about what you do when you're NOT together. limit your contact and neediness. take it slow. let them miss you and chase you a bit. i think that works.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

I think there's an issue with the OP statement. BOTH men and women who perceive themselves as of high value lose interest in someone if the other person appears to develop significant interest in them before they've had to do any work. It comes down to this: if she respects herself and has her choice of guys, then she's used to guys rolling over for her at sight. It's essentially a filter that very attractive people use in order to prevent themselves from getting into relationships with needy people who are willing to change themselves at the drop of a hat for some sex or relationship validation. Highly attractive men also find it a turn-off when a women acts like a puppy dog instantly.

If you're affectionate but NOT NEEDY, then you have nothing to worry about. If you expect to be able to act like an AFC and be needy and clingy, and if that's what you want in a woman, then go get yourself a woman with really low self esteem, because they eat that garbage up.

On the other hand, both men and women who believe they're of low value or status are flattered by- and gain interest in people who immediately show them affection and interest. They are excited because, despite all of their self-percieved flaws, this person WANTS them!! This person might even tolerate the rest of their BS long enough for them to *trick* the person into a long term relationship!!

 

[Darth]

I don't think it has to be like that. I just thought of an analogy...It's more like this:

1. Guy shows interest at the beginning, casts the line in the water.
2. Girl shows interest, nibbles softly on the line then swims back a little bit.

Then there are 3 options.

3A. The guy falls head over heels for the fish, immediately. He reels in the line as fast as he can and brings up an empty hook.

3B. The guy says to himself, "That feels interesting", but I don't know how big it is. Let's play with this a little more. So he moves the line around, tugs it away a little bit, then brings it back, slowly starts to reel up the line. Then when the fish bites ("I love you") he commits (yanks the line, hooks the fish).

3C. But if the guy says to himself, "That feels like a small fish. I don't care." The fish bites and the guy reels it up effortlessly, but then he tosses it back..because he didn't want it anyway.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Fishing implies predation and trickery - a hidden hook in a piece of juicy bait. Attractive people view themselves as the fish trying to fvck other fish, while avoiding fishermen (and fisherwomen) entirely.

 

[Darth]

The other state of affairs, of course, would be a guy who doesn't show interest in the beginning and doesn't go to places where he would meet women at all.

This would be the equivalent of a fisherman sitting quietly at the docks with his hook and fishing pole out of the water

(perhaps not even baited! Perhaps he doesn't have anything women would want to begin with, like a good job, good hygiene, or a good, friendly personality)

and expecting the fish to jump out of the water and throw themselves at him.

 

[mahoney]

slightly different take on this:

i was actually speaking to a good friend the other night about this, she's attractive, certainly - but she's not beautiful. I know that, she knows that. very few people are. She gets a lot of male attention, most of it pretty lame. the problem for her is the interest levels of dudes are so high when they don't even know her - she doesn't take their interest particularly seriously though - they're not really interested in her, they just think they are. what they're actually interested in is their 'imagining' of her

its actually this very high initial interest which is a turn off for her, and you can see why, she isn't (and can never be) the person in these dudes heads.

with someone who has a bit lower interest level it isn't just that things are now more equal, they haven't made an imagined version in their head, they approach her more as she actually is, a reasonably attractive girl who may or may not be interesting (shes very interesting, but they don't know that yet, or in what way)

the high interest level dudes that put on a pedestal, actually make her feel self-conscious and uncomfortable, its not a particularly relaxed atmosphere i guess

 

[bigneil]

I'm not talking about having extremely high interest immediately. I'm talking about when you play them perfectly and THEY have high interest, and after about 6 weeks you get hooked, then you start getting really interested and their interest fades.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

An analogy I just thought up..

"Men are mountains, and women are the climbers"

Think about it.. Why is Mount Everest looked at with such prestige, value, and omnipotence. It is the largest most dangerous mountain in the world to climb, therefore it gets a lot of attention. Lots of climbers go there from all over the world and some die attempting to reach the summit.

Mount Everest gets a lot more attention throughout the world than say.. the small mountain you hike with a few friends about an hour away from where you live. That small mountain is just there, but it does not wield many risks or dangers.

 

[SharinganUser]

It's only the worst thing if you show your interest level.