“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”
You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.
I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.
Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.
These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.
The New Formula For Getting Chicks!!!
- Thread starter Crissco
- Start date
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Lesson: The simple art of Conversation
If you've ever watched Blind Date, I'm sure you've seen these two types of dates:
Date A: Conversation goes well. Guy and girl are talking and no awkward silences. These are usually the ones where both say they want a 2nd date
Date B: Conversation doesn't go well. Guy and girl talk a little, but it's just random questions here and there and full of awkward silences. These dates don't usually lead to a 2nd. Girl always says she didn't feel they made any type of connection.
If you're out with a girl, she needs to feel that you and her connected on a personal level. This connection leads to attraction or builds on it.
But most guys can't carry a conversation. They have no idea what to say, they ask a question, girl answers, then they sit there looking around because they ran out of questions. The girl thinks the guy is boring, dull, and unable to handle the simplest of tasks. Girls love to talk, but they will toss you aside if you can't keep them interested with a basic conversation.
Before I get into techniques and methods, you need to understand people love talking about themselves and enjoy the company of those who take a genuine interest in them. By doing this to a girl (in the right way), you let her talk about herself, but you control what she is talking about. You don't want to hear about her personal problems (intellectual *****). You just jump in every once-in-a-while with a "me too" statement to let her know that you guys are connecting. You GUIDE the conversation completely. This puts you in control. When the conversation starts heading off track, you bring it back.
80-90% of our communication is done non-verbally. Your body language is extremely important because it says more than you think. When you're talking to a girl, keep eye contact. Don't sit there staring at her chest or looking around the room at other people. Don't look like someone with a short attention span.
Tone is also very important. How you say something is more important than what you actually say.
Words, tone and body language make up a conversation. But words are the least of the 3. Keep in mind tone and body language will actually deliver what you're saying.
Take a genuine interest in what she's saying. Don't try to fake it. When she tells you she went to Europe for 3 months, don't say, "That's cool." That's a big thing. Ask her about it. What did she like? Where in Europe did she go? What were the people like? What differences are there between Europe and the US? You could talk to her for hours just about her trip.
Ok, now lets get into some techniques and tips for holding or initiating conversation.
1. Always be aware of your surroundings!
Some of the best conversation starters are based on what's going on around you. Maybe something funny happened, maybe there's a guy that looks like Tom Hanks. Maybe the girl dropped her cell phone in water. Whatever is going on around you, learn to use it to your advantage.
Ways to practice this: When you go out, look for things happening to people or in your surroundings. Then, approach anyone (guy or girl) and talk to him or her about it. Make it seem smooth and if you can, funny. Then, let that lead into more conversation. This is probably the best way to do a cold approach IMO.
2. Don't ask random questions!
This isn't 20 questions. Don't ask a girl a question and then proceed by asking her a totally unrelated question when she answers. Keep the questions related to her answer. Base what you say off of her response. DON'T PLAN OUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY NEXT. Go with the flow.
Guy: Do you live around here?
Girl: I actually live about 20 min away in __
Guy: Really? I hear they listen to quite a bit of rap in __ (just an example)
Girl: Yeah they do! I'm not too big on rap though. I prefer acoustic bands like John Mayer or Dave Matthews
Guy: Dave was just up at the Gorge for a concert last week. Did you see the concert?
Girl: I really wanted to go but got stuck working the whole weekend
Guy: etc etc
Instead of
Guy: Do you live around here?
Girl: I actually live about 20 min away in __
Guy: Cool. What kind of music do you listen to?
Girl: My favorite would have to be any acoustic bands
Guy: Did you go to the Dave Matthews Concert?
Girl: No, I got stuck working
Guy: Where do you work?
You see the difference? The first conversation is going step-by-step off of what she is saying. It's smooth and comfortable. She doesn't even realize you're changing the subject because it's done so smoothly. The second conversation is terrible. It's rough and she's practically being interrogated.
3. Keep the Conversations Positive
There's nothing people hate more than a negative person. You know the type: Those people that complain and argue about EVERYTHING. Always try to avoid anything negative. Stuff like
"This food sucks."
"Wtf is with this line?" (You could make a funny comment about the line, but don't complain about it)
"I hate.."
Girls don't want to hear your negative talk. It brings them down and gets annoying. Keep things positive. That doesn't mean to talk like, "Oh it's a splendid day! The sun is radiating and the birds are chirping a beautiful tune in the gentle breeze". But avoid being negative. NEVER whine or complain and don't argue.
4. Understand people have opinions where there is no right or wrong
I've met so many people who always have to argue with people's opinions. That's just their way of thinking. Don't agree with a girl just for the sake of agreeing. If you have a difference of opinion, and think you can back it up, then let her know you disagree, but do it in an adult-like manner. Don't insult her way of thinking. Just like you, she probably has reasoning for her opinion. You could ask her what her reasoning is behind that. Throw in your point of view, but acknowledge her points.
5. Nouning
This is a technique I read about that will help those of you who have trouble with conversation. You'll be able to hold a conversation without a problem. It could start with the simplest of questions like, "What did you do today?" You'll learn to do this with practice without even thinking about it, but for now, here's how you do it. (this is taken from another post)
quote:
You: So what do you do with yourself?
Her: Oh, Im in Trinity College in Dublin studying Law.
Take the nouns out of this reply... (Noun: a person place or thing!)
3 Nouns in her reply:
1- Trinity College
2- Dublin
3- Law
Pick any of these and ask her a question about it! Let's say you pick 'Dublin':
You: Dublin eh? So what do ya think of the place?
OR
You: So what's the nightlife like up there?
Or if you chose 'Law':
You: So what made you choose to do Law? Is it tough?
Then she'll answer with something like:
Her: (In regard to 'Dublin' nightlife) Yeah the nightlife's excellent, especially Club Spirit. Although it can be pretty rough after the clubs close, especially in Grafton Street!
Now repeat the process, taking out the nouns and asking her questions about them.
Nouns in the previous answer: Club Spirit, Grafton Street.
Make sense? This is an easy way to keep the conversation flowing from what she just told you. I'd suggest you go out to coffee with a friend that you don't know very well and see if you can keep the conversation going using this technique.
6. Use Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a yes or no answer, and they easily lead to more conversation. Examples:
What are you studying?
What did you do today?
How was...?
What are your thoughts on...?
What's your stance on...? (to get her opinion on something)
What do you like about...?
What do you think about...?
7. Men want facts; women want feelings
This of course is a generalization that I read somewhere: Men like to cut to the facts. They don't like all the small talk and stuff in between. Men organize thoughts in their head and then say what needs to be said. Women use talking as a means to organize their thoughts.
If you've ever watched Blind Date, I'm sure you've seen these two types of dates:
Date A: Conversation goes well. Guy and girl are talking and no awkward silences. These are usually the ones where both say they want a 2nd date
Date B: Conversation doesn't go well. Guy and girl talk a little, but it's just random questions here and there and full of awkward silences. These dates don't usually lead to a 2nd. Girl always says she didn't feel they made any type of connection.
If you're out with a girl, she needs to feel that you and her connected on a personal level. This connection leads to attraction or builds on it.
But most guys can't carry a conversation. They have no idea what to say, they ask a question, girl answers, then they sit there looking around because they ran out of questions. The girl thinks the guy is boring, dull, and unable to handle the simplest of tasks. Girls love to talk, but they will toss you aside if you can't keep them interested with a basic conversation.
Before I get into techniques and methods, you need to understand people love talking about themselves and enjoy the company of those who take a genuine interest in them. By doing this to a girl (in the right way), you let her talk about herself, but you control what she is talking about. You don't want to hear about her personal problems (intellectual *****). You just jump in every once-in-a-while with a "me too" statement to let her know that you guys are connecting. You GUIDE the conversation completely. This puts you in control. When the conversation starts heading off track, you bring it back.
80-90% of our communication is done non-verbally. Your body language is extremely important because it says more than you think. When you're talking to a girl, keep eye contact. Don't sit there staring at her chest or looking around the room at other people. Don't look like someone with a short attention span.
Tone is also very important. How you say something is more important than what you actually say.
Words, tone and body language make up a conversation. But words are the least of the 3. Keep in mind tone and body language will actually deliver what you're saying.
Take a genuine interest in what she's saying. Don't try to fake it. When she tells you she went to Europe for 3 months, don't say, "That's cool." That's a big thing. Ask her about it. What did she like? Where in Europe did she go? What were the people like? What differences are there between Europe and the US? You could talk to her for hours just about her trip.
Ok, now lets get into some techniques and tips for holding or initiating conversation.
1. Always be aware of your surroundings!
Some of the best conversation starters are based on what's going on around you. Maybe something funny happened, maybe there's a guy that looks like Tom Hanks. Maybe the girl dropped her cell phone in water. Whatever is going on around you, learn to use it to your advantage.
Ways to practice this: When you go out, look for things happening to people or in your surroundings. Then, approach anyone (guy or girl) and talk to him or her about it. Make it seem smooth and if you can, funny. Then, let that lead into more conversation. This is probably the best way to do a cold approach IMO.
2. Don't ask random questions!
This isn't 20 questions. Don't ask a girl a question and then proceed by asking her a totally unrelated question when she answers. Keep the questions related to her answer. Base what you say off of her response. DON'T PLAN OUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY NEXT. Go with the flow.
Guy: Do you live around here?
Girl: I actually live about 20 min away in __
Guy: Really? I hear they listen to quite a bit of rap in __ (just an example)
Girl: Yeah they do! I'm not too big on rap though. I prefer acoustic bands like John Mayer or Dave Matthews
Guy: Dave was just up at the Gorge for a concert last week. Did you see the concert?
Girl: I really wanted to go but got stuck working the whole weekend
Guy: etc etc
Instead of
Guy: Do you live around here?
Girl: I actually live about 20 min away in __
Guy: Cool. What kind of music do you listen to?
Girl: My favorite would have to be any acoustic bands
Guy: Did you go to the Dave Matthews Concert?
Girl: No, I got stuck working
Guy: Where do you work?
You see the difference? The first conversation is going step-by-step off of what she is saying. It's smooth and comfortable. She doesn't even realize you're changing the subject because it's done so smoothly. The second conversation is terrible. It's rough and she's practically being interrogated.
3. Keep the Conversations Positive
There's nothing people hate more than a negative person. You know the type: Those people that complain and argue about EVERYTHING. Always try to avoid anything negative. Stuff like
"This food sucks."
"Wtf is with this line?" (You could make a funny comment about the line, but don't complain about it)
"I hate.."
Girls don't want to hear your negative talk. It brings them down and gets annoying. Keep things positive. That doesn't mean to talk like, "Oh it's a splendid day! The sun is radiating and the birds are chirping a beautiful tune in the gentle breeze". But avoid being negative. NEVER whine or complain and don't argue.
4. Understand people have opinions where there is no right or wrong
I've met so many people who always have to argue with people's opinions. That's just their way of thinking. Don't agree with a girl just for the sake of agreeing. If you have a difference of opinion, and think you can back it up, then let her know you disagree, but do it in an adult-like manner. Don't insult her way of thinking. Just like you, she probably has reasoning for her opinion. You could ask her what her reasoning is behind that. Throw in your point of view, but acknowledge her points.
5. Nouning
This is a technique I read about that will help those of you who have trouble with conversation. You'll be able to hold a conversation without a problem. It could start with the simplest of questions like, "What did you do today?" You'll learn to do this with practice without even thinking about it, but for now, here's how you do it. (this is taken from another post)
quote:
You: So what do you do with yourself?
Her: Oh, Im in Trinity College in Dublin studying Law.
Take the nouns out of this reply... (Noun: a person place or thing!)
3 Nouns in her reply:
1- Trinity College
2- Dublin
3- Law
Pick any of these and ask her a question about it! Let's say you pick 'Dublin':
You: Dublin eh? So what do ya think of the place?
OR
You: So what's the nightlife like up there?
Or if you chose 'Law':
You: So what made you choose to do Law? Is it tough?
Then she'll answer with something like:
Her: (In regard to 'Dublin' nightlife) Yeah the nightlife's excellent, especially Club Spirit. Although it can be pretty rough after the clubs close, especially in Grafton Street!
Now repeat the process, taking out the nouns and asking her questions about them.
Nouns in the previous answer: Club Spirit, Grafton Street.
Make sense? This is an easy way to keep the conversation flowing from what she just told you. I'd suggest you go out to coffee with a friend that you don't know very well and see if you can keep the conversation going using this technique.
6. Use Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a yes or no answer, and they easily lead to more conversation. Examples:
What are you studying?
What did you do today?
How was...?
What are your thoughts on...?
What's your stance on...? (to get her opinion on something)
What do you like about...?
What do you think about...?
7. Men want facts; women want feelings
This of course is a generalization that I read somewhere: Men like to cut to the facts. They don't like all the small talk and stuff in between. Men organize thoughts in their head and then say what needs to be said. Women use talking as a means to organize their thoughts.
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Women also like to talk about feelings and how something makes them feel. The feelings associated with things. Have you ever talked to a girl for months, but the conversations were just based on facts, so you never really got to know the girl? What you want to do is take any facts she gives you, and dig deeper to get to feelings.
Girl: I really like Brad Pitt.
Guy: What is it about him that you like?
Girl: Well he's got a great sense of style. He pulls off different looks and they all work for him. He seems really confident and...
You want to get her to expand on her original thought. Let her talk but make sure you're controlling where the conversation is going. Never let the conversation go out of your control!
8. Listen to Her!
I'm sure you've all heard girls complain about guys that don't listen. If you ask the girl the proper questions and just sit back and listen, she'll tell you exactly how to seduce her. She'll tell you what she looks for, what she likes, and what she doesn't like. You guide the conversation then use this so you know what she wants to hear and how she wants to hear it. If any of you have ever done sales, you'll know what I'm talking about. Always let the customer talk first and they'll tell you what they want to hear.
Girls like guys who can keep them interested. Try to keep the conversation different. Take risks. Talk to her about stuff other guys usually wouldn't; you'll stick in her mind. Watch the news so you know what's going on in the world. You can use that to get opinions out of her if you need something to talk about.
One more technique, which is a little more advanced, is using statements instead of questions. This isn't to carry a conversation, it's just a technique you can use to change things up a bit and display a lot of confidence.
Are you tired of meeting weird guys?
=> You must be tired of meeting weird guys.
What school do you go to?
=> So tell me what school you're from
How was your day?
=> Tell me about your day
They usually start with
"So...", "Then..."
"You must..."
"You could..."
"It must be..."
Statements they take a position and a risk. If you say, "I prefer dogs", you're taking a risk. She might prefer cats. Saying, "I'm not interested in a long term relationship right now" is taking a risk.
Making these statements shows her your courage and confidence instead of being a guy who sits back and asks safe questions. It also gives you more control because you're telling her to tell you something, not asking her nicely (but stating it isn't rude either).
You don't need Q-Cards to keep a conversation going. Just go with what she says. It's as easy as that.
Lesson #13-How to Make Yourself Look Better
Looks aren't everything, but they sure do make a difference. Looks are an attention-getter. They get girls to notice you, open up opportunities for eye contact, which then lead into an effortless approach. Keep in mind girls won't make eye contact with you because you have a good personality; how will they know what you're like? They can only be initially interested in you based on if you're physically appealing to them. You don't even have to be super good-looking, you just have to take care of yourself and you'll notice a HUGE difference. And once they do make eye contact, that's when your personality comes through.
There are several things you can do to make yourself look better. Jr. Year in High School I didn't get any attention from girls...Senior Year I turned into one of the hottest guys in the school and had girls I didn't even know wanting me. A lot of you guys have been out there approaching women but may not have done these simple things that can really make a big difference. So here they are.
Body
You can't control the shape of your nose, the size of your lips or the color of your eyes, but you can control what your body is like. If you're overweight, diet down and drop the fat. If you're skinny, hit the weight room and put on some muscle. Body makes a big difference in your overall looks. Clothes look better on you, you gain an incredible amount of confidence, and you look good.
Learn to Dress
So many of my guy friends go out in the same crappy jeans every night and they may switch up wearing a t-shirt or a sweatshirt. Their shoes are all beat up. They don't look good. They recycle clothes every week and they don't even know how to buy clothes that properly fit. Their t-shirts are too big, sweatshirts are all beat up, and they look like every other guy there. The important thing about dressing is YOU NEED TO STAND OUT IN A GOOD WAY. I suggest you develop your own style and make sure your clothes are unique. You'll always stand out and girls will sometimes approach you.
Lets start out with t-shirts.
I'll occasionally go out in jeans and a t-shirt, but I make sure I have a clean look to me. First of all, I have a good body, which gives me an advantage right off the bat. The t-shirts I wear don't wear me. They fit my body and look good. Avoid huge t-shirts or those XXL football jerseys. I stay away from t-shirts that have sleeves past the halfway mark of my bicep. I really like quicksilver T's, but make sure whatever you get fits your style.
Pants
I suggest you go out and buy a lot of clothes. I personally love shopping. Pants are huge though. The pants you wear can really make or break you. I like Express Mens/Structure jeans a lot (and the rest of their clothes for that matter). Gap and Old Navy occasionally make good jeans, and I like the occasional pair at Abercrombie. Union Bay even makes some good jeans. I NEVER buy the jeans that are smaller at the bottom. Get the boot-cut jeans. You can go down to Ross or TJ Maxx and pick up nice clothes for real cheap. Go with whatever style suits you. I don't feel comfortable in pants that are really tight. I also don't like pants that can hold 3 other people. I wear jeans that will stay on my waist without a belt (although I wear a belt), but are baggy enough for comfort.
Shoes
Women LOVE shoes! If every time a girl sees you, you're wearing a different pair of shoes, she's GOING TO NOTICE. You definitely want to go with your basic white and black shoes. For white I love the Stan Smiths, but any nice, casual, walking shoes will do. These will go with pretty much any outfit and give you a clean, but casual look. Just make sure you keep them white and when they start to wrinkle up and look bad, get a new pair. For dress shoes, I like to have a brown pair and a black pair. Doc Martens are really nice, but pricey. Skechers makes some good shoes also. Just make sure your shoes go with your entire outfit. If I'm wearing a fully unbuttoned collar shirt with a black undershirt for example, I'll usually go with black shoes to match with the undershirt. Women notice these subtle details.
If you have any long-sleeve collar shirts, the unbuttoned sleeve/slightly rolled up sleeve is in. This looks great with a watch and a ring. Avoid tucking in (just make sure your shirts aren't to long) unless you're wearing a tie, but MAKE SURE the shirt isn't too long. It has to be just the right length.
In general, make sure you dress well. Don't be afraid to go out and spend some money on good clothes. If you don't know what you're doing, either find a guy friend who seems to dress well or a girl to go shopping with and help you out.
Develop your own style. Don't imitate everyone else. If you can stand out in a good but unique way, you'll get noticed...trust me. Also, watch some celebrities and see how they're dressing. Look up photo galleries of people like Carson Daly, Brad Pitt, maybe even Ricky Martin. When you're out, if you see a guy who is dressed well, pay attention to what he's wearing and any minor details such as accessories he may have on. Get some ideas and develop your own style.
Girl: I really like Brad Pitt.
Guy: What is it about him that you like?
Girl: Well he's got a great sense of style. He pulls off different looks and they all work for him. He seems really confident and...
You want to get her to expand on her original thought. Let her talk but make sure you're controlling where the conversation is going. Never let the conversation go out of your control!
8. Listen to Her!
I'm sure you've all heard girls complain about guys that don't listen. If you ask the girl the proper questions and just sit back and listen, she'll tell you exactly how to seduce her. She'll tell you what she looks for, what she likes, and what she doesn't like. You guide the conversation then use this so you know what she wants to hear and how she wants to hear it. If any of you have ever done sales, you'll know what I'm talking about. Always let the customer talk first and they'll tell you what they want to hear.
Girls like guys who can keep them interested. Try to keep the conversation different. Take risks. Talk to her about stuff other guys usually wouldn't; you'll stick in her mind. Watch the news so you know what's going on in the world. You can use that to get opinions out of her if you need something to talk about.
One more technique, which is a little more advanced, is using statements instead of questions. This isn't to carry a conversation, it's just a technique you can use to change things up a bit and display a lot of confidence.
