The riddle

[Skunstar]

Hello
A couple of weeks ago I started to talk to one girl at work. She is currently in a relationship. However, while I was talking with her current boyfriend stated that this relationship is pointless. She said something similar. So, I started casually talking with her at work. From my perspective she finds me attractive - she starts conversations with me, laughs a lot etc. Two days ago, she started acting like she does not see me at work, so I started acting the same way She is still is in this relationship. I figured out that I should approach her and say something “when you are done with him lets go out” - but that is a huge statement of intention and I am not sure if that is a good thing to do. Any suggestions?

 

[bat soup]

Hello
A couple of weeks ago I started to talk to one girl at work. She is currently in a relationship. However, while I was talking with her current boyfriend stated that this relationship is pointless. She said something similar. So, I started casually talking with her at work. From my perspective she finds me attractive - she starts conversations with me, laughs a lot etc. Two days ago, she started acting like she does not see me at work, so I started acting the same way She is still is in this relationship. I figured out that I should approach her and say something “when you are done with him lets go out” - but that is a huge statement of intention and I am not sure if that is a good thing to do. Any suggestions?

It sounds to me that at first she thought you were just being friendly and when she realised what your intentions were she went cold.

Look at her actions, not her words - women always want attention and they love to talk, but if she avoids being alone with you or getting close then she's not interested.

You're probably best not to say something too forward, because it could get you into serious trouble at work or with her boyfriend (who might not appreciate the "when you're finished with him" line).

If you really want to go forward with it, invite her to do something together outside of work (like getting a drink together, for example) and see how she reacts.

 

[jimwho]

Do yourself a favor. Keep your work separate from guaranteed drama. Awkward at work su_ks!

 

[MoMoses]

Hello
A couple of weeks ago I started to talk to one girl at work. She is currently in a relationship. However, while I was talking with her current boyfriend stated that this relationship is pointless. She said something similar. So, I started casually talking with her at work. From my perspective she finds me attractive - she starts conversations with me, laughs a lot etc. Two days ago, she started acting like she does not see me at work, so I started acting the same way She is still is in this relationship. I figured out that I should approach her and say something “when you are done with him lets go out” - but that is a huge statement of intention and I am not sure if that is a good thing to do. Any suggestions?

The bold part is important

I agree with you.. don't be too upfront in this case. For two reasons:

1) You work together so if things go south you could be in trouble
2) She's in a relationship so if things go south you could be in trouble

She can know you like her as a person and if I were you I'd stay happy, fun to talk to and centered. You acting all cold when she acts cold is what you should NOT do. She has to feel that you are unfazed by this. She will like you for it.

If her relationship really goes down the drain she'll be open to being approached by you. Not sooner and if she is it's a sign she's not to be trusted. Some wise friend once told me: "They way you lose them, is the way you won them"

Chicks that do heavy monkey branching won't suddenly stop doing this when they met you. Remember this.

But it sounds to me like she's a trustworthy girl, who's loyal to her boyfriend, so I would wait it out if I were you.

Making a move will never be in your favor. Either she reciprocates and then you can never trust her, or she is a loyal girl and you may never get another chance with her because of this. It doesn't matter if her relationship isn't doing all that well. She won't feel good about cheating.

There's a very small chance she's a unicorn. The kind of girl that cheats on her previous partner, ditches him and stays in a happy relationship with you for ever and ever. [Insert Disney Song here]

 

[Skunstar]

The bold part is important

I agree with you.. don't be too upfront in this case. For two reasons:

1) You work together so if things go south you could be in trouble
2) She's in a relationship so if things go south you could be in trouble

She can know you like her as a person and if I were you I'd stay happy, fun to talk to and centered. You acting all cold when she acts cold is what you should NOT do. She has to feel that you are unfazed by this. She will like you for it.

If her relationship really goes down the drain she'll be open to being approached by you. Not sooner and if she is it's a sign she's not to be trusted. Some wise friend once told me: "They way you lose them, is the way you won them"

Chicks that do heavy monkey branching won't suddenly stop doing this when they met you. Remember this.

But it sounds to me like she's a trustworthy girl, who's loyal to her boyfriend, so I would wait it out if I were you.

