The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[JayLumen]

double post

 

[JayLumen]

Ok so we are on day 4 of my no contact challenge. I have been keeping myself busy by playing golf, going to the gym, hanging out with friends and doing work.

Yesterday there was a two hour stretch where I felt like texting her to find out how her weekend away was but I didn't. At times I have a tendency to replay our conversations since the break up and come up with more questions to ask her but I try my best to forget and move on.

It's been almost 4 weeks since the original break up and since then I have come a long ways. I was so shell shocked by it that I didn't know how to handle myself and acted all AFC contacting her and stressing I wanted to work things out.

I think my feelings towards her now are strictly physical as there are so many issues with her and her age and what she wants to do that I can't be with someone like that. She has timelines and told me during our last talk that she wanted to be married by 30 which is 9 years away. I said to her I don't know why we just can't be together without having this marriage thing in the back of her especially if it's 9 years away and she doesn't even have a career. She said she doesn't want to waste time in a relationship but she will be doing that because there is a no way a man will come along and want to talk or have her talk about marriage at such a young age.

Each day I think less and less about her and feel comfortable being single and on my own.

 

[CancerPilot]

just joined

hi fellow members,
here is my story:four months after my exwife of 3 years(knew each other for 13 years) and I divorced(btw,i was over her at the time:yes: ),hooked up with this 30yo girl i knew for 2 months,on september 1,2009(ironically,she and her exbf of 3 years who was back living in japan,broke up earlier that day also),but unfortunately had to move 1100 km away to the next province(on sept 2) to attend to my familys house.btw my ex and i are in Canada.we decided to be bf and gf in this long distance relationship.i went back to her city at the end of sept. to work at my hospital job that i had kept(as a casual worker)and not relinquished for 1 week and spend time with her.Then i went back to her city again at the end of october to work another 2 weeks.then went on a preplanned for 1 yr, vacation alone with my family from nov 16-jan 6 to the philippines and also attend to business matters there.My exgf and i maintained contact at least 1-2x a day via email,text,phone,or webcam throughout our 5 month relationship.she flew into my city to visit and seriously consider moving to my city by march(after her school is finished)and live in my house, on jan 7-16,but we were having problems commence already,mainly due to me being love-blind and not being aware of these issues.BTW,in hindsight,NOW I AM REFLECTING BACK ON WHAT I DID WRONG in our relationship,for example:not being so affectionate at times,controlling,etc....anyways,she had to find a new place to live by the end of january.she mentioned this to me even since early december.on jan 22,she revealed that she found a new place but with a roomie.a friend of a friends roomie.once she mentioned it was a guy,I LOST MY COOL and became a jealous,raging,n insecure freak.I BROKE up with her that day on jan 22.I called her back on jan 24 and we reconciled in a pleasant way.she told me her roomie knew that i was her bf...But from jan 25 to the 29 th,she couldnt be reached and she didnt contact me.I MADE the mistake of sending very rude n vulgar txt messges on jan 26 n 27...Finally,she emailed me and broke it off on jan 30th.....I was running on high emotions and flew down to her city on feb 2 and coincidentally met up with her after her school...she was standoffish and i begged n pleaded..she said "give me time"....on feb 5,she texted me again to say she considered her decision and still doesnt want me...so i met up with her again....and I really LOST MY COOL and became a weak man n cried etc...after that meeting,I voluntarily checked myself into a medical clinic bcoz i was suffering from insomnia(like 0 hours sleep per nite) for more than a week....on feb 11,i phoned her and told her i just want to be friends and mentioned that i was ok,health wise...she phoned me later that night but was civil....i tried phoning her feb 12 n 13 but no answer....so i stopped communication for 4 days....on feb 17 she txted me wondering how i was n if i did well on an english exam which will qualify me to teach english in japan should my ex and i move there in the future, on feb 16(i attained an A- btw:yes: )....btw,while receiving that txt,i was on my way to the airport to fly back home...so i met up with her at school b4 my flight and she was more warm and receptive than the previous 2 encounters by touching my arm etc,....but not like old times(kissing etc.)...i was supposed to text her back b4 her dismissal(btw her final exam is on feb 26 and mentioned she is not seeing anyone,has no new bf,as of feb 17) but was too late,so she texted 2x me wondering where i was.so i called her and she was irritable,distant,and made excuses....at the airport....feb. 17..i txted her goodbye...no response........feb 18,i txt message terrorism her 10x from yahoo messenger....sappy messages...no response......feb 19..i emailed her one last time...no response.......BTW,during our 5 months together....i knew for a fact that she loved me and cared just by her actions alone.she was a flexible giver.gave presents.walked to my apartment at 5am in the morning from 2 km away since i was on rotating shifts at the hospital.She was a good girl......so i initiated NC.....Im on DAY 2 now of this NC challenge and it feels reassurring to be a part of this forum despite my SOB story and I do apologize if any one feels like puking,reading this story,LOL....TKS.......any input would be appreciated.guys,this hurts by being not on good terms or even any form of warm relations with her....but i feel that NC will only make me stronger.and yeah,im now starting to realize she wasnt perfect either:whiny,secretive,nagging,blaming,etc.....i manned up and admitted my faults and am aware of being able to fix them n myself.....after reading through these previous posts,i feel empathy from them.........i deleted her phone number,yahoo messenger addy,blocked her email,hid the presents she gave me,and deleted all her pics on my computer...the only way to get into contact is if i pick up that phone....NOT! YOU guys are right....women dont have the B%LLz to breakup with you in person or on the phone....my ex did it via Email and text message.