Are you tired of meeting weird guys?
=> You must be tired of meeting weird guys.
What school do you go to?
=> So tell me what school you're from
How was your day?
=> Tell me about your day
They usually start with
"So...", "Then..."
"You must..."
"You could..."
"It must be..."
Statements they take a position and a risk. If you say, "I prefer dogs", you're taking a risk. She might prefer cats. Saying, "I'm not interested in a long term relationship right now" is taking a risk.
Making these statements shows her your courage and confidence instead of being a guy who sits back and asks safe questions. It also gives you more control because you're telling her to tell you something, not asking her nicely (but stating it isn't rude either).
You don't need Q-Cards to keep a conversation going. Just go with what she says. It's as easy as that.
Lesson #13-How to Make Yourself Look Better
Looks aren't everything, but they sure do make a difference. Looks are an attention-getter. They get girls to notice you, open up opportunities for eye contact, which then lead into an effortless approach. Keep in mind girls won't make eye contact with you because you have a good personality; how will they know what you're like? They can only be initially interested in you based on if you're physically appealing to them. You don't even have to be super good-looking, you just have to take care of yourself and you'll notice a HUGE difference. And once they do make eye contact, that's when your personality comes through.
There are several things you can do to make yourself look better. Jr. Year in High School I didn't get any attention from girls...Senior Year I turned into one of the hottest guys in the school and had girls I didn't even know wanting me. A lot of you guys have been out there approaching women but may not have done these simple things that can really make a big difference. So here they are.
Body
You can't control the shape of your nose, the size of your lips or the color of your eyes, but you can control what your body is like. If you're overweight, diet down and drop the fat. If you're skinny, hit the weight room and put on some muscle. Body makes a big difference in your overall looks. Clothes look better on you, you gain an incredible amount of confidence, and you look good.
Learn to Dress
So many of my guy friends go out in the same crappy jeans every night and they may switch up wearing a t-shirt or a sweatshirt. Their shoes are all beat up. They don't look good. They recycle clothes every week and they don't even know how to buy clothes that properly fit. Their t-shirts are too big, sweatshirts are all beat up, and they look like every other guy there. The important thing about dressing is YOU NEED TO STAND OUT IN A GOOD WAY. I suggest you develop your own style and make sure your clothes are unique. You'll always stand out and girls will sometimes approach you.
Lets start out with t-shirts.
I'll occasionally go out in jeans and a t-shirt, but I make sure I have a clean look to me. First of all, I have a good body, which gives me an advantage right off the bat. The t-shirts I wear don't wear me. They fit my body and look good. Avoid huge t-shirts or those XXL football jerseys. I stay away from t-shirts that have sleeves past the halfway mark of my bicep. I really like quicksilver T's, but make sure whatever you get fits your style.
Pants
I suggest you go out and buy a lot of clothes. I personally love shopping. Pants are huge though. The pants you wear can really make or break you. I like Express Mens/Structure jeans a lot (and the rest of their clothes for that matter). Gap and Old Navy occasionally make good jeans, and I like the occasional pair at Abercrombie. Union Bay even makes some good jeans. I NEVER buy the jeans that are smaller at the bottom. Get the boot-cut jeans. You can go down to Ross or TJ Maxx and pick up nice clothes for real cheap. Go with whatever style suits you. I don't feel comfortable in pants that are really tight. I also don't like pants that can hold 3 other people. I wear jeans that will stay on my waist without a belt (although I wear a belt), but are baggy enough for comfort.
Shoes
Women LOVE shoes! If every time a girl sees you, you're wearing a different pair of shoes, she's GOING TO NOTICE. You definitely want to go with your basic white and black shoes. For white I love the Stan Smiths, but any nice, casual, walking shoes will do. These will go with pretty much any outfit and give you a clean, but casual look. Just make sure you keep them white and when they start to wrinkle up and look bad, get a new pair. For dress shoes, I like to have a brown pair and a black pair. Doc Martens are really nice, but pricey. Skechers makes some good shoes also. Just make sure your shoes go with your entire outfit. If I'm wearing a fully unbuttoned collar shirt with a black undershirt for example, I'll usually go with black shoes to match with the undershirt. Women notice these subtle details.
If you have any long-sleeve collar shirts, the unbuttoned sleeve/slightly rolled up sleeve is in. This looks great with a watch and a ring. Avoid tucking in (just make sure your shirts aren't to long) unless you're wearing a tie, but MAKE SURE the shirt isn't too long. It has to be just the right length.
In general, make sure you dress well. Don't be afraid to go out and spend some money on good clothes. If you don't know what you're doing, either find a guy friend who seems to dress well or a girl to go shopping with and help you out.
Develop your own style. Don't imitate everyone else. If you can stand out in a good but unique way, you'll get noticed...trust me. Also, watch some celebrities and see how they're dressing. Look up photo galleries of people like Carson Daly, Brad Pitt, maybe even Ricky Martin. When you're out, if you see a guy who is dressed well, pay attention to what he's wearing and any minor details such as accessories he may have on. Get some ideas and develop your own style.
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Hairstyle
Have you ever seen someone who didn't comb their hair one day, and looked totally different? Hair makes a big difference in your overall look. You could even move up or down the scale just based on your hair. I think it was David DeAngelo who suggested going to a gay hairstylist and letting them pick out a hairstyle for you. It seems as if the short/spiky/messy hairstyle is in (check out pictures of Brad Pitt for what I'm talking about, although he changes his hair every week). Once you get your hair cut properly, you can achieve this look with gel, mousse, or pomade. Also, don't trim the sideburns up to your ear. I think this look always looks better with sideburns. Also make sure your hair is always trimmed. I like getting a haircut every 2 weeks on the dot.
Teeth
If you haven't noticed this, next time you watch TV, look at people's teeth. You'll notice that they ALL have white teeth. You don't notice it cause they all do it, but a subtle change like this makes a difference. Try getting some crest whitening kits and whitening your teeth.
Nails
Keep them clean and trim. Girls notice nails.
Glasses
Switch to contacts or make sure you have stylish new glasses.
Facial Hair
Shave everyday. If you have a good look with facial hair (go-tee or thin stubble) make sure it's trimmed and/or combed. Keep all other hair trimmed or shaved. If you're starting to develop a unibrow, get rid of it!
Accessories
These nice little accessories make subtle changes that affect your overall appearance. Dont overdo the accessories though. Keep them light.
Watch
Get a nice watch that will go with most of your outfits. Maybe even a unique one that will get people to comment on it. Just make sure it doesn't look cheap. Expect to spend $70+ on a nice watch. I personally don't like Fossils. I'd go for something like Kenneth Cole (KC) or similar. I have a KC and girls comment on it ALL the time. I think it only ran me $105.
Ring(s)
Get a plain silver ring or two. They're not too pricey. I have a silver ring that I wear on my right index finger that girls always comment on.
Necklaces
I love the casual necklaces. I have a 18k gold one that I rarely wear, I usually wear the simple/casual kind. You can find some nice ones at skater stores like Pac Sun or Zumiez. $20 or less.
Cologne
Girls love it when a guy smells good. But don't go for standard colognes. Try using something not extremely common. I rarely wear cologne, but when I do, I get really good feedback from women. I have a bottle of Jean Paul (green and white bottle shaped like a human body), which girls absolutely love. Hugo Boss is the only cologne I use that may be more common. Go to the Bon or Nordstrom's and try out their colognes. Go for some Italian ones. Spray it on a card and go ask a girl what she thinks. Also go for different smells. Don't wear the same cologne when you see a girl again. Switch up the smell, she'll notice.
Skin
Keep your skin nice, clean, and smooth. Don't be afraid to use some moisturizer. If you have acne, get rid of it. Get it treated. And tan! Tanning looks great to women!
For those of you who are wondering, I usually go for a nice casual look. I look like I'm dressed up but I also look very casual and comfortable (shoes usually can determine if you look dressed up or casual). I don't wear dress shoes too often. But that's just me. Make sure whatever style you develop fits you.
When you do go shopping, find out what kinds of clothes look good and what colors you look best in/combinations. Go into stores you have never been to and make sure you try on everything! Switch up your style and try new things. I haven't done this, but I've heard of guys getting together 3-4 girls and having them pick out his clothes and getting good results. After all, it is women you are trying to sleep with.
Now, clothes and hair are great, but presenting yourself is what's going to sell. Look confident. Keep your chest out and shoulders back (but please don't look like those people who think they're better than everyone else). Don't overdo it.
Slow down your walk. Avoid sudden movements. Work on your talking. Project your voice and make sure you pause here and there. Practice your voice tone.
Dressing nice and having a decent body will do wonders for you. You'll be amazed at the changes; it's like a whole new world. You'll go places and girl's eyes will be all over you. You'll walk into a party and you'll be able to quickly tell how many girls there like what they see. They'll let you know...
These are just tips to help out those of you who have trouble. This isn't the ONLY way to dress, just some suggestions.
Have you ever seen someone who didn't comb their hair one day, and looked totally different? Hair makes a big difference in your overall look. You could even move up or down the scale just based on your hair. I think it was David DeAngelo who suggested going to a gay hairstylist and letting them pick out a hairstyle for you. It seems as if the short/spiky/messy hairstyle is in (check out pictures of Brad Pitt for what I'm talking about, although he changes his hair every week). Once you get your hair cut properly, you can achieve this look with gel, mousse, or pomade. Also, don't trim the sideburns up to your ear. I think this look always looks better with sideburns. Also make sure your hair is always trimmed. I like getting a haircut every 2 weeks on the dot.
Teeth
If you haven't noticed this, next time you watch TV, look at people's teeth. You'll notice that they ALL have white teeth. You don't notice it cause they all do it, but a subtle change like this makes a difference. Try getting some crest whitening kits and whitening your teeth.
Nails
Keep them clean and trim. Girls notice nails.
Glasses
Switch to contacts or make sure you have stylish new glasses.
Facial Hair
Shave everyday. If you have a good look with facial hair (go-tee or thin stubble) make sure it's trimmed and/or combed. Keep all other hair trimmed or shaved. If you're starting to develop a unibrow, get rid of it!
Accessories
These nice little accessories make subtle changes that affect your overall appearance. Dont overdo the accessories though. Keep them light.
Watch
Get a nice watch that will go with most of your outfits. Maybe even a unique one that will get people to comment on it. Just make sure it doesn't look cheap. Expect to spend $70+ on a nice watch. I personally don't like Fossils. I'd go for something like Kenneth Cole (KC) or similar. I have a KC and girls comment on it ALL the time. I think it only ran me $105.
Ring(s)
Get a plain silver ring or two. They're not too pricey. I have a silver ring that I wear on my right index finger that girls always comment on.
Necklaces
I love the casual necklaces. I have a 18k gold one that I rarely wear, I usually wear the simple/casual kind. You can find some nice ones at skater stores like Pac Sun or Zumiez. $20 or less.
Cologne
Girls love it when a guy smells good. But don't go for standard colognes. Try using something not extremely common. I rarely wear cologne, but when I do, I get really good feedback from women. I have a bottle of Jean Paul (green and white bottle shaped like a human body), which girls absolutely love. Hugo Boss is the only cologne I use that may be more common. Go to the Bon or Nordstrom's and try out their colognes. Go for some Italian ones. Spray it on a card and go ask a girl what she thinks. Also go for different smells. Don't wear the same cologne when you see a girl again. Switch up the smell, she'll notice.
Skin
Keep your skin nice, clean, and smooth. Don't be afraid to use some moisturizer. If you have acne, get rid of it. Get it treated. And tan! Tanning looks great to women!
For those of you who are wondering, I usually go for a nice casual look. I look like I'm dressed up but I also look very casual and comfortable (shoes usually can determine if you look dressed up or casual). I don't wear dress shoes too often. But that's just me. Make sure whatever style you develop fits you.
When you do go shopping, find out what kinds of clothes look good and what colors you look best in/combinations. Go into stores you have never been to and make sure you try on everything! Switch up your style and try new things. I haven't done this, but I've heard of guys getting together 3-4 girls and having them pick out his clothes and getting good results. After all, it is women you are trying to sleep with.
Now, clothes and hair are great, but presenting yourself is what's going to sell. Look confident. Keep your chest out and shoulders back (but please don't look like those people who think they're better than everyone else). Don't overdo it.
Slow down your walk. Avoid sudden movements. Work on your talking. Project your voice and make sure you pause here and there. Practice your voice tone.
Dressing nice and having a decent body will do wonders for you. You'll be amazed at the changes; it's like a whole new world. You'll go places and girl's eyes will be all over you. You'll walk into a party and you'll be able to quickly tell how many girls there like what they see. They'll let you know...
These are just tips to help out those of you who have trouble. This isn't the ONLY way to dress, just some suggestions.
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Lesson #14-Supplication at its Worst
The main reason there are so many AFC's is Supplication. Almost 75% of the reason why an AFC is an AFC is because of this reason. So you don't exactly know what supplication is? Well let me introduce you to supplication my friend because it is going to get ugly and rear its hideous head.
Definition(my terms)-
Supplication(n.)- Giving in to someone, submitting yourself to a superior, being "nice"
Now shut up and listen. This was a sticking point for me. If you had never realized and discovered this thread, you would not figure out supplication. Now I will give you indicators of supplication tests. Ex.s below:
Key Phrases
"Hey, can you help me on this quiz, test, hw, etc."- can be in context with non school work
"Hey, can you get me that extra ketchup(or something materialistic)"- it is forcing you to get something for the superior, thus you are beta
"Hey, hold my bag for me will you(or hold something)"- same as above
"Could you give me a hand(or 'could you help me')"- this is really supplicative
NOW, this one was a TRICKY one. After months of in field work, i figured out this so SUBTLE supplication test. Trust me, don't fight against this, it may not seem like supplication but it is. It is like the most secretive form of supplication. I figured this out so dont steal it .
"Hey, what does blah blah blah mean"- this in context if you are in a foreign language class or english class
It may not happen with you but if you ever encounter this, you are prepared thanks to me. This is SO SUBTLE. I realized it after like couple of months. It is forcing you to actually help the chick, it is a form of supplication, she is in control. You will notice that "you are helping(hence supplicating to her). This is so CRUCIAL, i can't emphasize it more through this post through black text. This is like a technicality I noticed so subtely. This will up your game.
Why bother concentrating on supplication?
Now some of you guys will be thinking- so what, its just one thing you're helping with. Trust me, it piles up. It will become a habit and so forth and supplication is the fastest way possible to get in the LJBF(friendship) zone. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT. Now, this is only one part of the equation. Use it and internalize it. It will help your game tremendously. Answer with sarcasm to some of the questions above. Answer with "im busy, or i gotta go somewhere", some lame excuse- do it. Supplication is DEADLY, so many guys do it- don't be that guy. You guys don't notice that this is like 75% to success.
Indicators of Supplication
To indicate that you are indeed supplicating, here are some of the signs if you are doing it.
4 Major Steps Check List:
1. You are helping the chick
2. The chick is in demand
3. The chick is in control of the frame
4. You are answering with direct answers
Not responding to supplication is GOLD. Chicks dig guys that they can't control hence furthering the attraction. This guide I give you ups the scale by plenty in your game.
The idea of not responding to supplication is that you are your own man. You are alpha. You are the dominant one and everyone else will submit themselves to you. See if you are alpha with my guide, chicks and GUYS alike will start submitting to you. They see you are no joke and they won't take you lightly. Almost everyone supplicates.
LJBF Indicators
1. She calls you "nice", "sweet", "charming" or anything of that kind
2. She blatantly says the phrase "Lets just be friends" or "you're such a good friend"
3. She tells you of all her problems, annoyances, situations, etc.- You are guaranteed LJBF'ed
4. You stay on the phone for more than 5 minutes
5. She gives excuses all the time to you if you offer anything such as meeting up or something
Now the technique here is to LJBF her- it's reverse chick logic at its best. A chick has LJBF'ed different guys countless times. By doing this technique, it seems like she has no chance with you and you have made youself "unavailable" such as that she thinks she can't get anything from you or hook up with you. Now if she responds like all cheerfully and stuff when you LJBF her, you were already LJBF'ed by her so NEXT this chick.
The main reason there are so many AFC's is Supplication. Almost 75% of the reason why an AFC is an AFC is because of this reason. So you don't exactly know what supplication is? Well let me introduce you to supplication my friend because it is going to get ugly and rear its hideous head.
Definition(my terms)-
Supplication(n.)- Giving in to someone, submitting yourself to a superior, being "nice"
Now shut up and listen. This was a sticking point for me. If you had never realized and discovered this thread, you would not figure out supplication. Now I will give you indicators of supplication tests. Ex.s below:
Key Phrases
"Hey, can you help me on this quiz, test, hw, etc."- can be in context with non school work
"Hey, can you get me that extra ketchup(or something materialistic)"- it is forcing you to get something for the superior, thus you are beta
"Hey, hold my bag for me will you(or hold something)"- same as above
"Could you give me a hand(or 'could you help me')"- this is really supplicative
NOW, this one was a TRICKY one. After months of in field work, i figured out this so SUBTLE supplication test. Trust me, don't fight against this, it may not seem like supplication but it is. It is like the most secretive form of supplication. I figured this out so dont steal it .
"Hey, what does blah blah blah mean"- this in context if you are in a foreign language class or english class
It may not happen with you but if you ever encounter this, you are prepared thanks to me. This is SO SUBTLE. I realized it after like couple of months. It is forcing you to actually help the chick, it is a form of supplication, she is in control. You will notice that "you are helping(hence supplicating to her). This is so CRUCIAL, i can't emphasize it more through this post through black text. This is like a technicality I noticed so subtely. This will up your game.
Why bother concentrating on supplication?
Now some of you guys will be thinking- so what, its just one thing you're helping with. Trust me, it piles up. It will become a habit and so forth and supplication is the fastest way possible to get in the LJBF(friendship) zone. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT. Now, this is only one part of the equation. Use it and internalize it. It will help your game tremendously. Answer with sarcasm to some of the questions above. Answer with "im busy, or i gotta go somewhere", some lame excuse- do it. Supplication is DEADLY, so many guys do it- don't be that guy. You guys don't notice that this is like 75% to success.
Indicators of Supplication
To indicate that you are indeed supplicating, here are some of the signs if you are doing it.
4 Major Steps Check List:
1. You are helping the chick
2. The chick is in demand
3. The chick is in control of the frame
4. You are answering with direct answers
Not responding to supplication is GOLD. Chicks dig guys that they can't control hence furthering the attraction. This guide I give you ups the scale by plenty in your game.
The idea of not responding to supplication is that you are your own man. You are alpha. You are the dominant one and everyone else will submit themselves to you. See if you are alpha with my guide, chicks and GUYS alike will start submitting to you. They see you are no joke and they won't take you lightly. Almost everyone supplicates.
LJBF Indicators
1. She calls you "nice", "sweet", "charming" or anything of that kind
2. She blatantly says the phrase "Lets just be friends" or "you're such a good friend"
3. She tells you of all her problems, annoyances, situations, etc.- You are guaranteed LJBF'ed
4. You stay on the phone for more than 5 minutes
5. She gives excuses all the time to you if you offer anything such as meeting up or something
Now the technique here is to LJBF her- it's reverse chick logic at its best. A chick has LJBF'ed different guys countless times. By doing this technique, it seems like she has no chance with you and you have made youself "unavailable" such as that she thinks she can't get anything from you or hook up with you. Now if she responds like all cheerfully and stuff when you LJBF her, you were already LJBF'ed by her so NEXT this chick.
If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.
Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
This will quickly drive all women away from you.
And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Lesson #15-You Want Her, You Don't
Ok since a lot of you are still transforming from AFC's to super Alpha males, I'd like to introduce you to a come situation that you'll run into time and time again once you become a established PUA. Just run this scenario through your head with me.
You meet a HB and you have a high interest level. You get the opportunity to work your C/F and she's taking the bait like a big fish. So now you've reeled her in and have complete control over her. She's definitely a good looking broad and her interest level keeps rising for you. However you on the other hand for one reason or another are losing interest. But why?? I'll tell you....
