..the part of this I never understood

[bauer_23]

I will preface this post by saying I have been out all night. Anything that may not make sense is due to my current level of intoxication. Regardless, I shall continue.

Typically when I go out, I am fast to make friends, and am fast to attract some girls. I am not a DJ, or a player pe say, but I can and enlist the interest of girls when I go out. I can and have gotten girls to sleep with me on the first night of meeting them. The idea is to have a fun time and disseminate my good mood onto everyone else who is conversing with us. This results in me getting numbers, getting sex or getting any number of girls to hang out after meetng them. I like hookups as much as the next guy, but have wanted a more committed full time Relationship. However, I have been unable to maintain the interest of girls for long enough to actually pursue a relationship past the initial stages of interest.

My question , or focus of concern, is why I can not keep this interest. Things start off so great when I start seeing a girl; going out places (which could be called dates), having fun, conversing well and the like. I don't typically call more than a couple of times a week to set something up the next week, so I am not overly abrasive. I have read the DJ bible, and it confirms most of the aspects i believe in. However, with my last few ' interests', they abruptly end. They start off pretty well, often with the girl initiating and showing more interest. Than after some time where I do the same, they stop talking to me. It is almost as if I just scare them away. The big question to me is why. I do not see any obvious reason as to why I 'scare' the, away exactly. What about me makes them uninterested after a period of interest were they would actively pursue me? Not having sex with them early? acting as if I am too commited? It is an enigma to me at this point.....

I will conclude this post by saying i am still going out, talking to new girls and continuing to network. I am not letting this hang me up, but am curious as to why I keep ****ing this up. Eventually I will want to get more of a girlfriend, rather than hook up with random girls I meet that night. As satisfying as getting girls when I wish, I would rather be able to be in a commited relationship with someone whos' company I enjoy, and vise versa.

Comments or criticisms are welcome. I really want to see if others have had the same problems, and have been able to resolve them in some way. Again, I am drunk as I am writing this, but still hope to get some sort of constructive criticism as to why I am failing with girls in a long term sense. Thanks!

 

[Phyzzle]

One of the smartest things I've ever read is:

Unitl you have ten dates (about 8 weeks), you have nothing.

You hang out with a chick, have great sex, two weeks roll by, she keeps calling you, you never have to call her, she keeps saying that you aren't like anyone else. . . . You know what that means?

Nothing. You don't have squat before the 10 date mark. I've been dumped after that, but then it's a real dumping, not a dissappearance.

Generally, your situation nearly always have to do with showing too much interest too soon. It's hard to say exactly what you're doing wrong, but a simple rule is:

If you're too distant, she'll complain, and you can fix it. If you're too affectionate, she'll dissappear.

Try a simple thing like never touching her when you get together, until she touches you first. That hug or kiss of greeting? That's her job.

 

[Cableguy]

I couldn't agree more Phyzzle. Showing too much interest seems to always be the death nell of a new relationship. This happens to me more times than I'd like to admit.

I've had to force myself to be distant and it's not always easy. I'll be chillin at home watching the game and I'll get a call or a text from a chick that I would love to see that night. The needy AFC in me will want to answer the phone or return the text inviting them to come over. The DJ in me will say "You're much to busy to see this chick again."

Let me iterate here that this only applies to chicks I like. I could care less about having a FB flake away. If I meet a woman that piques my interest, I'll make it a point to always keep them off balance about when and if they'll see me. Never let a woman take spending time with you for granted.

 

[bauer_23]

I couldn't agree more Phyzzle. Showing too much interest seems to always be the death nell of a new relationship. This happens to me more times than I'd like to admit.

I've had to force myself to be distant and it's not always easy. I'll be chillin at home watching the game and I'll get a call or a text from a chick that I would love to see that night. The needy AFC in me will want to answer the phone or return the text inviting them to come over. The DJ in me will say "You're much to busy to see this chick again."

Let me iterate here that this only applies to chicks I like. I could care less about having a FB flake away. If I meet a woman that piques my interest, I'll make it a point to always keep them off balance about when and if they'll see me. Never let a woman take spending time with you for granted.

The early interest thing happened to me my fair share as well, but I have learned from that. In the case of the most recent girl I have been interested in, I did not even initially pursue get togethers as much as she. I did not even have to act busy since i was busy w/ friends, moving, and the whole 9 yards. The frequency of phone calls favored her, with me only replying trying to set up get togethers. I sincerely doubt that the time spent together was taken for granted, considering circumstances. So far so good..

The last real one on one date we went on I was making out with her at the end. The last get together on the weekend, we were making out than too. Seems like things were going pretty well right? Called once a few days later, but still have not heard from her since. I am almost not counting on it.

The nice thing about having a bunch of experience like this is that one realizes its nothing to get hung up over. The bad thing is I failed again, for whatever reason. I am one all for falling on my ass, I do that plenty. However, without any growth or learning, its all for naught.

 

[joekerr31]

if shes not telling you about her life, her family, her future ambitions, her current struggles etc. then she isn't committing jack.

she's just another female who needs the constant attention of a man - ANY man.

if a woman is just out for attention you'll notice how she quickly moves the conversation OFF things that are near and dear to her - ie. family, career, etc.

she'll still comment, but she won't open up and talk about them for 30 minutes.

also, another key to look for - does she appreciate you listening to her.

some chics can yammer on for hours on end and at the end just bounce off to do whatever is next in their day. whereas other chics show an appreciation for your listening - the latter are typically ones who are trying to build a deeper rapport with you. the prior are ones who just liek to talk, and back to the attention ***** thing again, just want to blab to ANY man.

 

[bauer_23]

if shes not telling you about her life, her family, her future ambitions, her current struggles etc. then she isn't committing jack.

completly agree, and of course these things came up in conversations. Makes it all the more confusing.

 

[decades]

I have this theory that there are a bunch of women out there who are so used to the AFC "way" that is, a lot of attention and fuss very early, that when they get someone who is restraining himself, they see it as a lack of interest. So they assume he's not interested and move on. This may be an off base analysis but I have noticed this too when I am practicing the DJ techniques.

regards

 

[joekerr31]

I have this theory that there are a bunch of women out there who are so used to the AFC "way" that is, a lot of attention and fuss very early, that when they get someone who is restraining himself, they see it as a lack of interest. So they assume he's not interested and move on. This may be an off base analysis but I have noticed this too when I am practicing the DJ techniques.

regards

not off base at all. there are plenty of women who are looking for an AFC.

but thats ok, you dont want those women anyway. they are typically self centered, love drama and love to catching men only to reject them down the road.

 

[lee36044]

not off base at all. there are plenty of women who are looking for an AFC.

but thats ok, you dont want those women anyway. they are typically self centered, love drama and love to catching men only to reject them down the road.

That is a stone cold FACT! If she won't invest, walk the hell away! If she demands AFC behavior, walk the hell away! Anything less and she'll just walk away on you later.



Sometimes the wanting of a thing is better than the having of a thing. It is not logical, but it is often true. - Spock

 

[100% ME]

don't have anything to add since i'm not as experienced as i would like to be, but this is some good stuff fellas.