The shy guys thread

[NaturallySelected]

Hey there shy DJ's

I know this post will feel like an AA meeting but I'd just like to hear from the shy DJ's here (or ex-shy). Let's post about how shy we are\used to be and what we have done in the past to overcome this problem.

I had ONE friend through most of school, then in high school I had TWO good friends. I was painfully shy, I wouldn't talk to anyone. When I saw a girl I liked I would say "Hi" to her every morning and that's it

I used to get VERY nervouse during speeches. I used to sit in total silence in groups. It really sucked. I was a total nerd. Then I started university and things got better, I figured since no one knew me I would do what I want. So I spoke to lots of girls and guys, made friends with a whole bunch of people. It's amazing what I did, for a shy guy, going from knowing NO chicks to meeting plenty. I did regress a bit to my shy self last year but I am back on track this year.

I was terribly shy making phone calls. But I got a job this year that involves dealing with people on the phone. At first I was terrible, but now I am confident and no what I'm doing. Works wonders. Heck, I even asked this girl for her number on thursday because she sounded nice and she was leaving the company she works for. I knew if I hadn't got her number I would never hear from her again. So I went for it. Now I will call her later this week, I figure I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. The cool thing is I know she's pretty because one of my colleagues met her at a christmas party last year.

I found battling shyness involves small steps, starting by doing little things that you are afraid of until they don't scare you and then moving on. Eye contact, speaking to strangers, etc. I made out with a chick that wasn't attractive. Why? It was my first kiss and I needed the practice .

So any other shy DJ's here?

NaturallySelected

 

[intraining]

Umm im extremley shy and i dont kno what to do.Im nineteen years old and my shyness is taking over my life.Ive never been kissed nor have i had sex before.Im not ugly but i cant seem to get over this

 

[Kelson]

Go talk to some girls. Even if you look like an idiot the first few times, you'll get better at it. We were all afraid of talking to the opposite gender at some point (well, everyone but me...I was born hitting them up), just jump in. They only bite if they think you'll like it ;-)

 

[PeeGee]

I used to be extremely shy. I got over things one (general) situation at a time. For speech making, I realised that when I knew what to say, and really enjoyed the topic, I can speak to a crowd with no problem (except when I fumble and don't know how to continue/where I was, etc). Talking to people, that just comes with practice. You have no problem talking to your friends, right? So, just view strangers as friends-to-be, and that will take care of the problem. Most of the time shyness can be overcome by realising things aren't as scary as you make them out to be. Forcing yourself to act also helps. The 3-second rule is great to ensure you at least do *something*.

Specifically to do with picking up girls, it really helps if you realise that you don't have to succeed 100% of the time. Nobody's keeping count, and it really doesn't matter at the end of the day, or in a few years. Start talking to people and have fun.

 

[So Many Ways]

I personally am shy or should I say introverted. I went through the stage where I couldn't talk to people and talking to women was something unheard of.

At this point in my life and at my age, I've accepted the person that I am and I don't consider it a personality defect or anything of the sort. Introverts are energized by the inner world of thoughts and ideas, which sums up how I'm like to a tee. Extroverts are on the other hand energized by the outer world.

While I do think it's a good idea to step outside of yourself, especially when it comes to what this board is about which is dealing with women, being the shy and introverted type does not have to be a detriment to meeting women. The problem is insecurity, which for many is coupled with being shy or introverted. I'm learning how to use my personality in order to be more attractive to women, since there are a lot of women who like guys that are laid back. I've taken that role and I've had some success with it coupled with the improvement of my inner game, thanks to David D's materials.

 

[Bunk 040]

Sign in to my BootCamp!

 

[Dirtheart]

About 8 years ago I was agoraphobic and my only friends were people I spoke to via penpal letters and email, and I used to suffer panic attacks for years, so I guess you can't get much more shy than that. But these days I'm probably more outgoing than most people I know and I seem to be able to win anyone over with my charisma (even nazi-feminist lecturers and snooty career women).

As already stated here, overcoming shyness is best done with small steps. Just do one thing that's uncomfortable until you're familiar with it, and then take another step. If you accept it as a challenge, you'll probably go further than most people.

 

[EternalBachelor]

I have been shy all my life, and am sure it is the biggest obstacle in my way for meeting women. I am also extremely self conscious, and even when I am saying hello to someone, I feel that everyone is looking at me and watching my every move.

However I have made great progress since coming to university. What I do is I accept that I am shy and feel nervous when talking to people. But I do it anyway. I force myself to smile, and be friendly and try and forget about myself by focusing on the other person. Effectively I act as if I am not shy.

What I find is that I am situationally shy. I am fine in small groups and intimate gatherings where I know everyone. But place me in a crowded bar or a club, or introduce me to 2 hot girls I don't know and I go to pieces.

Any more advice that anyone could give, or personal stories would help me a lot.

 

[Dirtheart]

What I do is I accept that I am shy and feel nervous when talking to people.

Here's what you are doing wrong. If you accept it, it can be a very difficult habit to change. You are basically creating this shy identity for yourself and forcing your behaviour to fit into it. Any time you do something that doesn't fit, it feels awkward for you.