90% of women like to give off the impression that they play "the game" better than anyone else they know. Once you've get to dissect their brains on a few get together's they'll tell you things like "I have to have a challenge otherwise I lose interest." Or some other variation of this line. The real reason women say all these things is because they been around some many AFC's for their entire dating lives. When an Alpha Male walks into the picture they crumble and don't know what to do or say. Within a few weeks they (girls) turn into AFC's themselves!!! LOL They call you ALL the time, they tell you how much they like you etc. From a guy's standpoint this just get's old!!
As human beings we have been conditioned to like "the chase." Once this part dies off, its inevitable that you'll lose interest and move on to someoene else. Now I know super HB's probably won't get NEXT'D as quickly but eventually they get boring too.
That's the whole purpose of this thread. To teach you how to be selective and weed out the pretenders, from the real players. So don't be afraid to NEXT a HB even if she hasn't done anything wrong. Actually when you really think about it, that just might be the problem, they never do anything wrong.
Lesson #16 Alpha Male at a Party
So school's starting back up for a lot us and that means 2 things: Super Hot Babes and plenty of Keg filled parties Over the past few months you've been learning how to become more confident with yourself and portraying that confidence to all the girls you meet. However, while all the techniques we have taught work to perfection if you do them correctly, being an Alpha Male at a Party is a little different. Let's look at why that's the case:
TONE OF VOICE!!!: I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS preech about having a deep, seductive tone of voice when you talk to girls. Its true, this works and makes girls more attracted to you. However, at a party, where there's loud music, you would sound like an absolute jack-ass if you approach a girl and try to sound like some Rico Suave pimp. Now if you get her alone in a room or a quiet place then you should use the tone of voice, but chances are that you'll meet up with a bunch of girls on the dance floor, or a crowded hall way with blaring music.
ATTITUDE!!!: Now you never want to go away from appearing confident and Alpha, but you should add a new element to your "bag of tricks" at a party. THE FUN GUY!!! Think about it, everytime you go to a party there is ALWAYS one guy who talks to EVERYONE, is loud smiling and really enjoying the party. This guy can get laid just because of his attitude. Trust me, girls notice this ****. The girls came to a party to have fun, and if he's the center of all that fun they'll be VERY OPEN to his advances.
MINGLE!!! Unless your building tremendous rapport with one of the hottest girl's at the party, WALK AROUND!!! Don't be that tool who hold's his plastic cup of cheap $2 beer and drools at all the girl's with his friend. Go walk around, you'll be ****ting your pants at how many incredibly fine ass girls are at the party. When I go to a party where I don't know anyone except for a friend or 2, I usually "feel out the situation" for about 10 minutes and then spot out my "victim" and immediately approach. But logicallly think to yourself. All these girls are there to hook up, have fun and meet new people. You can give them all of that by being confident, talking to tons of people(girl's and guys) and becoming the center of attention.
Work Jealously to the Max: This should be embedded in the front of all your minds if it isn't already. Ok, we will never completely understand chicks, right? Ok, but what we do know is they are EXTREMELY JEALOUS beings. How many times have you told a girl you can't hang out on this night because you already have plans etc. And what's the next thing the chick says?? "Who are you hanging out with?? Or "do you have a date tonight??" LOL If she's asking you these questions, you should ummm....."strecth the truth.." Well Jealousy is a lot more evident at parties. The next time your at a party, spot out a HB that you want. Lay all the ground work and go talk to her for a while. Then suddenly excuse yourself and go talk to other HB's right in front of her. See if you catch her staring out of the corner of your eye. Or better yet, came back after you excuse yourself and ask her friend to dance with you. The orginial HB will most likely have a look like "WTF" when you leave her hanging. Don't worry, this is doing nothing except increasing her attraction for you. As the alcohol kicks in some girl's get quite aggressive, so don't be surprised if she comes and butts in and is pleading for your attention.
FOCUS: Ever remember back in your major AFC days when you felt like you weren't trying at all and you found out that a chick liked you?? And then when you wanted a girl soooooooooo bad she'd never be interested? Eventually your bros and yourself came up with a theory that the "less you try" the more you get!! LOL What bull****!!! Can you look back at these days and realize what was going on?? You were being an Alpha male filled with confidence without even knowing it with all the girls that liked you who you didn't care for. And you were being a supplicating AFC ***** with the SHB's you wanted. When ever you go to a party you should play a #'s game in your head. Its not, will I hook up tonight, its how many girls will I hook up with tonight?? Obiviously it depends on if there are hot chicks there, but most likely there are always a handful. Look at the top athletes in professional sports. Did Jordan ever doubt that he'd make the buzzer beating game winning shot?? NOPE!! And although he missed his share, he made A LOT!! His confidence was so high he never doubted he'd come through. This is the same mentality that an Alpha Male should have at a party. Your always going to hit road blocks, but you should barrel through them and keep on truckin'!!
Rejection: Well unless your incredibly drunk, you should never really get rejected when you move in for a kiss because of the "kiss test" but if you do, who gives a ****??? Ditch her and find a new ***** to get with. Do it right infront of the girl that rejected you 5 minutes earlier and suddenly you'll be "a lot more attractive" to the first girl. Remember we've said it before, rejection should never be taken personally, it happens for a # of different reasons. Lots of girls deny guys they REALLY REALLY LIKE the first few times to make them more interested in them. However if a girl does this to you at a party (assuming you've never met her before the party) ditch her and find someone else. You don't have time for bull**** "games"
Finally I'd like to say, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be able to approach 10 girls at a party. All the odds are in your favor. Alcohol, horny people, and good music. Go live it up bros, be the guy I described and your penis will thank you....
Ok since a lot of you are still transforming from AFC's to super Alpha males, I'd like to introduce you to a come situation that you'll run into time and time again once you become a established PUA. Just run this scenario through your head with me.
You meet a HB and you have a high interest level. You get the opportunity to work your C/F and she's taking the bait like a big fish. So now you've reeled her in and have complete control over her. She's definitely a good looking broad and her interest level keeps rising for you. However you on the other hand for one reason or another are losing interest. But why?? I'll tell you....
90% of women like to give off the impression that they play "the game" better than anyone else they know. Once you've get to dissect their brains on a few get together's they'll tell you things like "I have to have a challenge otherwise I lose interest." Or some other variation of this line. The real reason women say all these things is because they been around some many AFC's for their entire dating lives. When an Alpha Male walks into the picture they crumble and don't know what to do or say. Within a few weeks they (girls) turn into AFC's themselves!!! LOL They call you ALL the time, they tell you how much they like you etc. From a guy's standpoint this just get's old!!
As human beings we have been conditioned to like "the chase." Once this part dies off, its inevitable that you'll lose interest and move on to someoene else. Now I know super HB's probably won't get NEXT'D as quickly but eventually they get boring too.
That's the whole purpose of this thread. To teach you how to be selective and weed out the pretenders, from the real players. So don't be afraid to NEXT a HB even if she hasn't done anything wrong. Actually when you really think about it, that just might be the problem, they never do anything wrong.
Lesson #16 Alpha Male at a Party
So school's starting back up for a lot us and that means 2 things: Super Hot Babes and plenty of Keg filled parties Over the past few months you've been learning how to become more confident with yourself and portraying that confidence to all the girls you meet. However, while all the techniques we have taught work to perfection if you do them correctly, being an Alpha Male at a Party is a little different. Let's look at why that's the case:
TONE OF VOICE!!!: I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS preech about having a deep, seductive tone of voice when you talk to girls. Its true, this works and makes girls more attracted to you. However, at a party, where there's loud music, you would sound like an absolute jack-ass if you approach a girl and try to sound like some Rico Suave pimp. Now if you get her alone in a room or a quiet place then you should use the tone of voice, but chances are that you'll meet up with a bunch of girls on the dance floor, or a crowded hall way with blaring music.
ATTITUDE!!!: Now you never want to go away from appearing confident and Alpha, but you should add a new element to your "bag of tricks" at a party. THE FUN GUY!!! Think about it, everytime you go to a party there is ALWAYS one guy who talks to EVERYONE, is loud smiling and really enjoying the party. This guy can get laid just because of his attitude. Trust me, girls notice this ****. The girls came to a party to have fun, and if he's the center of all that fun they'll be VERY OPEN to his advances.
MINGLE!!! Unless your building tremendous rapport with one of the hottest girl's at the party, WALK AROUND!!! Don't be that tool who hold's his plastic cup of cheap $2 beer and drools at all the girl's with his friend. Go walk around, you'll be ****ting your pants at how many incredibly fine ass girls are at the party. When I go to a party where I don't know anyone except for a friend or 2, I usually "feel out the situation" for about 10 minutes and then spot out my "victim" and immediately approach. But logicallly think to yourself. All these girls are there to hook up, have fun and meet new people. You can give them all of that by being confident, talking to tons of people(girl's and guys) and becoming the center of attention.
Work Jealously to the Max: This should be embedded in the front of all your minds if it isn't already. Ok, we will never completely understand chicks, right? Ok, but what we do know is they are EXTREMELY JEALOUS beings. How many times have you told a girl you can't hang out on this night because you already have plans etc. And what's the next thing the chick says?? "Who are you hanging out with?? Or "do you have a date tonight??" LOL If she's asking you these questions, you should ummm....."strecth the truth.." Well Jealousy is a lot more evident at parties. The next time your at a party, spot out a HB that you want. Lay all the ground work and go talk to her for a while. Then suddenly excuse yourself and go talk to other HB's right in front of her. See if you catch her staring out of the corner of your eye. Or better yet, came back after you excuse yourself and ask her friend to dance with you. The orginial HB will most likely have a look like "WTF" when you leave her hanging. Don't worry, this is doing nothing except increasing her attraction for you. As the alcohol kicks in some girl's get quite aggressive, so don't be surprised if she comes and butts in and is pleading for your attention.
FOCUS: Ever remember back in your major AFC days when you felt like you weren't trying at all and you found out that a chick liked you?? And then when you wanted a girl soooooooooo bad she'd never be interested? Eventually your bros and yourself came up with a theory that the "less you try" the more you get!! LOL What bull****!!! Can you look back at these days and realize what was going on?? You were being an Alpha male filled with confidence without even knowing it with all the girls that liked you who you didn't care for. And you were being a supplicating AFC ***** with the SHB's you wanted. When ever you go to a party you should play a #'s game in your head. Its not, will I hook up tonight, its how many girls will I hook up with tonight?? Obiviously it depends on if there are hot chicks there, but most likely there are always a handful. Look at the top athletes in professional sports. Did Jordan ever doubt that he'd make the buzzer beating game winning shot?? NOPE!! And although he missed his share, he made A LOT!! His confidence was so high he never doubted he'd come through. This is the same mentality that an Alpha Male should have at a party. Your always going to hit road blocks, but you should barrel through them and keep on truckin'!!
Rejection: Well unless your incredibly drunk, you should never really get rejected when you move in for a kiss because of the "kiss test" but if you do, who gives a ****??? Ditch her and find a new ***** to get with. Do it right infront of the girl that rejected you 5 minutes earlier and suddenly you'll be "a lot more attractive" to the first girl. Remember we've said it before, rejection should never be taken personally, it happens for a # of different reasons. Lots of girls deny guys they REALLY REALLY LIKE the first few times to make them more interested in them. However if a girl does this to you at a party (assuming you've never met her before the party) ditch her and find someone else. You don't have time for bull**** "games"
Finally I'd like to say, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be able to approach 10 girls at a party. All the odds are in your favor. Alcohol, horny people, and good music. Go live it up bros, be the guy I described and your penis will thank you....
Crissco
Master Don Juan
I have just one more thing to add to Sauce's post on party's (BTW excellent tips). I'm still a little new to the bigger party scene where I don't know everyone since I just graduated High School, but I went to my first frat party on Wednesday and came up with an awesome technique that works great.
There was this girl there that was the best looking girl I've ever seen. She had the hair, body, face, and everything going for her. Well the problem was that every single guy in the party was aware of her and talking about her. At any given moment there were 4-5 guys around her and I didn't know how I was going to approach with all those **** blocks.
The guys were totally hitting on her, and she wasn't buying any of it. She was constantly looking around (bad body language) and it was obvious she didn't want to be talking to them. So here's what I discovered.
Stand 10-20 feet away from the HB where she can see you. Make sure you're talking to a girl and start flirting with the target from a distance. This can usually be done with just eye contact. When I was talking with this girl, I'd look over at the HB and lock eye contact with her. I did this a couple times and noticed positive signals like her locking eye contact w/me obviously, mirroring my body language (ex: I check my watch, she checks hers), etc. So I did this for a few minutes and it worked awesome. The girl came over and approached me, but thanks to all the horny ass guys there, I didn't have opportunity to number close because they were all over her! We talked for a little then I moved on. I'll close her next time I see her at the frat.
Another variation of this technique is to find out who the girl came with (even better if she came with other girls...Girls are extremely competitive with their girl friends for guys) and go talk to them while doing the distance flirting. The girl is always going to be looking around to see what her friends are doing/who they're talking to, and if you're distance flirting, she'll come over. It's a great excuse for her too...her friends are there. Then you ca work your game on her, and since you were talking to her friends, they won't **** block you because they all like you.
You can play out her friends even more as a way to make her jealousy increase. When the HB came over, she did becuase you were flirting with her and she thinks you're interested. Now if you act interested in one of her friends, she'll be like WTF! Why isn't this guy hitting on ME? I'm the best looking girl here anyways. Then she'll try to up her game even more to get a reaction out of you. (Keep in mind you already created some intial attraction with the distance flirting).
When a girl wonders how you actually feel about her (becuase you've given her signs that make her think you are attracted, but then you throw her for a loop), she'll be ALL OVER YOU becuase she HAS to know. And the hotter the girl is, the easier it will be because she's used to the attention from guys and EXPECTS it. If you're not giving her that, she'll wonder what's wrong and start chasing after you. And as soon as you get a girl to start chasing you, they usually turn AFC.
Be confident
Put your chest out, shoulders back, head up. Don't look like you think the world of yourself (you know what I'm talking about); just look confident. Posture is really important. Don't speed through there. Slow down your motions.
2. Look nice
Like I said earlier, be dressed well. Sauce mentioned this a few posts up about the looks he got when he dressed well. I usually dress a nice, clean, casual look which gets enough attention. But when I really want attention, I'll go for a more dressed up look. Collar shirts, dress shoes, etc, but don't OVER-DO it. I can't believe the difference in attention I get. But if this isn't your style, don't try to pull it off.
3. Make EC with her
Like anywhere else, don't be ashamed of being attracted to a woman. You're a man! So many guys look away because they've been conditioned to think it's bad to show that they're men. You gotta be confident and look her straight in the eyes and let her know you're not some wussy going in there. You're confident in yourself to hold EC with her, and if she doesn't look away, neither do you. Either approach her right there or continue doing what you were doing but as you move around the store, make EC with her. Don't make it seem like you're checking her out or she may think you're some kind of sick stalker (*cough AFC *cough*). Wait till she's looking in your general direction then make EC with her and give her that look. If you haven't mastered the look, stand in front of your mirror and practice. You gotta give her the look that lets her know you're interested in more than buying whatever it is you went to buy. And look for indicators of interest (IOI)
Then walk up, chat her up (use C/F if the opportunity arises), then # close and get the hell out of there.
Just because she's working doesn't mean she puts her hormones in a bag until after she's clocked out. EC and a smile is the most common "come talk to me" technique women use. Look for it, and don't think otherwise when you get it. It's a sign of interest and you need to make your move instead of leaving then regretting not talking to her. Guys that do this never correct the problem and walk up to the next girl that shows IOI. They always walk out with regrets...everytime.
There was this girl there that was the best looking girl I've ever seen. She had the hair, body, face, and everything going for her. Well the problem was that every single guy in the party was aware of her and talking about her. At any given moment there were 4-5 guys around her and I didn't know how I was going to approach with all those **** blocks.
The guys were totally hitting on her, and she wasn't buying any of it. She was constantly looking around (bad body language) and it was obvious she didn't want to be talking to them. So here's what I discovered.
Stand 10-20 feet away from the HB where she can see you. Make sure you're talking to a girl and start flirting with the target from a distance. This can usually be done with just eye contact. When I was talking with this girl, I'd look over at the HB and lock eye contact with her. I did this a couple times and noticed positive signals like her locking eye contact w/me obviously, mirroring my body language (ex: I check my watch, she checks hers), etc. So I did this for a few minutes and it worked awesome. The girl came over and approached me, but thanks to all the horny ass guys there, I didn't have opportunity to number close because they were all over her! We talked for a little then I moved on. I'll close her next time I see her at the frat.
Another variation of this technique is to find out who the girl came with (even better if she came with other girls...Girls are extremely competitive with their girl friends for guys) and go talk to them while doing the distance flirting. The girl is always going to be looking around to see what her friends are doing/who they're talking to, and if you're distance flirting, she'll come over. It's a great excuse for her too...her friends are there. Then you ca work your game on her, and since you were talking to her friends, they won't **** block you because they all like you.
You can play out her friends even more as a way to make her jealousy increase. When the HB came over, she did becuase you were flirting with her and she thinks you're interested. Now if you act interested in one of her friends, she'll be like WTF! Why isn't this guy hitting on ME? I'm the best looking girl here anyways. Then she'll try to up her game even more to get a reaction out of you. (Keep in mind you already created some intial attraction with the distance flirting).
When a girl wonders how you actually feel about her (becuase you've given her signs that make her think you are attracted, but then you throw her for a loop), she'll be ALL OVER YOU becuase she HAS to know. And the hotter the girl is, the easier it will be because she's used to the attention from guys and EXPECTS it. If you're not giving her that, she'll wonder what's wrong and start chasing after you. And as soon as you get a girl to start chasing you, they usually turn AFC.
Be confident
Put your chest out, shoulders back, head up. Don't look like you think the world of yourself (you know what I'm talking about); just look confident. Posture is really important. Don't speed through there. Slow down your motions.
2. Look nice
Like I said earlier, be dressed well. Sauce mentioned this a few posts up about the looks he got when he dressed well. I usually dress a nice, clean, casual look which gets enough attention. But when I really want attention, I'll go for a more dressed up look. Collar shirts, dress shoes, etc, but don't OVER-DO it. I can't believe the difference in attention I get. But if this isn't your style, don't try to pull it off.
3. Make EC with her
Like anywhere else, don't be ashamed of being attracted to a woman. You're a man! So many guys look away because they've been conditioned to think it's bad to show that they're men. You gotta be confident and look her straight in the eyes and let her know you're not some wussy going in there. You're confident in yourself to hold EC with her, and if she doesn't look away, neither do you. Either approach her right there or continue doing what you were doing but as you move around the store, make EC with her. Don't make it seem like you're checking her out or she may think you're some kind of sick stalker (*cough AFC *cough*). Wait till she's looking in your general direction then make EC with her and give her that look. If you haven't mastered the look, stand in front of your mirror and practice. You gotta give her the look that lets her know you're interested in more than buying whatever it is you went to buy. And look for indicators of interest (IOI)
Then walk up, chat her up (use C/F if the opportunity arises), then # close and get the hell out of there.
Just because she's working doesn't mean she puts her hormones in a bag until after she's clocked out. EC and a smile is the most common "come talk to me" technique women use. Look for it, and don't think otherwise when you get it. It's a sign of interest and you need to make your move instead of leaving then regretting not talking to her. Guys that do this never correct the problem and walk up to the next girl that shows IOI. They always walk out with regrets...everytime.
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Lesson #16-Increasing Attraction
This is a basic principle of attraction but it's a more advanced technique. I'll start out with a scenario:
Guy likes girl. He isn't sure if the girl likes him. She keeps giving him mixed signals. Guy confesses his feelings to the girl and the girl tells him that she's not ready for a relationship (or whatever other excuse).
Not only have I personally been in this scenario in the past...many times, but also I hear about it ALL the time. The guy actually becomes so attracted to the girl that he is always thinking about her, wondering about her, does she like him? Why the mixed signals? So he feels it's necessary to confess his feelings. If you were to do this:
1. She's in control
You're no longer the selector-you're the selectee. She's going to have to choose you and you're going to have to sit back with regrets.
