The New Beginning

[ReAwakened]

Introduction

Hello everyone. This is my first post. I’m 17, going to be a junior when I go back to school in 4 days. After having pretty much no social life and getting pretty fooking sick of it I decided that I seriously needed to change. Fortunately I found this site soon after. I spent a good 2 or so weeks gathering great articles understanding what your views are. I realized a lot that I didn’t really pick up on before the site. It just all made sense. Now that I new how things are I realized I really had to change because its hard to ignore a situation when you realize how fooked up something is and still decide to let things be even though you no you can change what is wrong and fix it.

So I new I was going to Britain for about 2 weeks and I could use this for my practice field. What ever happened it wouldn’t matter since I was leaving to never see any of those people again after 2 weeks. I decided to create a few objectives and created a mini boot camp for me. Imagine, basically, MOTU’s boot camp only going to week 4 (each week being 2-3 days) and objectives cut to about half.

Now that I had my game plan I needed a little motivation incase I started getting frustrated. I gathered a nice list of quotes, that I believe are all from this site, and as I went through the forum I also kept things that I read that really had an impact on me. You can find those at the bottom of this post (this is a long post as im sure you already know lol).

My number one rule through my trip was to get out of my comfort zone. I was so damn sick of being in my awful comfort zone. Even though its called a comfort zone it doesn’t mean you are going to enjoy being in it. I know I hated being in mine and always nervous to talk to people I didn’t know very well and not wanting to socialize to anyone but the people ive known and scared to say things out loud in class. Even though I hated it, it’s what I felt comfortable in and I didn’t want to leave it because I scared to. So it was time to try to have and force myself into as many uncomfortable situations as possible. I wanted to turn these uncomfortable feelings into my new comfort zone and once I did sprout out again to find more uncomfortable situations. I never want to go back to my old comfort zone again.

 

[ReAwakened]

The Experience

Without further ado here is my journal I kept as I went through experiences. If you don’t want to read so much you can skip the “Convo:” part because its just about me talking to a person and how it started blah blah.


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July 21-22
My goal was eye contact and Hi’s. I wanted 20 Hi’s within 2 days, but got 17 and moved on to other objectives. By the end of the Hi’s I realized that saying hi isn’t good enough. Its useless to say hi to someone since it doesn’t build, usually, to anything. I decided to change the greeting hi to a comment which made a big difference. People say things when you make a comment unlike a few people who I said hi to and got completely ignored (which I don’t care about since im trying to help me and not trying to fill the world with happiness by spreading hi’s to whom ever I cross) which in turn leaves you capable of a conversation. The first step, as they say, seems to be the hardest since I truly had to force myself to say a comment.

July 23
Convo 1: Had a 10 min. convo with someone sitting on a bench. When I saw him I was leaning against a wall and said I was going to do this now. I walked by him and went back to the wall after over thinking and getting nervous. Finally, I let go and commented on the weather to him. It flowed smoothly from there.

Again, the first time I did this it was the hardest.


July 24
Convo 2: saw another person sitting down and I again commented on the weather. Short and not very interesting chat.

I ran into the first guy again, but was at a loss for words and didn’t know what to talk about. He pushed most of the conversation.


July 25
Was having trouble talking to people. After feeling very frustrated with myself I decided to have a deep talk to myself about what would happen if I got home and ended up wasting my visit and only talked to those 2 people. I really imagined in detail and thought how angry I would be at myself. This was my practice ground. I wasn’t going to see any of these people again after 2 weeks. I imagined me going back to my old ways since I was scared to change where I lived and risk embarrassment. I then snapped out of this vivid and very real situation and realized how I’m playing it way to safe and need to really stop caring.

So I almost did with this couple who were walking but I couldn’t think of a follow up from my opener.

Convo 3: I passed by this man while walking and told him that it was cold and wondering why he was out so late (10:00 PM). We had a long conversation that was interesting enough.