 

[WalkingStick]

Day 5 of NC for me.

We were together for a year, but the last month or two of our relationship I started to get clingy and pathetic and she practically ignored me for a weekend after I flipped out over a guy friend (even after I calmly and strongly apologized for).

It wasnt until a few days after the break-up that I realized I had given up WAY too much of my life for this girl. I lost the funny, awesome, social guy I once was and she didnt feel the same way anymore. I had become smothering and insecure. She told me she couldn't keep doing this for 2 months until graduation and she didnt want to "lead me on" that we would get back together after graduation because she wasnt sure anymore.

I'm not mad at her, I almost wish I had something to be pissed at her for to make NC easier. She never lied to me, we've always been great together, but I started to lose myself. Looking back, I am genuinely disgusted by the AFC behavior I was displaying.

I needed this for myself. I know I will be stronger for it, but I cant help feeling like I want another shot with her. Either way, its NC. I still catch her looking at me sometimes, but she has made no effort to contact me otherwise. It's so hard going NC because I feel like she's going to forget about me.

Regardless, I know I need to focus on me. I'm hoping she will come back to the revitalized DJ, because it still hurts and I still think about her ALL THE TIME.

 

[CancerPilot]

Day 5 of NC for me.

We were together for a year, but the last month or two of our relationship I started to get clingy and pathetic and she practically ignored me for a weekend after I flipped out over a guy friend (even after I calmly and strongly apologized for).

It wasnt until a few days after the break-up that I realized I had given up WAY too much of my life for this girl. I lost the funny, awesome, social guy I once was and she didnt feel the same way anymore. I had become smothering and insecure. She told me she couldn't keep doing this for 2 months until graduation and she didnt want to "lead me on" that we would get back together after graduation because she wasnt sure anymore.

I'm not mad at her, I almost wish I had something to be pissed at her for to make NC easier. She never lied to me, we've always been great together, but I started to lose myself. Looking back, I am genuinely disgusted by the AFC behavior I was displaying.

I needed this for myself. I know I will be stronger for it, but I cant help feeling like I want another shot with her. Either way, its NC. I still catch her looking at me sometimes, but she has made no effort to contact me otherwise. It's so hard going NC because I feel like she's going to forget about me.