2. You're not a mystery
She knows exactly how you feel about her and there's no challenge or mystery. This is unattractive. And these types of guys usually end up acting as if they're in a relationship when they're not. Tend to be clingy and whipped. They take orders from the girl.
3. You killed the attraction
Mystery creates attraction; as soon as she knows for sure that you like her 100%, you're saying that you're willing to do anything and everything to be with her. She won't start a relationship with you or date you, but I guarantee you she'll use you as an intellectual ***** and as an emotional tampon. You'll take her out and buy her stuff, drive her ass around, and hang out with her when she has nothing else to do. She has no respect whatsoever for you.
But the question is, how did the girl increase the attraction? She gave the guy MIXED SIGNALS! This is amazing how well this works. When you get a girl initially attracted, then give her mixed signals, she's going to be DIEING to know how you feel about her. If you act as if you're not trying to get with her, but at the same make her think you are attracted, she'll be like wtf! She won't be able to figure you out and she will do anything humanly possible to seduce you. I've had girls literally throw themselves at me and take commands like a dog would from me because they couldn't figure me out and/or weren't getting the reactions they wanted from me.
Now don't forget that there NEEDS to be initial attraction. If there is no initial attraction, by giving the girl mixed signals, you're actually doing her a favor. But once there is initial attraction, the mixed signals will throw her for a loop and make her try harder. She turns AFC on YOU and chases after you. These girls will do anything you want them to once you have them in this position.
David Deangelo talked a lot about this. He uses the friend's method. "Hey, you seem nice... like you might make a nice FRIEND. Give me your number and I'll call you next week and maybe we can be FRIENDS."
The girl is already initially attracted and wonders why the guy isn't interested in more than just being friends. No guys ever say this to women! They want to find out why you aren't interested in them as more than friends. Is she not attractive enough? Is she not flirting hard enough? It's fun to see the reactions you get, but be careful with this cause I know a lot of guys mess this one up because they don't have a balance.
Lesson #17-Getting past the kissing
Before I start talking about advancing past making out, you're going to need to work on your kissing. Girls when they are attracted to you will want to know what you kiss like. They're actually DIEING to know. When a girl is REALLY attracted to you, she expects you to be a great kisser. She has this fantasy of you in her head when your game is that good, and if you don't live up to that, it's a big turn off. Plus it comes off as if you don't kiss girls often cause you don't know how.
David DeAngelo says that you should take everything one step at a time, and always be advancing. Sauce already posted the kiss test, so once you're kissing a girl and making out, then you gotta learn how to get her hot. Guys are a lot easier to turn on; but you gotta do a little more ground work with girls.
Teasing is AMAZING! What you want to do is find something that turns your girl on, or just start with something and wait till you get a positive reaction. For example, as sauce mentioned in the kiss test post, kiss her for a while, then just stop, lean back and look at her in the eye. When she opens her eyes, lean in as if you're going to kiss her again and begin the teasing. Just as your lips are about to touch rub your cheek on hers and start smelling her. Just smell her hair, neck and shoulders and slowly start kissing her in these areas. As soon as you start getting positive signals and know what really turns her on, then use that as bait. Stop doing what you're doing and move to somewhere else. Then slowly start to come back to that area and right before you get there, back off. Or tease her around that area or get close to doing what she likes but don't do it. I like using c/f the whole time. I can't explain it or give you lines, just look for opportunities.
Once she's turned on, continue the teasing. Make her beg. Things will slowly progress. Once she's really turned on, you've got her. What you can even do is if she tries to unzip your pants or go down, tell her that she needs to slow down and that you're not ready to go that far. lol. I love this. Since the girl is so turned on, she won't take no for an answer. She might say she respects your decision or come up with some other BS, but I guarantee you she's going to keep trying and trying until you break. The rest is pretty much self-explanatory...
Don't try to progress until you have her really turned on. I had good success with a girl who I was watching TV on the bed with by just massaging her lower back. I started just outside of the shirt, and then as she started to get turned on, I pulled her shirt up slightly and started massaging her lower back. She LOVED it! If you don't know how to give a good massage, then find a girl friend that will let you practice and tell you what feels good. Massages are gold too. Start out with a shoulder rub or a back-massage and go from there. Start kissing her neck and shoulders and once you find out what she likes, use it to tease her. Once she's turned on, then you're in.
The goal is to make sure YOU are in control, NOT HER! Don't let her use sex as bait; YOU use it as bait. Once she's turned on she's helpless. Then, once she's in this position, don't go in for the kill yet-turn her on even more. Make her experience better...don't rush anything. You need to take your time with women and slow things down.
And use your hands. Stroke her hair while you're kissing her. Move your hands on/around her face gently and slowly. Use your fingertips. Move your hands down and rub her thighs and hips. Don't hit any personal areas yet. You want to keep her in suspense...and if you go to early you might blow your chances. Girls don't want to look like sluts, so they may turn you down not because they don't want to, but because they don't want to look like a slut. Girls want it just as bad as guys if not more. So what you do is get her turned on (that way she can't turn you down...she's horny), then make her want to, and YOU tease her with it and tell her that she's moving to fast or any other line a girl would say to a guy. If you do this once you have her turned on it'll drive her INSANE!
Keep in mind ANTICIPATION BUILDS ATTRACTION. Girls love being surprised and not knowing what's next. Don't be predictable. Start then Stop for a second Keep doing it. When you find something that turns a girl on, stop and do something else. Guys usually want to keep going, but their anticipation and desire builds as you do this. (this last paragraph paraphrased from David D)
This is a basic principle of attraction but it's a more advanced technique. I'll start out with a scenario:
Guy likes girl. He isn't sure if the girl likes him. She keeps giving him mixed signals. Guy confesses his feelings to the girl and the girl tells him that she's not ready for a relationship (or whatever other excuse).
Not only have I personally been in this scenario in the past...many times, but also I hear about it ALL the time. The guy actually becomes so attracted to the girl that he is always thinking about her, wondering about her, does she like him? Why the mixed signals? So he feels it's necessary to confess his feelings. If you were to do this:
1. She's in control
You're no longer the selector-you're the selectee. She's going to have to choose you and you're going to have to sit back with regrets.
2. You're not a mystery
She knows exactly how you feel about her and there's no challenge or mystery. This is unattractive. And these types of guys usually end up acting as if they're in a relationship when they're not. Tend to be clingy and whipped. They take orders from the girl.
3. You killed the attraction
Mystery creates attraction; as soon as she knows for sure that you like her 100%, you're saying that you're willing to do anything and everything to be with her. She won't start a relationship with you or date you, but I guarantee you she'll use you as an intellectual ***** and as an emotional tampon. You'll take her out and buy her stuff, drive her ass around, and hang out with her when she has nothing else to do. She has no respect whatsoever for you.
But the question is, how did the girl increase the attraction? She gave the guy MIXED SIGNALS! This is amazing how well this works. When you get a girl initially attracted, then give her mixed signals, she's going to be DIEING to know how you feel about her. If you act as if you're not trying to get with her, but at the same make her think you are attracted, she'll be like wtf! She won't be able to figure you out and she will do anything humanly possible to seduce you. I've had girls literally throw themselves at me and take commands like a dog would from me because they couldn't figure me out and/or weren't getting the reactions they wanted from me.
Now don't forget that there NEEDS to be initial attraction. If there is no initial attraction, by giving the girl mixed signals, you're actually doing her a favor. But once there is initial attraction, the mixed signals will throw her for a loop and make her try harder. She turns AFC on YOU and chases after you. These girls will do anything you want them to once you have them in this position.
David Deangelo talked a lot about this. He uses the friend's method. "Hey, you seem nice... like you might make a nice FRIEND. Give me your number and I'll call you next week and maybe we can be FRIENDS."
The girl is already initially attracted and wonders why the guy isn't interested in more than just being friends. No guys ever say this to women! They want to find out why you aren't interested in them as more than friends. Is she not attractive enough? Is she not flirting hard enough? It's fun to see the reactions you get, but be careful with this cause I know a lot of guys mess this one up because they don't have a balance.
Lesson #17-Getting past the kissing
Before I start talking about advancing past making out, you're going to need to work on your kissing. Girls when they are attracted to you will want to know what you kiss like. They're actually DIEING to know. When a girl is REALLY attracted to you, she expects you to be a great kisser. She has this fantasy of you in her head when your game is that good, and if you don't live up to that, it's a big turn off. Plus it comes off as if you don't kiss girls often cause you don't know how.
David DeAngelo says that you should take everything one step at a time, and always be advancing. Sauce already posted the kiss test, so once you're kissing a girl and making out, then you gotta learn how to get her hot. Guys are a lot easier to turn on; but you gotta do a little more ground work with girls.
Teasing is AMAZING! What you want to do is find something that turns your girl on, or just start with something and wait till you get a positive reaction. For example, as sauce mentioned in the kiss test post, kiss her for a while, then just stop, lean back and look at her in the eye. When she opens her eyes, lean in as if you're going to kiss her again and begin the teasing. Just as your lips are about to touch rub your cheek on hers and start smelling her. Just smell her hair, neck and shoulders and slowly start kissing her in these areas. As soon as you start getting positive signals and know what really turns her on, then use that as bait. Stop doing what you're doing and move to somewhere else. Then slowly start to come back to that area and right before you get there, back off. Or tease her around that area or get close to doing what she likes but don't do it. I like using c/f the whole time. I can't explain it or give you lines, just look for opportunities.
Once she's turned on, continue the teasing. Make her beg. Things will slowly progress. Once she's really turned on, you've got her. What you can even do is if she tries to unzip your pants or go down, tell her that she needs to slow down and that you're not ready to go that far. lol. I love this. Since the girl is so turned on, she won't take no for an answer. She might say she respects your decision or come up with some other BS, but I guarantee you she's going to keep trying and trying until you break. The rest is pretty much self-explanatory...
Don't try to progress until you have her really turned on. I had good success with a girl who I was watching TV on the bed with by just massaging her lower back. I started just outside of the shirt, and then as she started to get turned on, I pulled her shirt up slightly and started massaging her lower back. She LOVED it! If you don't know how to give a good massage, then find a girl friend that will let you practice and tell you what feels good. Massages are gold too. Start out with a shoulder rub or a back-massage and go from there. Start kissing her neck and shoulders and once you find out what she likes, use it to tease her. Once she's turned on, then you're in.
The goal is to make sure YOU are in control, NOT HER! Don't let her use sex as bait; YOU use it as bait. Once she's turned on she's helpless. Then, once she's in this position, don't go in for the kill yet-turn her on even more. Make her experience better...don't rush anything. You need to take your time with women and slow things down.
And use your hands. Stroke her hair while you're kissing her. Move your hands on/around her face gently and slowly. Use your fingertips. Move your hands down and rub her thighs and hips. Don't hit any personal areas yet. You want to keep her in suspense...and if you go to early you might blow your chances. Girls don't want to look like sluts, so they may turn you down not because they don't want to, but because they don't want to look like a slut. Girls want it just as bad as guys if not more. So what you do is get her turned on (that way she can't turn you down...she's horny), then make her want to, and YOU tease her with it and tell her that she's moving to fast or any other line a girl would say to a guy. If you do this once you have her turned on it'll drive her INSANE!
Keep in mind ANTICIPATION BUILDS ATTRACTION. Girls love being surprised and not knowing what's next. Don't be predictable. Start then Stop for a second Keep doing it. When you find something that turns a girl on, stop and do something else. Guys usually want to keep going, but their anticipation and desire builds as you do this. (this last paragraph paraphrased from David D)
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Lesson #18-CLASSROOM FLIRTING!!
Ok ok, I know what most of you might be thinking. "Why is Sauce writing a lesson on flirting/PU chicks in the same class when he ALWAYS says not to date girls from your class?? Well here's why. I never said DO NOT date girls from your class, I said only pursue girls in your classes if they show a very high interest level. However even if they show a high initial interest level it can still come back to kick you in the ass if things go bad because we all know a school semester usually lasts longer than a relationship Even so, here are the vital tips you should know to bag up the HB in your class.
When the first few class meetings occur, most AFC's scope out the scene for HB's just as Alpha's do. However the AFC panics and wants to "stake his claim" on the HB right away. So he'll go and try to sit right by her right then or the next class and see where it goes. Most girls, especially HB's know right away that your picking up on them when you act so quickly. So here's what I like to do.
My school semester is 16 weeks long. That's a LONG time!! You guys all remember the story about the tortise and the rabbit right? You know the one where they race and they rabbit uses his blazing speed while the tortise uses his brain and eventually wins the race. Well think of yourself as the tortise in this situation. As each week goes by you'll notice more and more chumps making their pass at her. But you don't have one thing to worry about because they're fukin' AFC's!! They'll mess it up sooner than later. At this point you want to make sure you've established EC repeatedly, but that's it!!! No smiles or moving your seat closer and closer to her's. Just keep it at that. Eventually half way through the semester all the AFC's that have not hit on her will decide not to once they see how many other AFC's she's already turned down. This leaves you with the perfect opportunity to slowly move in and start your seduction game on her.
You can do this a few different ways. You can keep on making EC and then adding a smile after and seeing if she's receptive. If she is then after class walk up to her and work your magic. If you established enough rapport in the brief amount of time you had, she'll probably sit next to you in the next class session. Then EVERYONE in the class, especially the AFC's will automatically think you 2 are together. This completely eliminates your competition for the rest of the semester. Now the only thing you have left is your final exam, WINNING HER OVER. Now I cannot emphasize how important this next point is. Do NOT start talking to her a lot in class once you 2 sit next to eachother. This will make her assume that your just like the rest and she'll lose interest very quickly. If she is the one yapping her trap more to you, use a C/F technique by putting your finger to your lips and "shooooshing" her. Smile after this and tell her your disturbing your learning enviorment. In college classes that meet 2-3x a week for 60-75 minutes you want to minimize the small talk and limit your overall conversation in general so you keep that bit of mystery about you.
Secondly make sure that once you as for a get together, you ask her for a weekday. I still see too many guys on this thread say they're going to ask a girl to chill "this Friday or Saturday." Remember your an ALPHA MALE, your time is very valuable and the weekends are always booked for your bros.
From here on out just keep up the C/F and start talking to other girls in the class, hot or not. See if she gets jealous or if she shows other common signs of interest. Such as asking you what you did this weekend, etc. Remember if you didn't do anything exciting, make it seem like it was exciting. I'm telling you to lie, just strecth the truth as much as you can.
And that is how you can easily start bangin' that HB who wears those tight short skirts, with her tube top, while you drool over her tan body thinking of ways to say a cool creative opener. Remember the ABSOLUTE best opener is "Hi, I noticed you from across the room and really wanted to meet you." Girls will give you weird looks when you say this, but its only because they're shocked at your confidence and approach. Trust me, they LOVE IT!!!
Have a great weekend, I've got 2 HUGE parties to go to so I expect A LOT of good things to happen.
Yes this another good ol' LucidD post. So you can hit the "page down" button (DonovanMD)
In order to change the way you act you have to change the way you THINK
You may have the best pick up line in the world. But its pretty much useless if you dont know how to put it to use. Atleast before this thread most of you guys were "IGNORANT" and had an excuse. But now to all tha rAFC (recovering AFC ...coz after u know where u went wrong..you hopefully wont be repeating it again and hence "recovering") You dont have one! and you might feel worse if you "know what to do" but you "can't do it"
(Matrix: "Theres a differnece between knowing the path and walking the path")
Attitudes you should start living by....-
I MAKE NO EXCUSES AS A MAN
I MAKE NO EXCUSES FOR MYSELF
I DONT NEED YOU, YOU NEED ME
IF YOU DONT WANNA BE WITH ME ITS YOUR LOSS!
MY TIME IS PRECIOUS, SO DONT WASTE IT
YOU CANT CONTROL ME
I DONT GET RATTLED BY SETBACKS, I SIMPLY LEARN BY THEM
I GLANCE AT WHAT I MIGHT LOOS, BUT I FOUCS ON WHAT I CAN WIN
I CAN GET ANY WOMEN I DESIRE
Stop making EXCUSES if you get caught lookin at a SHB then say
it! " instead of.."uh..ah ..did I?"
Stop making excuses when your asking a women out. After all Testosterone does run thru ur viens and its only natural to have those "Animal Desires".
A great deal of sucess and power with women has nothing to do about the way you act and feel about them . STOP NEEDING them so much.
Most women do not feel "Complete" if they dont have a man next to them but that doesnt make a difference to us men...we are still MEN whether we have a women or not they "NEED US" more (and now moresoever since men are becoming "rare" you'll find that in most places in the world there are more WOMEN than Men). Never start putting a women on a pedestal and never believe she is superior than you and she is doing a favour by spending time with you!...
Dont let "Getting LAID" be your most essential goal. If you do you might loose sight of your other priorities and in a sense you loose all the "Fun" aspects and it gets to be a cumpulsion. Women definately make nice additions to your life , but a life spent nothing but chasing women is a pretty stupid one.
You might be shocked to learn that an evening with a good book can be more stimulating than a boring date with dumb bimbo with huge fake tits .
So STOP NEEDING women so much and a good way to do it is by doing something that gets you AWAY from them.
You'll soon find out that your confidence will increase that will lead greater sucess with women (the more laid back you are, the more u get laid).
Make a List of the qualities you have make a list of achievements you have accomplished. Look at it...look at it again..and probably ur thinkin"geez is that really me"? doesnt it feel good.? And your probably thinkin right now "I'm just as good if not better than that average joe with that hot chick".
There is one "magic" word that will make you "irresistable" in the eyes of women that word is.........
"NO"
You must use it once in a while...but dont overkill it! It especially does wonders when your pursuing a SHB as you'll be more of a "challange" When a women senses that you have self respect and You have your boundaries of what you tolerate and whats allowed, she knows she found out what she wants = "a man she can never hope to control".
Just like anyother aspect of life you must understand that Picking Up women successfully needs a lotta PRACTICE. No, picking up women wasnt magically blessed quality innate with all the successfull PUA's. They have practiced their butts off...and in time started perfecting their games..there probably was a time when they were total AFCs without a clue and faced rejection a lotta times but they never took the rejections "Personally" since she doesnt know a thing about you! so how could she possibly be rejecting you??? you got to understand is she was just
- Rejecting your approach. So we should change it accordingly
-She probably wasnt in the right state of mind
-She just got burnt ....
etc..etc.
Ok ok, I know what most of you might be thinking. "Why is Sauce writing a lesson on flirting/PU chicks in the same class when he ALWAYS says not to date girls from your class?? Well here's why. I never said DO NOT date girls from your class, I said only pursue girls in your classes if they show a very high interest level. However even if they show a high initial interest level it can still come back to kick you in the ass if things go bad because we all know a school semester usually lasts longer than a relationship Even so, here are the vital tips you should know to bag up the HB in your class.
When the first few class meetings occur, most AFC's scope out the scene for HB's just as Alpha's do. However the AFC panics and wants to "stake his claim" on the HB right away. So he'll go and try to sit right by her right then or the next class and see where it goes. Most girls, especially HB's know right away that your picking up on them when you act so quickly. So here's what I like to do.
My school semester is 16 weeks long. That's a LONG time!! You guys all remember the story about the tortise and the rabbit right? You know the one where they race and they rabbit uses his blazing speed while the tortise uses his brain and eventually wins the race. Well think of yourself as the tortise in this situation. As each week goes by you'll notice more and more chumps making their pass at her. But you don't have one thing to worry about because they're fukin' AFC's!! They'll mess it up sooner than later. At this point you want to make sure you've established EC repeatedly, but that's it!!! No smiles or moving your seat closer and closer to her's. Just keep it at that. Eventually half way through the semester all the AFC's that have not hit on her will decide not to once they see how many other AFC's she's already turned down. This leaves you with the perfect opportunity to slowly move in and start your seduction game on her.
