$
$horty
Guest
HOW TO BE A PLAYA -- $HORTY'S VERSION (based on the movie
"Def Jam's How To Be A Player")
THE PLAYA'Z MOTTO:
"Gettin caught is a *****, or so I've been told."
------------------------------------------------------------
THE PLAYA'Z MORNING ROUTINE:
(Note: This is just a note of what the main character, Dre,
does in the movie. You might have a morning routine of your
own already. I just put this in for fun.)
1.) Have a nice, hot shower.
2.) Shave, if necessary, and rinse your face.
3.) Wash your face with face wash to cleanse your face.
4.) Put on some deodorant.
5.) Brush your hair, if necessary (some people have shaved
heads too, you know).
6.) Put on some aftershave (Optional. I personally find
mixing aftershave with cologne ruins my scent and have me
smelling bad instead of smelling good).
7.) Put on pants, at least undergarments.
8.) Make sure house has no evidence from last night if you've
had some extra company.
9.) After cleaning up, put on your clothes for the day.
10.) Check answering machine, if necessary.
ONCE YOUR STEADY GIRL WALKS IN THE ROOM:
If you have pictures of your other girls on a frame, make
sure your steady's picture is up and not others.
Even the most trustworthy girl will check that answering
machine. Simply change the tape to a "clean" one, where none
of your extra affairs have left messages.
Make sure there is a picture of nobody else except your steady
in your wallet because she WILL check it.
------------------------------------------------------------
THE 10 PLAYA COMMANDMENTS:
Playa Rule #1: Never ever mess with a girl in your building.
You'll live to regret it.
Playa Rule #2: Playaz don't take no prisoners, and there ain't
no exception. All of them *****es just end up being a
statistic.
Playa Rule #3: Never let anybody in your house/room/dorm/
apartment except for family, close friends and your steady.
Playa Rule #4: If ever you do decide to let one of your other
girlfriends in the house, make ABSOLUTELY SURE that it is at
a time that your steady would NOT be dropping by.
Playa Rule #5: A sister's girlfriends are a playa's dream.
First of all, they know everything about you already, and
they want to know first hand if it's all true. NOTE: If she
does ask if you are a player, reply gently with, "Nah...I'm
just a man who lives in the moment, a moment's moment. I trust
my instincts."
Playa Rule #6: Never beg on an answering machine. She gon play
it for her girlfriends -- you'll be branded forever.
Playa Rule #7: Have a little bit of patience, for it's what
seperates the boys from the men.
Playa Rule #8: It's just a game of strategy. Before you get
to the strategy, you gotta size up yo competition. (Analyzes
other people: cynical people DON'T get ****.)
Playa Rule #9: Ain't no real playa supposed to have no pager.
Why would you want your woman havin all access to you? But yo
women definitely should have a pager, "so you can have access
to her at all times."
Playa Rule #10: Remember to have that Charm Switch on EVERY
SINGLE TIME you talk to a woman, no matter how rich, poor,
pretty, or ugly. This is ESSENTIAL.
------------------------------------------------------------
GAME AT THE DANCE CLUB:
1.) Scan all the women in the club, and pick the woman you
want in no longer than 10 minutes, before all the other playaz
in the house move in your territory.
HOW THIS WORKS: You'll see.
2.) Wait till she is around other girls, and get the nerdiest
girl nearby her (near enough so she could see you spitting
game in her ear) and treat her ass like she's the queen).
HOW THIS WORKS: Girls, no matter how innocent you think they
are, judge other people in their minds the same way we judge
other people too. By doing this, all the other girls will
think a.) you're gonna treat them the same way, or b.) you're
gonna treat them even better ("Damn, I wonder how he's gonna
treat me, especially since he treats that ugly ***** so damn
good!")
3.) Now ask the nerd if you can get her a drink. If she says
yes, (she most probably will) go out and get some for her.
HOW THIS WORKS: She will act as a mouthpiece and tell all her
other girlfriends how you treated her while you are gone.