July 26-27
Went to Cardiff for 2 days. As for experience, I got next to none. What I did get was a better understanding of myself. I tried repeatedly to make myself talk to a girl. It was my only focus and the only goal I was trying to reach. That’s what made it so awful when I failed. Even though I didn’t gain experience I learned things that I couldn’t from reading things at the DJ forum. I found out that I was probably pushing myself to far than what I was ready for. Its not such a great idea to jump in the deep end without any swimming experience after all. Well, I’m sure it varies from person. I needed to focus on smaller steps and get used to those first. I needed to remember my earlier objectives I gave myself and keep those with me and to not stop practicing them.


July 28
Convo 4: had a nice chat to someone sitting on a bench looking out at the sea. I sat next to him and talked about America among other things.

I realized that silence isn’t that bad in a conversation. There were many gaps when we chatted but it didn’t feel acquired and a few moments later when I thought up something I just brought the conversation back.


July 29- Aug 1
I went to London and was busy hanging out with my relatives and didn’t really have time to do anything else.


Aug 2
Convo 5: Had my most boring conversation with an old couple. They were rambling on about people being beheaded and getting taxed for it or something. Didn’t know how to escape and was stuck there for 20 or so minutes. Besides being boring they were nice.


Aug 3
Convo 6: Talked to a man who seemed to be a little of a downer but wasn’t boring or depressing. I decided that I should talk to him but shockingly felt a little nervous. I snapped out of it and talked to him about me leaving the next day. It lasted a nice 15-20 minutes. Some other girl jumped in when she heard we were talking about Cardiff.
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Now, there were other experiences, I either didn’t remember it or im sick of typing. Unfortunately for me this post isn’t over. I need to get as much as I can out.

Overall I’ve been through some good experiences and learnt a lot. I didn’t get as far as I would have liked but I did gain a lot more than what I had before the trip. Some of you may not think much of this experience since I didn’t end up talking to any people my age but I really didn’t have that much time. From how I used to be I’ve made good progress. Especially when I remember how I felt when I first started changing my ways at the beginning of my trip to now at the end.

I’ve learnt a few things along the way. I just wish I wrote them down when I thought of them since I don’t remember a lot.

*Confidence is the key to successfully attain a goal you have wanted. You have to fully believe in yourself.

*Waiting for things to happen to you when you can go right out and get it yourself is just plain stupid. I know it takes more effort to go out and get it but which one has a higher success rate, waiting for life to knock on your door, or to go out and get it?

*People won’t look at you like an idiot for starting a conversation with them.

*Listening skills are important to help push the conversation and give you a helping hand when you don’t have anything interesting to say.

*It is incredibly easy to direct a conversation to a topic you want to discuss by relating topics.

*Not wearing a watch is beneficial since you have to ask people for the time (not a huge tip but it helped me loosen up sometimes)

*Don’t be scared with trying to talk to someone because you’re scared of the results. You don’t know what will happen. Stop assuming and give it a shot because how else will you change if you don’t chance a few things. Even if things do go bad you usually have to have a few losses before you truly gain.

 

[ReAwakened]

The Collection Part 1

Ok now here is the stuff I’ve collected from this site that I liked a lot.

Sorry for not giving credit to the author. Feel free to claim what is yours in a post.