You can do this a few different ways. You can keep on making EC and then adding a smile after and seeing if she's receptive. If she is then after class walk up to her and work your magic. If you established enough rapport in the brief amount of time you had, she'll probably sit next to you in the next class session. Then EVERYONE in the class, especially the AFC's will automatically think you 2 are together. This completely eliminates your competition for the rest of the semester. Now the only thing you have left is your final exam, WINNING HER OVER. Now I cannot emphasize how important this next point is. Do NOT start talking to her a lot in class once you 2 sit next to eachother. This will make her assume that your just like the rest and she'll lose interest very quickly. If she is the one yapping her trap more to you, use a C/F technique by putting your finger to your lips and "shooooshing" her. Smile after this and tell her your disturbing your learning enviorment. In college classes that meet 2-3x a week for 60-75 minutes you want to minimize the small talk and limit your overall conversation in general so you keep that bit of mystery about you.
Secondly make sure that once you as for a get together, you ask her for a weekday. I still see too many guys on this thread say they're going to ask a girl to chill "this Friday or Saturday." Remember your an ALPHA MALE, your time is very valuable and the weekends are always booked for your bros.
From here on out just keep up the C/F and start talking to other girls in the class, hot or not. See if she gets jealous or if she shows other common signs of interest. Such as asking you what you did this weekend, etc. Remember if you didn't do anything exciting, make it seem like it was exciting. I'm telling you to lie, just strecth the truth as much as you can.
And that is how you can easily start bangin' that HB who wears those tight short skirts, with her tube top, while you drool over her tan body thinking of ways to say a cool creative opener. Remember the ABSOLUTE best opener is "Hi, I noticed you from across the room and really wanted to meet you." Girls will give you weird looks when you say this, but its only because they're shocked at your confidence and approach. Trust me, they LOVE IT!!!
Have a great weekend, I've got 2 HUGE parties to go to so I expect A LOT of good things to happen.
Yes this another good ol' LucidD post. So you can hit the "page down" button (DonovanMD)
In order to change the way you act you have to change the way you THINK
You may have the best pick up line in the world. But its pretty much useless if you dont know how to put it to use. Atleast before this thread most of you guys were "IGNORANT" and had an excuse. But now to all tha rAFC (recovering AFC ...coz after u know where u went wrong..you hopefully wont be repeating it again and hence "recovering") You dont have one! and you might feel worse if you "know what to do" but you "can't do it"
(Matrix: "Theres a differnece between knowing the path and walking the path")
Attitudes you should start living by....-
I MAKE NO EXCUSES AS A MAN
I MAKE NO EXCUSES FOR MYSELF
I DONT NEED YOU, YOU NEED ME
IF YOU DONT WANNA BE WITH ME ITS YOUR LOSS!
MY TIME IS PRECIOUS, SO DONT WASTE IT
YOU CANT CONTROL ME
I DONT GET RATTLED BY SETBACKS, I SIMPLY LEARN BY THEM
I GLANCE AT WHAT I MIGHT LOOS, BUT I FOUCS ON WHAT I CAN WIN
I CAN GET ANY WOMEN I DESIRE
Stop making EXCUSES if you get caught lookin at a SHB then say
it! " instead of.."uh..ah ..did I?"
Stop making excuses when your asking a women out. After all Testosterone does run thru ur viens and its only natural to have those "Animal Desires".
A great deal of sucess and power with women has nothing to do about the way you act and feel about them . STOP NEEDING them so much.
Most women do not feel "Complete" if they dont have a man next to them but that doesnt make a difference to us men...we are still MEN whether we have a women or not they "NEED US" more (and now moresoever since men are becoming "rare" you'll find that in most places in the world there are more WOMEN than Men). Never start putting a women on a pedestal and never believe she is superior than you and she is doing a favour by spending time with you!...
Dont let "Getting LAID" be your most essential goal. If you do you might loose sight of your other priorities and in a sense you loose all the "Fun" aspects and it gets to be a cumpulsion. Women definately make nice additions to your life , but a life spent nothing but chasing women is a pretty stupid one.
You might be shocked to learn that an evening with a good book can be more stimulating than a boring date with dumb bimbo with huge fake tits .
So STOP NEEDING women so much and a good way to do it is by doing something that gets you AWAY from them.
You'll soon find out that your confidence will increase that will lead greater sucess with women (the more laid back you are, the more u get laid).
Make a List of the qualities you have make a list of achievements you have accomplished. Look at it...look at it again..and probably ur thinkin"geez is that really me"? doesnt it feel good.? And your probably thinkin right now "I'm just as good if not better than that average joe with that hot chick".
There is one "magic" word that will make you "irresistable" in the eyes of women that word is.........
"NO"
You must use it once in a while...but dont overkill it! It especially does wonders when your pursuing a SHB as you'll be more of a "challange" When a women senses that you have self respect and You have your boundaries of what you tolerate and whats allowed, she knows she found out what she wants = "a man she can never hope to control".
Just like anyother aspect of life you must understand that Picking Up women successfully needs a lotta PRACTICE. No, picking up women wasnt magically blessed quality innate with all the successfull PUA's. They have practiced their butts off...and in time started perfecting their games..there probably was a time when they were total AFCs without a clue and faced rejection a lotta times but they never took the rejections "Personally" since she doesnt know a thing about you! so how could she possibly be rejecting you??? you got to understand is she was just
- Rejecting your approach. So we should change it accordingly
-She probably wasnt in the right state of mind
-She just got burnt ....
etc..etc.
Crissco
Master Don Juan
So the point is DONT take it personally. The best PUA in the world have probably been rejected the most but that didnt stop them from trying, being persistant and fastidous in what they were doing. They knew in time the WILL becom better and most of all they didnt take it personally.
When you a SHB in close proximity this might be going thru ur brain.
"ok she is smokin man!"
"wow check out that fine ass...damn!!!"
"ok ..ok..lets see what line I can use- it has to bee extreemly witty!...****y and funny ..and it should pack a punch!!!..ok think.."
"man she's too hot for me she might say get the f*&ck away looser"
"that 300 pound guy over there is proabaly her boy friend...he might just sit on me!..."
"I'll probably make a fool of myself if I say anything"
"**** my brain is fried!...I cant think straight!...."
(ur trembling like a volcano and sweating ur butt off!)
STOP
kool down your horses stop thinking negative first! And start thinking something like this....
"Ok spotted a SHB...not bad..not bad"
(made some good EC, walking up to her)
"She's probably never seen a guy with class, and style who can confidently approach her"
"you've done this a 100 times...and with hotter SHB it should be cake walk"
"Its her loss if she doesnt like me"
(she's blushing and giglin and looking down submisively)
"she's all yours..man u got nutthin to loose"
"That 300 pound guy is probably her AFC chump who buys her stuff and ****..first close her and become
best budds with that dude you'll probably get in sum club free!."
--------->
"Hi!.......
See instead of thinking "I shouldnt screw up" start thinking " I'll get it right as I allways do". When ur'e thinking negatively ur creating the mental images of all
the ways u might screw up and all the ways ur gonna f**k up. But if you think positively u give ur brain all the "POSITIVE" images it can use...which ultimately will lead to
success. This kind of approach works with all areas of life. Lets say ur taking a "dreaded" test the next day instead of think "I shouldnt mess up..i shouldnt screw this one"
start thinking "I will ace this test..I'll just be fine!".
By instilling these attitudes you dont have have to become an arrogant braggart or lack in sense of humour or class. You can be warm and friendly at the same time be direct and powerfull.
If you start living be these attituted and change the way you start thinking you'll soon find out that your "WHOLE" life will change in time.
I found this "Chunk" of great Info. Its a bit deep, freakin loooooooooong and to do with psychology and **** and actually makes "sense". But stick with it and you can turn your life from NOW.! Get a "huge Cup of coffee...and get ready to READ
Brace yourselfs!
(Article referred to it posted on the next page, mind blown it is a 14 yr old forum post):
How To Change Your Shyness
Part 1:
Recently there have been a lot of posts along the lines of "How do I become more confident", "How do I get from A to B", "How do I reverse my conditioning" etc. There have also been some musings that we need a FAQ. As it turns out, I've spent the last few months researching the psychology of behaviour change and I've decided to sum up everything I've learned to share it with you. I've tried as much as I can to stay away from the same old cliched self-help "advice", and instead filled it with lots of practical, scientific stuff that you can take advantage of immediately. I've worked pretty hard on this and there should be something here for everybody, even the seasoned shys. If you guys like, this could even become the foundation for a shyness FAQ. So please, everybody take the time to read this, I know it's long, and try out the strategies I've discussed. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy!
Part 1: The problem
Was I Born With It? Nature vs. Nurture
While it is possible that shyness is (partly) caused by your genetic make up, it is my belief that learned behaviour (the Nurture part) is much more powerful. There are so many cases of happy, healthy, vibrant and outgoing children having their personalities ravaged by abusive parents or other traumatic situations. And, believe it or not, the opposite is also true. Quiet, timid, withdrawn people can become more sociable in the same way. Catatonics and autists can be brought back to life, people with "learning disabilities" can become fully literate. It just takes the right tools.
Is This My "True Self"?
The truth is, virtually any aspect of your personality can change. If it doesn't seem that way sometimes it's because the methods you've been using just aren't powerful enough. Think about your own experiences for a moment. Have you ever believed in something strongly only to have somebody prove you wrong? What happened to you then? You changed - instantly. A rape or a car accident can change your personality - and not a long, slow change, but immediately and powerfully.
Really, your mind is very flexible, and I will prove that in a bit. It's just that we also have the tendency to do things in patterns, so we don't take advantage of our capacity for change. I think the belief in your "True Self" or "Core Personality" is a dangerous one because it is so limiting. We look at the negative aspects of ourselves and say, "That's just the way I am. I'm being true to myself by behaving this way". We're denying ourselves whole realms of growth and improvement with this defeatist attitude. Our personalities are NOT like a balance; improving one thing won't sacrifice anything else. I'm positive that the strategies I'm going to talk about will work, but not if you're skeptical and do them half-heartedly.
How Your Mind Works
The first step to changing yourself is understanding why you're doing what you're doing now. I'm going to give you a model of your brain that I've constructed from all kinds of sources, and we will use it to make changes later.
When you a SHB in close proximity this might be going thru ur brain.
"ok she is smokin man!"
"wow check out that fine ass...damn!!!"
"ok ..ok..lets see what line I can use- it has to bee extreemly witty!...****y and funny ..and it should pack a punch!!!..ok think.."
"man she's too hot for me she might say get the f*&ck away looser"
"that 300 pound guy over there is proabaly her boy friend...he might just sit on me!..."
"I'll probably make a fool of myself if I say anything"
"**** my brain is fried!...I cant think straight!...."
(ur trembling like a volcano and sweating ur butt off!)
STOP
kool down your horses stop thinking negative first! And start thinking something like this....
"Ok spotted a SHB...not bad..not bad"
(made some good EC, walking up to her)
"She's probably never seen a guy with class, and style who can confidently approach her"
"you've done this a 100 times...and with hotter SHB it should be cake walk"
"Its her loss if she doesnt like me"
(she's blushing and giglin and looking down submisively)
"she's all yours..man u got nutthin to loose"
"That 300 pound guy is probably her AFC chump who buys her stuff and ****..first close her and become
best budds with that dude you'll probably get in sum club free!."
--------->
"Hi!.......
See instead of thinking "I shouldnt screw up" start thinking " I'll get it right as I allways do". When ur'e thinking negatively ur creating the mental images of all
the ways u might screw up and all the ways ur gonna f**k up. But if you think positively u give ur brain all the "POSITIVE" images it can use...which ultimately will lead to
success. This kind of approach works with all areas of life. Lets say ur taking a "dreaded" test the next day instead of think "I shouldnt mess up..i shouldnt screw this one"
start thinking "I will ace this test..I'll just be fine!".
By instilling these attitudes you dont have have to become an arrogant braggart or lack in sense of humour or class. You can be warm and friendly at the same time be direct and powerfull.
If you start living be these attituted and change the way you start thinking you'll soon find out that your "WHOLE" life will change in time.
I found this "Chunk" of great Info. Its a bit deep, freakin loooooooooong and to do with psychology and **** and actually makes "sense". But stick with it and you can turn your life from NOW.! Get a "huge Cup of coffee...and get ready to READ
Brace yourselfs!
(Article referred to it posted on the next page, mind blown it is a 14 yr old forum post):
How To Change Your Shyness
Part 1:
Recently there have been a lot of posts along the lines of "How do I become more confident", "How do I get from A to B", "How do I reverse my conditioning" etc. There have also been some musings that we need a FAQ. As it turns out, I've spent the last few months researching the psychology of behaviour change and I've decided to sum up everything I've learned to share it with you. I've tried as much as I can to stay away from the same old cliched self-help "advice", and instead filled it with lots of practical, scientific stuff that you can take advantage of immediately. I've worked pretty hard on this and there should be something here for everybody, even the seasoned shys. If you guys like, this could even become the foundation for a shyness FAQ. So please, everybody take the time to read this, I know it's long, and try out the strategies I've discussed. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy!
Part 1: The problem
Was I Born With It? Nature vs. Nurture
While it is possible that shyness is (partly) caused by your genetic make up, it is my belief that learned behaviour (the Nurture part) is much more powerful. There are so many cases of happy, healthy, vibrant and outgoing children having their personalities ravaged by abusive parents or other traumatic situations. And, believe it or not, the opposite is also true. Quiet, timid, withdrawn people can become more sociable in the same way. Catatonics and autists can be brought back to life, people with "learning disabilities" can become fully literate. It just takes the right tools.
Is This My "True Self"?
The truth is, virtually any aspect of your personality can change. If it doesn't seem that way sometimes it's because the methods you've been using just aren't powerful enough. Think about your own experiences for a moment. Have you ever believed in something strongly only to have somebody prove you wrong? What happened to you then? You changed - instantly. A rape or a car accident can change your personality - and not a long, slow change, but immediately and powerfully.
Really, your mind is very flexible, and I will prove that in a bit. It's just that we also have the tendency to do things in patterns, so we don't take advantage of our capacity for change. I think the belief in your "True Self" or "Core Personality" is a dangerous one because it is so limiting. We look at the negative aspects of ourselves and say, "That's just the way I am. I'm being true to myself by behaving this way". We're denying ourselves whole realms of growth and improvement with this defeatist attitude. Our personalities are NOT like a balance; improving one thing won't sacrifice anything else. I'm positive that the strategies I'm going to talk about will work, but not if you're skeptical and do them half-heartedly.
How Your Mind Works
The first step to changing yourself is understanding why you're doing what you're doing now. I'm going to give you a model of your brain that I've constructed from all kinds of sources, and we will use it to make changes later.
If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.
Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
This will quickly drive all women away from you.
And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.
This post in 2003 on the BB forums by Saucehead was what got me going in the right direction. That said, its nice to have here for the beginners. SH posted a lot on real life experiences so that helped reinforce the material as opposed to some armchair pimp posting a bunch of theory.
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Our minds are constantly taking in all kinds of information from our senses and storing it, even the unimportant stuff. When ideas are repeated often enough and with consistency, we form Beliefs, or Generalizations, and these beliefs affect the way we perceive our reality and the way we behave. The inputs that support the belief are called "reference experiences". For example, during the Cold War, Russians were always depicted as the "evil overlords" or whatever, so children growing up at that time no doubt believed that all Russians were that way, unless they were shown otherwise. If you grew up in a racist household, you always heard that blacks (or whites!) were inferior and all that, and you probably accepted it without question. What's more, once you have a belief, your brain will dismiss or disprove references that run contrary to it. The only way to change these beliefs once they're solidly entrenched is to either use powerful references that can't be ignored (such as a rape or car accident), or to use references consistently and with enough repetition, the same way the original belief was formed. That's why simply talking about things and getting advice tends to be so ineffective.
Out of all the input you get, your brain pays particular attention to experiences that cause an emotional response. What happens is, your brain constructs a physical association, or "link", between the stimuli and the response so that in the future, the same, or similar, set of stimuli will produce the same response. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the link. Also, future experiences reinforce the link or even strengthen it. This affect is called "conditioning" or "anchoring". The classic example of this is Pavlov's famous experiment. Pavlov noticed that his dog salivated whenever it was fed. He started ringing a bell whenever he fed the dog, and soon he noticed that ringing the bell without providing food caused the dog to salivate. The bell became an "anchor" to the anticipation of food. Anchors can be changed or removed, however, by changing the emotional response linked to the anchor.
Your brain will motivate you both to seek out experiences that give you pleasure, and avoid experiences that cause pain, though it will do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. That's why bad habits are so hard to break. And sometimes, though a long-term goal will provide pleasure, if there is enough pain in the short-term, your brain will "sabotage" you.
Your brain is always motivating you to do what it believes best for you based on your current beliefs and anchors, even though it might contradict your conscious goals. This sabotage is called "secondary gain". For example, a happily married woman went to a hypnotist for help with being overweight. As it turns out, she was afraid of losing the weight because she would then be attractive to other men, and she was afraid that if she were propositioned she would have an affair, which would ruin her marriage. Once she became comfortable with her sexuality and confident enough to handle men, the weight went away almost without effort.
Facts and information are the realm of your conscious mind. Your subconscious works on imagery, symbols, and metaphor, and knows no objective reality.
Now, going by that model, it's easy to see what causes our shyness. We have dangerous generalizations about ourselves and about other people, like "I'm not attractive", "Women/Men don't like me", "I'm not interesting", "I never know what to say" etc., which taint our perceptions and our behaviour. These generalizations are subconscious and firmly entrenched. On top of that, we have such painful anchors to being evaluated, being embarrassed and being rejected that we avoid the short-term problem of meeting people and asking for dates, even though the long-term goal of intimate relationships is very enticing.
The problem is wired right into our nervous systems, which is the culmination of everything we've ever done. Our conscious motives are peanuts compared to that.
If I've painted a morbid picture here, I apologize. It's easier to change than it sounds, but simply working with your consciousness WON'T work. You've got to work with your subconscious, and your nervous system. You've got to change your generalizations and your anchors, and the rest will come naturally.
I've omitted one vital piece of information till now. Remember how your brain is always taking in information and processing it?
Still coming......[Post 2]
***YOUR OWN THOUGHTS ARE PART OF THIS INPUT***.
This might sound silly at first, but it's true. When you go over an experience in your mind, you get the same emotional response as when it actually happened. It's a reinforcement. Consciously you can tell the difference, but your subconscious just processes and stores it along with everything else. Even if you don't believe this, at least admit to yourself that it might be possible, because it's central to many of the strategies I'm going to talk about. Remember, what we're after is results, not understanding.
Your thoughts are powerful tools for change. It's just that you've been using them poorly until now.
Your Own Worst Enemy
Now think of the implications of this. Every time you've relived your failures and rejections, every time you've beat yourself up with your self-talk, every time you've felt sorry for yourself, you've been reinforcing the problem, and possibly made it worse.
Now, I'm not saying you should never feel bad. It's a natural thing and it's bound to happen no matter what you do. But being excessively negative is unhealthy for you. Starting now, don't allow yourself to dwell on painful events from your past. If you find yourself feeling down for more than five minutes, do something - anything - to snap yourself out of it and move on.
Also, if there are any situations or people that are consistently making you feel bad about yourself, either do something to improve them or remove yourself from them.
For example, half a year ago I was hanging around with a certain group of people. One or two of them were my friends, but several of the rest quite obviously didn't like me, had no objections to showing me so, and nothing I could have done would have changed that. For a while I felt sorry for myself; I kept thinking "no one cares about me, no one likes me", etc. Finally, I realized what I was doing. I said to myself, "**** 'em all, what do I need them for anyway" and went and found a very accepting, caring and supportive group to hang around with instead. That one decision made a great difference in my life.
But, I digress. By now you must be nearly mad with anticipation - "What do I DO? Tell me what to DO!!!"
Out of all the input you get, your brain pays particular attention to experiences that cause an emotional response. What happens is, your brain constructs a physical association, or "link", between the stimuli and the response so that in the future, the same, or similar, set of stimuli will produce the same response. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the link. Also, future experiences reinforce the link or even strengthen it. This affect is called "conditioning" or "anchoring". The classic example of this is Pavlov's famous experiment. Pavlov noticed that his dog salivated whenever it was fed. He started ringing a bell whenever he fed the dog, and soon he noticed that ringing the bell without providing food caused the dog to salivate. The bell became an "anchor" to the anticipation of food. Anchors can be changed or removed, however, by changing the emotional response linked to the anchor.
