The Pre-emptive Breakup

[break yourself]

I did this recently and decided to share my thoughts / outcome from this theory -- credits to Seinfield for the idea and the limited success it gave me.

“A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up which she would do anyway but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It’s absolutely brilliant.”

In the show, when George broke up with her before she could break up with him, it completely changed the situation. The woman became absolutely obsessed with George. He became the dominant one in the relationship and had the woman eating out of his hands, at least for a short while.

Well, I was in an exclusive relationship recently (now recently over, which is probably why I'm reflecting on what appeared to me to be the major events). I was definitely more into her than she was me -- I could say I had one-itis pretty badly. Anyway, about a month before it officially ended, I could tell things weren't going well. She seemed distant, didn't want to hang out very often, etc...

The call came. I'm not sure if she was going to end it with this call, but the signs were there. She began explaining how she wasn't happy, etc... etc... and that I'm a great guy but that we were very different. At this, I pulled the pre-emptive break up. I started by agreeing with everything she said about how our relationship wasn't good. But remember, I was head over heels for this girl... I didn't want the relationship to end. Rather than fighting for it, I very casually told her we should just call it quits. I showed no emotion, as if it were absolutely no big deal to me. Then I explained to her the ways it would be good for both of us if we were no longer together. Then, I got off the phone.

No more than an hour later, she called me back crying. She said she wanted to stay together and how good I make her feel. I accepted, but remained casual in my emotions, letting her think I couldn't care less.

The next couple of weeks, she was ALL OVER ME. The sex was great, I saw her more frequently (she requested the hang out time). She was very affectionate all around. The strategy worked, for about a month.

Eventually, just like in Seinfeld, things soured again. However, I'll always remember how that tactic worked for me just like on Seinfeld.

I'm sure some of you will think that a DJ shouldn't use this tactic b/c he would not want to be with a girl who isn't feeling it as much as he is. That perspective is probably true. But, in the interest of science, I figured I'd share this story and see if anyone else has tried this tactic.

 

[foolyoufool]

I just recently broke up with my girlfriend as well. I broke up with her because I want to start seeing other women (kind of the opposite of your case). She was definitely more into me than I was into her.

Like it was said in the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" the one who cares the least in the relationship has the most power. I guess this is a sad reality of life. But the flipside is that the one who cares the most has the most to gain. Not sure if I completely agree though.

 

[Zippapants]

I remember seeing this episode and thinking it was a brilliant idea. Unfortunately, I usually don't let girls in that close, and the one time I did turned into a LTR with a woman I could see myself marrying. I was completely blindsided when the breakup came and the idea went right over my head haha.

Good to hear it actually worked (for a bit, anyway) in a real-life scenario!

 

[The Karate Kid]

I have always wondered why things like this or exes coming back happens. I know its ego, but can it really only be temporary? Do chicks have like a switch in their brain regarding interest level that once is shut off can never be turned back on again?

Ive always wondered why when a chick writes off a guy its nearly always for good

 

[donking]

doclove from askmen says that once interest level from a woman falls below a level (he picks 50%), it NEVER ever goes back above. i tend to agree.

reasons:
-women have plenty of options. they already always itching to move to another host/victim
-they don't need sex
-once they tell their social circle you suck, you are gone (even if you are married). their social circle > any particular guy

 

[Renegade357]

Ive always wondered why when a chick writes off a guy its nearly always for good

Yeah, once you're out you're out. Temporarily.

There is a catch though! Not many people talk about the time factor. Nor should they have the patience to abide by it. I'm not talking months or even a year, or even two years. I'm talking much longer term. People change. If you came back 3-5 years after a girl outed you as a new changed, confident, successful, disinterested man you could easily get back in the game. I've done it! Don't get excited though because your new self will likely not want her back anyway.

This has actually happened to me at least once. In one case it was about 8 years since I went down in flames with a girl I had big time oneitis for. During my chump days of course. We dated for about 6 months before I blew it up by being too in love/clingy. When we split that girl wouldn't have given me the time of day. She wouldn't bat an eyelash to save me from falling 5000 feet to my death. Eventually I moved on after hopelessly pursuing her for the next 6 months. 6 months of my life I'll never get back by the way.

Fast forward. I ran into her again 8 years later after she just got divorced from some jerkoff macho boy. They had a kid together. Let's just say I had made some improvements since the last time we met. I was a completely different man. Long story short she was putty in my hands. Unfortuantely I didn't want her anymore so I had my fun for self-gratification purposes and then dropped her. The tables were truely turned.

So the point is you can eventually win a girl back if you do it right and have a few years to kill but it's useless. We don't live forever and you're just better off getting with someone who cares about you now.

 

[seek&destroy]

to the OP...if you are still around...

how did this work out in the end?
update

 

[break yourself]

to the OP...if you are still around...

how did this work out in the end?
update

Sorry for the delay, haven't been online in a while. Well, it worked out like this:

(Background info on girl, in case you find relevant: age 27, upper middle class background, a professional w/ graduate degree, and very feminine - not hot pink / high heels / go shopping style feminine, but sensitive, passive, sweet, big-heart, etc... Not a beta female though, she's a natural leader).


At first, she was very upset and called me back quickly to tell me that she thought we should give the relationship more time / explained to me that she really really liked me, which, if you remember, was the opposite of the vibes she had been for a couple weeks up until the pre-emptive break.

She began to be very affectionate, lasting for a few weeks to a month. The tables turned again, and I could feeld the relationship going sour. I like this woman more than most of those who I've dated before, so after a few disappointing interactions, I initiated gangi-games. However, she hasn't seemed to mind. Though we never officially broke it off, I'm sure we are done for good. It's been about a month now. We got along great and like I said, she's very sensitive. I imagine that my gangi-games gave her an out, so that we didn't have to break up in confrontation. This is fine with me as well. No reason for either party to feel guilty or unnecessarily bad in this situation, there was no anger in the relationship.

In sum, I've concluded that the pre-emptive breakup is a good tool. However, don't expect it to reverse the downward trend of your relationship unless whatever problem was causing her lack of interest is also fixed in the meantime. In my case, I'm not sure what that problem was -- could have been a host of things. However, I didn't change my behavior after the pre-emptive break and her same lacking interest eventually came around again. (Note: I wouldn't change my behavior anyway - I'm not afc, didn't treat her poorly and I like myself too much to change my lifestyle for this woman).

Good luck!