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On the other hand, if you push yourself, you do what you love, you don’t follow but lead, your road is one of a mountain climber, you meet challenges all the time, but once you get through, and you are on top, you feel better than anyone in this world.
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basic thing that’s helping me now is trusting myself to do something, or say something, usually I’m thinking in my head whether something is right or wrong, I guess that’s because of the social programming that’s going on, but I’m trusting myself.
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Sometimes, maybe not for all of you, you might look in your mind to try and find the words you use or the actions you do. Try to say your words and do your actions as natural as possible. By natural I mean trusting your intuition, don’t hesitate to say or do an action, if it comes up all of sudden and you feel this is what’s going to come out as an expression then just let it come out. Try not to second guess anything.
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I’m going to try and do something different that makes me uncomfortable everyday. From the smallest like taking a path to class I haven’t taken, or higher like approaching random cuties.
I found out that if I just relax and trust myself to just let my words and actions come out, it feel so much more natural.
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After observing jump in if you’re in a group with girls or there's one you want to talk to, you have to take chances in order to be great at what you do.
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"A confident person has no trouble saying hello to strangers"
Blang! I thought hell, I've done ****loads of scary things in my time. Grunting "hey" at someone isn't that hard.
Straightaway I went out and got another 10, just like that!
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An exercise you could try, which worked great for me, is to find a busy place (mall, city centre), hold your head up and stroll through it very slowly. Look at the other people and your surroundings. See how people rush around, listen to the cacophony of voices in the air and think of yourself as a spectator, watching a performance (as you would the TV).
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Here's what I learned today:
It's usually best to start a conversation with a lil comment. Next best is a hi and how're you doing?
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Point is, I would have been ready for her response and given her more bait to push the convo where I want it to go. Once you get really good at this, you will want to have several threads of conversation going simultaneously.
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Walk up to the hottie, make eye contact, smile and say "Hey, my name is X and I am conducting a social experiment to help me overcome my fears of talking to women that I find attractive. Thank you for participating!" and then walk off. Many women will actually stop you and pursue the conversation!
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He's the dude who would talk to EVERYBODY. Bums on the street, old ladies at the laundromat, you name it. It's interesting because we never talked about how to approach people, but I learned from him by osmosis. He made me realize that you can't just open up a conversation with anyone without feeling their vibe first. Before you can communicate and be received, it is necessary to PACE the targeted individual. Absorb their situation and change your speed to match theirs. He would get free $hit from K-Mart all the time because he would IDENTIFY with the workers.
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Omega fears rejection
Alpha loves to crash & burn sometimes cuz it's just fun to try out new shít
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- Wishful thinking is suicide.
- Never ask questions that are designed to find out what she thinks of you.
- Learn to understand and speak body language. Go people watching. Interact with everyone you meet.
- The only thing that matters with a woman is now. What she thought of you 10 minutes ago is probably different from what she thinks of you now and what she might think of you 10 minutes from now. So don’t worry about what she thinks of you.
- “It’s not what you hope for, it’s not what you deserve, it’s what you take.” Take action, get action.
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I occasionally think of myself as being 87 years old, sitting in a chair in a home somewhere, staring out a window, wishing I could’ve changed this or that, wishing now that I would’ve taken more chances, screw the consequences. I wish I would’ve somehow ditched the ugly red car that I drove for years and got something a lot nicer, I wish I had more confidence back then, I really don’t know what I was afraid of. I wish I could’ve been a lot happier, had more fun with the ladies, lived a more adventurous life......then you slowly fall asleep again in your chair.....

Suddenly you wake up, you are back to your current age, you stand up excitingly, you have your real teeth, no more arthritis, and you have both testicles again. Now you have that second chance to live the life that you should have lived the first time.
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when ever I feel that fear of rejection setting in I think the same thing, I better do this now while I still can I don’t want to be old and realize I had so many chances I was to scared to take.
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There was a time during my twenties when I approached over ONE HUNDRED women a month! I didn't spend my spare time doing nothing....I wouldn't go to one store a day, I'd go to thirty! I loved it! Every second of it! Hell, even getting blown off was fun....I'd get with my buddies later and swap "war stories" with 'em. We'd laugh our asses off!
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Before you talk to someone, you should plan on finding out a few of the following:

