the one-itis calling constantly

[brownbear.]

so i made the decision to completely cut off the one-itis a few weeks ago. then i found the community literally later that same night which just reenforced my decision.

its all documented in my other thread here:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=154475

she is listed in my phone as "don't answer" and i've been solid about not answering her calls, although i do read her texts. her latest text said "y dont u want to talk to me ever?". now i'm not a fvcking robot, i cared about this girl for a long time, and still do care for her as a person, i just no longer want anything to do with her romantically. some mutual friends have been telling me that she has been depressed and lonely lately, her new boyfriend is an ******* etc.. mind you this is a girl that, for a long time, i pictured spending the rest of my lif with and i told her that i would always be there for her(which i meant at the time). the thought of her in this funk kinda bums me out, i mean she really is a great girl, and i would like to cheer her up, the holidays can be depressing when you dont have anyone.

so i'm contemplating extending an olive branch. i'm pretty sure the threat of myself falling for her again is practically nil, but i feel as though she was stringing me along as a sort of "safety net", and brownbear is nobodies 2nd choice. i'm not thinking about getting back together with her, but the thought of another human in need of emotional support strikes a chord with me, we've all been there.

my options as of now:

1. continue ignoring her

2. LJBF her

3. make her into a pivot/fvckbuddy

4. just call her and play it by ear, making sure that every aspect of our relationship is on my terms(similar to 3, and the one i'm leaning towards)

now these are just the options on my end, i have no idea what the emotional repurcussions will be on her end, and it could get sticky.

i'm kinda having a moral dilema here, on the one hand it might be good for her to have a strong, positive male influence in her life(daddy issues). on the other hand, once she realizes that she isn't going to get the relationship she's looking for, it might be worse than if i never reinitiated contact in the first place.

confused,
brownbear.

 

[Jitterbug]

She has a boyfriend. It's his job to be the emotional tampon, not yours. Don't be Captain Save-A-Ho. You've made a commitment to cut contact with her, man. Stick to it!

 

[Prodigy746]

Why do you care, she is giving it up to someone else but wants to talk to you. Let the one that is taping it cheer her up, i would streight up tell her...i am done wasting my time with you i would rather spend the time talking to other girls that will be with me....

 

[brownbear.]

i don't want to be with her, and for the record she would "give it up" to me in a heartbeat if i tried.

i care because i'm generally a caring person, if i see someone struggling, its my inclination to want to help them, whether it be a buddy, co-worker, my sister, ex-girlfriend, whatever.

and i'm pretty sure she broke up with the boyfriend.

that being said, both of you are giving solid advice, and i will continue to cut communication, but i feel like i should man up and just tell her the way it is, rather than ducking her phonecalls. i'll probably run into her eventually, and if we're gonna have this finally over and done with, i'd rather it be on my terms than being ambushed at a friends house or party/whatever(we share some mutual friends).

what do you think? confront the situation head-on, or just continue avoiding it?

 

[Jitterbug]

i care because i'm generally a caring person, if i see someone struggling, its my inclination to want to help them, whether it be a buddy, co-worker, my sister, ex-girlfriend, whatever.

So am I, but I'm choosy about whom I'd care for. Is she worth your caring?

When you made the decision to completely cut her off, what were your reasons? Are they still valid now? Don't let her playing (or being, same sh!t) the victim affect your decision making. Think with your logic self, not with your emotions.

 

[Gamble]

just come to your senses and leave her!

 

[brownbear.]

you're right, i'm not being choosy enough with whom i care for. of course she deserves someone to care for her, but it won't be me.

as far as my reasons for cutting her off, its complicated, but a summary:

homegirl was my highschool sweetheart, i moved to cali when i was 19 and wanted to keep the long-distance thing going, she eventually broke it off and started dating some d-bag. i was pretty broken up about it, but moved on pretty well. i visited home for the holidays, we spent the whole 2 weeks together and started the whole cycle over again. its basically been like that ever since; every time i've moved on and am feeling great, she'll get in touch with me, i'll go all AFC and tell her how i feel, she'd get freaked out and start dating some d-bag and i'd throw myself a pity-party.

i've time and time again laid it all out for her, and she's time and time again been reckless with my emotions. definately not worth my time and energy, but the question remains; take the bull by the horns and tell her i'm done right now, or just keep my distance and hope to avoid a confrontation somewhere down the road?

thanks for the help guys, i was actually considering getting together with her this week until you helped me talk myself out of it.

now, to confront or to avoid?

 

[brownbear.]

i'm with you man, she's done, gone, finished, kaput. the reality is that she really doesn't deserve a really high quality man like myself, the high school sweetheart thing just skewed my vision for so long. i was more in love with the idea of her, than actually being in love with her. its cool, i don't know why you guys keep assuming that i want to be with her, just because i was contemplating talking to her.

but the question remains. . .do i get rid of her actively or passively?

 

[Rounder]

Great job so far!! Wow! So many guys can't do what you've done. I applaud your efforts!

Some guys can't handle these situations and probably shouldn't talk to their one-itis anymore at all.

You can talk to her and tell her where you're at or let her keep calling and texting. If you want the calls and texts to end you might want to talk to her.

You seem to be confident in your decisions and it might be good for you to simply tell her she won't be a part of your life anymore. For you it would probably build more confidence and a way to wrap up that part of your life.

Simply ignoring her calls is a viable option too. Make it your decision - you've started to change your life - continue that by making this decision yours.

Looking forward to more posts from you.

 

[Asteconn]

option 1.

She really doesn't seem like she's worth the effort to be honest.

 

[B-Real]

Man I am going through the same thing. I still care for my one-itis, but tired of her stringing me along like some puppy. I've cut off contact from her. Good thing is I don't have to worry about her calling me cause she's leaving the country for entirety of the winter break. :woo: