The Natural Progression of a Relationship

[Wyldfire]

1)Interest and Attraction...this is where two people initially see or meet each other and decide they both want to get to know each other better.

2)Infatuation and Falling in Love...this is the stage where you become blinded by your emotions and often times behave like a love sick puppy dog. The attention and mushiness of the other person makes you feel really great about yourself and you begin to fall "in love"...this is all about how YOU feel about yourself because of the other person. IT is NOT love. It is that thing that reduces you to a slobbering fool who speaks in "baby talk".

3) The Comfort Zone...this is where you start to relax, and move out of the infatuation stage into something more "real". This is also the time where feelings begin to deepen towards the other person while experiencing a reduced feeling of being "in love". After being in this stage for awhile many people make the mistake of thinking the relationship is in trouble because they aren't still infatuated. In reality, the relationship is beginning to grow into Mature Love. So many people bail at this point and never actually reach the "Love" stage.

4) Mature Love...this is the real deal, folks. You have reached the point of having a genuinely mature relationship, that, if you have chosen the right partner, is a beautiful thing.

Reaching Stage 4 doesn't mean the fun is all over, though. You can and will go from stage to stage at different times throughout the relationship. You can even learn to do things that will make you and your partner feel infatuated and falling in love all over again.

Most relationships are either made or broken during the Comfort Zone. That is the most important time to really work your DJ skills in a relationship so your partner doesn't bail.

 

[Anson]

Seems like an interresting post... Too bad I'm just too tired to read it, it's past midnight already.... I'll be coming back tomorrow and then I PROMISE I'll read it (yeah like my promises ever counted

)

Now you're wondering why I posted this post... Okay, I did it because I'm not only tired, I'm also freekin bored. So, why don't I go to sleep? I might say that I'm addicted to this site, but since addicted people never admit they have addictions, I'm not going to do so either. So no, addiction is NOT the reason I'm here on this site, posting completely useless posts.

**** I nearly posted this text! Close one

 

[Lorenzo]

never been past 1.5... hmmmm, mayb thats a problem...

 

[Sociopath31]

I used to get into 2 in 3 days.

Now I've been in 1 for 10 weeks. Heheh

 

[Turbobird]

Really interesting! Thanx!

/Turbobird

 

[Sociopath31]

I'm not even 1. Make that 0.5

 

[TheDude]

I don't know wyldfire, I have a different take on it.

Infatuation has nothing to do with love. Infatuation is a fantasy developed by the psyche. It is a one way ticked to co-dependency, an expression of co-dependency. It is a trick that the underdeveloped sense of self plays in order to feel "complete or "whole".

I like the rest of your points, I just think infatuation belongs in a whole nother ballpark. I think the natural progression from Interest and Attraction should be (ideally) Mutal Respect and Admiration. I think when you fully respect someone, not for their contribution to you, but for their contribution to THEMSELVES, then that leads to an admiration of them as a whole person. That understanding of their good points and bad, their strengths and weaknesses and all of their faults leads to love.

I also think people "fall out of love" because people grow, and one who doesn't have a strong sense of self and hasn't reached that stage of mutal respect and understanding of their partner will feel stagnant. If neither one has developed it mutually, they will BOTH feel stagnant.

Tall order ain't it?

TheDude

 

[Wyldfire]

There are different kinds of infatuation. Some are normal and some are neurotic and unhealthy. You are speaking of the unhealthy kind. I'm pretty sure there is an actual disorder for the behavior you describe, but I can't think of what it's called at the moment. I'll see if I can hunt it down for you, though.

 

[DonJoey]

Well I read somewhere that love is a form of madness.
And when you think about it, its quite true.

If you were to constantly think about a thing like a Vase all day, then wonder what that vase was doing when you couldnt see it, get really jealous when someone puts their flowers in your vase or simply look at it. People would say that you're a nutter.

Love is a form of insanity - and this is where I think I have never fallen in love. I'm usually insane in general and once I feel the infatuation coming on I tend to start analysing the situation and then break it down into abstract ideas and totally remove the insanity behind it until I am no longer in or near love.

Sounds sad doesnt it....maybe not falling in love is just plain insanity, so I this time i'll let myself fall in love and learn a new experience.

I'll try and get to step 2 and 3.

 

[meathead]

This one deserves a BUMP just because, and props to Neo for putting it in the DJ Bible.

 

[Aztec]

I'm always stuck in 2. Why oh why?

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I've always got into stage 3 until we break up.

Well, usually. Never 4 though, I doubt I'll ever reach that.

 

[Canadian Idol]

I'm in a 2 right now, feels really good actually. We are at the point right now were alot of people are telling me I can do better and how she is a sl*t and all that crap. It pisses me off.

 

[DJinArizona]

I'm in 3 right now (dating about 6-1/2 months) and into the 'crisis situation' that always seems to happen when I get to 3. How the hell do I handle the women who mistakenly think the relationship is over when the honeymoon period ends and we get deep into the comfort zone? Is it normal that we're seeing each other so much less than when we were in stage 2?

 

[J0B00]

Got to stage 3 with a girl about a month ago. Felt really good. The girl freaked out and split about 2 weeks ago though. I guess she got scared because she wasn't getting that "falling" feeling anymore, so she ran away.

 

[DJinArizona]

Usually when I fall out of stage 3 it's because I stopped being a Challenge too soon, or I got too comfortable and took the girl for granted and stopped being charming and exciting.

 

[Weeuweed]

Originally posted by J0B00
Got to stage 3 with a girl about a month ago. Felt really good. The girl freaked out and split about 2 weeks ago though. I guess she got scared because she wasn't getting that "falling" feeling anymore, so she ran away.

same problem with u there... she said she "dont know"
if she still love me ...

the only diff from u is im still with her...
help?

 

[T-4ze]

Originally posted by ivanchin99
same problem with u there... she said she "dont know"
if she still love me ...

the only diff from u is im still with her...
help?

wow i didnt know i shared the same situation with so many people....ive been with thsi girl for 3 months and things started to get comfortable, and just yesterday she told me she couldnt tell me she loved me anymore until she felt it 120% again, wtf is that, im a bout to jump ship

 

[amokk23]

Originally posted by Canadian Idol
I'm in a 2 right now, feels really good actually. We are at the point right now were alot of people are telling me I can do better and how she is a sl*t and all that crap. It pisses me off.

Canadian,

Listen to what your friends are telling you... Don't be blinded by Infatuation and 'puppy love' .

Think about why your friends and family are telling you this things. Are they sincere?
Are they jealouse?
or do they have a hidden agenda?

I think you will find in most cases that they are been sincere and are not blinded by your Infatuation for this girl. I can tell you by experiences that 90 percent of time you should really take into account what your family and friends are telling you.

Good luck with it.

' Love is Blind, so use your ears and listen '

 

[dearsappho]

Was just wondering if there is a general chronology to these 4 stages? Whats the average time spent in each zone for most people...its hard to judge from just one set of experiences i.e. your own.