Unregistered
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 9, 2003
- Messages
- 546
- Reaction score
- 3
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
The Onion
- Thread starter Unregistered
- Start date
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
rgeere
Master Don Juan
That is the saddest funniest thing I have read in a long time ...
Aztec
Master Don Juan
Quintessential AFC.
On_the_Top
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2003
- Messages
- 396
- Reaction score
- 0
Lol, I really needed that, that made my ****ty day a whole lot better. 
WORKEROUTER
Master Don Juan
LOL!
ONION ROCKS!
ONION ROCKS!
“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”
Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.
I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.
Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules. Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.
Jake-inator
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2005
- Messages
- 352
- Reaction score
- 2
:crackup:
I wonder if the people who write this stuff are undercover DJs.