Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

The real pain of breaking up... Interesting article.

Slash Dolo

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I feel as if a lot of "tough" guys will try to subdue emotions, or at least lie to themselves that they aren't upset and I think this is the wrong way to go.

I think you need to accept that unless you're a sociopath you're going to experience the things in that article at some point in your life; most likely multiple times. But also, you need to realize that it will eventually pass and you'll be stronger once you've moved on from it.

Good post.
 

Dingo

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I ain't no sociopath..... and boy does it hurt..... it's not all in your head.

As tough as some of you/me want to act..... many don't make it out unscathed.

By knowing the real physical symptoms of the pain it helps you survive.
 

bigneil

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At least allow yourself to feel the pain and know that it means you must seek improvement.

I know a lot of people who simply resort to denial, dismissal, censorship, virtue signaling and psychological projection rather than to simply admit "I need to get laid".
 

mrgoodstuff

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At least allow yourself to feel the pain and know that it means you must seek improvement.

I know a lot of people who simply resort to denial, dismissal, censorship, virtue signaling and psychological projection rather than to simply admit "I need to get laid".
bigneil, some people over think it and don't even realize it's that simple.
 

CuddleJunkie

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One thing is feeling and going all the way through the emotions, another thing is to let these emotions dictate your acts. That is why I advise to go on long walks when anxiety kicks you while you are doing NC, go on a walk, let the emotion do it's thing, experience it, learn some lesson about human nature in the process, and go on with your life.
 

Reykhel

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Only way to truly move on is to let your emotions pour out.

Got to let your heart break completely before you put it back together.
This is so true, you've got to let that ****e process. Then and only then, choose to enter into
something else but with a different mindset. Not a mindset of "afraid of being hurt or rejected", but
rather a mindset of not getting attached and a mindset of awareness of the transient nature of
all things and all beings.

All of your future relationships which have not started yet, will end one day.
This is not meant to be negative, this is meant to savor the moment and not try to grasp on
to people or things, which will inevitably only cause you suffering....again....and again....

The problem with many men is they want to rush back on to plenty of fatties and find that replacement
as soon as possible because they can't bear to be alone. The replacement simply acts as a sticking plaster and sooner or later, what you've not dealt with from your previous relationship/breakup, that is to say, what you've
not allowed to process, starts to seep out like a puss from underneath the sticking plaster...

Not really fair on you or her.
 

Lozboss

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The hardest part I find isn't coping with the pain of loss.

It's letting go of Hate or dealing with no closure.

That's my personal experience.
 

Reykhel

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The hardest part I find isn't coping with the pain of loss.

It's letting go of Hate or dealing with no closure.

That's my personal experience.
Have you managed to let go of the hate?

If so, how? If not, why not?

Why did you feel hate? Was it because it was only ego-infatuation?

Deep love....on a real spiritual level.....cannot go from love to hate....
 

Floydispink01

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The hardest part I find isn't coping with the pain of loss.

It's letting go of Hate or dealing with no closure.

That's my personal experience.

I agree with the no closure. It's one of the toughest tests a girl can give you in my opinion - disappearing without giving an explanation when all seemed hunky dory. Whether she's aware of it or not. It may sound like victim mentality but I just think it's common courtesy if she's not feeling it anymore. You can easily fall into the futile trap of trying to figure out her actions. Complete waste of time.

It's easy to say you must care less, spin plates or what not but it can be difficult whilst your in the oneitis spell so to speak.

Best just to lower your expectations from the start and follow what Reykhel is saying - that everything ends and just live in the moment - this is consistent with life in general.

On the plus side, this test is one of the most rewarding - increased strength of character and self worth.....providing you don't seek out a reaction from her of course.
 

El Payaso

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If you're emotionally invested, it will hurt. If not, you won't really feel much.
 

Dingo

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Oh it will hurt... It already is big time

Understanding the emotional and physical toll on the body is a big help... Like the grieving process... Totally sucky but totally normal.

Hats off to you who have mastered this part of the game.
 

Lozboss

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Have you managed to let go of the hate?

If so, how? If not, why not?

Why did you feel hate? Was it because it was only ego-infatuation?

Deep love....on a real spiritual level.....cannot go from love to hate....
Honestly? Not quite.

Its dulled with time but I can't forgive her. Why not? Perhaps because it was betrayal after all I'd done. I've learned what i've done wrong since then- it led me to my redpill awakening. For that I guess i'm thankful in a weird way.

I disagree with deep love- hate. I think the extremes are very close. You see this everywhere. This is why the Roman God Janus was depicted so.

Either way- if someone has advice I'd appreciate it. I'm quite jaded and feel a subconscious animosity to women due to my redpill awakening.
 

Reykhel

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Honestly? Not quite.

Its dulled with time but I can't forgive her. Why not? Perhaps because it was betrayal after all I'd done. I've learned what i've done wrong since then- it led me to my redpill awakening. For that I guess i'm thankful in a weird way.

I disagree with deep love- hate. I think the extremes are very close. You see this everywhere. This is why the Roman God Janus was depicted so.

