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The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Slick101

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Jean Valjean said:
You did okay
she was over you and had the hots for a new guy whatever you say was immaterial as long as you didn't beg

so I am in 22 days NC now with 38 left. The goal man is to go 60 days then you have no need to contact her anymore because you don't feel anything for her anymore.

How are you feeling .. I was broke up at first wtih great melancholy

anyway :up: Keep strong and keep posting.
So how u feel now?
 

Slick101

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Jean Valjean said:
You did okay
she was over you and had the hots for a new guy whatever you say was immaterial as long as you didn't beg

so I am in 22 days NC now with 38 left. The goal man is to go 60 days then you have no need to contact her anymore because you don't feel anything for her anymore.

How are you feeling .. I was broke up at first wtih great melancholy

anyway :up: Keep strong and keep posting.
So how u feel now?
 

Jean Valjean

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Slick101 said:
So how u feel now?
Not bad don't miss the gorgeous girl friend so much anymore so NC and reminding yourself of all her negatives does work

the way I look at it, her going NC right back at me despite being bpd (abandonement issues) proves she was not into me anymore so I will not love someone who has no love for me

just lonely as hell
but looking for new women, sometimes worry about ending up alone cause I'm not young and so many relationships start great then end
 

Jean Valjean

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Weezy said:
I'm f'd up in the head.

When I was with her I didn't wanna marry her, but now that I can't have her I do. I think about calling her every day, maybe if I woulda begged her more instead of being strong it would have changed something...

1 Month without so much as a text message. Never gone this long without talking to her since the day we met.

brother it always happens that what we can't have we desperately want

but hang tough it will get better though you may feel like dying now ,.. it gets better

beggin would only make you a bigger loser in her eyes and she would have more pity and maybe hide but lose more respect for you ..

the fact that she does not reach out to you sends a strong message that she is over you and does not want ou to bother her ... actions speak loudly brother so just keep NC

and look for someone new
 

Jean Valjean

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btw same for me

never gone this long without any contact but her message is coming across loud and clear to me


it's don't bother me .. go away

she actually said these words to me on a past occasion
 

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Weezy

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Jean Valjean said:
btw same for me

never gone this long without any contact but her message is coming across loud and clear to me


it's don't bother me .. go away

she actually said these words to me on a past occasion

Yeah, that is the worst, every day you go NC and they go NC, just makes it all the more real. But it does get better, on day 30 now.

A couple of more thoughts... I feel like I was never 100% in this relationship because I saw quickly that the girl liked drama, and liked to fight for no reason. For some reason though she was hot enough for me to not want to let go.

I had every opportunity to marry this girl, but I didn't want to, and yet, I didn't have the strength to end it and move on, so now I've gotta to though this pain and heartache for 60+ days... This shows me that in the future I need to be stronger about following my gut and sticking through with any breakups I initiate.

I'm also finding that the pain comes and goes now. I'm having more moments of seeing the joy of life and the freedom of being single. I have always felt like before I would give up and let myself be "domesticated" that the chick better make me feel something special.
 

V2Logger

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I have been going through the same thing Weezy. Instead it was 5 years. 5 years down the toilet. I have officially been no contact since Aug.19. That was the last text and no phone calls before or in between. Broke it off two weeks before she dumped me. But as we can figure, I have strong evidence there was another in the mix. It was also a relationship that eventually ended up in arguements from things which were so small, I did not instigate these arguements, I figure she wanted drama. But like Jean said up above,"the fact that she does not reach out to you sends a strong message that she is over you and does not want you to bother her ... actions speak loudly brother so just keep NC". That is what I have to hear. I am also stuck with wondering whether to text her happy birthday coming up. My mind is somehow telling me to do so. But my logic tells me no, because she was so negative in the end. So fellas we are all here with similiar issues. Thanks for all the posts before this one, they have all helped me.
 

