The Pitfalls of not being a DJ

[homey72]

Hey all, I'm a long time lurker that finally decided to post. I want all of you to have fair warning of the implications of not being a DJ. The results can be catastrophic. I also wouldn't mind some advice on how to avoid similiar situations in the future. So basically here is my story. I've been pretty good for the last couple of year applying many of the tools, tip, techniques that DJ is all about. I met this girl about 2 months ago through a mutual friend. Several problems right of the bat, she's a traveling nurse who's leaving at the end of summer, pissed at her last BF, and is basically a party girl. I started everything of right. Kept conversations light, focussed on her. Most of the "dates" we went on were action dates, bike rides, going dancing, etc. I would wait till she called me to hang out all that stuff. The something stupid happened. I decided I really liked this girl and all of a sudden my game went down the sh^tter. Before all the flaming starts, I don't get his way with many women. In my life I would guess only 2 have had this effect on me. I dropped all of my plan Bs, Cs, and Ds. I started calling her, I wouldn't set up situations where she knew other women were interested in me. Guess what, you better believe she smelled loser right away. You can guess what happened next.

Let this be a lesson to all of you. Stick to your game, keep them guessing when you'll have time for them. Keep them wondering how many more you have in the stable. Don't let your emotions get in the way of rational thought. As Doc Love said, wait for them to tell you there feelings before you even give a hint of yours.

Now to the part that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe there is a DJ support group like a 12 step program. You know when you're on your game and your head says don't call but your emotions say do call. For some of us aspiring DJs it might not be a bad idea to have a sponsor to set you straight, before you fall of the wagon so to speak. Also, any advice you guys may have about beating down your emotional stupidity would greatly be appreciated.

-Homey

 

[xblitz44x]

Homey, there is more to the story than you're getting at. She didn't stop liking you because you realized that you liked her. Calling her isn't going to cause her to not like you anymore. I promise you that.

I think it's really cool that you had feelings for her and decided to cut the bullshyt games. Personally, (and I think you'd agree with me), it's better to take the chance and have something *real* with her, rather than being distant and playing games and never establishing a real connection out of fear that she'll freak when she learns about the real you.

Maybe the reasons that she stopped seeing you are just what you mentioned. She isn't over her ex, she is leaving in a few months, and she wants to party and just enjoy the time she has left here without catching feelings for somebody else. Maybe when she learned how you felt about her, she was worried that she'd be leading you on into wanting more so she got out of it.

It had nothing to do with you stopping your games except for the fact that you were lying to her about your intentions out of fear that she'd bail when she learned what you really wanted.

 

[Caveman]

I think you are right. It happened to me a couple of times before I found this site. Had girls tell me they loved me and wanted to be with me forever. Untill I really fell in love. Sure, there's nothing wrong with that but I guess the key here is that she starts to be the centre of your world. You will focus on nothing but her which is never good.

I agree, there comes a time that you can drop your game and relax a little. However, some sort of mystery must always remain. Boredom kills. Be adventurous and always be ready to have some kind of surprise up your sleeve.

Remain the man she fell for and don't let your world revolve around her.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

homey72, stick to your game. Don't give into women, let them give into you. Always stay true to yourself as a DJ. You know how to avoid bad situations with women in the future, so take your own advice and ignore AFC bullshyte.

Its a play or be played world.

 

[JSH]

XX blitz, D9 or whatever she calls herself has you pVssywhipped

I think it's really cool that you had feelings for her and decided to cut the bullshyt games. Personally, (and I think you'd agree with me), it's better to take the chance and have something *real* with her, rather than being distant and playing games and never establishing a real connection out of fear that she'll freak when she learns about the real you

Something "real" with her, surely he had something real with her before she left, something real does not involve him becoming so unhealthily obsessed about her that it scares her away and that he is damaged when she goes. There are no games that you play, you just approach things from a different mindset and change the person you are until you are more comfortabl with it.

Albeit there is some truth in what you said, she might have gone for the stated reasons, dont always blame behaviour that you wouldnt have done if you were acting out a fantasy as a DJ.

 

[jakethasnake]

I see what you're trying to say.

Originally posted by xblitz44x
Homey, there is more to the story than you're getting at. She didn't stop liking you because you realized that you liked her. Calling her isn't going to cause her to not like you anymore. I promise you that.

I think it's really cool that you had feelings for her and decided to cut the bullshyt games. Personally, (and I think you'd agree with me), it's better to take the chance and have something *real* with her, rather than being distant and playing games and never establishing a real connection out of fear that she'll freak when she learns about the real you.

Maybe the reasons that she stopped seeing you are just what you mentioned. She isn't over her ex, she is leaving in a few months, and she wants to party and just enjoy the time she has left here without catching feelings for somebody else. Maybe when she learned how you felt about her, she was worried that she'd be leading you on into wanting more so she got out of it.

