The old social programming

[The Deacon]

Let's face it. We're all here on this forum because we want to get better with women. We were all incorrectly programmed to think in certain idealisms which directly contradict reality, so we ended up seeking knowledge from either DJs or PUAs. Either our parents taught us poorly, we didn't listen hard enough, or we socially isolated ourselves. Some of us have picked up some social cues and got some action from quality girls. Some of us are just keyboard jockeying and not getting any action whatsoever. Whatever the case is, we all seem to understand the basic principle: the old programming, or our interpretation of it, didn't work.

Remember when people would say "if you wanna kiss a girl, you gotta win her heart first?" It isn't incorrect, since you can kiss a girl if you've "won her heart." Heck, maybe you can even have sex with her, but that's not the point. Getting any physical gratification from the opposite sex is largely derived from physical attraction. It's not about buying flowers, it's not about writing sappy poetry, it's all about the attraction.

We understand this. We all know that the hot girls went for the jerks in high school that treated them like garbage. At first, we all thought that being a jerk was attractive, but it's really not what compels a woman to be sexually attracted to you. If you're fugly and you're a jerk, you're still not going to get any action. Some of us have figured this out by experience, others by observation. The old programming taught us that commonalities made a girl like you. She likes softball? Well great! You like softball too! That means we'll be able to hook up, right? Wrong. If you have absolutely nothing in common with the girl, but she is physically attracted to you, you can still get some action.

I know most of you hate Mystery Method, but he makes a very valid point. A girl can like the way you look, but if you have no social approval she won't want to be seen with you. Being socially adept, though, is not a substitute for raw physical attraction. However, if her friends approve of you, she'll have a much easier time being in the relationship. We all, on a basic level, want social approval of some sort. Some of us say "I don't give a f*ck what anyone thinks." Someone who actually thinks that way is either a sociopath or has Aspergers syndrome. It is not a bad thing to seek social approval.

Anyway, that's my two cents. What are you guys' thoughts on the old social programming we've all learned is bullsh*t?

 

[Technical1]

Some of us say "I don't give a f*ck what anyone thinks." Someone who actually thinks that way is either a sociopath or has Aspergers syndrome. It is not a bad thing to seek social approval.

Seeking social approval versus doing your thing. The best thing I ever read on this, I actually read this afternoon, it was at Real Social Dynamics: realsocialdynamics.blogspot.com. The jist is this: Internal validation trumps external validation for the generation of happiness. Only you can create happiness inside your self.

Anyway, that's my two cents. What are you guys' thoughts on the old social programming we've all learned is bullsh*t?

When I was 10 to 14 I was so rambunctious that I got in fights, broke things at school, fvcked up chemistry lab experiments, insulted people to their faces, and had a frightening bout of pyromania. School officials came down on me like a ton of bricks, all those years, and I was politely asked to leave one school at the end of 6th grade.

All the while the girls, the angelic little girls, were doing their homework, answering the teacher's questions, never breaking anything, and apologizing to anyone they hurt. Why couldnt I just be like them? They even got good grades! Not only was I more violent than them, I was also dumber (apparently) and if my smattering of religious education was correct, less pure because of my copious earthly desires since age 12. (I assumed girls didnt feel these, in reality I guess they just didnt talk about them).
Did anyone ever tell me about the value of MEN? About how great men are, what great things men have done, how proud I should be to be a man? Of course not, unheard of. How would the girls have felt?

The conclusion was inevitable: women are the reason civilization exists. Men are more brutish and we deserve to be hated and strictly controlled. Watching television shows like Saved By The Bell also had some kind of men-and-women-are-equal netherworldly quality to it. Dont be a chauvinist pig! Blah blah blah! We were made to sympathize with the hurt feelings of the female characters. And their feelings were ALWAYS being hurt. Men always cause so much hurt in this world!!

Now I realize that the rambunctious person I bid farewell to at 14 was... with hopefully a little bit less recklessness and more controlled, in fact my happiest self. And in fact, it was probably my most attractive self to women, since I had a bunch of admirers (who I use to despise!). I had whole troup of girls on me but I wasnt thinking of them then. And 10 years later, having jumped through every hoop society could dream up, I am....despised and scorned. Perhaps rightly. Because in that time I went from the internal validation of a boy, happy whenever he wasnt on a leash, to the external validation of a young man in search of high place and "honor". Thank you, noble lie!

 

[LostAndConfused]

However, if her friends approve of you, she'll have a much easier time being in the relationship. We all, on a basic level, want social approval of some sort. Some of us say "I don't give a f*ck what anyone thinks." Someone who actually thinks that way is either a sociopath or has Aspergers syndrome. It is not a bad thing to seek social approval.

to this post man!!! Lovin' it . I dunno about the social approval part. I've always believed that Girls seek out and want and NEED social approval, and Guys don't. Guys only go for social approval to get girls. I wholeheartedly believe that a guy who can score chicks on building attraction alone without any social approval would do just that.

But one of the biggest myths that IVE encountered is the way girls (especially in high school and college) react to sex. They all want you to believe that they are the nice little angelic girls that you mentioned, dating all the football players because they think its "cute" and they like the social approval they get from doing so. They way they always say "ew" whenever the subject of sex is brought up.

Geez what a myth! Its almost universal. While in truth, girls get down and dirty throughout those young years from middle school to college and beyond.