Weezy

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V2Logger said:
I have been going through the same thing Weezy. Instead it was 5 years. 5 years down the toilet. I have officially been no contact since Aug.19. That was the last text and no phone calls before or in between. Broke it off two weeks before she dumped me. But as we can figure, I have strong evidence there was another in the mix. It was also a relationship that eventually ended up in arguements from things which were so small, I did not instigate these arguements, I figure she wanted drama. But like Jean said up above,"the fact that she does not reach out to you sends a strong message that she is over you and does not want you to bother her ... actions speak loudly brother so just keep NC". That is what I have to hear. I am also stuck with wondering whether to text her happy birthday coming up. My mind is somehow telling me to do so. But my logic tells me no, because she was so negative in the end. So fellas we are all here with similiar issues. Thanks for all the posts before this one, they have all helped me.
Your logic is right here. I would follow it. Texting is only going to set you back, especially if there is another guy.

I'm assuming there had to be another guy in the mix for mine too, although I don't know for sure and don't wanna know. I started to feel her pull away for a couple of weeks toward the end.

Then we had a 3 day weekend planned with my parents at our lake cabin and I was a perfect gentleman. We had an awesome time, road jetski's mad sex, awesome. When we got back she told me she didn't wanna sleep in her bed without me and that she loved, this was on a Monday.
me. So I thought, okay, I need to step it up now and ride this wave

As the week progressed she started asking me why I was being so sweet lately, I had been holding her more and trying to hang out more. Then I call her up on Friday and ask if I can come over and spend the night and she was hesitant, which was a shock. I asked if she had plans and she said she didn't but that we normally don't hang out on Fridays(?)

I ended up going over there and everything seemed fine. Then she calls on Saturday night on her way home from work and I told her I was staying at my place but that I would see her tomorrow.

Then Sunday she calls up and asks if I was sober? I was like uhhh, sober enough, why? She said, just curious. I asked if she was coming over and she said well maybe we can just hang out tomorrow, I was like that's cool, and she said, well, I guess I can come over. That night she says why did it take you 3 years to start being this sweet to me? I'm like uhh, I'm always sweet and she just laughs.

I ask her the next day if she wants to make dinner and I'll come over, she's like sure, what do you want. I go over for dinner, we eat, I start to do some work and she's like, we need to talk... Stunned me cause I was so not expecting it, why the f$$k cook me dinner first, give me a last meal? Make me realize what I'd lost? She also had made my bed like a French Maid would that morning.

My hunch is that she had been planning her exit for a few weeks and that me going over on Friday F'd up her plans with the dude? I was guilty of calling her and trying to hang out more than normal that week, but I doubt that would be enough to cause her to loose interest. She always was calling me and asking to hang out.

She had been hinting marriage for a while too and I just shrugged it off. I'm guessing she had our 3 year mark as a cut off date for me to take some action. Which I never did, and as a girl will do, she started to line her ducks up for a breakup.
 

Jean Valjean

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V2Logger said:
I have been going through the same thing Weezy. Instead it was 5 years. 5 years down the toilet. I have officially been no contact since Aug.19. That was the last text and no phone calls before or in between. Broke it off two weeks before she dumped me. But as we can figure, I have strong evidence there was another in the mix. It was also a relationship that eventually ended up in arguements from things which were so small, I did not instigate these arguements, I figure she wanted drama. But like Jean said up above,"the fact that she does not reach out to you sends a strong message that she is over you and does not want you to bother her ... actions speak loudly brother so just keep NC". That is what I have to hear. I am also stuck with wondering whether to text her happy birthday coming up. My mind is somehow telling me to do so. But my logic tells me no, because she was so negative in the end. So fellas we are all here with similiar issues. Thanks for all the posts before this one, they have all helped me.

If you text her - she might reply back to be polite but the worst damage is two fold
1. You will reveal probably once again that she is the one with the upper hand ... that you need her more then she needs you. Inwardly she will gloat and you feed her sense of being more value then you
2. Even far worst is that you will open your wound (broken heart) for her to play with. Usually these things go sour again even if she initiated the contact. Your hopes will be dashed anew and your sorrow will start again fresh when she fills you in on how great she is doing and you get wind of her new man or men.

