The Nexting Paradox

[VladPatton]

Nexting, the most common advice given in this forum, is it really your best option, or is it a sign of giving up too early in the game? On one hand, you know where things are going out of constant relationships study from this site (or pure experience) and you don't want to waste any more time with this particular girl, so you eject.

On the other hand, are you losing a chance for a long term relationship with a great girl because you did in fact, next too early and showed zero persistence?

Chasing and Nexting, the battle between antidote and poison.

There are cases where the guy was relentless and he wound up getting the girl, possibly even his future wife. There are also cases where you will forever be an orbiter in hopes of just one date that will never happen. There seems to be a fine line between the two. Do we cross it at times? Do we stick to our guns? Do we treat each situation as a special unique case?



What are some of your thoughts/experiences on nexting and persistence?

 

[PlayHer Man]

Nexting, the most common advice given in this forum, is it really your best option, or is it a sign of giving up too early in the game? On one hand, you know where things are going out of constant relationships study from this site (or pure experience) and you don't want to waste any more time with this particular girl, so you eject.

On the other hand, are you losing a chance for a long term relationship with a great girl because you did in fact, next too early and showed zero persistence?

Chasing and Nexting, the battle between antidote and poison.

There are cases where the guy was relentless and he wound up getting the girl, possibly even his future wife. There are also cases where you will forever be an orbiter in hopes of just one date that will never happen. There seems to be a fine line between the two. Do we cross it at times? Do we stick to our guns? Do we treat each situation as a special unique case?



What are some of your thoughts/experiences on nexting and persistence?

Pay special attention the what I highlighted on RED text. THAT is what's wrong with your thinking. You are putting women on a pedestal as something you must "earn". This is flawed thinking bro.

A "good" girl will recognize a good man EARLY and won't make him feel the need to NEXT her in the first place. If a woman doesn't know a good thing when she sees it.. its because she is not a good thing herself.

This is why we invented "nexting".

Women want you to believe they are so valuable that you should put aside all dignity and self-respect to go chasing after them. Stop elevating women above men and believing you have to "earn" them.

 

[Fly By Night]

You're also expecting a woman, who knows little to nothing about you, to see that you are a high quality man and give you easy access to her with no resistance shortly after meeting her.

On what basis? Can we not be delusional here?

P.S. What constitutes "chasing"? If I don't get a kiss on the first date, am I "chasing" because I asked her out on a second?

 

[SgtSplacker]

I would never stop talking to a girl unless she is just toxic to my life or completely insane. Nexting just doesn't make sense, girls get turned on by being ignored a bit so why create a rule that states you can't talk to her right then?

Rather than nexting i'll just throw her on the back burner and make her earn my time. If anything throw up a couple Facebook pics of me having fun with other girls then wait and see if she comes around after that.

I agree with playherman too, you don't have to earn girls for real. Girls like to pretend that they are making you work for it and that's cool with me but I know it's a pretend romance game. And the game better stay between us..

I'm willing to spend time with a female.
I'm willing to take a female out and pay when I see fit.
I'll open doors and be a gentleman.

That's it... no chasing beyond this. And if she is not appreciative and sexual with me it ends just like that. If she still wants to see me she can come over and keep me company, maybe i'll throw a little something extra on the grill for her. But no more special treatment.

 

[PlayHer Man]

You're also expecting a woman, who knows little to nothing about you, to see that you are a high quality man and give you easy access to her with no resistance shortly after meeting her.

On what basis? Can we not be delusional here?

P.S. What constitutes "chasing"? If I don't get a kiss on the first date, am I "chasing" because I asked her out on a second?

There is no reason to NEXT a woman who is treating you with respect and showing interest in spending time with you.

A woman who is chronically unavailable, rude, difficult, disrespectful, cold and clearly aloof should be NEXTED like there's no tomorrow. End of story.

 

[pdx1138]

There is no reason to NEXT a woman who is treating you with respect and showing interest in spending time with you.

A woman who is rude, difficult, disrespectful, cold and clearly aloof should be NEXTED like there's no tomorrow. End of story.

Concur.

And a girl interested will not make a fool of you causing
you to jump through hoops, she will make the time to see you.

I'd rather not waste time with someone playing games with me.

There are tons of women out there, nexting when it's called for
is good. Also don't forget that there are times when forgetting about
a girl she starts thinking about you and then possibly her interest
in you intensifies because of it. It's a Win / Win.

It's not over done, it's the right thing to do in my book.