Your brain will motivate you both to seek out experiences that give you pleasure, and avoid experiences that cause pain, though it will do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. That's why bad habits are so hard to break. And sometimes, though a long-term goal will provide pleasure, if there is enough pain in the short-term, your brain will "sabotage" you.
Your brain is always motivating you to do what it believes best for you based on your current beliefs and anchors, even though it might contradict your conscious goals. This sabotage is called "secondary gain". For example, a happily married woman went to a hypnotist for help with being overweight. As it turns out, she was afraid of losing the weight because she would then be attractive to other men, and she was afraid that if she were propositioned she would have an affair, which would ruin her marriage. Once she became comfortable with her sexuality and confident enough to handle men, the weight went away almost without effort.
Facts and information are the realm of your conscious mind. Your subconscious works on imagery, symbols, and metaphor, and knows no objective reality.
Now, going by that model, it's easy to see what causes our shyness. We have dangerous generalizations about ourselves and about other people, like "I'm not attractive", "Women/Men don't like me", "I'm not interesting", "I never know what to say" etc., which taint our perceptions and our behaviour. These generalizations are subconscious and firmly entrenched. On top of that, we have such painful anchors to being evaluated, being embarrassed and being rejected that we avoid the short-term problem of meeting people and asking for dates, even though the long-term goal of intimate relationships is very enticing.
The problem is wired right into our nervous systems, which is the culmination of everything we've ever done. Our conscious motives are peanuts compared to that.
If I've painted a morbid picture here, I apologize. It's easier to change than it sounds, but simply working with your consciousness WON'T work. You've got to work with your subconscious, and your nervous system. You've got to change your generalizations and your anchors, and the rest will come naturally.
I've omitted one vital piece of information till now. Remember how your brain is always taking in information and processing it?
Still coming......[Post 2]
***YOUR OWN THOUGHTS ARE PART OF THIS INPUT***.
This might sound silly at first, but it's true. When you go over an experience in your mind, you get the same emotional response as when it actually happened. It's a reinforcement. Consciously you can tell the difference, but your subconscious just processes and stores it along with everything else. Even if you don't believe this, at least admit to yourself that it might be possible, because it's central to many of the strategies I'm going to talk about. Remember, what we're after is results, not understanding.
Your thoughts are powerful tools for change. It's just that you've been using them poorly until now.
Your Own Worst Enemy
Now think of the implications of this. Every time you've relived your failures and rejections, every time you've beat yourself up with your self-talk, every time you've felt sorry for yourself, you've been reinforcing the problem, and possibly made it worse.
Now, I'm not saying you should never feel bad. It's a natural thing and it's bound to happen no matter what you do. But being excessively negative is unhealthy for you. Starting now, don't allow yourself to dwell on painful events from your past. If you find yourself feeling down for more than five minutes, do something - anything - to snap yourself out of it and move on.
Also, if there are any situations or people that are consistently making you feel bad about yourself, either do something to improve them or remove yourself from them.
For example, half a year ago I was hanging around with a certain group of people. One or two of them were my friends, but several of the rest quite obviously didn't like me, had no objections to showing me so, and nothing I could have done would have changed that. For a while I felt sorry for myself; I kept thinking "no one cares about me, no one likes me", etc. Finally, I realized what I was doing. I said to myself, "**** 'em all, what do I need them for anyway" and went and found a very accepting, caring and supportive group to hang around with instead. That one decision made a great difference in my life.
But, I digress. By now you must be nearly mad with anticipation - "What do I DO? Tell me what to DO!!!"
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Part 2:
Here are some helpful things that are fairly simple that you can incorporate into your everyday life immediately.
Empowering Questions
When you ask yourself a difficult question, your subconscious goes to work looking for an answer, and it will always come up with something - even if the question is a self-defeating one. For example, if you ask yourself, "Why aren't I dating?" you'll get something like, "I'm too shy." or "I'm a loser". If you ask yourself, "Why don't people like me?" you'll get "I must be too ugly or unattractive" or "I mustn't be interesting enough". Even worse, your subconscious may then go to work looking through your databank of references and finding ones that support this idea so that it becomes a belief!
Remember, everything that's ever happened to you is stored in your memory. You've got references to support virtually any belief, but once you've got a belief, your brain tends to filter out the references that run contrary to it. There are probably lots of times when you were outgoing, but since you believe in your shyness, you don't notice or remember them - but your brain is quick to point out the times you've failed in a social situation. So the trick, then, is to ask yourself empowering questions.
Yourself:
What about me is interesting? Attractive?
What do people like about me?
What qualities and accomplishments am I most proud of?
What should I change about myself? How would I go about changing that?
Conversation:
What do we have in common that I could bring up?
Is there anything interesting that happened to me lately that I could relate?
Is there something interesting happening in our environment that I could mention?
What aspects of his/her life could I ask questions about?
**** On By The Opposite Sex:
How was my approach poor? What could I do to improve it?
What about my approach was good? Can I emphasize that next time?
If I was him/her, what would I want me to do?
You get the idea.
Anchoring
Now that you know how anchors are formed, you can create your own! They can be really useful for changing your emotional state when you need it. I bet you feel really confident when you do something you're good at, like playing a sport, a musical instrument, or a game of chess. Wouldn't it be great if you could have that same feeling of confidence when you're at a social gathering or approaching someone for a date?
Here's how to create an anchor. Get yourself to feel the feeling you want to anchor, either by doing something physically or creating the experience in your head (trust me, it still works). At the same time, do something else, which will be your "trigger" for the feeling. The trigger can be a sight, a sound, a movement, or a touch. Once you've done it enough, it should become permanent. Keep in mind that if you'll be using anchors in social situations, you don't want your trigger to be anything embarrassing. It can be something simple like touching your finger to your forehead, tugging on your ear, scratching your nose, stroking your mustache or your chin, or a phrase... Now that you've created the anchor, whenever you want the emotional response just perform the trigger, and if you've done it right, your emotional state will change, as if by magic.
Pattern Interrupts
When we find a behaviour that works, we tend to get "locked" into it; we repeat it whenever that situation comes up. This is called a Strategy or Pattern. Avoiding people at social situations is a pattern, and so is not showing your feelings, and so is not asking for dates or doing it poorly, and so is feeling sorry for yourself afterwards. Remember, if your nervous system is geared toward shyness, your subconscious considers these things good, that's why I said these behaviours "work". But what you can do is, whenever you find yourself in an unproductive pattern, you do what's called a Pattern Interrupt. A Pattern Interrupt is anything sudden and unexpected that totally defies the pattern and therefore breaks its hold on you. It can be physical, like suddenly screaming at the top of your lungs or dancing wildly about the room. These are great if you're in the privacy of your own home or you don't mind making a fool of yourself. If you need something more subtle, you can do the interrupt in your head, such as experiencing a series of bizarre and totally inappropriate images or sounds.
Here's one way I used this successfully. I was trying to ask someone out and was doing a lot of "Ummm.... Uhhhh...." and just generally feeling idiotic and screwing it up. All of a sudden I just said "****!", with feeling (She was the type that doesn't mind swearing). Instantly my internal voice went from "Argh, what do I say, what do I do, what if she turns me down..." etc. to "Just quit your damn stalling and DO IT, dumb-ass!!" and I asked her out. I didn't get the date, BTW, but I think that was because we came from VERY different worlds, and she just didn't have a good impression of me. Actually, I was quite proud of myself for getting past the fear and taking the risk. Here's another example. Supposing you really got a rise out of "Dead Poet's Society". A combination anchor/interrupt would be to declare "CARPE DIEM!!!" or "SIEZE THE DAY!!!" with gusto.
Leverage
For any decision you make, your brain weighs the pleasures and pains of taking action and not taking action, but it will motivate you more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. If you're not getting the results you want, it's probably because you've linked too much pain to the action. There are two ways you can get around this - either find a way to lessen the pain associated with the action, or associate even more pain with not taking action. This changing of the rules is called Leverage.
For example, I would think all of us link pain to losing money. So what you do is, when you go into a social situation, bring a few buddies with you. Decide on a goal that you're capable of meeting ("I will meet X new people" or "I will ask for X dates" or "I won't leave without X phone numbers"), and make a bet with your friends that if you don't meet your goal, you owe them, say, $20 or $50. Make sure these are people who will hold you to your word. Now, normally, you probably link quite a bit of pain to meeting people, but I would think the pain of losing $50 would be even greater! If your goal was to meet five people, you'd probably introduce yourself to the first five people you ran into!
I think that really, we don't link much pain to our shyness at all. If we did, we wouldn't have this problem. There is the loneliness, but it's what we've been feeling all our lives. We're used to it, it's nothing new. And by avoiding people, we feel safe. Change is perceived as the threat; it is dangerous because it would place demands on us we might not be able to meet. Reversing this imbalance can go a long way toward getting what we want.
still coming......[post 3]
Physiology
It's common knowledge that the way you're feeling is reflected in your body. If you're depressed, you frown, your shoulders droop, your back is hunched, you tend to look down at the floor. If you're happy, you smile, you stand straight, you look up.
What you might not know is that this works in reverse. By changing your body, you can change the way you feel. If you don't believe this, try it out. Smile and laugh for no good reason. Dance around a bit. Feels good, doesn't it? Now frown and hunch over. Bury your head in your hands. Sucks, eh?
A good example of this is when a friend confided in me that I had a "geeky walk". It was true; I used to drag my feet and I would look down as I passed people. So what I did was figure out how to "walk confident" (And this took some practice...) and I made the effort to keep my gaze steady and make a little eye contact with people. Sure enough, not only did the physical change make me feel more confident, but the way people responded to me as well. I began to get smiles and glances from some of the women (or maybe I always had and just never noticed before), and that is a GREAT feeling!
Also, in case you're not doing this already, regular exercise does wonders for your self-confidence.
Part 3: The Heavy Artillery
Okay, now the really good stuff. Here we're going to work on changing your beliefs, and your pain anchors, which should get rid of your shyness for good. But first, we need to know exactly what they are.
First, brainstorm your beliefs. Examine the thoughts that run through your head when you're in your shy-pattern. Also look at the way you talk about yourself to others and your self-talk. It's important that you be completely honest with yourself and be as thorough as possible. Examples:
I am a nerd/geek/loser/inept
I'm too shy
I'm not compatible with him/her
I'm not normal
I don't know what to say/do
I'm afraid of rejection/screwing up/being hurt/being embarrassed/what others think
Men/Women don't like me
People don't like me
Now, your anchors. Make two lists, pleasurable experiences that you move toward, and painful experiences that you avoid. Rank them in descending order starting with the experiences you take the most action to gain/avoid. Again, it's important that you're very honest with yourself. Don't list them in the order you'd like them to be in ideally, but examine your actual behaviour.
Sample pleasures Sample pains
Love Success Rejection Anger
Freedom Intimacy Frustration Loneliness
Security Adventure Depression Failure
Power Passion Humiliation Guilt
Comfort Health
Here are some helpful things that are fairly simple that you can incorporate into your everyday life immediately.
Empowering Questions
When you ask yourself a difficult question, your subconscious goes to work looking for an answer, and it will always come up with something - even if the question is a self-defeating one. For example, if you ask yourself, "Why aren't I dating?" you'll get something like, "I'm too shy." or "I'm a loser". If you ask yourself, "Why don't people like me?" you'll get "I must be too ugly or unattractive" or "I mustn't be interesting enough". Even worse, your subconscious may then go to work looking through your databank of references and finding ones that support this idea so that it becomes a belief!
Remember, everything that's ever happened to you is stored in your memory. You've got references to support virtually any belief, but once you've got a belief, your brain tends to filter out the references that run contrary to it. There are probably lots of times when you were outgoing, but since you believe in your shyness, you don't notice or remember them - but your brain is quick to point out the times you've failed in a social situation. So the trick, then, is to ask yourself empowering questions.
Yourself:
What about me is interesting? Attractive?
What do people like about me?
What qualities and accomplishments am I most proud of?
What should I change about myself? How would I go about changing that?
Conversation:
What do we have in common that I could bring up?
Is there anything interesting that happened to me lately that I could relate?
Is there something interesting happening in our environment that I could mention?
What aspects of his/her life could I ask questions about?
**** On By The Opposite Sex:
How was my approach poor? What could I do to improve it?
What about my approach was good? Can I emphasize that next time?
If I was him/her, what would I want me to do?
You get the idea.
Anchoring
Now that you know how anchors are formed, you can create your own! They can be really useful for changing your emotional state when you need it. I bet you feel really confident when you do something you're good at, like playing a sport, a musical instrument, or a game of chess. Wouldn't it be great if you could have that same feeling of confidence when you're at a social gathering or approaching someone for a date?
Here's how to create an anchor. Get yourself to feel the feeling you want to anchor, either by doing something physically or creating the experience in your head (trust me, it still works). At the same time, do something else, which will be your "trigger" for the feeling. The trigger can be a sight, a sound, a movement, or a touch. Once you've done it enough, it should become permanent. Keep in mind that if you'll be using anchors in social situations, you don't want your trigger to be anything embarrassing. It can be something simple like touching your finger to your forehead, tugging on your ear, scratching your nose, stroking your mustache or your chin, or a phrase... Now that you've created the anchor, whenever you want the emotional response just perform the trigger, and if you've done it right, your emotional state will change, as if by magic.
Pattern Interrupts
When we find a behaviour that works, we tend to get "locked" into it; we repeat it whenever that situation comes up. This is called a Strategy or Pattern. Avoiding people at social situations is a pattern, and so is not showing your feelings, and so is not asking for dates or doing it poorly, and so is feeling sorry for yourself afterwards. Remember, if your nervous system is geared toward shyness, your subconscious considers these things good, that's why I said these behaviours "work". But what you can do is, whenever you find yourself in an unproductive pattern, you do what's called a Pattern Interrupt. A Pattern Interrupt is anything sudden and unexpected that totally defies the pattern and therefore breaks its hold on you. It can be physical, like suddenly screaming at the top of your lungs or dancing wildly about the room. These are great if you're in the privacy of your own home or you don't mind making a fool of yourself. If you need something more subtle, you can do the interrupt in your head, such as experiencing a series of bizarre and totally inappropriate images or sounds.
Here's one way I used this successfully. I was trying to ask someone out and was doing a lot of "Ummm.... Uhhhh...." and just generally feeling idiotic and screwing it up. All of a sudden I just said "****!", with feeling (She was the type that doesn't mind swearing). Instantly my internal voice went from "Argh, what do I say, what do I do, what if she turns me down..." etc. to "Just quit your damn stalling and DO IT, dumb-ass!!" and I asked her out. I didn't get the date, BTW, but I think that was because we came from VERY different worlds, and she just didn't have a good impression of me. Actually, I was quite proud of myself for getting past the fear and taking the risk. Here's another example. Supposing you really got a rise out of "Dead Poet's Society". A combination anchor/interrupt would be to declare "CARPE DIEM!!!" or "SIEZE THE DAY!!!" with gusto.
Leverage
For any decision you make, your brain weighs the pleasures and pains of taking action and not taking action, but it will motivate you more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. If you're not getting the results you want, it's probably because you've linked too much pain to the action. There are two ways you can get around this - either find a way to lessen the pain associated with the action, or associate even more pain with not taking action. This changing of the rules is called Leverage.
For example, I would think all of us link pain to losing money. So what you do is, when you go into a social situation, bring a few buddies with you. Decide on a goal that you're capable of meeting ("I will meet X new people" or "I will ask for X dates" or "I won't leave without X phone numbers"), and make a bet with your friends that if you don't meet your goal, you owe them, say, $20 or $50. Make sure these are people who will hold you to your word. Now, normally, you probably link quite a bit of pain to meeting people, but I would think the pain of losing $50 would be even greater! If your goal was to meet five people, you'd probably introduce yourself to the first five people you ran into!
I think that really, we don't link much pain to our shyness at all. If we did, we wouldn't have this problem. There is the loneliness, but it's what we've been feeling all our lives. We're used to it, it's nothing new. And by avoiding people, we feel safe. Change is perceived as the threat; it is dangerous because it would place demands on us we might not be able to meet. Reversing this imbalance can go a long way toward getting what we want.
still coming......[post 3]
Physiology
It's common knowledge that the way you're feeling is reflected in your body. If you're depressed, you frown, your shoulders droop, your back is hunched, you tend to look down at the floor. If you're happy, you smile, you stand straight, you look up.
What you might not know is that this works in reverse. By changing your body, you can change the way you feel. If you don't believe this, try it out. Smile and laugh for no good reason. Dance around a bit. Feels good, doesn't it? Now frown and hunch over. Bury your head in your hands. Sucks, eh?
A good example of this is when a friend confided in me that I had a "geeky walk". It was true; I used to drag my feet and I would look down as I passed people. So what I did was figure out how to "walk confident" (And this took some practice...) and I made the effort to keep my gaze steady and make a little eye contact with people. Sure enough, not only did the physical change make me feel more confident, but the way people responded to me as well. I began to get smiles and glances from some of the women (or maybe I always had and just never noticed before), and that is a GREAT feeling!
Also, in case you're not doing this already, regular exercise does wonders for your self-confidence.
Part 3: The Heavy Artillery
Okay, now the really good stuff. Here we're going to work on changing your beliefs, and your pain anchors, which should get rid of your shyness for good. But first, we need to know exactly what they are.
First, brainstorm your beliefs. Examine the thoughts that run through your head when you're in your shy-pattern. Also look at the way you talk about yourself to others and your self-talk. It's important that you be completely honest with yourself and be as thorough as possible. Examples:
I am a nerd/geek/loser/inept
I'm too shy
I'm not compatible with him/her
I'm not normal
I don't know what to say/do
I'm afraid of rejection/screwing up/being hurt/being embarrassed/what others think
Men/Women don't like me
People don't like me
Now, your anchors. Make two lists, pleasurable experiences that you move toward, and painful experiences that you avoid. Rank them in descending order starting with the experiences you take the most action to gain/avoid. Again, it's important that you're very honest with yourself. Don't list them in the order you'd like them to be in ideally, but examine your actual behaviour.
Sample pleasures Sample pains
Love Success Rejection Anger
Freedom Intimacy Frustration Loneliness
Security Adventure Depression Failure
Power Passion Humiliation Guilt
Comfort Health
Crissco
Master Don Juan
When you're done, you should notice some definite conflicts that would cause your shyness. In my case, on my pleasures side Love and Intimacy were high up, but Safety, Security and Comfort were at the top. On my pains side, Evaluation, Rejection and Humiliation were at the top, while Loneliness and Depression were toward the bottom (remember, we're looking at the amount of action we take to _avoid_ these feelings).
Here's something you can try that may help. Think about the way you _want_ to be, your ideal self, and brainstorm what your pleasures/pains would have to be for you to be that way. Think about what anchors you'd need to add and remove, and then reorder the lists accordingly. This alone might cause some nifty changes...
Changing Your Beliefs
You've got three basic choices when it comes to beliefs. Remember, your brain tends to filter out references that run contrary to your beliefs, so one approach is to go over your beliefs and references consciously and sort them out. This is referred to in clinical psychology as Cognitive Therapy, and, in my opinion, is the _worst_ way to go about it. I'll share the process with you anyway in case the other options don't work.
Go through the following questions with each of the beliefs you need to change:
What is your belief?
Why do you believe that? What references are you using to support this?
Is it possible that you've evaluated these experiences poorly? (This is especially true of childhood experiences, when your cognitive powers aren't at their best). If so, go back into them and re-evaluate. It probably seemed terrible at the time, but would it be so bad if it happened to you now?
How much pain is this belief causing you?
What are you afraid would happen if you didn't believe this?
What references do you have that run contrary to this? After reviewing these references, are you still sure you believe that?
Ugh. That hurt even writing it. But that might've at least weakened the beliefs and their hold on you, if nothing else.
Option two is probably the best but the hardest to achieve. Remember, "powerful experiences" such as a rape or car accident can smash through beliefs as if they were paper. Unfortunately, it's hard to come up with a power experience to cure shyness (short of a woman coming up to you, saying "you know, you drive us all WILD, baby!" and making love to you right there - I wish).