Regardless, I know I need to focus on me. I'm hoping she will come back to the revitalized DJ, because it still hurts and I still think about her ALL THE TIME.

dude,.....i feel for you bro! but keep going strong with NC...

 

[CancerPilot]

I slipped up and called her last night after 2 of my male cousins suggested to call her..From the the call:she just doesnt want to comeback to me....BACK TO DAY 1 of NC starting today.... .....SIGH

 

[WalkingStick]

I slipped up and called her last night after 2 of my male cousins suggested to call her..From the the call:she just doesnt want to comeback to me....BACK TO DAY 1 of NC starting today.... .....SIGH

Rough, man. You have to stay strong. It's time for me and you both to start moving on. :box:

 

[Serg897]

Looking back, I am genuinely disgusted by the AFC behavior I was displaying.

You and me both, pal. Stay strong. We are in this together.

 

[CancerPilot]

Rough, man. You have to stay strong. It's time for me and you both to start moving on. :box:

Thanks bro....i feel better today...going on day 2 of NC and really ramping up my pursuit of aviation training..........btw,it really helps listening 2 male buddies here in my city whom i lost contact with over the years....i get strength from them....and relatives have given me strength by saying they believe in me to SURVIVE this breakup(using NC) .

 

[George McGroo]

Alright well, here I'm starting day 1 of NC. The b!tch crossed the line last night and hurt me pretty bad. We were out at a bar with a couple of her friends and she basically ignored me the whole time. Then three of her other friends show up, a couple and another dude. Long story short, she ends up kissing this other dude from her 3 friends right in front of me, no tongue and it was short but thats still bull****. We never even really broke up so that fvcking b!tch had no god damn right. I played it cool till I got home, then I ended up texting her like an AFC and she ended up telling me fck you. I feel like such a chump and part of me is telling me not to do this but I know I have to do it for myself, she doesn't deserve to have me in her life anymore. I was about to go all AFC on her and tell her I was wrong and all this **** but writing it out on here makes me feel a lot better. Anyways, Three Days Grace "Gone Forever" is the perfect song for this moment. I need to go break something.

Update: Well she already texted me today and I haven't responded yet, I don't know what to do. Apparently this guy was gay and I didn't pick it up, he just seemed like your average gay looking emo kid to me. I feel really stupid right now, any advice on what I should do? He seemed attracted to her anyways and she seemed attracted to him and couldn't get enough of him.

 

[todays_news]

OKAY made the stupid attempt of calling her after we broke up on thursday. So 60 days, here goes!!

 

[luv 2 fly]

Hey what about if her birthday is within the 60 day mark?? Do I still keep silent & not wish her happy birthday???

 

[V2Logger]

Don't call her on her Bday. I went through the same thing. Go chill out with one of your buddys that is aware of the situation. Just hang out all day with your bud. Hide your phone or lock it up. You will just show that you are available for her still.

 

[JLW]

The no-contact challenge starts for me.

This one is really tough. we have THREE of the same classes together. That's 12 hours a week having to see her! (I go to a product design school, so the classes are really long studio-style classes)

When we broke up she said she wasn't really interested anymore. We had been dating for 2 and a half years.

I responded by saying, "Okay, well I really don't want to break up with you because I still really like you. But if you feel that way there's not really much to say."

She said we could still be friends, and I could call her whenever I needed to, and I simply responded "I don't think that's a good idea..."

She tried to hug me goodbye and I said, "I don't know if that would really be appropriate..." Trying to hug me after she dumped me seemed kind of strange...


FAST FORWARD TO SUNDAY, 2 DAYS AFTER THE BREAK-UP

So I have not contacted her at all. Since we go to the same school and have the same classes, I saw her in the modeling shop, making some models for class on Monday. I was in there too.

We were sitting in the sanding room, about 6 feet away from each other. The room is really small so we do not have much of a choice. We were both minding our own business and it was EXTREMELY awkward.

To break the ice, I went up to her and said "oh, are you making the breathing apparatus portion of your project now?" (she's making an avalanche survival thing)

and she said, "yeah I forgot to buy the supplies for the goggle part so I'm doing this now."