NOTE: At this point quite a lot of girls will be observing
you and have their minds rolling, their imagination goin all
wild and ****.
4.) Bring your mouthpiece her drink, and ask her to save you
a dance later on. Then you DROP HER RIGHT AWAY. You don't
need her anymore.
HOW THIS WORKS: Once your observers notice you are free, they
will try to move on you as quick as possible. This is your
chance to strike.
------------------------------------------------------------
UNCLE FRED SAYS:
"How can I get a woman that ain't gon' dis me, as soon as some
Will Smith dumbo-eared nigga comes along?"
If your rap is strong, it can't go wrong.
"But what if your rap is strong, and it STILL go wrong?"
But that's not possible. Not if you marinatin' that fish right.
You see, a woman's **** is tight from birth. You see, a woman,
who's a playa herself, wants to be played, has to be played,
needs to be played, in order for the continuation of this
man-woman thing.
------------------------------------------------------------
THE CHARLES DARWIN THEORY OF NATURAL SELECTION -- HOW THAT
APPLIES TO PLAYAZ:
MYTH: Subject an animal (playa) to a hostile situation and he
will repent and reform.
FACT: That premise is wrong. If girraffes once had short necks
like horses, why do they have long necks now? Because
thousands of years ago, girraffes grew long necks in order
to reach foliage in high trees. Foliage being their only food
source, they adapted to the environment. CERTAIN animals
reform, others adapt. Like if you put a playa in a hostile
environment, he won't reform. He'll rise to the occasion, and
prove his game, thus, adapt. It's called survival of the
fittest.
------------------------------------------------------------
A PARTING NOTE:
Stay with who you are. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, try to be
something that you are not. If you were born not to be a playa,
then don't be one. There is no harm in trying to see if you
are one, but if you're not, don't persist. If you were born
to have what your parents have/had, that eternal-forever-love
****, THEN DO SO. We all have our own fates and destiny, and
some people aren't just born to be some of the things they want
to be.
Peace,
$horty
"Def Jam's How To Be A Player")
THE PLAYA'Z MOTTO:
"Gettin caught is a *****, or so I've been told."
------------------------------------------------------------
THE PLAYA'Z MORNING ROUTINE:
(Note: This is just a note of what the main character, Dre,
does in the movie. You might have a morning routine of your
own already. I just put this in for fun.)
1.) Have a nice, hot shower.
2.) Shave, if necessary, and rinse your face.
3.) Wash your face with face wash to cleanse your face.
4.) Put on some deodorant.
5.) Brush your hair, if necessary (some people have shaved
heads too, you know).
6.) Put on some aftershave (Optional. I personally find
mixing aftershave with cologne ruins my scent and have me
smelling bad instead of smelling good).
7.) Put on pants, at least undergarments.
8.) Make sure house has no evidence from last night if you've
had some extra company.
9.) After cleaning up, put on your clothes for the day.
10.) Check answering machine, if necessary.
ONCE YOUR STEADY GIRL WALKS IN THE ROOM:
If you have pictures of your other girls on a frame, make
sure your steady's picture is up and not others.
Even the most trustworthy girl will check that answering
machine. Simply change the tape to a "clean" one, where none
of your extra affairs have left messages.
Make sure there is a picture of nobody else except your steady
in your wallet because she WILL check it.
------------------------------------------------------------
THE 10 PLAYA COMMANDMENTS:
Playa Rule #1: Never ever mess with a girl in your building.
You'll live to regret it.
Playa Rule #2: Playaz don't take no prisoners, and there ain't
no exception. All of them *****es just end up being a
statistic.
Playa Rule #3: Never let anybody in your house/room/dorm/
apartment except for family, close friends and your steady.
Playa Rule #4: If ever you do decide to let one of your other
girlfriends in the house, make ABSOLUTELY SURE that it is at
a time that your steady would NOT be dropping by.