It had nothing to do with you stopping your games except for the fact that you were lying to her about your intentions out of fear that she'd bail when she learned what you really wanted.

So basically, we're all subject to moments of circumstance, right? I kind of agree with you, right there. We are all mere mortals after all - we can't control that sometimes we meet otherwise great GF material women at an inappopriate time in their lives (i.e. when they just want to be single and free). It's happened to me too - I justs didn't want to be tied down, even though the girls who wanted me were pretty, smart and fun.



I also see that you've been studying some of the stuff on www.seducingwomen101.com .



I know that Destini9 and members of this board have had some spectacular rows in the past, but aside from her inordinate amount of yapping (i.e. verboseness), I think her approach to this whole male-female mating ritual is slightly more realistic. I would recommend that for intermediate-to-advanced DJs who's goal it was to learn to be a solid LTR prospect (the guys who only wanted to get laid and fvck around don't need that site - the DJ 'tricks' will suffice).



I think the DJ Principles (i.e. "NEXT!", Don't be a nice guy - at ALL COSTS!) take a overly-drastic measure to not be played by women - preicesly because it is designed for nerdy chumps who don't know *anything* about handling women. If a somewhat or fairly normal guy who to a degree knew how to handle women took all the extreme advice here, he would find that he was suddenly alienating all those around him and generally just not being himself. The thread by MotU called "Guys Stop Being So Sensitive" is a good one that illustrates this phenomenon.


http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=51904





So I do understand why you say what you said, blitzx44. Most newbs or hardcore DJs here would say, "Never! DJ's are *never* subject to circumstance! We create our OWN future!" - but I think that is too arrogant, and thinking too highly of himself. We have the power to make our own destiny, but sometimes we must also bend a little to accomodate outcomes that we have no control over. We are not *Gods* - we are just men. And that is what makes us human. All of here need to learn to relax a little and just roll with the punches. I think that this is a true measure of a DJ - the ability to adapt and flourish in new conditions.

 

[homey72]

Got to play the game

Hey guys, nice ideas in the replies. I guess to some extent the information in the DJ bible is only a guide and you should know when to work outside the rules. My problem here was that I was f^^^^^g up. You work the DJ game until it's time to ease up and that happens only when you see the commitment from her. My feelings turned me into a total wuss, and more that she distanced herself the more of a wuss I became. I guess it's true, you want what you can't have. The point is, I needed to stick to my game a little longer if I really wanted to keep this going. Instead I turned into a weenie and she had no need for me.

As I think about it, "party girls" especially respond well to DJ. I just want to be free and have a good time blah, blah.. Imagine her surprise when you totally make her work for your time. I bet the party attitude goes away, especially if she's into you. Same principle that I got sucker punched with, wanting what you can't have.

Stick to your games men, your the prize, make them earn it.

-Homey

 

[JSH]

Re: I see what you're trying to say.

Originally posted by jakethasnake
So basically, we're all subject to moments of circumstance, right? I kind of agree with you, right there. We are all mere mortals after all - we can't control that sometimes we meet otherwise great GF material women at an inappopriate time in their lives (i.e. when they just want to be single and free). It's happened to me too - I justs didn't want to be tied down, even though the girls who wanted me were pretty, smart and fun.

I think her approach to this whole male-female mating ritual is slightly more realistic. I would recommend that for intermediate-to-advanced DJs who's goal it was to learn to be a solid LTR prospect (the guys who only wanted to get laid and fvck around don't need that site - the DJ 'tricks' will suffice).

I think the DJ Principles (i.e. "NEXT!", Don't be a nice guy - at ALL COSTS!) take a overly-drastic measure to not be played by women - preicesly because it is designed for nerdy chumps who don't know *anything* about handling women. If a somewhat or fairly normal guy who to a degree knew how to handle women took all the extreme advice here, he would find that he was suddenly alienating all those around him and generally just not being himself. The thread by MotU called "Guys Stop Being So Sensitive" is a good one that illustrates this phenomenon.

So I do understand why you say what you said, blitzx44. Most newbs or hardcore DJs here would say, "Never! DJ's are *never* subject to circumstance! We create our OWN future!" - but I think that is too arrogant, and thinking too highly of himself. We have the power to make our own destiny, but sometimes we must also bend a little to accomodate outcomes that we have no control over. We are not *Gods* - we are just men. And that is what makes us human. All of here need to learn to relax a little and just roll with the punches. I think that this is a true measure of a DJ - the ability to adapt and flourish in new conditions.

Well, i say you make your own luck. If these women are so great, then you will be willing to be in a monagomous relationship with them anyway. If you meet the right woman at the wrong time then she is the wrong woman.

I would not say that the DJ ideas and guidelines are "tricks", they are just a way of helping some men come to terms with how society expects they should play their role and doing so in a successful way.