Making a move will never be in your favor. Either she reciprocates and then you can never trust her, or she is a loyal girl and you may never get another chance with her because of this. It doesn't matter if her relationship isn't doing all that well. She won't feel good about cheating.

There's a very small chance she's a unicorn. The kind of girl that cheats on her previous partner, ditches him and stays in a happy relationship with you for ever and ever. [Insert Disney Song here]

Ok. I really like the way you explained it and i afgree with you. I just do not understand one thing. You wrote that i should not be cold when she is. Isnt that giving free attention and acting as a desperate person?
Second thing, today at work during our conversation she was doing sex references without talking about sex directly (sorry english is my 2nd language i do not know how to explainit better)

 

[MoMoses]

Ok. I really like the way you explained it and i afgree with you. I just do not understand one thing. You wrote that i should not be cold when she is. Isnt that giving free attention and acting as a desperate person?

Great question, but no!

Too many dudes get this all wrong. I was like this once. The opposite is true. By showing that you noticed she is ignoring you (by ignoring her yourself) you show her that you don't like what she is doing and that you are affected by it. This isn't attractive. This shows her, in a subtle way that she's on your mind and that she's pretty important to you. When she can affect your mood just by ignoring you a little bit? Think about it.. how confident do you really look at this point? She won't register this in a conscious way but it gets registers nonetheless, trust me.

Free attention isn't ok. You're right about that. But there's a difference between texting her (= free attention) and saying hello at work (= normal behavior). You may even have a little conversation when you see her and then get to work. She won't see this as overly investing, needy behavior. This isn't free attention. This is you being a cool dude. And it sure isn't desperation. Unless you keep contacting her for all kinds of BS like asking for a pen or asking her where the copy machine is That's needy behavior because then you NEED her attention.

Second thing, today at work during our conversation she was doing sex references without talking about sex directly (sorry english is my 2nd language i do not know how to explainit better)

Oh, so you did talk to her? Great!

What exactly was the conversation about? Sex reference is pretty vague

No problem, your english is great! It isn't my native language either. Actually my Dutch, French and even German are better. Where are you from?

 

[Skunstar]

Great question, but no!

Too many dudes get this all wrong. I was like this once. The opposite is true. By showing that you noticed she is ignoring you (by ignoring her yourself) you show her that you don't like what she is doing and that you are affected by it. This isn't attractive. This shows her, in a subtle way that she's on your mind and that she's pretty important to you. When she can affect your mood just by ignoring you a little bit? Think about it.. how confident do you really look at this point? She won't register this in a conscious way but it gets registers nonetheless, trust me.

Free attention isn't ok. You're right about that. But there's a difference between texting her (= free attention) and saying hello at work (= normal behavior). You may even have a little conversation when you see her and then get to work. She won't see this as overly investing, needy behavior. This isn't free attention. This is you being a cool dude. And it sure isn't desperation. Unless you keep contacting her for all kinds of BS like asking for a pen or asking her where the copy machine is That's needy behavior because then you NEED her attention.



Oh, so you did talk to her? Great!

What exactly was the conversation about? Sex reference is pretty vague

No problem, your english is great! It isn't my native language either. Actually my Dutch, French and even German are better. Where are you from?

i did talk to her but she started a conversation today
I cannot translate conversation
I am from Hungary.

 

[Skunstar]

Good! In my opinion you are right to amplify disinterest...with disinterest. It's an old DJ maxim that holds sway in 2021.

Good things rarely happen when an aspiring DJ pursues "riddle" women. She's likely having a good chuckle right now, though.

Well so youre saying forget about sutaution and carry on?

 

[MoMoses]

Good! In my opinion you are right to amplify disinterest...with disinterest. It's an old DJ maxim that holds sway in 2021.

Disinterest can work when she is attracted or when nothing has happened and she starts wondering why you are disinterested. But when you show disinterest as a response to her showing disinterest it's a reaction to her behavior and this ain't good.

I get your point. Most here will get it, but in this particular case I don't agree that mirroring her behavior is the best course of action. It's way more powerful when he shows that he doesn't care.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Hello
A couple of weeks ago I started to talk to one girl at work. She is currently in a relationship. However, while I was talking with her current boyfriend stated that this relationship is pointless. She said something similar. So, I started casually talking with her at work. From my perspective she finds me attractive - she starts conversations with me, laughs a lot etc. Two days ago, she started acting like she does not see me at work, so I started acting the same way She is still is in this relationship. I figured out that I should approach her and say something “when you are done with him lets go out” - but that is a huge statement of intention and I am not sure if that is a good thing to do. Any suggestions?

Sounds like you need abundance, period. If you were talking to multiple girls, this wouldn't faze you one bit.

Butt to address your question, yes, move on. Interwork relations are not ideal. It takes two very mature and centered people to handle a situation like that well. It only takes one misunderstanding, disagreement, insult, disrespect, etc, etc, and the environment becomes toxic. And keep in mind you spend more time at work than at home probably. Needless to say, if anything bad happens your job and career might be at risk. No girl is worth risking your financial stability/future.

Plus she is in a relationship, whether a good or bad one, we tend to say respect that. You wouldn't want a guy doing the same to you down the line, would you? So why do it to someone else? Now some might say, f**k it. Every man for himself, to which we say. Honor is a virtue that only pertaining to real men. It is a foundational virtue. Vir means "man" in Latin by the way.

Anyways, hope this helps and move on and continue walking on your path and focusing on your self-development.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Skunstar]

Sounds like you need abundance, period. If you were talking to multiple girls, this wouldn't faze you one bit.

Butt to address your question, yes, move on. Interwork relations are not ideal. It takes two very mature and centered people to handle a situation like that well. It only takes one misunderstanding, disagreement, insult, disrespect, etc, etc, and the environment becomes toxic. And keep in mind you spend more time at work than at home probably. Needless to say, if anything bad happens your job and career might be at risk. No girl is worth risking your financial stability/future.

Plus she is in a relationship, whether a good or bad one, we tend to say respect that. You wouldn't want a guy doing the same to you down the line, would you? So why do it to someone else? Now some might say, f**k it. Every man for himself, to which we say. Honor is a virtue that only pertaining to real men. It is a foundational virtue. Vir means "man" in Latin by the way.

Anyways, hope this helps and move on and continue walking on your path and focusing on your self-development.

Modern Man Advice

Well i do talk to few girls (she seems to be the most into me, to be honest) but i do understand your point. When I wrote this post i was just curious what, if anything happen with her to understand girls behaviour more.
Obviously i wouldnt want a guy to do sh*t like this to me but this already happened and for some reason i took this person behaviour as an example. I wanted a revange - i think. Your answer really helped me. Thanks

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Well i do talk to few girls (she seems to be the most into me, to be honest) but i do understand your point. When I wrote this post i was just curious what, if anything happen with her to understand girls behaviour more.
Obviously i wouldnt want a guy to do sh*t like this to me but this already happened and for some reason i took this person behaviour as an example. I wanted a revange - i think. Your answer really helped me. Thanks

Understood, the problem is that most times (if not always) their behavior is cryptic. And with reason. Society created this feminine "mystique" around women. Their behavior can often be seen or interpreted as irrational, or without meaning.

In that sense, there are so many reasons she acted the way she did. However, what we are saying is these types of scenarios should faze you less and less the more aloof you are towards women. Which in turn, becomes attractive to them.

Modern Man Advice

 

[MoMoses]

When a guy has lots going on (and this includes making money at the office), he won't worry about analyzing, strategizing, plotting attraction toward one woman in particular. He'll just shrug his shoulders and carry on.

Exactly! Couldn't have put it any better way

 

[Skunstar]

Understood, the problem is that most times (if not always) their behavior is cryptic. And with reason. Society created this feminine "mystique" around women. Their behavior can often be seen or interpreted as irrational, or without meaning.

In that sense, there are so many reasons she acted the way she did. However, what we are saying is these types of scenarios should faze you less and less the more aloof you are towards women. Which in turn, becomes attractive to them.

Modern Man Advice

Roger that

 

[Paper Crane]

I think she felt the creep vibes. Not that you're a creep but she's clearly in a relationship and noticed you're trying to be more friendly with her than usual. At this point, you need to chill out or you'll develop a creep image in her head that will stick.