I replied, "Cool. Looks good." and walked away, continuing to do my own work.


But I realize now that it was a mistake. it was just an indirect way of me saying that it was okay that she dumped me, i still like her. I learned from this and I will not be doing it anymore


Does anyone have any advice for ignoring your girlfriend even though you still have to spend a lot of time with her in class and stuff? I mean, literally working 6 feet away from her in a sanding room and not even acknowledging her existence is REALLY hard! 2 and a half years in a relationship is a long time.

Obviously I won't be sitting next to her in class or anything like that. But how should I handle myself? Should I say hi to her if we're walking past eachother in the hallway and stuff like that?

 

[JLW]

bump

 

[In$tinct]

The no-contact challenge starts for me.

This one is really tough. we have THREE of the same classes together. That's 12 hours a week having to see her! (I go to a product design school, so the classes are really long studio-style classes)

When we broke up she said she wasn't really interested anymore. We had been dating for 2 and a half years.

I responded by saying, "Okay, well I really don't want to break up with you because I still really like you. But if you feel that way there's not really much to say."

She said we could still be friends, and I could call her whenever I needed to, and I simply responded "I don't think that's a good idea..."

She tried to hug me goodbye and I said, "I don't know if that would really be appropriate..." Trying to hug me after she dumped me seemed kind of strange...


FAST FORWARD TO SUNDAY, 2 DAYS AFTER THE BREAK-UP

So I have not contacted her at all. Since we go to the same school and have the same classes, I saw her in the modeling shop, making some models for class on Monday. I was in there too.

We were sitting in the sanding room, about 6 feet away from each other. The room is really small so we do not have much of a choice. We were both minding our own business and it was EXTREMELY awkward.

To break the ice, I went up to her and said "oh, are you making the breathing apparatus portion of your project now?" (she's making an avalanche survival thing)

and she said, "yeah I forgot to buy the supplies for the goggle part so I'm doing this now."

I replied, "Cool. Looks good." and walked away, continuing to do my own work.


But I realize now that it was a mistake. it was just an indirect way of me saying that it was okay that she dumped me, i still like her. I learned from this and I will not be doing it anymore


Does anyone have any advice for ignoring your girlfriend even though you still have to spend a lot of time with her in class and stuff? I mean, literally working 6 feet away from her in a sanding room and not even acknowledging her existence is REALLY hard! 2 and a half years in a relationship is a long time.

Obviously I won't be sitting next to her in class or anything like that. But how should I handle myself? Should I say hi to her if we're walking past eachother in the hallway and stuff like that?

I think you need to basically treat it like I did with my ex. We have children together so constant communication is required. Just keep it business like, don’t drift into any convo other than class related. If she tries turning the convo into anything but class. Just be polite and get out of it as quickly as possible without coming off rude.

I honestly believe that this method is more effective than the standard “NC, no see”. Every time you talk, she will be expecting you to toss something in about the relationship, and when you don’t, be ready for her to start fishing for it.

Your goal isn't to be an a$$. You moved on, whether you have or not, is what you want her to think.

 

[Karl.S]

Hi all, I'm Karl. I found this thread whilst searching for help/advice.

I will tell you my story.

I had been with my girlfriend for just over 13 years, we lived together for 10.5 of those years. On the 6th March (Saturday) at about 7PM she suddenly, out of the blue, told me that she couldn't go on with our relationship. We hadn't argued and I totally didn't see it coming. She told me that she felt like her life was going nowhere and she wanted to change everything about it - including me. We talked for an hour or so which mostly involved me pleading and her saying it wouldn't work. She had already decided that she wished to sell the house and she wanted me out as soon as possible. So she then went to stay at her mothers. I made the stupid mistake of emailing her and sending some flowers to her mothers on the Monday. At 11pm Monday night I get a phonecall from her (which woke me up) saying that she had got the flowers and that she was touched. She wanted to come round the next day and talk. She said she had missed me and had been miserable.