 

[switch]

dude, when i stroll on the streets looking for girls, i behave like i'm shopping in the fish market.... i keep NEXTING untill i find the catch of the day

women NEXT men every effing second, why shouldn't we do the same?

recently there was this girl HB4-3.5 , you can't believe how arrogant this bytch is, i mean , wait ill give you a convo

switch: hey you don't talk with HB5 that much do you?
her: yeah,i don't like to talk to people who are younger than me
switch: what? why?
her: if someone is younger than me then they are immature and stupid,i only talk with people my own age or older

^ this cvnt thinks she is better than others bcuz she is older than them, that's like the logic of a 5 year old....she is a HB 4 for fvck's sake....would you wait for a second longer just to have a chance with her? NOT ME, i nexted her on the spot.

 

[BeDJ]

If I don't get a kiss on the first date, am I "chasing" because I asked her out on a second?

If you don't get a kiss close on the first date, it means that you did or failed to do something, which caused her lower interest. Don't buy into the 'it's too early' BS. Next.

It is much more efficient to start on a clean slate than bring up her interest level. Men should have the ability to generate options (or at least know they can.) Nexting early on is better than later.

 

[Bokanovsky]

If you don't get a kiss close on the first date, it means that you did or failed to do something, which caused her lower interest. Don't buy into the 'it's too early' BS. Next.

It is much more efficient to start on a clean slate than bring up her interest level. Men should have the ability to generate options (or at least know they can.) Nexting early on is better than later.

I don't agree with. With most girls that I've been in relationships with (both long and short term), I did not make out with on the first day. I'd say that for me, the ratio has been about 70-30 in favor of no kiss close on the first date. I find that going for the kiss to early often makes things worse...but it depends on the kind of women you are dating.

 

[pdx1138]

I don't agree with. With most girls that I've been in relationships with (both long and short term), I did not make out with on the first day. I'd say that for me, the ratio has been about 70-30 in favor of no kiss close on the first date. I find that going for the kiss to early often makes things worse...but it depends on the kind of women you are dating.

Totally agree with you there. Unless there's instant magic in the air which is rare (for me) I won't force it. I have and it made things awkward. Nothing wrong with getting it done on the second date then F closing on the third.

 

[Who Dares Win]

If you don't get a kiss close on the first date, it means that you did or failed to do something, which caused her lower interest. Don't buy into the 'it's too early' BS. Next.

It is much more efficient to start on a clean slate than bring up her interest level. Men should have the ability to generate options (or at least know they can.) Nexting early on is better than later.

I support this, as long as there arent factors which changes the equation.

If the girls has reason to believe you wanna use her (you are a known player) I accept that she could consciously limit herself but in any other case ime its a sign of low interest.

Actually I never had sex with girls that rejected a kiss from me and not because I dropped right after, but because there was no interest from her to begin with.
I saw so (too) many times "known to be prude" girls turning into green traffic lights once a good looking/high status guy appeared.

The benchmarks of an interested girl to me are green light to physical escalation according to the time spent togheter and availability to spend time alone.

When a girl is always busy, avoids one on one meetings and ops for group ones plus rejects physical contacts and kisses its a red light.
No matter how many bvllsh1t she says, I got right the "watch her actions not her words" rule, actually a golden rule.

 

[VladPatton]

So it is pretty much unanimous, then:

Zero action/kiss/interest on the first date = a Next.

 

[bigneil]

What are some of your thoughts/experiences on nexting and persistence?

There are 3 stages:

0) No resistance (rare).

1) Minor resistance (things aren't perfect but she likes you). Instead of nexting, I use Limited Contact (just go away and see if she pursues you, and only respond if she does).

2) Major resistance (she says LJBF or dumps you). Instead of persistence, I apply No Contact for 60 days and focus on Self Improvement (the only persistence that works - become a better man) and then (if you really want to) see her again, and then return to step 1.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Totally agree with you there. Unless there's instant magic in the air which is rare (for me) I won't force it. I have and it made things awkward. Nothing wrong with getting it done on the second date then F closing on the third.

Exactly. If it feels right, go for the kiss. But don't feel like you have to kiss close on the first date or else your chances are ruined.

 

[VladPatton]

There are 3 stages:

0) No resistance (rare).

1) Minor resistance (things aren't perfect but she likes you). Instead of nexting, I use Limited Contact (just go away and see if she pursues you, and only respond if she does).

2) Major resistance (she says LJBF or dumps you). Instead of persistence, I apply No Contact for 60 days and focus on Self Improvement (the only persistence that works - become a better man) and then (if you really want to) see her again, and then return to step 1.

Seems like a solid theory. Never burn your bridges.