Instead, most of us progress in small steps - starting conversations, getting comfortable with conversations, getting a date, becoming comfortable with dating, starting a relationship, becoming comfortable with relationships, etc. which could take months, years, or a lifetime.
So we're left with option three - use positive references consistently and repeatedly.
Affirmations
Start a new list entitled "Affirmations". Go over your list of negative beliefs, and for each one, create a positive statement to counteract it. Include a reference from your life if possible. It's important that you follow these rules:
make sure it's positive - "I am not shy" won't work too well
make it first person - "I this, I that" rather than "People this, women that, men ..."
make it present tense - "I am confident" rather than "I will be confident"
make sure it's something _you_ control - not "I date more often than Frank does"
try to include rich sensory imagery, powerful emotional anchors, and references
Samples:
I easily talk to anyone I have a desire to meet. I am clever and witty and relaxed.
I have immense courage. I overcome any fears.
I'm fit and attractive. I keep my body in great shape.
I remember to compliment people and to show I appreciate them.
I am happy with myself, regardless of what other people think.
Right now you're probably asking yourself, "So why am I telling myself all this stuff that obviously isn't true?" Remember, your own thoughts are part of the input your brain takes in, and it doesn't question anything, it just processes and stores everything. At first your beliefs will reject these statements, but with enough consistency, repetition and references, your beliefs will eventually change. Studies show it takes about a month of daily repetition, but that depends on how often you go over your affirmations. The best thing to do would be to print them out on a card and keep them with you during the day, and just read over them whenever you get the chance. As you read them, imagine how good it will feel to be that way; really get into it.
Within one month of implementing this technique, the author of the book I got this from went from hiding behind plants at parties to dating regularly. He is now in his second marriage and makes his living as an author and motivational speaker.
[Post 4]
The New Behaviour Generator
Once you've gotten rid of your disempowering beliefs and anchors, you're ready to take on new behaviour. You could just do this by practice, but you're bound to fail and embarrass yourself for a while that way. The New Behaviour Generator can help with that.
find a model, either your imagined "ideal self" or someone you know that already has this behaviour mastered.
ask yourself "what beliefs does this behaviour need to maintain itself?" Go through the processes I've discussed to make your beliefs congruent if you need to.
Mentally rehearse the model from the outside first, then step inside it, walk around in it, see from those eyes, hear with those ears, feel with that body. Experience the new positive intention of the behaviour and the positive rewards both in what is gained and in what is avoided.
Go back in your life to a time when you (could have) learned this behaviour and imagine that it became a part of you, then project back through the present and into the future.
Practice doing this several times a day until you forget to mentally rehearse it because you find you are already doing it!
I can personally vouch for the NBG, because I have some experience with acting, which is very similar. When I do a play I tend to model myself after my character backstage as well as onstage, and the last time I did a play I noticed several women gravitating toward me, and I had all kinds of dating opportunities. It's too bad that the effect didn't last, but it was because I still believed in my shyness deep down. Now I know better! :=)
I think the strategy of mental rehearsal is a very important one that we tend to overlook. We often fantasize about what it will be like once we have a significant other, but rarely do we imagine things like approaching people, starting conversations and asking for dates because these things are painful to us. Or if we do imagine those things, we tend to see the worst case scenario, which just makes us feel worse. Starting now, make it a habit to use the NBG, or at least visualize yourself socializing successfully, and dealing with rejection and embarrassment effectively.
Conclusion
Well, that's everything. I think if you go back over all the strategies I talked about, you'll notice that most of them are quick and easy. That's because they attack the cause of the problem, not the symptoms. Now all you need is a little motivation to start using them regularly. I understand that you have reason to be skeptical about a lot of it (esp. NLP), but my advice is this: don't trust the scientific authorities or anybody else, or even your own beliefs, conditioning and common sense. TRY THEM OUT, and trust your own senses. Test them yourself. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Here's something you can try that may help. Think about the way you _want_ to be, your ideal self, and brainstorm what your pleasures/pains would have to be for you to be that way. Think about what anchors you'd need to add and remove, and then reorder the lists accordingly. This alone might cause some nifty changes...
Changing Your Beliefs
You've got three basic choices when it comes to beliefs. Remember, your brain tends to filter out references that run contrary to your beliefs, so one approach is to go over your beliefs and references consciously and sort them out. This is referred to in clinical psychology as Cognitive Therapy, and, in my opinion, is the _worst_ way to go about it. I'll share the process with you anyway in case the other options don't work.
Go through the following questions with each of the beliefs you need to change:
What is your belief?
Why do you believe that? What references are you using to support this?
Is it possible that you've evaluated these experiences poorly? (This is especially true of childhood experiences, when your cognitive powers aren't at their best). If so, go back into them and re-evaluate. It probably seemed terrible at the time, but would it be so bad if it happened to you now?
How much pain is this belief causing you?
What are you afraid would happen if you didn't believe this?
What references do you have that run contrary to this? After reviewing these references, are you still sure you believe that?
Ugh. That hurt even writing it. But that might've at least weakened the beliefs and their hold on you, if nothing else.
Option two is probably the best but the hardest to achieve. Remember, "powerful experiences" such as a rape or car accident can smash through beliefs as if they were paper. Unfortunately, it's hard to come up with a power experience to cure shyness (short of a woman coming up to you, saying "you know, you drive us all WILD, baby!" and making love to you right there - I wish).
Instead, most of us progress in small steps - starting conversations, getting comfortable with conversations, getting a date, becoming comfortable with dating, starting a relationship, becoming comfortable with relationships, etc. which could take months, years, or a lifetime.
So we're left with option three - use positive references consistently and repeatedly.
Affirmations
Start a new list entitled "Affirmations". Go over your list of negative beliefs, and for each one, create a positive statement to counteract it. Include a reference from your life if possible. It's important that you follow these rules:
make sure it's positive - "I am not shy" won't work too well
make it first person - "I this, I that" rather than "People this, women that, men ..."
make it present tense - "I am confident" rather than "I will be confident"
make sure it's something _you_ control - not "I date more often than Frank does"
try to include rich sensory imagery, powerful emotional anchors, and references
Samples:
I easily talk to anyone I have a desire to meet. I am clever and witty and relaxed.
I have immense courage. I overcome any fears.
I'm fit and attractive. I keep my body in great shape.
I remember to compliment people and to show I appreciate them.
I am happy with myself, regardless of what other people think.
Right now you're probably asking yourself, "So why am I telling myself all this stuff that obviously isn't true?" Remember, your own thoughts are part of the input your brain takes in, and it doesn't question anything, it just processes and stores everything. At first your beliefs will reject these statements, but with enough consistency, repetition and references, your beliefs will eventually change. Studies show it takes about a month of daily repetition, but that depends on how often you go over your affirmations. The best thing to do would be to print them out on a card and keep them with you during the day, and just read over them whenever you get the chance. As you read them, imagine how good it will feel to be that way; really get into it.
Within one month of implementing this technique, the author of the book I got this from went from hiding behind plants at parties to dating regularly. He is now in his second marriage and makes his living as an author and motivational speaker.
[Post 4]
The New Behaviour Generator
Once you've gotten rid of your disempowering beliefs and anchors, you're ready to take on new behaviour. You could just do this by practice, but you're bound to fail and embarrass yourself for a while that way. The New Behaviour Generator can help with that.
find a model, either your imagined "ideal self" or someone you know that already has this behaviour mastered.
ask yourself "what beliefs does this behaviour need to maintain itself?" Go through the processes I've discussed to make your beliefs congruent if you need to.
Mentally rehearse the model from the outside first, then step inside it, walk around in it, see from those eyes, hear with those ears, feel with that body. Experience the new positive intention of the behaviour and the positive rewards both in what is gained and in what is avoided.
Go back in your life to a time when you (could have) learned this behaviour and imagine that it became a part of you, then project back through the present and into the future.
Practice doing this several times a day until you forget to mentally rehearse it because you find you are already doing it!
I can personally vouch for the NBG, because I have some experience with acting, which is very similar. When I do a play I tend to model myself after my character backstage as well as onstage, and the last time I did a play I noticed several women gravitating toward me, and I had all kinds of dating opportunities. It's too bad that the effect didn't last, but it was because I still believed in my shyness deep down. Now I know better! :=)
I think the strategy of mental rehearsal is a very important one that we tend to overlook. We often fantasize about what it will be like once we have a significant other, but rarely do we imagine things like approaching people, starting conversations and asking for dates because these things are painful to us. Or if we do imagine those things, we tend to see the worst case scenario, which just makes us feel worse. Starting now, make it a habit to use the NBG, or at least visualize yourself socializing successfully, and dealing with rejection and embarrassment effectively.
Conclusion
Well, that's everything. I think if you go back over all the strategies I talked about, you'll notice that most of them are quick and easy. That's because they attack the cause of the problem, not the symptoms. Now all you need is a little motivation to start using them regularly. I understand that you have reason to be skeptical about a lot of it (esp. NLP), but my advice is this: don't trust the scientific authorities or anybody else, or even your own beliefs, conditioning and common sense. TRY THEM OUT, and trust your own senses. Test them yourself. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Lesson #19-Achieving things non-verbally
Reading some of these posts and talking to people, I thought it would be a good idea to write about how what you do non-verbally is so f'ing important. If you learn to play the non-verbal game, then you're in.
Lets take kissing for example. I know from experience that if a girl wants a guy to kiss her, even really bad, and the guy doesn't, she'll NEXT HIM. That's right! She'll move on. There are those girls that will go ahead and make a move, but assume that she'll next you, cause I'd say the majority will.
So what's that tell you? A girl EXPECTS a guy to read her signals. They hate it when guys try to kiss them when they aren't attracted, but they don't like it when guys don't kiss them when they want to be kissed. You have to be able to read girls, and they do it all non-verbally. But what you do will put you in certain situations:
The Friend Zone
This has been discussed many times, but for the sake of saving you guys headaches, it boils down to this: You ACT like a friend, you will BE a friend.
If you DISPLAY traits that friends have, she'll consider you a friend. Notice the use of the word display, not if you tell her you want to be friends. So how do you avoid falling into the friend zone? Well...
You attract her.
So many guys TRY to be friends first, thinking that they'll advance from there. We all know that doesn't happen except in movies (think of your odds being the same as winning the lotto).
You remain confident, and don't let her walk all over you
Friends buy friends stuff. Friends hang out with each other all the time. Friends call each other "just to talk" (if you're dealing with a girl that is). Friends talk about problems, alpha males don't! You listen to her problems, you become her friend. This has been discussed before, so I'll leave it at that.
Dating Vs. Relationships
It's important to figure out your goals. I'm personally in this for dating right now, and I'm not interested in relationships. I want to perfect my game more and more and worry about relationships when I get older. So what do I do?
I DON'T ACT LIKE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WHEN I'M NOT
I don't date girls on Fridays or Saturdays. I don't do what they tell me. I don't spend hours with them. I don't get together with them more than once, or occasionally twice a week. I don't call them everyday, I don't buy them stuff, and I don't get all emotional.
I act like I'm dating. That means I call her maybe once a week, but only to setup a time to meet. I'm not interested in small talk. It accomplishes nothing over the phone except eliminating kino, eye contact, body language, and mystery. When we do hang out, I keep it short, and leave when things are going good.
Over Emotional Guys
I almost want to tell you to drop your emotions! Guys that react to quickly are unattractive. Guys that get pissed too easily, or guys that are to sensitive, wtf! Girls don't like this. You don't even have to say you're pissed or yell, a girl can tell by your body language. What you need to do is relax and not let things get to you. If a girl flakes out on you, it's almost always your fault. You mis-read her, you displayed traits you shouldn't have, you did something wrong (except the occasional flakes that actually do happen on accident, but VERY rarely). You're not going to call this girl and ***** at her. You're going to act alpha. If a girl flakes out on you for coffee, if you're not ready to NEXT, you wait till the next day in which you call and say:
"Hey [girls name]. I know you're probably upset that I didn't make it yesterday, but my car broke down and I had left my cell phone at home that day. Maybe we can get together early next week?"
Save face, and avoid *****ing at her with, "I can't believe you did that!" or "You really missed out!" which shows her that you're upset. Obviously won't do anything for you.
Keep in mind that girls WILL read between the lines. They analyze EVERYTHING! And words are the least analyzed thing. Body language, behavior, tone, attitude, that all gets analyzed more than words. It's actions that girls look into, so you have to learn to play the game, not talk the game.
These are just some examples to non-verbal things that can put you certain situations you don't want to be in, then you wonder how you got there. An example of a non-verbal, positive thing is distance flirting.
You distance flirt with a girl. Completely non-verbal, however it puts you in the situation where you have a girl that's attracted and ANTICIPATING your approach. You don't walk up to a girl and say, "I'm going to approach you in 5 minutes. Go build up some anticipation before I come back." You DO SOMETHING to MAKE it HAPPEN! Get it?
Another example: How can you tell a guy is nervous just by observing him? Well, his body language/nervous habits. Pacing, biting of nails, constant fidgeting (especially if he usually doesn't fidget), etc. So being alpha is really based off of non-verbal communication.
Your posture, your tone, your body language, your EYES, your facial expressions, your walk, your confidence: all non-verbal things that display alpha male qualities, thus categorizing you as an alpha male in her mind.
I could truly go on for hours, but this is an intro that should make you guys aware of the other 90-95% of your game which is the non-verbal part. Pay attention to it, and think of situations where you got LJBF'ed or NEXTed because of your non-verbal communication. You should really pay more attention to what you're REALLY saying by not actually saying anything!
Reading some of these posts and talking to people, I thought it would be a good idea to write about how what you do non-verbally is so f'ing important. If you learn to play the non-verbal game, then you're in.
Lets take kissing for example. I know from experience that if a girl wants a guy to kiss her, even really bad, and the guy doesn't, she'll NEXT HIM. That's right! She'll move on. There are those girls that will go ahead and make a move, but assume that she'll next you, cause I'd say the majority will.
So what's that tell you? A girl EXPECTS a guy to read her signals. They hate it when guys try to kiss them when they aren't attracted, but they don't like it when guys don't kiss them when they want to be kissed. You have to be able to read girls, and they do it all non-verbally. But what you do will put you in certain situations:
The Friend Zone
This has been discussed many times, but for the sake of saving you guys headaches, it boils down to this: You ACT like a friend, you will BE a friend.
If you DISPLAY traits that friends have, she'll consider you a friend. Notice the use of the word display, not if you tell her you want to be friends. So how do you avoid falling into the friend zone? Well...
You attract her.
So many guys TRY to be friends first, thinking that they'll advance from there. We all know that doesn't happen except in movies (think of your odds being the same as winning the lotto).
You remain confident, and don't let her walk all over you
Friends buy friends stuff. Friends hang out with each other all the time. Friends call each other "just to talk" (if you're dealing with a girl that is). Friends talk about problems, alpha males don't! You listen to her problems, you become her friend. This has been discussed before, so I'll leave it at that.
Dating Vs. Relationships
It's important to figure out your goals. I'm personally in this for dating right now, and I'm not interested in relationships. I want to perfect my game more and more and worry about relationships when I get older. So what do I do?
I DON'T ACT LIKE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WHEN I'M NOT
I don't date girls on Fridays or Saturdays. I don't do what they tell me. I don't spend hours with them. I don't get together with them more than once, or occasionally twice a week. I don't call them everyday, I don't buy them stuff, and I don't get all emotional.
I act like I'm dating. That means I call her maybe once a week, but only to setup a time to meet. I'm not interested in small talk. It accomplishes nothing over the phone except eliminating kino, eye contact, body language, and mystery. When we do hang out, I keep it short, and leave when things are going good.
Over Emotional Guys
I almost want to tell you to drop your emotions! Guys that react to quickly are unattractive. Guys that get pissed too easily, or guys that are to sensitive, wtf! Girls don't like this. You don't even have to say you're pissed or yell, a girl can tell by your body language. What you need to do is relax and not let things get to you. If a girl flakes out on you, it's almost always your fault. You mis-read her, you displayed traits you shouldn't have, you did something wrong (except the occasional flakes that actually do happen on accident, but VERY rarely). You're not going to call this girl and ***** at her. You're going to act alpha. If a girl flakes out on you for coffee, if you're not ready to NEXT, you wait till the next day in which you call and say:
"Hey [girls name]. I know you're probably upset that I didn't make it yesterday, but my car broke down and I had left my cell phone at home that day. Maybe we can get together early next week?"
Save face, and avoid *****ing at her with, "I can't believe you did that!" or "You really missed out!" which shows her that you're upset. Obviously won't do anything for you.
Keep in mind that girls WILL read between the lines. They analyze EVERYTHING! And words are the least analyzed thing. Body language, behavior, tone, attitude, that all gets analyzed more than words. It's actions that girls look into, so you have to learn to play the game, not talk the game.
These are just some examples to non-verbal things that can put you certain situations you don't want to be in, then you wonder how you got there. An example of a non-verbal, positive thing is distance flirting.
You distance flirt with a girl. Completely non-verbal, however it puts you in the situation where you have a girl that's attracted and ANTICIPATING your approach. You don't walk up to a girl and say, "I'm going to approach you in 5 minutes. Go build up some anticipation before I come back." You DO SOMETHING to MAKE it HAPPEN! Get it?
Another example: How can you tell a guy is nervous just by observing him? Well, his body language/nervous habits. Pacing, biting of nails, constant fidgeting (especially if he usually doesn't fidget), etc. So being alpha is really based off of non-verbal communication.
Your posture, your tone, your body language, your EYES, your facial expressions, your walk, your confidence: all non-verbal things that display alpha male qualities, thus categorizing you as an alpha male in her mind.
I could truly go on for hours, but this is an intro that should make you guys aware of the other 90-95% of your game which is the non-verbal part. Pay attention to it, and think of situations where you got LJBF'ed or NEXTed because of your non-verbal communication. You should really pay more attention to what you're REALLY saying by not actually saying anything!
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Lesson #20-Confusing women...Pay back Time!
A lot of you read the posts me and sauce make and can't imagine us ever being AFC's...if you only knew. I was the biggest freaking chump you ever met. I'd weigh hand and foot on women, and I was lucky to get them. I'd do sweet/romantic things, I'd compliment them, and I'm sure you know what the result was. Girls walking ALL OVER ME! I grew up getting hurt by so many girls, and I used to think all girls were *****es. Now I realize they're not *****es, I was just a wuss! That's right! When you act like an alpha, your opinion of women changes.
So I bet you can all guess what my favorite part of dating women is: CONFUSING THE HELL out of them. I make sure a girl NEVER knows what I'm thinking, and I'll make it clear to her that I know that she wants me. This puts her in a position where she realizes, "He knows exactly how I feel, but I have no idea wtf he's thinking!" This is the place you want them in, because women, being the jealous creatures that they are, start saying, "I want to KNOW how to feels about me. Does he like me? Am I ugly? Am I not fun enough?" She'll do whatever it is she has to do, all so she can KNOW for sure. Yup! All she wants is to KNOW. It's all a struggle for curiosity. Of course she's also confused as to why you're acting this way. I love it when a girl tells me that she's never met a guy like me, or that I'm so hard to figure out. I realize that only few of you are actually out there dating women, and after this lesson, you're going to jump up to a new level while everybody else hides behind this damn forum JUST reading.
The big question is how do you confuse women? Well, the first step is to develop an attraction (make her attracted to you). Once she's attracted, the real game begins. If she's not attracted, mixed signals do nothing for you.
Then, you begin to throw her mixed signals. Now I know you've heard talk of this before, but how you do this is really important. The way you throw mixed signals is by ACTING DIFFERENT THAN EVERY OTHER GUY! That's right! Think about it.
You and HB are about to get food, and she goes, "I feel like pizza."
AFC's go eat pizza. I'd say, "Well I guess we'll be eating taco's then smile*" (or whatever else is there).
You have to be c/f when you do this stuff, but it really shows that you do what you want to do, whereas EVERY OTHER GUY SHE HAS EVER dated would've taken her to eat pizza. She's now confused. Also, the PREDICTABLE thing to do would have been to go eat pizza, but you remained unpredictable and took her to eat taco's. Maybe the 2nd or 3rd time something like this happens you'll change it up and let her do something she wants to do, then throw her for a loop by doing what you want the next time. Make sense? If you always do the same thing, it becomes predictable and boring.
