Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single

She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.

You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.

The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.

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The Science of Love

Rollo Tomassi

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Though I consider myself a pretty well read, intellectual fellow, I'm generally not the type of guy to put down good money for a National Geographic Magazine. However this is exactly what I did last weekend when I was perusing the magazine rack at my local grocery store for the latest copy of Flex. The cover story was the 'Science of Love' - an obvious ploy to increase sales around Valentines Day, but one that worked in my case. Although it was flowery in it's approach (written by a woman naturally), it broke down a lot of the bio-chemestry and bio-psychology involved in 'love'. It really refered more to the mechanics of attraction IMHO, but it broke it down into nuts & bolts. I'm recommending this as a good read for the forum here, but unfortunately you'll have to buy the magazine for the full article (it's only $5).

Do however have a look at the forum responses regarding the article though:

Science of Love Forum

This was my reason for starting this thread actually, because it provides us here with a fantastic cross-section of responses to popular opinion with regard to love and/or popular perception of it. Notice how the responses vary between men and women, and also among married and age deliniations. Keep in mind these aren't people on some dating site or necessarily familiar with our community, so their biases are their own. Just from scanning the first few pages you'll be floored by absolute pervasiveness that the 'soulmate myth' plays in the popular consciousness.

Thought this might make for a good discussion.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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speedo_meme

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I recommend "Muscle and Fitness" over "Flex" :D
 

Colossus

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I agree with the widespread acceptance and subsequent behavioral manifestations that come from the "soulmate myth". I used to be that guy.

I personally think there are many different potential partners that a person could have a fulfilling relationship with throughout different stages of life. Life changes and so do people. IMO, the soulmate myth is a significant contributory factor to the "relationship-hopping" culture in America today. Nobody can ever live up to an idealized standard of perfection.

On a side note, I am very sceptical of any scientific claims made in tabliod muscle-mags like FLEX. While it makes for motivational and entertaining reading, many of the biological facts and figures found in flex are not substantiated; they are just that--claims. Let me see some peer-reviewed research published in a reputable professional journal, then I'll take it seriously. I think a dissapointing percentage of writers in mags like that are quacks with no science background whatsoever. They are just self-educated meatheads who think that because of their personal success in bodybuilding and selected readings, they are "experts".

Anyways, I had to rant a little (Im a physiology student). :rolleyes:
 

Rollo Tomassi

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COLOSSUS: This article wasn't in FLEX, it was in National Geographic.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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treefingers

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Science has explained the underlying neurochemistry that creates the feeling of love/lust. To make a relationship work beyond that takes(I'm guessing here) mutual respect and selflessness. The old timers seemed better at this than todays youngsters.
 
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