So, from now on, deny all belief that you are shy and tell yourself you are confident. Walk as a confident person would walk, talk like a confident person would talk etc.

In other words, create a confident identity for yourself and fit your behaviour into that instead.

It doesn't take very long before you start feeling it and every time you act in a shy manner it will feel uncharacteristic and awkward for you.

Of course, the biggest tip, echoed over and over again: slow down! Shy and nervous people have a habit of rushing and they lose their composure and then get worked up. As long as you are in control of every word you speak, every action you take, you basically decide who you are and how you are seen by others.

 

[4afe]

I am shy around small groups or just one or two people. But I am trying to over come it. Like today I made a small joke at work, and I also complemented this girl on her shoes (both I never do), ooh and I also said hello to this woman she was older but still HOT, she even held the door for me after I said hi (it may not seem like much to most of you, but for me small things like that are great giant steps) . So things are starting to look up.

 

[neobrood]

I used to be a low self-esteem suicide freak...

Until I met this girl and FAILED to conquer her...

Now, I'm in the process of redeeming myself by getting more active in the community...

Gotta join those youth groups...

Gotta go to church more often...

Gotta go to more parties...

Gotta befriend more people. Even guys. Guys can hook me up to chicks they know... hehe... Some of em might have sisters or cousins or something...

 

[So pimp its scary]

The first time I ever asked out a girl... I had to have 3 guys all but pick me up and drag me into her presence.

She said yes tho, and we dated for a year.

I used to be pretty sad... sometimes, I'd go to a club, and just dance and enjoy myself and having many girls check me out, then I wouldn't go for it.

It took me 3 times to go through the bootcamp as best as I could complete it.

The rewards : I was looking at a calender that I used at the beginning of the year (Jan-Jun 2004) and I would meet 5-6 girls a month and for most progress from there.

I then went to college and took a few classes of interest. While I was there, I made it a point to talk to a new person at least every day. Very soon, I had people commenting... "I always see you with another woman... what's your secret?" I tell them, "I just walk up to the table, say 'Let me join you guys,' unless they are busy or stuck up they say yes. Then, I wait for a conversation to spark itself, because eating next to a person makes you want to talk to them aswell or else it would be a little awkward."

I walked into a party, where a friend was picking up some drugs... I started a conversation with one of the girls, and we played a party game... I made friends with all of them, and when they kicked out my friends they told me that I could stay.

I always had the problem that 'initiating the conversation is half the battle.' so I never ended up going for it without MAJOR signals.

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

While there are people who are extremely shy and need to change for the sake of living a decent life, most people either fall into the "extrovert or introvert" catergories.

Some people will never be successful salesmen. Some people will never be good at public speaking. Some people will never be good at leading or managing. That's just the way it is.

Trying to change from an introvert to an extrovert will most likely lead people more into shyness then out of shyness. If they are really shy.

Too many people on this site equate "being shy" with not being able to talk to girls.

Thats not being shy, thats just afraid of talking to the opposite sex.

Somebody who is an extreme introvert, is also a person who spends more time in books then with friends, if they have any friends at all.

Everything needs to be done in small steps.

However, don't think by doing small steps you'll become this extremely successful extrovert. It might happen, it might not happen.

Try to improve your social skills but don't get pissed off and more insecure because you are not becoming this flamboyant center of attention outspoken individual.

Some people relish behind the camera while others relish in front of it.

And don't get drunk or just act like a complete idiot to prove you are not really "shy." that'll only make things worse in the long run.

 

[So pimp its scary]

Originally posted by elvis aint dead yet
While there are people who are extremely shy and need to change for the sake of living a decent life, most people either fall into the "extrovert or introvert" catergories.

I definately fall into the 'introvert' category... yet, at parties and such, I would seem like the extrovert.

Some people will never be successful salesmen. Some people will never be good at public speaking. Some people will never be good at leading or managing. That's just the way it is.

I don't exactly agree with this... most will not be successful salesman, as an example, not because they have a natural inability to sell, but more because they lack the effort and motivation to become a successful salesman. You have to want it bad enough, then you can do anything.

Trying to change from an introvert to an extrovert will most likely lead people more into shyness then out of shyness. If they are really shy.

Once again, not unless they want it bad enough.

Somebody who is an extreme introvert, is also a person who spends more time in books then with friends, if they have any friends at all.

Everything needs to be done in small steps.

However, don't think by doing small steps you'll become this extremely successful extrovert. It might happen, it might not happen.

If you want it bad enough, you will FIND a way to make it happen.

Try to improve your social skills but don't get pissed off and more insecure because you are not becoming this flamboyant center of attention outspoken individual.

This actually held me back for quite the while... I wasn't getting as much success as I wanted, and being very driven to succeed in this area made doubt my abilities, but when I compared the successes that I already had compared to the alternative of how I USED to be... I realized that although I wasn't where I wanted to be that there was one point where I would have WISHED to be as successful as I am.

And don't get drunk or just act like a complete idiot to prove you are not really "shy." that'll only make things worse in the long run.

My 2 cents.