jhonny9546
Master Don Juan
The internet tells us we should improve, focus on ourselves, and pursue our hobbies.
That is solid advice.
Then, it's only when you rediscover yourself through this process, and have a vision of who you are now, that you can also understand what really matters in your life.
You can see why this advice works, but it's not really everything you've been told.
Infact, You'll feel good, but still, You ask yourself why you're still feel alone, even you made good friends and know plenty of people.
So, theraphy will bring you to look even deeper into you, but that is really not the case.
My friend.. there's one part missing, which people here in Italy teach me every day. (but that could also be spain, or any other country which have strong families)
I've simply seen friends being completely dependent on their families (socio economically speaking), giving up their careers for a local job, and for having children at 25, being supported by their family, and living that way.
Then, when their parents grew up, they inherited everything from the family, and repeated this with their children, grandchildren, etc.
Basically, "family" was their most important investment. This is what happen in Italy, from generations (not everyone look like this, but those are the wealthies and healthies families I know of).
Also, they tell you to be a bad guy, because being a good guy is not good.
THe good guy will not get f2cked or make money.
Meanwhile, the good guy wins in the long run.
Especially in networking, in social circles.
He'll get some disrespect because people might see him as a bit harmless. He could also get disrespected by his partner, but the attitude of being available and helping others will lead him to prune dead branches and grow new ones.
So the secret to relationships has always been: building infrastructures for having shared commitments among the members.
Build environments, infrastructures, where people in your family can have shared goals.
In practice, create a path of problems for them, and solve them together.
The classic example is a father and his son who likes soccer;...
He becomes a soccer coach.
His wife will resent it for a while, but when the son is old enough to play, she'll see his father coaching him, and then she too will participate in the commitment to take him to soccer.
Many people fail to see this.
Yet as men we should understand.
We should self improve ourself, but at the same time bring the infrastructure for the future, if we want to build a family.
I will also confirm that many of the people I've met into those relationship had difficult moments.
Just think something like:
From 20 to 30, children
From 30 to 40, we raise children in a family
From 40 to 60, career for retirement
From 60 to 70, final efforts / and being grandparents
From 70, we move to a more affordable place for retirement.
or
From 20 to 30, career
From 30 to 40, career
From 40 to 60, relationships and children
From 60 to 70, final effort
From 70, we move to a more affordable place for retirement.
What's lost is simply the fact that people no longer see their "family" of origin or make a new one as an investment.
Today's mediums separate us and suggest we become the best versions of ourselves.
The secret to staying united may be working on shared goals.
How many couples have broken up simply because of a job/career change?
How many couples have broken up simply because of a move?
I think school system can teach us something.
100 students are taken and divided into five classes of 20.
The classes are A, B, C, D, and E.
The members of class A, even though they know the other classes, will be much closer because they have common goals.
Love and friendships are formed.
Have you ever wondered what happens once you leave the group or when school ends?
All contact is lost.
This is the same thing that happens when couples don't work on shared goals or when one of the two wants to go down another path.
So could you really explain to me how a self-improvement, independent person can be someone with whom you can have shared, long-term goals, if in the first instance this person always have his suitcase ready to leave in case of disrespect?
Now I undestand when people says that they've made it for the family, just because something you can't see the big picture.
And then there's another fundamental thing:
Most people have "bonds," "feelings."
My grandfather married my grandmother, and they were together all their lives.
He was a so called "bluepilled" man who never experienced oneitis, and always had low stress regarding his relationship.
He entrusted everything he owned, from his emotions to his wealth, to my grandmother.
He only experienced oneitis in his 90s, when my grandmother died.
You know what? He lost his purpose in life and became a vegetable and died 1 year after..
THis to say how strong is the fact people losing their "life road" or life path, it's not actually something so misterious.
It's just the fact those people still have no project or plan for they're life they're partecipating to.
So many old people here could actually think about this and bring their thoughts to have an interesting discussion about this
Please also bring in your family/situation status, so we could also see why your perspective is like that, and where is coming from, and why you consider that
That is solid advice.