So the next day she comes round, we talk and agree to give it another go. It seems we had got stuck in a rut and didn't go out as much and life had become boring. So over the next 2 weeks we go out plenty and plan things for the future. The Saturday night we go out of town to visit my brother and we go out to a nice Italian restaurant. Everything seems great and we make plans to do it again soon. We get home and everything is fine, but Sunday she is a bit distant. Monday she would barely even look at me and I knew something was wrong. We awake on Tuesday and she says 'I have something to say and I don't think you are going to like it'..

She then tells me that she had tried but she can't make it work. So I go to work in a mess. I come back later to talk and she's already looked into selling the house and offers me a pay off to get out of the house. She had borrowed the money from her mother. I was shocked and amazed at how final everything had suddenly become. Because her name was on the mortgage, and we weren't married I had no legal rights to the property so I had no option but to leave. I was given 1 week pretty much to get out.

So I moved out last Monday and the only option I had really was to move into my parents house, into the tiniest room you could ever imagine. I took most of my belongings but I was still given access to the house after I left as we have 3 Cats and I was very reluctant to give them up, and she knows all too well how I feel about them. I went into the house on the Wednesday to see the Cats and she had already started moving things around. Filling up the empty spaces that I had left. Already it didn't feel like my home and it felt very odd. As much as I wanted to go in and see my Cats it was too difficult. So on the Thursday I decided to grab the rest of my stuff, say goodbye to my Cats and post the key through the letterbox. The hardest thing I have ever had to do. The way I saw it was she had called all of the shots so far and I wasn't giving her the satisfaction of her asking me for the key.

So I have bombarded her with text messages and emails and I've had the 'It's not you, it's me' , 'I don't love you liked I used to' , etc etc!!. But I am really finding it hard to accept it. Everyday I try not to contact her. Even today I sent her a text message asking how the Cats are.

She promises me that there is no-one else and I think I believe her but I'm still in shock that it has happened. Looking back things had got boring and needed spicing up but I never felt like it was something that couldn't ever be fixed. I can't believe everything was so calculated and so cut and dry. Just when you think you know someone this happens.

Tomorrow will be my first day of no contact but I know it's going to be difficult as my feelings for her are very strong. I am getting better as last week I was a total mess but I cannot get her out of my head.

Really sucks losing your girlfriend, your home, your car and you Cats all in one go.

Sorry for the long post.

Karl

 

[Websters dic]

I broke NC in the fact that I got a couple of drinks at my pals then went home to finish some more beers and decided to go on FB to dig through her profile. BAD IDEA, it got my mind working and thinking all sort of delusional non-sense. I had kept strong but my self-discipline goes to sht when I drink. **sigh** I really need to learn from this mistake and apply it to future situations.

 

[studioworks]

Day 3

Was seeing this girl for a year.. got dumped... yes i aint ashamed to admit it... had all the signs of interest levels falling.... never saw em coming... i guess oneitis is the biggest enemy of any relationship !

Anyways... cutting the story short... initiated "No Contact" immediately after breaking up.... but she alwayz kept calling / messaging atleast once a day or every other day...

I wud pick up these calls... coz honestly i felt she just needed sum time and wud be fine in a few days...

Nonetheless... after 2 weeks of level 1 NO CONTACT... i stopped responding to all calls and mesgs... she went crazy for 2 days... like 5 calls and 5 mesgs in a day... begging me to tell her i was ok and that i cud ignore her after that... i sent her a one line mesg saying "i was absolutely ok and that she shud have a nice week"..

i guess she got the hint... didnt call for next 2 days... got a call again from her after that... saying it was her last call coz she felt it was very abrubt the way i suddenly stopped all communication and since we had sumthing so beautiful we shud end it on a good note.. (wateva girl... 1st u dump me then this... hahahaha)

I told her i cudnt be friends wid her... and she understood that i wanted NO CONTACT... she went on to say how she had been thinking about me the whole day since i had stopped taking her calls n mesgs....

and this is a woman... who is very stubborn... has a lot of ego... and i thot wud never call after my mesg to her and my initiating NO CONTACT

anywayz... now since shez made her "last call" thereby finishing off any lame excuse to call me again... and there is no way in hell i'm calling her... i cant wait to see what 60 days will do to her... DAY 3 and going strong...

trust me : every now and then there is a temptation to call... but not calling and having the power that i decided to initiate NO CONTACT feels so nice... whether i get her back or not is immaterial as i am doing this for myself...

