"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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The right mind-set for email-flirts + Funny song about an AFC's email experiences

John999

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Hi everybody,


today I want to share with you a very funny song which summarizes the mistakes one can do while flirting via email. After you listened to it, read on, so we can analyze the lyrics together to get some general tips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6gG-FJHwQQ

Listen to the lyrics, it's a very funny observation of a computer-nerd's / AFCs dating problems.
The most important lesson from this song, which can be applied to many instances in online-dating:


Do not spend too much of your free-time by checking for messages / hoping for answers from people you barely know.


The lyrics summarize the AFC-mindset very well: "She seemed to be the right one...". Never be so sure about such a thing. You can not know this after just reading an online profile where you seem to have a lot in common. If you have the same interests it doesn't necessarily mean that you automatically fit perfectly in every regard.

Take e-mailing easy, and don't invest too much emotional energy before you know the other person better. :)

An other important lesson from the song: In the lyrics, he gives a girl his mail-address, so that she can contact him. Although it would be surely better to exchange numbers, this is an interesting point:

If we generalize it: He gave her his contact-data, so it was up to her to decide if she should call or not. A good way to see if there is any interest on her part. But then he spent his time always thinking of her, while she seemed to have forgotten about him. Again, he invested too much emotional energy too early. Instead of waiting for the one message from her, he should have gone out, spent time with his hobbies etc... That way, when you don't receive an answer, it doesn't bother you at all, as you are busy doing other things. And when you get an answer, you can reply in a relaxed way, as you didn't spend your time waiting for it, thinking nervously what to reply.

The last bit of the lyrics is very interesting, as it turns the situation around, and we clearly see the problem, why sometimes you won't get messages back: When you write to a person who has no interest for you, they just don't want to answer. Period. You can write whatever you like, it won't change their mind if they dislike you from the beginning. Don't take it personal, move on, and it makes it easier for both sides.

Again, the most important tip repeated: Don't invest too much emotional energy before you know the other person better. Spend your time with friends, hobbies etc. and don't let e-mail-flirts take away too much of your free-time.

I hope it's helpful, and the song made you laugh and think at the same time :up:

all the best to you!
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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