Either way- if someone has advice I'd appreciate it. I'm quite jaded and feel a subconscious animosity to women due to my redpill awakening.
You disagree because it's outside your realm of experience.

You often see parents scolding their children and perhaps saying something such as "you're very naughty" or maybe if they're more crass "You fvcking brat look what you've done" etc etc "you're bad for doing that"
Actually not long ago I witnessed a mother around 40 and her young son pass me in the street, I'm not sure what the son requested (to go somewhere or something) and the mother's response was "will you fvck off"

....anyway, the point is, a failure to separate the behavior from the person. Parents need to say to their kids "what you did was bad" instead of "you're bad for doing that".....otherwise kids end up growing up thinking that at a fundamental core level.....they are bad....

It's just a little context to say......if you love someone......and they "screw you over" (which by the way is very likely given the expectations we place on people)........is it not possible to hate the behavior and not the person?? Is it not possible to say......because of this behavior......it's impossible to continue in this relationship, I let you go and wish you all the best??

This can be difficult to do because it's rising above the ego.

But why should you do it? After all your hatred is justified, right? But what's your hatred doing to her.....nothing. What's it doing to you? Only you can answer that, but I can very well imagine. Ill will corrupts your mind.

"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" Buddha

"Its dulled with time but I can't forgive her. Why not? Perhaps because it was betrayal after all I'd done"

Can't you see the ego in that sentence? It was betrayal after all I'd done. So you did things with an expectation of something in return...that's not coming from a place of true giving............you know sometimes betrayal can be looked at as simply a lapse in judgement....that takes you out of the role of victim and in to the realm of responsibility and control.

Forgiveness is about setting you free, it's not about the other person. As long as you hold a grudge you are tied to that person. It's not condoning the behavior.

Forgiveness is simply saying "I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free."

Do you really thing love and hate are the two extremes? I think if you hate someone you're still expressing emotion to that person. I think the real opposite of love.......is indifference.


Suggestions?
Read The Power of Now

Meditation
Mindfullness and loving kindness
 

Lozboss

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I agree that holding onto hate corrupts. 100%. I don't want to.

But redpill bitterness in general is hard to overcome. To not let the truth colour the perception of woman.

To see the games and **** tests and not let it colour your perception of that person.

I don't agree on hating the behaviour not the person. One leads to the other. Behaviour leads to perception. You do X therefore I think you are Y.

I hundred percent agree that I'd like to just let it go. I just don't know how you actually do that? It's no something you can just switch off.
 

yuppee

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If you got away clean, without her giving you AIDS and/or taking all your money/throwing you into prison, you are VERY lucky. Realize that and move on.
 

Reykhel

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I agree that holding onto hate corrupts. 100%. I don't want to.

But redpill bitterness in general is hard to overcome. To not let the truth colour the perception of woman.

To see the games and **** tests and not let it colour your perception of that person.

I don't agree on hating the behaviour not the person. One leads to the other. Behaviour leads to perception. You do X therefore I think you are Y.

I hundred percent agree that I'd like to just let it go. I just don't know how you actually do that? It's no something you can just switch off.
What you're describing is not full acceptance of red pill. Simple. Accept to how reality is and adapt, instead
of being bitter of how it is, or being bitter about how you think it should be.

Touching on what @yuppee is saying............I would suggest you start a gratitude journal. When you wake write three things to be grateful for each day. Three different things.

Are you grateful that you have your health? That you can walk? That you are free? That you have the ability to travel? In other words Loz, wake up to what you have and start enjoying life....

imagine if you were hit by a car tomorrow and you were paralyzed from the waist down...

do you think you'd be in your hospital bed cursing your ex???

Well I hope not.....I hope you would be wishing you could walk......thinking about the marathons you'd run.....thinking about the hikes you'd take.....thinking of the backpacking you'd do.......thinking of the Salsa you'd
take up.....
......thinking of all those bastards that can walk and take it for granted...
 

CuddleJunkie

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@Lozboss bro, I can only share with you my experience. Hypergamy is real, and is a bitter reality. When my ex first told me she didn't love me anymore, she said that she didn't understand why, and why she didn't care about breaking up with me. She was sincere bro, she's a good and caring girl, she didn't understand what was going on, and hated it, on a logical level. Now, we know women are emotional beings. I should have go on with my life at that point, but I wanted to try, and in the end she was ****ing another guy.
So yeah, I hated her because she cheated on me, and because she was a ***** afterwards with some "give me my things back" stuff. But now that I the healing has taken place, I can see things in perspective, and I have let go hate. This doesn't mean I will contact or **** like that, because we DonJuans are pragmatic, and understand that it will only be detrimental to our OWN sense of respect, but that doesn't mean that I have to go "YEAH BRO ****IN BITCHES FUK EM YOU KNOW" when a friend brings up the topic of my breakup (by the way, and this is why NC is a thing, they thinK that I'm still sad and angry about the whole stuff, because their experiences of breaking up were so different than mine, they kept on contacting their girls), because I no longer hate her.

So this is what I can tell you, understanding is key to let go of bad emotions.
 
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