Name
Where they are from
What they are interested in
What you have in common
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But now that I am older and smarter, I am SO ****ING HAPPY that it never happened like that for me. I went for years without a girl--- some would like me but I would never have the balls to talk to them. It sucked for me, and it sucked for the girls-- but after awhile I realized that I couldn’t expect things to just happen for me-- I would have to work my ass off building confidence and eventually approaching girls. Without this lesson that nothing comes easy, I wouldn't be the man I am today. I wouldn’t have the happiness and girls I have today.
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Don't be boring, talking about "studies" and "foreign languages" isn't going to woo her. The hair thing could work, comment on some jewelry maybe...comment on something she's doing (She's reading a book in a store - "Why would you even pick up a book...it's summer!")
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People are looking at us all the time, but when they look at you they are most likely wondering what you think of them. People think of themselves FIRST. I imagine people thinking something like this...me, me, me, me, me, me, you, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me...
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[ReAwakened]

The Collection Part 2


Talk to girls as normal, but every second that you are talking to them make sure you are improving yourself, whether it be your conversation skills, your body language skills, your eye contact, etc. Just make sure you’re not wasting your time, energy, and focus by just talking to her and admiring her beauty. Focus is on YOU!
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Be fearless
This is easier said then done. If you see something you want to do, then do it, don’t worry about the consequences. Learn to take the good with the bad.

The answer to this is to ask your target a question about herself. Look for unique features about this girl. It's got to be something distinct, like a piece of jewelry or her clothes. It could be something she's holding or something in her hair.

Another option is to observe the environment around you and your target. Again, look for things that stand out. Observational skills and good timing are key to getting this down.
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Here's a really useful tip: I've found that the easiest way to strike up a conversation with a girl is to join it rather than start it.

Who. What. Where. When. Why. How. The key to asking the perfect question is by cycling through these six essential words. Once you've targeted that unique quality about your target or your surrounding environment, practice asking a question with each of the words.

So you must have a game plan set, and this method is a good way to go about doing it.

Last key tip: I found that the easiest kinds of questions are the ones that ask your target for their opinion about something. She will likely elaborate and open up a vast number of opportunities to follow up with further questions.
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If you're in a non-pickup environment: you're using a pretext to start a conversation and you're concealing your interest in her.
In fact, I make an observation that's so casual it's not even a full sentence. It's just a clause.
For instance, my favorite clause to utter now is, "Too much to choose from."
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If you can develop a "Who really cares?" attitude, that would help your cause a lot. When you think this way, it's not going to be the end of the world if you strike out. So immediately without having that fear, you're already making yourself relaxed.
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Don't fumble all over her and think that you always need to be talking - silence works good sometimes because remember, she's on trial, also. See, to me, a mistake guys make is thinking that they have to really try hard to get a woman to like them because they are on trial. This gives her all the power.
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2. Don't walk around like you're the shy guy who wants somebody to talk to them. Walk around like you're THE MAN and go find somebody to talk to.

3. Don't take time to create a plan on how you are going to meet that chick across the way. Just go over there, initiate the conversation, and flow with the situation.
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When I pass girls, I stop them by excusing myself and asking them if they like a certain type of music. Then they ask, surprised, "Why?" Then I tell them I saw a unique rhythm in their walk and go on to introduce myself...
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Well, if her eyes are amazing, look at her and say, GOD, your eyes are just so beautiful - I just had to tell you that! And then just get back to what you were talking about. A girl will not get tired of compliments on her looks if you are sincere
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4. The Situation: comment on where you're at, the situation around you
5. Each Others Day: "how was your day, my day was fine, what cha do"
15. Likes & Dislikes: each other's likes & dislikes
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Walk to the store or supermarket & when you do - don't think. Just listen. Listen to the bird's singing, the trees blowing, the cars drive by, other people speaking, machinery near by, your footsteps, your breathing, etc. If you find yourself thinking again, stop thinking & start listening again. Do this going up & back. Practice this.
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I'm still a subscriber to the Bruce Lee way of thinking..."Flow like water," which means let everything come naturally and bend to match it. I don't like predetermined courses of action very much. You never know what might be thrown your way so you just have to roll with the punches.
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Sometimes I act like I know them and say something like "Hi, how are things going tonight?" or something similar. Or a compliment works, but compliment something about her that she has control over, like an outfit or earrings. Something like "Those are wild shoes. Where'd you get those?" And here's a great one I picked up recently from a website. Get a candy Pez dispenser and walk up to a hottie and offer her a Pez! It sounds crazy and immature, but it almost always gets a laugh - who doesn't love Pez? The key to it all is being subtle and friendly - pick her up without trying to make it SEEM like a pick-up.
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So I started, with my heart pounding and a lump in my throat, to talk to women.
At first I was only talking, I never asked them out.
I knew the whole time of course that I was going to get thoroughly trounced, and prolly only get 1 number for every 20 or 30 girls I asked. I would never ask a girl if anyone else was around. I didn't want other people to see my pathetic effort and the denial that would surely come from it.
But you know what? It wasn't that bad.
When I finally got up the nerve and started asking, sure there were times I got turned down. But more often than not I DIDN'T get turned down. And when I did it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
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If you're attracted to a girl, then just ASSUME she's attracted to you too. And ACT ACCORDINGLY.