Playa Rule #5: A sister's girlfriends are a playa's dream.
First of all, they know everything about you already, and
they want to know first hand if it's all true. NOTE: If she
does ask if you are a player, reply gently with, "Nah...I'm
just a man who lives in the moment, a moment's moment. I trust
my instincts."
Playa Rule #6: Never beg on an answering machine. She gon play
it for her girlfriends -- you'll be branded forever.
Playa Rule #7: Have a little bit of patience, for it's what
seperates the boys from the men.
Playa Rule #8: It's just a game of strategy. Before you get
to the strategy, you gotta size up yo competition. (Analyzes
other people: cynical people DON'T get ****.)
Playa Rule #9: Ain't no real playa supposed to have no pager.
Why would you want your woman havin all access to you? But yo
women definitely should have a pager, "so you can have access
to her at all times."
Playa Rule #10: Remember to have that Charm Switch on EVERY
SINGLE TIME you talk to a woman, no matter how rich, poor,
pretty, or ugly. This is ESSENTIAL.
------------------------------------------------------------
GAME AT THE DANCE CLUB:
1.) Scan all the women in the club, and pick the woman you
want in no longer than 10 minutes, before all the other playaz
in the house move in your territory.
HOW THIS WORKS: You'll see.
2.) Wait till she is around other girls, and get the nerdiest
girl nearby her (near enough so she could see you spitting
game in her ear) and treat her ass like she's the queen).
HOW THIS WORKS: Girls, no matter how innocent you think they
are, judge other people in their minds the same way we judge
other people too. By doing this, all the other girls will
think a.) you're gonna treat them the same way, or b.) you're
gonna treat them even better ("Damn, I wonder how he's gonna
treat me, especially since he treats that ugly ***** so damn
good!")
3.) Now ask the nerd if you can get her a drink. If she says
yes, (she most probably will) go out and get some for her.
HOW THIS WORKS: She will act as a mouthpiece and tell all her
other girlfriends how you treated her while you are gone.
NOTE: At this point quite a lot of girls will be observing
you and have their minds rolling, their imagination goin all
wild and ****.
4.) Bring your mouthpiece her drink, and ask her to save you
a dance later on. Then you DROP HER RIGHT AWAY. You don't
need her anymore.
HOW THIS WORKS: Once your observers notice you are free, they
will try to move on you as quick as possible. This is your
chance to strike.
------------------------------------------------------------
UNCLE FRED SAYS:
"How can I get a woman that ain't gon' dis me, as soon as some
Will Smith dumbo-eared nigga comes along?"
If your rap is strong, it can't go wrong.
"But what if your rap is strong, and it STILL go wrong?"
But that's not possible. Not if you marinatin' that fish right.
You see, a woman's **** is tight from birth. You see, a woman,
who's a playa herself, wants to be played, has to be played,
needs to be played, in order for the continuation of this
man-woman thing.
------------------------------------------------------------
THE CHARLES DARWIN THEORY OF NATURAL SELECTION -- HOW THAT
APPLIES TO PLAYAZ:
MYTH: Subject an animal (playa) to a hostile situation and he
will repent and reform.
FACT: That premise is wrong. If girraffes once had short necks
like horses, why do they have long necks now? Because
thousands of years ago, girraffes grew long necks in order
to reach foliage in high trees. Foliage being their only food
source, they adapted to the environment. CERTAIN animals
reform, others adapt. Like if you put a playa in a hostile
environment, he won't reform. He'll rise to the occasion, and
prove his game, thus, adapt. It's called survival of the
fittest.
------------------------------------------------------------
A PARTING NOTE:
Stay with who you are. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, try to be
something that you are not. If you were born not to be a playa,
then don't be one. There is no harm in trying to see if you
are one, but if you're not, don't persist. If you were born
to have what your parents have/had, that eternal-forever-love
****, THEN DO SO. We all have our own fates and destiny, and
some people aren't just born to be some of the things they want
to be.
Peace,
$horty
