The old self echoes back

[Life-Trainee]

I've been reading this site for past 8 months or so and it had a profound effect on my outlook on women and life. I've changed the ways I communicate with people and now i'm more confident with approaching women. The problem is, my new improving self is constantly under construction. So it's not a natural thing for me at this point. I have to be constantly on lookout that I don't fall back into my old ways. I seem to fall back into my old personality when I'm with my old friends whom I known for more than 8 years. I'm often in touch with them and we do something every week. They're good people, but I think the way I have established myself in their view early on. has damaged their treatment and respect for me. When i'm chilling with my friends I relax to the point that I forget that I'm trying to change. Old me, used to be somewhat of a doormat, pushover and submissive "whatever" type person. So, my friends decided many things for me with me not having or not wanting to have an opinion. Now, that i'm trying to change, I see now how they expect me to behave in certain situations and I'm in terror that I would actually comply to that in the past. I let my guard down so much when I'm with my friends that I let it happen, but not without me noticing. Then of course, in retrospect, i'm thinking, oh i should've fought back, but then it's to late for a given situation. I'm talking about smalls things here. For instance, I used to not to care whether I "shotgun" in a car ride. People knowing that, wouldn't even ask me whether I wanted to ride in the passenger seat and would assume that I dont care. In other instance, in a movie theater like last night. I wanted to sit in between of my friends (me and 2 of them) instead of the usual at the side of either one. But when I tried to persist they looked at me as if I commited a crime or something. Then when we went back to the house we went to watch TV. It was always expected of me to sit next to the window on the couch because nobody else would wanna sit besides it because it's kinda chilly. So, I persisted again and got into an argument with both of them about why i am being bitcchy. Seems now, when I try to show my new self, people get dissatisfied with me, because now I actually have an opinion. I'm more aware of these instances now where I get a redflag in my head than ever. How do I let my friends know that I'm not gonna put up with this disrespectful schit anymore? That I dont wanna be a submissive, compliant puzzy I used to be?
It's like now after the years they have built up an expectation of how I should behave, and they get offended/bittchy when I do otherwise. I guess if they can't accept my new self I shouldn't be friends with them anymore right? Because their expectations of me hurt my confidence and success with women when I'm in their company at a party. I'm beginning to aggregate newer friends from college who know me as a guy with strong opinion who doesn't take schit from no one. Should I ditch those old so called "friends" ?? I have so many things racing through my mind now.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

What are you doing with a shotgun in the front passenger side of a car - are you going to do a drive-by shooting? Are your boys gangsters and you are seeking their approval by taking someone's life?

It is only natural for them to react differently towards you because of your changed behavior from your old self in the past 8 years - this is how they know you and are comfortable with you in your 'old self'. Now you are a challenge and upsetting the order of things!.

If they always put you behind them everywhere they go then don't associate with them unless they put you on a equal footing!! It's ok to let them know this, don't just bolt without trying to correct things first. They don't know what is going through your mind, you must verbalize this newfound 'self' and make your opinions and thoughts known!

 

[The Brufri]

Dude! I just identified myself with you...I still have some old friends from school and we usually meet at the weekends. At school I was a completely submissive, shy, kinda of guy. I dindt have any oppinion, didnt talk much etc. I´ve been labeled this way through many years. Suddenly I felt my personality changing a bit but they dont seem to accept it.

I need to expand my social circle, I have just a few friends. When I want to go out at night, I usually go solo. Actually I feel more comfortable approaching women when Im alone. My usual friends think I cant game any girl considering my past.

 

[Life-Trainee]

My friends too don't think I can score with any women. They even tried couple of times to hook me up with truly ugly chicks. Of course I said "heckk no". Just because I'm not successful i'm not gonna lower my standards. However, the confusing part is that when I stand up for myself they want to make me feel selfish, rude and inconsiderate of others. Of course at the back of my head I know i'm right. The other problem is that I'm pretty much dependent on them for transportation when we chill because I have no car. I also found that I'm a bit abusive with my NEW friends and always trying to be in control. While being a complete opposite with my old friends.(although that's changing now) I guess that's an insecurity on my part trying to compensate for my other shortcomings. So, PRL you're saying i should explain to them that I've changed etc?

 

[WestCoaster]

DJing is a work in progress

I'm probably somewhat older than you and just in the last few years when I discovered this site (and discovered I was an AFC) that I changed.

I've learned that being a DJ is a work in progress, pretty much like anything you do in life. You're in a life-long development stage, and like anything, it ebbs and flows. There are good moments and bad moments when you revert to AFCism. Some are better at not reverting back. Just always remember your DJ skills, that what's most important in your life is YOU -- not some woman -- and that your self-esteem, your career, your health, etc., depends on YOU. Validate your own existence.

I have a lot of friends and some are strange. I have some real underachieving friends, stuck in dead-end jobs who refuse to get out because they have such low self-esteem. One guy who works crappy retail (and he's fairly old) tried to make me feel guilty when I left my previous profession in communications to go to grad school and change careers. He could see that I was moving up (my salary also went up), my life was changing and he was being left behind. Great guy, but he's a downer to be around. Accept those friends, but don't always listen to them. Be your own man.

* PRL, not sure if you were joking or not, but "shotgun" means you're riding in the front passenger seat of a car. You "call shotgun" to secure your seat before going on a ride. Semi-old American custom. :>)