Don't contact ever unless you are over her completely and preferably have a new solid woman in your life
 

V2Logger

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It's been no contact, and I have to believe my logic in all of this. All the stuff I have read here is so true to the point. Too bad I didn't search for anything like this before it hit the fan. Lately, I have been improving and have kept with my plan about getting a house. It was supposed to be another step before getting married. I could have stopped, but kept moving for it. I guess we should look at these things like opportunities where we didn't tie the knot with someone who would flake out in the end. If they flaked out now, can we imagine later on down the line? If we think we got burned now, waiting till later would have meant the inferno. I am just concentrating on the house right now. I do have lingering thoughts here and there, it's hard sometimes because I was also used to communicate allot too. But she has totally 180d from being calm to being someone who is a socialite now. The good thing is we have no mutual friends or contacts. I will admit that I did check he facebook friends before Aug.19. It was littered with more males than ever. So can you believe my brain was considering sending her a happy birthday text? Well, good thing that I see more people telling me no. I actually was going to. I guess it's part of being on the downside eventhough I am trying to keep my head up. Thanks everyone.
 

Weezy

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V2Logger said:
It's been no contact, and I have to believe my logic in all of this. All the stuff I have read here is so true to the point. Too bad I didn't search for anything like this before it hit the fan. Lately, I have been improving and have kept with my plan about getting a house. It was supposed to be another step before getting married. I could have stopped, but kept moving for it. I guess we should look at these things like opportunities where we didn't tie the knot with someone who would flake out in the end. If they flaked out now, can we imagine later on down the line? If we think we got burned now, waiting till later would have meant the inferno. I am just concentrating on the house right now. I do have lingering thoughts here and there, it's hard sometimes because I was also used to communicate allot too. But she has totally 180d from being calm to being someone who is a socialite now. The good thing is we have no mutual friends or contacts. I will admit that I did check he facebook friends before Aug.19. It was littered with more males than ever. So can you believe my brain was considering sending her a happy birthday text? Well, good thing that I see more people telling me no. I actually was going to. I guess it's part of being on the downside eventhough I am trying to keep my head up. Thanks everyone.
Yeah, it's just your brain thinking of ways to stop the pain.. If they wanted us back, they would let us know. When I broke up with my EX, she absolutely lost it and contacted me many many many times.
 

V2Logger

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You are very right. I am more focused on landing my pad now. The memory slaps me in the face now and then. But I am remaining NC. That's where I haven't lost yet. Late.
 

Jean Valjean

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Weezy said:
Yeah, it's just your brain thinking of ways to stop the pain.. If they wanted us back, they would let us know. When I broke up with my EX, she absolutely lost it and contacted me many many many times.
Brothers

it reminds me of the Greek myth of Pandoras Box

someone is so curious they open a box they should not have

to peek in, but opening the box releases

the miseries who plague mankind


making contact because you're curious or sentimental
would open up the miseries for you and set you back to square one

bottom line:
your sweet heart no longer wants you
and you're a step away from being told to get lost please

... like you said when you have an ex that wants you back ... you know about it! .. because she lets you know 100 ways
 

Weezy

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Jean Valjean said:
Brothers

it reminds me of the Greek myth of Pandoras Box

someone is so curious they open a box they should not have

to peek in, but opening the box releases

the miseries who plague mankind


making contact because you're curious or sentimental
would open up the miseries for you and set you back to square one

bottom line:
your sweet heart no longer wants you
and you're a step away from being told to get lost please

... like you said when you have an ex that wants you back ... you know about it! .. because she lets you know 100 ways
One other thing that F's with my mind a bit is all the sites that say, wait a month and THAN contact your ex, to get em back. Do it slow, and just work your way back into their lives... just doesn't seem like that will really work though.
 

Lion

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I hear you Weezy, well here's the thing, it's either about taking risks or conforming to what people are saying about their own experiences. If you want to take that risk then nobodys gonna stop ya. Just be sure you are ready to deal with consequences bad or good.
 

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V2Logger

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In my opinion, those sites would only work in shallow relationships. I have 4 days to hit 60 days of no contact. I am feeling better and am seeing more flaws that were there but always looked beyond. I am also keeping busy. Do I have remaining feelings? After 5 yrs. I guess it wasn't as easy as one might think, but I am pulling through it. I just picture a cold blade in my spine, it brings those sensitive feelings back down to earth.
 