I looked at D9s site and it appeared to me to be a kinda halfway house between the ideals of a DJ and of being an AFC. A place for RAFCs, but what she said i kinda disagreed with, maybe i am not old enough or mature enough to understand what she is on about. But for me it seems a cop out way, where i would go if i could not finish turning myself into who i wanted to be.

I have always taken everything with a little pinch of salt and personaly dont believe there are any "DJ principles", i think they are more mindframes and that thinkgs like NEXT are to be used so as to prevent you getting screwed over. They are guidelines not rules. I have never been and never will be a nerdy chump but these guidelines are useful for beginners as they stop them getting hurt again. The NEXT idea is quite an adapatable one IMOHO (or at least how i use it), if i have the sense that someone is screwing me totally over, then next. Otherwise it should be a sort of three strikes and your out system. Although not with a set limit, what you should not do is revert to being a doormat and being walked all over. These ideas (and that is all they are) should be used delicately but after all looking after number one is the primary aim here. Especially for the younger members of the board.

 

[jakethasnake]

Re: Re: I see what you're trying to say.

Originally posted by JSH
Well, i say you make your own luck. If these women are so great, then you will be willing to be in a monagomous relationship with them anyway. If you meet the right woman at the wrong time then she is the wrong woman.

I would not say that the DJ ideas and guidelines are "tricks", they are just a way of helping some men come to terms with how society expects they should play their role and doing so in a successful way.

I looked at D9s site and it appeared to me to be a kinda halfway house between the ideals of a DJ and of being an AFC. A place for RAFCs, but what she said i kinda disagreed with, maybe i am not old enough or mature enough to understand what she is on about. But for me it seems a cop out way, where i would go if i could not finish turning myself into who i wanted to be.

I have always taken everything with a little pinch of salt and personaly dont believe there are any "DJ principles", i think they are more mindframes and that thinkgs like NEXT are to be used so as to prevent you getting screwed over. They are guidelines not rules. I have never been and never will be a nerdy chump but these guidelines are useful for beginners as they stop them getting hurt again. The NEXT idea is quite an adapatable one IMOHO (or at least how i use it), if i have the sense that someone is screwing me totally over, then next. Otherwise it should be a sort of three strikes and your out system. Although not with a set limit, what you should not do is revert to being a doormat and being walked all over. These ideas (and that is all they are) should be used delicately but after all looking after number one is the primary aim here. Especially for the younger members of the board.

I think that you have a good mindset - don't use "rules" like a Nazi, and just adapt them for your own personal use.


And by the way, I hope this doesn't upset you when I say it - but you *are* a bit young. As you get older and older, you'll realize that the only thing that really matters on this earth (on a personal level) is connecting with people. Thus it is important to cultivate good long-term relationship skills. But obviously when you're young, that doesn't matter as much. You'll know what I mean a few years down the line. Or maybe you're a very mature and perceptive young dude and you already know that.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
Homey, there is more to the story than you're getting at. She didn't stop liking you because you realized that you liked her. Calling her isn't going to cause her to not like you anymore. I promise you that.

I think it's really cool that you had feelings for her and decided to cut the bullshyt games. Personally, (and I think you'd agree with me), it's better to take the chance and have something *real* with her, rather than being distant and playing games and never establishing a real connection out of fear that she'll freak when she learns about the real you.

Maybe the reasons that she stopped seeing you are just what you mentioned. She isn't over her ex, she is leaving in a few months, and she wants to party and just enjoy the time she has left here without catching feelings for somebody else. Maybe when she learned how you felt about her, she was worried that she'd be leading you on into wanting more so she got out of it.

It had nothing to do with you stopping your games except for the fact that you were lying to her about your intentions out of fear that she'd bail when she learned what you really wanted.

Listen to this man, he knows EXACTLY what he's talking about! Took me months to understand what he was trying to tell me, and its paid off wondefully...

 

[voodoolover]

I totally agree with xblitz. You're looking for reasons to blame yourself. But in reality, it may not have been anything you did wrong.

I've been on this forum for a while now, and as I gain more and more experience, I begin to realise that there really is NO catch-all formula for getting the girl. True enough, utilising the principles of the DJ bible will ensure that you don't get hurt. But let's be honest, it's because you're not taking any real risks.

homey, you took a risk. And that deserves more credit than "sticking to the DJ principles". Every single girl in the world will respond differently to the way they're treated. In the past month, I met a girl who was TOTALLY turned off by my playing hard-to-get, games etc. I could tell she saw it as arrogance, so I cooled it and showed some genuine interest. Guess what? It worked. On the other hand, some girls can't get enough of the games.

A real DJ knows how to handle a wide variety of situations. It's all very well sticking to the code, but in a lot of scenarios you WON'T get the girl.