I am currently reading the book The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less by Barry Schwartz. The paradox of choice became a long curiosity of mine when a few years ago I was listening to NPR's "All Things Considered" and heard a segment about how researchers are trying to figure out the maximum number of choices people can have and for the choices to remain useful. We know that seven digit numbers are the most we can reliably remember and the same principle of limitation applies to choices. We know that two choices are better than none, three is better than two, but having fifty choices is worse than having less choices.
Common sense tells us that having more choices is liberating but common sense is wrong. After a certain point, choices become debilitating. We become overwhelmed as each choice requires more research, more comparisons between choices, more weighing our choices with choices of others. The more choices someone is given, the less likely they are to be happy with their choice and less likely to make any choice at all. We develop unrealistic expectations, demands, and become fickle.
I have long held that arranged marriages worked. Arranged marriages were successful precisely because personal happiness was ignored and rather the goal was societal utility. Arranged marriages kept families intact and kept family trees intact. They certainly did crank out the babies. (I'm not saying society should go back to arranged marriages.) But now that people have the power of choice and be the "author of their lives," people are choosing not to choose and not because the available choices are poor quality but because there are too many choices. People are waiting longer and longer to get married, and never getting married and never having children is a popular choice of non-choice. Many women are notorious for dumping a boyfriend not because anything was wrong but because they thought an even bigger better deal could be found, and then later on realizing they screwed themselves because that boyfriend was the best deal and they are now stuck with comparative losers.
The paradox of choice also explains social proof. With too many choices, we don't have the time to make educated choices and thus we rely upon the judgements of others. Research also shows we prefer familiar choices rather than risking choosing the unknown.
Forget about feminism, forget about conspiracy theories, the real problem is choice. The answer for both genders is not "make better choices"—which will only strengthen the paradox—but to keep expectations grounded and to cut back on shopping around.
Common sense tells us that having more choices is liberating but common sense is wrong. After a certain point, choices become debilitating. We become overwhelmed as each choice requires more research, more comparisons between choices, more weighing our choices with choices of others. The more choices someone is given, the less likely they are to be happy with their choice and less likely to make any choice at all. We develop unrealistic expectations, demands, and become fickle.
I have long held that arranged marriages worked. Arranged marriages were successful precisely because personal happiness was ignored and rather the goal was societal utility. Arranged marriages kept families intact and kept family trees intact. They certainly did crank out the babies. (I'm not saying society should go back to arranged marriages.) But now that people have the power of choice and be the "author of their lives," people are choosing not to choose and not because the available choices are poor quality but because there are too many choices. People are waiting longer and longer to get married, and never getting married and never having children is a popular choice of non-choice. Many women are notorious for dumping a boyfriend not because anything was wrong but because they thought an even bigger better deal could be found, and then later on realizing they screwed themselves because that boyfriend was the best deal and they are now stuck with comparative losers.
The paradox of choice also explains social proof. With too many choices, we don't have the time to make educated choices and thus we rely upon the judgements of others. Research also shows we prefer familiar choices rather than risking choosing the unknown.
Forget about feminism, forget about conspiracy theories, the real problem is choice. The answer for both genders is not "make better choices"—which will only strengthen the paradox—but to keep expectations grounded and to cut back on shopping around.