Igetit!

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Weezy said:
One other thing that F's with my mind a bit is all the sites that say, wait a month and THAN contact your ex, to get em back. Do it slow, and just work your way back into their lives... just doesn't seem like that will really work though.

It WON'T work.


The whole reason why a relationship fails (ULTIMATELY) is because one or both of the people involved LOST interest.


Going no contact doesn't create interest,it RAISES it. So it has to be there to even be raised in the first place.



So if there's no interest there,you can go no contact for 6 months straight and it won't matter.



It's a man being strong,passionate,having high value that creates attraction/interest in a woman,not going 2 months of not seeing her.




If you don't have these attractive traits in you,you can go no contact all you want.




Those sites that say to "work your way back into their lives" didn't happen to mention what changes need to be made within yourself before you tried to get back together with an ex,did they?




If after 60 days of no contact,the only difference is that you're 2 months older,how would that fix the original problem that caused you two to split up in the first place?
 

Weezy

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Igetit! said:
It WON'T work.


The whole reason why a relationship fails (ULTIMATELY) is because one or both of the people involved LOST interest.


Going no contact doesn't create interest,it RAISES it. So it has to be there to even be raised in the first place.



So if there's no interest there,you can go no contact for 6 months straight and it won't matter.



It's a man being strong,passionate,having high value that creates attraction/interest in a woman,not going 2 months of not seeing her.




If you don't have these attractive traits in you,you can go no contact all you want.




Those sites that say to "work your way back into their lives" didn't happen to mention what changes need to be made within yourself before you tried to get back together with an ex,did they?




If after 60 days of no contact,the only difference is that you're 2 months older,how would that fix the original problem that caused you two to split up in the first place?


True... My biggest "What If" about the whole situation is that up until 3 weeks before the break, she kept hinting about wanted to get married and wanting to take care of me. She broke it off because she felt I took her for granted and didn't put her first in my life, which I didn't, and that the relationship was going nowhere.

So deep down I'm thinking, well, what if I told her that I would be willing to do the marriage thing, would that change anything? or would it just cause her to gain more power and me to get "crushed" when she laughed it off. Probably just my head planing tricks on me. Maybe she was so nice during the breakup because she wanted me to go on my own and realize I needed her? She said when we broke up that she can't waste anymore time in this relationship.. which also makes me think she felt like I wasn't ever going to step up to the plate so she needs to explore other options. Her pulling away started shortly after me making a joke about "wanting to take care of me".

But in reality it's probably that her interest level was lowered by my not putting enough effort in and any chance of getting married is long gone because she's probably with another guy.

At any rate, I'm sticking to the NC plan for 60 days and we'll see what's up after that. It's only been 31 days so *maybe* I'll hear from her before I get to 60?? I'm guessing not though.
 

V2Logger

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Weezy, don't have the thought in your mind. Keep moving forward, look to the future. Don't dwell in the past.I just came from there, it's not worth your brain's energy. It took me one IM session to know where she stood, it wasn't worth my typing. Quick and thoughtless answers justifying her decision. I was going nowhere with her. I know in my case it was all a lie till the truth came out. A good actress balling saying she doesn't want to be with anyone. Just to find out she had someone already lined up later. She didn't have the courage to tell me the truth. It's not worth the thought Weezy. Move forward and better yourself, it's all worth it in the end.
 

Weezy

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V2Logger said:
Weezy, don't have the thought in your mind. Keep moving forward, look to the future. Don't dwell in the past.I just came from there, it's not worth your brain's energy. It took me one IM session to know where she stood, it wasn't worth my typing. Quick and thoughtless answers justifying her decision. I was going nowhere with her. I know in my case it was all a lie till the truth came out. A good actress balling saying she doesn't want to be with anyone. Just to find out she had someone already lined up later. She didn't have the courage to tell me the truth. It's not worth the thought Weezy. Move forward and better yourself, it's all worth it in the end.
Was the IM message what started your NC?
 
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