JUST A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS FOR THE MASTERS

1. Does the fact that i kept responding to her mesgs and calls for 2 weeks have any effect on my initiating complete NO CONTACT now ?? Havent i in a way weaned her away from myself in these 2 weeks ??

2. What if she again tries to contact me after say a week or 2... my not calling is in my control and not a problem... when she calls the temptation at that point will be very high coz honestly sumtimes i feel "What if she wants to get back and i'm blocking her out ?"

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Been in the relationship for a few months, my first ever g/f. Become quite serious was at the point where were sleeping together almost every night (not sex all the time).

After past couple of weeks clear low signs of insterest then received a text saying "feeling unsure" and "wanting a chat". Full details here.

I waiting until the evening, after discussing on here and hearing other guys comments (very much appriciated) it become clear she may have gone back with her ex.

I simply responded saying ok, not available when she wanted to chat and proberly see her out and about maybe. Bye.

Day One - Night of the breakup

The message above was sent at the end of the day after work.
Deleted all previous texts, renamed phone number and change her assigned ringtone to silent, delated assigned photo and all photos that have a memory of her.

No reponse was recieved to the text.

Got fed up in my house, it was too quiet (we both have our own places). Went out for a run to sweat it out - passed her ex's house and her car is parked on the driveway!!! She had told me the night before she was going out with her freind. Extreme feeling of rage and pretty much collopsed to the ground in pain.

Got home showered up and chilled on the sofa in silence for an hour daydreaming and pondering, trying to think about all the things of how I was unsure about her in the initial stages of the relationship and how this has given me time to train up for next years London Marathon.

Still feeling a little sick and unable to eat put on some music channels on the TV loudly and cleaned up the house. After 20 or so minutes a song came on that was her favourite, she used to always play it in her car or turn up the volume whenever it came on. I broke down in tears and have never felt so much pain and nigleck (how ever its spelt). Couldn't get the image of her car on that driveway our of my head and then all the memories of the good times we shared started to come back, realised I did love her - the relationship was not about sex.

Put on the movie Hangover, which made me feel a little bit better and reminded me of of one of the greatest holidays I had with the lads in Las Vegas for new year

Went to bed, turned over and smelt her shampoo on the other side, along with parts of her long blonde hair that were left behind. Out burst of pain and tears again - this lasted for over an hour.

Went into the spare room and managed to eventually calm down and to get some sleep there.

Day 2

Woke up deciding to re-arrange the house by swapping the bedrooms over.

Sent a message to my female freind (who has become very good freinds with my girl) explaining breifly she cheated on me and its over. Us three used to go to the local pub every Friday to get typsy and have a bit of a laugh.

Still feeling a strong bitter numbness, havn't eaten for almost 24 hours and sill don't feel like it. Feel unbaribly tierd but know I won't be able to sleep.

Will be spending another night alone, looking forward to the bank holiday weekend and seeing my mates. They do not yet know it was only last weekend they were saying how great she is, different to other women and I should keep her.

Female freind tried calling, I didn't answer then she cold called at my house in the evening to investigate.

Cheating girl sent text an hour later: "So your not talking to me now then? X".

Had a browse on a free dating website and played some upbeat music. Not going to register but saw what there is out there my persective on viewing women. One thing I've noticed is how my choice in women has changed and begining to think there is better out there.

Feeling a bit better, altough lets not hope it was the text which I am going to ignore.