But what is the basis of this technique? Well, not caring wtf she thinks. If I say something and the ***** gets offended, that's too bad. I don't purposely go around trying to piss women off, but I use c/f, and if she doesn't like it, then I don't sit there apologizing to her. That's my personality and I'm not going to change for her.
This night is really stuck on my mind cause I was the most c/f I've ever been, so I'll use it as an example. I was playing pool with this HB a few days ago, and I was totally making fun of how she played pool. She even owned a pool table, which made the teasing even easier for me. I told her she shot like a girl, at one point she didn't even hit any of the other balls and as I walked by, I leaned in by her ear and whispered, "Don't worry. Noboooooody else saw." And smiled as I went to take my shot. This girl was all over me, and I was TEASING HER the ENTIRE time! An AFC would've sat there telling her, "Nice shot!" or, "By Golly that was so close!" But she knew I wasn't going to be her typical, boring guy.
If I was about to shoot and she was standing behind me, I'd lean over my shoulders and look at her, and I'd say, "I know you're trying to look at my ass, but I know what you're doing, and this just isn't the time nor the place."
Lets take that last line for example. Why is it in a way a mixed signal? Well, I told her she was looking at my ass (c/f, she may have, I just ASSUMED she was), then I pretty much told her not too. Threw her for a loop there.
If a girl tells you to kiss her, and you wanted to string her along and get her even MORE attracted, you could say, "You're a little forward. We just met and ALREADY you want to kiss? I think we should take things slower" (but this ones all about tonality. The way you say it will deliver the right message). This girl will be confused out of her mind, cause she thought you were attracted, and now she has no idea what's going through your mind.
By doing **** like this, girls honestly can't figure out what you're thinking. All they want is to KNOW for SURE. But you deny them that luxury. Lol.
Once you've managed to get a girl really confused, as I mentioned earlier, she's going to up her game and do everything in her power to find out. She's going to start pulling out her secret weapons...her last resort!
I've had girls ask me what I thought of their breasts (trying to turn me on), ask me if I'd ever have sex with them, show me a tiny bruise or scar on their upper thighs, etc, ALL for the sole purpose of knowing what it was I thought about her. They know guys are horny as ****, so this way, she'll use it to her advantage just so she can know. But as soon as she does, the mystery is all over.
What you want to do is give them responses/reactions they weren't expecting. They EXPECT you to look, touch, or compliment. But instead you act indifferent. If she asks what you think of her breasts, you say, "They're ok" as you continue doing something else. Not, "Wow! They're spectacular! Can I touch them???" As soon as you give her that TYPE of response...GAME OVER! You've lost. She knows what you're thinking, she knows what you like, and you better be prepared for the girl to use sex as BAIT (she may or may not; depends on the girl).
Basically, you want to play it off cool the whole time and never give in. These are just some examples, but honestly, to learn this, you won't learn it from reading. This is one of those things that you have to get your ass out there and try. Once you have a girl in this position, you'll know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. It's a great feeling that I absolutely LOVE.
And the last girl that told me she couldn't figure me out, in case you're wondering, I told her, "That's interesting. You know, women can read body language 10x better than men" and she agreed. Then I said, "You should be able to read me like an open BOOK" and smiled. I kept the c/f going, which is what you want to do at all costs.
This whole confusing girls thing goes hand-in-hand with c/f. For those of you out there actually dating, give it a try. It works great, and puts women in the position where they're not only HOPELESSLY ATTRACTED to you, but they'll also do anything.
Different mindsets!?!
It's so difficult to try to pull out the nomral **** on lil inexperinced girls. Forexample, if you flirt with other girls, you will make them jelouse, but they will try to avoid you since you'd seem to look like a player, and you just want to get laid. If you add C/F lines into it, this would build up the theory. I thought alot about this in the past few days, and I think i drove some good points out.
A lot of you read the posts me and sauce make and can't imagine us ever being AFC's...if you only knew. I was the biggest freaking chump you ever met. I'd weigh hand and foot on women, and I was lucky to get them. I'd do sweet/romantic things, I'd compliment them, and I'm sure you know what the result was. Girls walking ALL OVER ME! I grew up getting hurt by so many girls, and I used to think all girls were *****es. Now I realize they're not *****es, I was just a wuss! That's right! When you act like an alpha, your opinion of women changes.
So I bet you can all guess what my favorite part of dating women is: CONFUSING THE HELL out of them. I make sure a girl NEVER knows what I'm thinking, and I'll make it clear to her that I know that she wants me. This puts her in a position where she realizes, "He knows exactly how I feel, but I have no idea wtf he's thinking!" This is the place you want them in, because women, being the jealous creatures that they are, start saying, "I want to KNOW how to feels about me. Does he like me? Am I ugly? Am I not fun enough?" She'll do whatever it is she has to do, all so she can KNOW for sure. Yup! All she wants is to KNOW. It's all a struggle for curiosity. Of course she's also confused as to why you're acting this way. I love it when a girl tells me that she's never met a guy like me, or that I'm so hard to figure out. I realize that only few of you are actually out there dating women, and after this lesson, you're going to jump up to a new level while everybody else hides behind this damn forum JUST reading.
The big question is how do you confuse women? Well, the first step is to develop an attraction (make her attracted to you). Once she's attracted, the real game begins. If she's not attracted, mixed signals do nothing for you.
Then, you begin to throw her mixed signals. Now I know you've heard talk of this before, but how you do this is really important. The way you throw mixed signals is by ACTING DIFFERENT THAN EVERY OTHER GUY! That's right! Think about it.
You and HB are about to get food, and she goes, "I feel like pizza."
AFC's go eat pizza. I'd say, "Well I guess we'll be eating taco's then smile*" (or whatever else is there).
You have to be c/f when you do this stuff, but it really shows that you do what you want to do, whereas EVERY OTHER GUY SHE HAS EVER dated would've taken her to eat pizza. She's now confused. Also, the PREDICTABLE thing to do would have been to go eat pizza, but you remained unpredictable and took her to eat taco's. Maybe the 2nd or 3rd time something like this happens you'll change it up and let her do something she wants to do, then throw her for a loop by doing what you want the next time. Make sense? If you always do the same thing, it becomes predictable and boring.
But what is the basis of this technique? Well, not caring wtf she thinks. If I say something and the ***** gets offended, that's too bad. I don't purposely go around trying to piss women off, but I use c/f, and if she doesn't like it, then I don't sit there apologizing to her. That's my personality and I'm not going to change for her.
This night is really stuck on my mind cause I was the most c/f I've ever been, so I'll use it as an example. I was playing pool with this HB a few days ago, and I was totally making fun of how she played pool. She even owned a pool table, which made the teasing even easier for me. I told her she shot like a girl, at one point she didn't even hit any of the other balls and as I walked by, I leaned in by her ear and whispered, "Don't worry. Noboooooody else saw." And smiled as I went to take my shot. This girl was all over me, and I was TEASING HER the ENTIRE time! An AFC would've sat there telling her, "Nice shot!" or, "By Golly that was so close!" But she knew I wasn't going to be her typical, boring guy.
If I was about to shoot and she was standing behind me, I'd lean over my shoulders and look at her, and I'd say, "I know you're trying to look at my ass, but I know what you're doing, and this just isn't the time nor the place."
Lets take that last line for example. Why is it in a way a mixed signal? Well, I told her she was looking at my ass (c/f, she may have, I just ASSUMED she was), then I pretty much told her not too. Threw her for a loop there.
If a girl tells you to kiss her, and you wanted to string her along and get her even MORE attracted, you could say, "You're a little forward. We just met and ALREADY you want to kiss? I think we should take things slower" (but this ones all about tonality. The way you say it will deliver the right message). This girl will be confused out of her mind, cause she thought you were attracted, and now she has no idea what's going through your mind.
By doing **** like this, girls honestly can't figure out what you're thinking. All they want is to KNOW for SURE. But you deny them that luxury. Lol.
Once you've managed to get a girl really confused, as I mentioned earlier, she's going to up her game and do everything in her power to find out. She's going to start pulling out her secret weapons...her last resort!
I've had girls ask me what I thought of their breasts (trying to turn me on), ask me if I'd ever have sex with them, show me a tiny bruise or scar on their upper thighs, etc, ALL for the sole purpose of knowing what it was I thought about her. They know guys are horny as ****, so this way, she'll use it to her advantage just so she can know. But as soon as she does, the mystery is all over.
What you want to do is give them responses/reactions they weren't expecting. They EXPECT you to look, touch, or compliment. But instead you act indifferent. If she asks what you think of her breasts, you say, "They're ok" as you continue doing something else. Not, "Wow! They're spectacular! Can I touch them???" As soon as you give her that TYPE of response...GAME OVER! You've lost. She knows what you're thinking, she knows what you like, and you better be prepared for the girl to use sex as BAIT (she may or may not; depends on the girl).
Basically, you want to play it off cool the whole time and never give in. These are just some examples, but honestly, to learn this, you won't learn it from reading. This is one of those things that you have to get your ass out there and try. Once you have a girl in this position, you'll know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. It's a great feeling that I absolutely LOVE.
And the last girl that told me she couldn't figure me out, in case you're wondering, I told her, "That's interesting. You know, women can read body language 10x better than men" and she agreed. Then I said, "You should be able to read me like an open BOOK" and smiled. I kept the c/f going, which is what you want to do at all costs.
This whole confusing girls thing goes hand-in-hand with c/f. For those of you out there actually dating, give it a try. It works great, and puts women in the position where they're not only HOPELESSLY ATTRACTED to you, but they'll also do anything.
Different mindsets!?!
It's so difficult to try to pull out the nomral **** on lil inexperinced girls. Forexample, if you flirt with other girls, you will make them jelouse, but they will try to avoid you since you'd seem to look like a player, and you just want to get laid. If you add C/F lines into it, this would build up the theory. I thought alot about this in the past few days, and I think i drove some good points out.
Crissco
Master Don Juan
Now I'm talking about younger girls. I'm a highschool grad and in my school, the grade nines, are the hottest girls. My school is very popular for the amount of high HB it has, and they start from grade nine, then ten, then elv, then twlv. Which is a problem. I cannot let a fine ass developed girl walk by and not try to apprach them. I'm not going to let their low grade stop me, because for one, they are fully developed, for two, they are VERY inviting, for three, if i dont go, someone else will.
But I'v realized the mindset has to be different.
I had this one particular girl in mind. Lets give her HB7 for her looks. But her personallity, is defenetly a 2/2 in the girls i'v met. She is filled with these little cute traits that girls have, which are very attractive. Her two friends, which are also X hot, are seeing my friends (hvnt gotten past kissing) b/c my old farts are AFCs. So there I acted like an ALPHA which did cause attraction to a certain point. Forexample, I remember the first time she tried to kiss me, I looked away. Did the same the second time! I wanted to completely show her Im different and unique, which worked just fine. I then kissed her when I felt like it in some days after. So we'r in school, and I'm almost always with a different girls. I figured this would cause jelousy and thus higher attraction. I had a dance last night at school. I tried to dance with her, but she was quit cold. Instead, I saw her dancing up and down with this other dood. Ofcource, I didn't get jelouse, but I was confused. If I had pulled this same game on a more experienced girl, let's say, a non-virgin, then the ***** should had been ALL OVER ME. It bothered me that i might not be able to tap this one, WITHOUT LEARNING A LESSON. Now the guy who was all ove rher, really liked her. He was trying to really do this girl, and his not so much frustrated either. He's confidence is good, but his apprach SUX. So I knew I can steal the attraction back, but only if knew what caused the block.
I thought alot about it, on what could have caused her to become SUDDENTLY disintrested. I did not want to go up to her and talk to her about my confusion, because thats givin her my cards. She shouldnt know if i like her. AS SOON AS THEY KNOW YOU ARE JELOUSE/YOU LIKE THEM/YOU'D TRY TO GET THEM/YOU'D GO OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY FOR THEM... theyr attraction will decrease because there is no more challange.
I'm ALWAYS the closer (I close first) , but I noticed she had started to close on me very quickly after conversations. So I couldn't risk given her even a CHANCE to be able to do it. No more flirting either. There must have been a reason.
I thought, if she is inexperienced, maybe she can't pick up my "DOMINANCE" and how I'm so confident when I' talk to girls bla bla bla... Maybe she hasnt had many AFCs losn their guts over her for her to realize I'm not them. She is EXTREMELY nice to people, and never makes fun of anyone, and instead says "awwwww!" Hmmm.. Have you guys had this problem? I mean all these hot *****es really pick up on my style, but this is the beggning of this lady. So at the dance last night, her X TENDER friend (who my friend is seeing) was all over me. My friend REALLY likes her, but doznt admit to it. (but his far away right now) SO this girl took advantage of the situation and was all over me. She was a great dance and we became very comfortable, and I was sure I'd shove some balls in her mouth if it wasn't for my friend. SHe asked me if I liked HB8? I never answer this question, and she said shez not so sure if HB8 likes me because I was an ******* to her. I wasnt an *******, and I KNOW my game.
I hated to send a friend to do my dirty job, but I needed to learn about some hot INEXPERIENCED girls. There are some of those left here and there, and they are very fun to fuk.
So I sent my cuz to go talk to her. I told him exatcly wat to say, making it sound like reasonable. I made sure he dosn't change anything he wants to say by the way she responses, because he is there to send a msg to her not listen to her bs:
But I'v realized the mindset has to be different.
I had this one particular girl in mind. Lets give her HB7 for her looks. But her personallity, is defenetly a 2/2 in the girls i'v met. She is filled with these little cute traits that girls have, which are very attractive. Her two friends, which are also X hot, are seeing my friends (hvnt gotten past kissing) b/c my old farts are AFCs. So there I acted like an ALPHA which did cause attraction to a certain point. Forexample, I remember the first time she tried to kiss me, I looked away. Did the same the second time! I wanted to completely show her Im different and unique, which worked just fine. I then kissed her when I felt like it in some days after. So we'r in school, and I'm almost always with a different girls. I figured this would cause jelousy and thus higher attraction. I had a dance last night at school. I tried to dance with her, but she was quit cold. Instead, I saw her dancing up and down with this other dood. Ofcource, I didn't get jelouse, but I was confused. If I had pulled this same game on a more experienced girl, let's say, a non-virgin, then the ***** should had been ALL OVER ME. It bothered me that i might not be able to tap this one, WITHOUT LEARNING A LESSON. Now the guy who was all ove rher, really liked her. He was trying to really do this girl, and his not so much frustrated either. He's confidence is good, but his apprach SUX. So I knew I can steal the attraction back, but only if knew what caused the block.
I thought alot about it, on what could have caused her to become SUDDENTLY disintrested. I did not want to go up to her and talk to her about my confusion, because thats givin her my cards. She shouldnt know if i like her. AS SOON AS THEY KNOW YOU ARE JELOUSE/YOU LIKE THEM/YOU'D TRY TO GET THEM/YOU'D GO OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY FOR THEM... theyr attraction will decrease because there is no more challange.
I'm ALWAYS the closer (I close first) , but I noticed she had started to close on me very quickly after conversations. So I couldn't risk given her even a CHANCE to be able to do it. No more flirting either. There must have been a reason.
I thought, if she is inexperienced, maybe she can't pick up my "DOMINANCE" and how I'm so confident when I' talk to girls bla bla bla... Maybe she hasnt had many AFCs losn their guts over her for her to realize I'm not them. She is EXTREMELY nice to people, and never makes fun of anyone, and instead says "awwwww!" Hmmm.. Have you guys had this problem? I mean all these hot *****es really pick up on my style, but this is the beggning of this lady. So at the dance last night, her X TENDER friend (who my friend is seeing) was all over me. My friend REALLY likes her, but doznt admit to it. (but his far away right now) SO this girl took advantage of the situation and was all over me. She was a great dance and we became very comfortable, and I was sure I'd shove some balls in her mouth if it wasn't for my friend. SHe asked me if I liked HB8? I never answer this question, and she said shez not so sure if HB8 likes me because I was an ******* to her. I wasnt an *******, and I KNOW my game.
I hated to send a friend to do my dirty job, but I needed to learn about some hot INEXPERIENCED girls. There are some of those left here and there, and they are very fun to fuk.
So I sent my cuz to go talk to her. I told him exatcly wat to say, making it sound like reasonable. I made sure he dosn't change anything he wants to say by the way she responses, because he is there to send a msg to her not listen to her bs:
Crissco
Master Don Juan
C"Are you seeing CB (****-blocker)?"
B"NOWAY.... bla bla.."
C"I'm Ashkon's cuzn and we are VERY close. We know all the **** about each other. (put your hand on top of her shoulder) i'mma be striagh honost with you. See Ashkon is a type of guy, who dosnt give chances to girls easily, and for a girl to impres shim, she has to try real hard, (to proof i'm not a PLAYER) There was another girl aside form you, and trust me, ashkon picked it up the second you started liking him. It's just that he was going to go for the better of you two. So he told me, that your much more fun to be alone with, and threw the other one away. (there was a competition and you won, but she still dosn't HAVE me ofcource). Now last night at the dance, to MY eye (ashkon didn't mention anything, because he doznt really "care") it seemed as if you were all over CB. I'm Ashkon's good friend, and I tell you, once you miss your chance, you wont have another one, this guy moves on life quickly, so either go get your chance, or give up now!"
I figured this would do it. I'd show her that I have girls all over me and she has a good chance to win over them, if she acts quickly.
So then I met up with my cuz today afterschool (i skipped school due to heart problems) and he said that she thought I only wanted to fuk her then leave her. She didn't meniotn if she liked me either.
So i saw her today w/ her friends and came back to say wutsup. I was driving my brothers car and the handling is weird, so I hit a pole. You fukn belive that>?? lol I laughed at me so hard in my head. And they were crackn up. ANyway, I juz said wutsup for a min, then closed on them. They started walking off, and before they I got in my car, HB8 said call me. I got outta my call and said CALL YOU????? she turned around with an innocent face and shook her head "yah call me up later"!
I guess you know what I learned here: Be fluid. Pick up the type of ***** your target is and spit the right personallity at them. The one THEY would be most attracted to. Reply me, and say what other ways would you have decided to deal with it.
B"NOWAY.... bla bla.."
C"I'm Ashkon's cuzn and we are VERY close. We know all the **** about each other. (put your hand on top of her shoulder) i'mma be striagh honost with you. See Ashkon is a type of guy, who dosnt give chances to girls easily, and for a girl to impres shim, she has to try real hard, (to proof i'm not a PLAYER) There was another girl aside form you, and trust me, ashkon picked it up the second you started liking him. It's just that he was going to go for the better of you two. So he told me, that your much more fun to be alone with, and threw the other one away. (there was a competition and you won, but she still dosn't HAVE me ofcource). Now last night at the dance, to MY eye (ashkon didn't mention anything, because he doznt really "care") it seemed as if you were all over CB. I'm Ashkon's good friend, and I tell you, once you miss your chance, you wont have another one, this guy moves on life quickly, so either go get your chance, or give up now!"
I figured this would do it. I'd show her that I have girls all over me and she has a good chance to win over them, if she acts quickly.
So then I met up with my cuz today afterschool (i skipped school due to heart problems) and he said that she thought I only wanted to fuk her then leave her. She didn't meniotn if she liked me either.
So i saw her today w/ her friends and came back to say wutsup. I was driving my brothers car and the handling is weird, so I hit a pole. You fukn belive that>?? lol I laughed at me so hard in my head. And they were crackn up. ANyway, I juz said wutsup for a min, then closed on them. They started walking off, and before they I got in my car, HB8 said call me. I got outta my call and said CALL YOU????? she turned around with an innocent face and shook her head "yah call me up later"!
I guess you know what I learned here: Be fluid. Pick up the type of ***** your target is and spit the right personallity at them. The one THEY would be most attracted to. Reply me, and say what other ways would you have decided to deal with it.
Classic thread posted by Sauce-Head about 7 years ago. This is a good intro for the AFC out there. It's a lil outdated, and I wouldn't necessarily agree with all of it, but for the most part the material is legit. This is the original thread that helped me get out of the matrix and realize my potential. Good stuff.