Then, it's only when you rediscover yourself through this process, and have a vision of who you are now, that you can also understand what really matters in your life.
You can see why this advice works, but it's not really everything you've been told.
Infact, You'll feel good, but still, You ask yourself why you're still feel alone, even you made good friends and know plenty of people.
So, theraphy will bring you to look even deeper into you, but that is really not the case.
My friend.. there's one part missing, which people here in Italy teach me every day. (but that could also be spain, or any other country which have strong families)
I've simply seen friends being completely dependent on their families (socio economically speaking), giving up their careers for a local job, and for having children at 25, being supported by their family, and living that way.
Then, when their parents grew up, they inherited everything from the family, and repeated this with their children, grandchildren, etc.
Basically, "family" was their most important investment. This is what happen in Italy, from generations (not everyone look like this, but those are the wealthies and healthies families I know of).
Also, they tell you to be a bad guy, because being a good guy is not good.
THe good guy will not get f2cked or make money.
Meanwhile, the good guy wins in the long run.
Especially in networking, in social circles.
He'll get some disrespect because people might see him as a bit harmless. He could also get disrespected by his partner, but the attitude of being available and helping others will lead him to prune dead branches and grow new ones.
So the secret to relationships has always been: building infrastructures for having shared commitments among the members.
Build environments, infrastructures, where people in your family can have shared goals.
In practice, create a path of problems for them, and solve them together.
The classic example is a father and his son who likes soccer;...
He becomes a soccer coach.
His wife will resent it for a while, but when the son is old enough to play, she'll see his father coaching him, and then she too will participate in the commitment to take him to soccer.
Many people fail to see this.
Yet as men we should understand.
We should self improve ourself, but at the same time bring the infrastructure for the future, if we want to build a family.
I will also confirm that many of the people I've met into those relationship had difficult moments.
Just think something like:
From 20 to 30, children
From 30 to 40, we raise children in a family
From 40 to 60, career for retirement
From 60 to 70, final efforts / and being grandparents
From 70, we move to a more affordable place for retirement.
or
From 20 to 30, career
From 30 to 40, career
From 40 to 60, relationships and children
From 60 to 70, final effort
From 70, we move to a more affordable place for retirement.
What's lost is simply the fact that people no longer see their "family" of origin or make a new one as an investment.
Today's mediums separate us and suggest we become the best versions of ourselves.
The secret to staying united may be working on shared goals.
How many couples have broken up simply because of a job/career change?
How many couples have broken up simply because of a move?
I think school system can teach us something.
100 students are taken and divided into five classes of 20.
The classes are A, B, C, D, and E.
The members of class A, even though they know the other classes, will be much closer because they have common goals.
Love and friendships are formed.
Have you ever wondered what happens once you leave the group or when school ends?
All contact is lost.
This is the same thing that happens when couples don't work on shared goals or when one of the two wants to go down another path.
So could you really explain to me how a self-improvement, independent person can be someone with whom you can have shared, long-term goals, if in the first instance this person always have his suitcase ready to leave in case of disrespect?
Now I undestand when people says that they've made it for the family, just because something you can't see the big picture.
And then there's another fundamental thing:
Most people have "bonds," "feelings."
My grandfather married my grandmother, and they were together all their lives.
He was a so called "bluepilled" man who never experienced oneitis, and always had low stress regarding his relationship.
He entrusted everything he owned, from his emotions to his wealth, to my grandmother.
He only experienced oneitis in his 90s, when my grandmother died.
You know what? He lost his purpose in life and became a vegetable and died 1 year after..
THis to say how strong is the fact people losing their "life road" or life path, it's not actually something so misterious.
It's just the fact those people still have no project or plan for they're life they're partecipating to.
So many old people here could actually think about this and bring their thoughts to have an interesting discussion about this
Please also bring in your family/situation status, so we could also see why your perspective is like that, and where is coming from, and why you consider that