Assume that she likes you and would like to get to know you better. Assume that she's physically attracted to you. Assume that YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES to attract such a lady, no matter how incredible she seems. Assume the positive... always the positive. Assuming the negative will kill any chances you might have with her. (Pessimists, my friend, are not "chick magnets.")

The first few conversations (dates) are critical and you have to "play" them right. That means listening for free info, asking interested questions, and making "me too" statements. It's a simple 1, 2, 3.
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"**** WHAT I KNOW, **** FEAR, **** WHAT I THINK I KNOW ABOUT LIFE,
IM GOING TO LET GO, IM GOING..... TO LETTTT GOOOOOOOO!

Wherever you are, there you start. I am wasting no time now.
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[ReAwakened]

The Collection Part 3

Then drive to the nearest shopping mall/center and walk around looking at damn near everything. As you're doing so, say "hi" and give a smile to every woman who passes you by, and who is next to you, and who is in front of you, or whatever. The smile doesn't have to be this big cheesy grin, but whatever is your normal, comfortable way of smiling. {Any kind of smile shows you're not depressed, nor someone to be afraid of.}
Doing *nothing* else but giving a simple smile and "hi" to everyone, you come back here on Monday and tell me that not *one* woman stopped dead in her tracks to say some things to you after you did nothing more then smile and say "hi".
A simple smile and "hello" to everyone. Cost nothing, takes no time, won't hurt anyone. Yet I'll bet most of you will *rationalize* out some reason(s) why you can't do this, and/or it's not good, and/or all kinds of other things, and then come back here looking for that magical pill advice, that will bring you all the women you want.
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Dig out your favorite song. I mean your favorite favorite song, everyone has one or two. Start playing, but before you press that button, say to yourself, and believe it: When this song ends, I will die. I have got until the end of this song to contemplate and think about my life, and really believe it. Actually believe this, and then do it.... play it. And begin thinking.... as the song moves on and you see it reaching up towards the 3 or 4 minute
point, you wont feel that good, in fact you'll feel pissed off at why you didn’t take those chances, or say hello to that girl, or ask for her number, or ask that other girl out, you'll be angry for not going for that job, or taking that holiday or for not spending as much time as you should have with your family. Stop! Then.... 3,2,1 There, gone... that’s it.... over, life carries on but you don’t. Of course, then you realize, hey I'm not dead... and suddenly you are in love with the world, and you promise you will fulfill all those promises.
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If you're having trouble making conversation, then throughout your week make sure you write down particularly interesting things that you experienced or heard. You can jot down something funny someone at your school told you, something intriguing you heard on TV, something clever you read...it all makes for good conversation whenever you can't think of anything on the spot. I often write a few things before I call someone on the phone to avoid awkward silences. Remember, what you previously wrote is just conversation starter. Once everyone is relaxed and having a good time the conversation flows from what you brought up and it becomes easier to engage yourself.
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And now my favorite quotes in no particular order except the last:
(my comments have a * in the front)

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“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”

*We have to let go of our fears. They only hold us back.
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who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

*I believe if you don’t try, then that is worse then failure because you won’t know what would have happened.
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Sometimes you lose yourself amongst the trees and need to be reminded about the forest.

* remember the big picture. Its very important to never forget your future goals. See who you want to be in the future, then create smaller step goals to get you there.
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"If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe."
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"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
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A rather intelligent man once told me, if you are training for a one mile race, practice by running two miles.
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And my favorite:

Remember, you can always go back to the old bad habits.

*If you hate how things are then change it. You probably don’t have much to lose if things aren’t going that great already. You can always go back to the crappy ways again.
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[ReAwakened]

The new Beginning

Long, I know. To whoever is still reading this my practice is not over, nor will it ever be. I have a long way to go to be where I want to be but I feel I have taken a large step forward with my experience in Britain. When I go back to school I must not follow the pattern of my old ways. I have to start fresh with the new enlightened me. I cant stand this unsocial life I’m living any longer. No more playing it safe and being scared of leaving my comfort zone.

I hope this has helped somebody but the main reason I posted it is because I don’t see enough people posting how this site has helped or influenced them with there new knowledge, so I decided to share my experiences. Thx for reading this incredibly long post and please share your thoughts.

 

[JSH]

thats cool man, it helps if you put it down doesnt it.

Where are you from

 

[ReAwakened]

Im from atlanta ga.

when i went to london i stayed at crouch end. is that anywhere near you?

have you been on the london eye. that thing is gigantic, like a big bicycle wheel.

 

[Brazilian_Blues_Boy]

Congratulations man, congratulations.

You're making yourself man, reinventing yourself, at risk of ridicule, and no man deserves more respect than a man that wakes up one day sick of his current status and take steps, even babysteps to change it.

When I first found this site, I was a complete loser. I was afraid of asking for ketchup bags at McDonald's. Seriously. I got infatuated with a girl, wrote a letter to her and gave it to her in front of everybody....talk about being real loser here...

But then I decided to change things in small steps, make some new friends, making friends with girls at highschool, trying to be more popular, approach more girls at clubs and stuff...

I reached a good status but then I settled down. That's what killed me... I became a pus$y for the last year pratically...

So I learned, I learned that once again I have to reinvent myself, as I'm trying hard to, everyday, in small and in big attitudes, and probably I'll keep doing that until the day that I die....

Don't give up and don't feel discouraged, you've got a long road ahead and lots of time... opportunities, YOU make, and if they present themselves to you, you TAKE them and think about it later...

Thinking is what screws us up... I cold approached I chick I had my eyes on for months last Tuesday, but I'm not thinking about it... well, I'm actually thinking about kissing her and f*cking her

Today I'll ask you out, screw everything... I'm just assuming that she's interested... no second thoughts...

Try to have that mindset all the time with you, no f*cking second thoughts, don't waste your time anymore ... and gradually you'll become the man YOU WANT, faithfull to your desires, not to feed your ego or impress other people....

Much luck to you on this journey, my friend, after all , we come from different places but now we walk the same road...

BBB

 

[jonny football hero]

I have to say dude. I have read alot of articles over my time here, and yours is truly one of the best. Thankyou.

My story is pretty much the same as BBB's. I was to afraid to ask if the changing rooms were free in stores, swapped to the other side of the road if a group of lads was coming towards me. Thank God i found this site, it has helped me so much, i'm not the best with women, but like the rest of us, i'm improving

 

[Wonderbread166]

Nothing I can say that BBB didn't. Great job, man, keep it up!

 

[ReAwakened]

Hey thanks for the responses guys.

BBB - u seriously have influenced me with what you have posted here and i greatly appreciate u sharing with the rest of us.

Jonny - Im glad that you liked the article. Im sure we'll both make great improvements to our lives.

Wonderbread - you've got an incredible name. always remain light and fluffy.